Big difference in male and female subs

[ey****]

oh god another one of these

YES there are differences between male subs and female subs and a lot of the differences is down to society and different power structures beyond kink relationships

it shouldn't take too much logic to work that out.

The kinda issue is a lot of male subs might be sub in name; but their behaviour rarely comes across in a way that really appeals to women.  As others have said, it's often being Dominated on their own terms, or having lists of demands, or so on - and this is something which has led to more... well... "OK, pay me..." 

Mind, there are Male Pro Dominants, and there are female subs who will pay for play (with male or female Dominants) - particularly if there is something they want, they're just, more discreet about it.

[Ar****]

6 hours ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

In my experience male subs are way more pushy than female subs. If a female sub ever came at a dominant with a list of things they want done as their first message; they would get called a bad sub right away. But male subs do that all of the time,  at least in my experience.

 

Male subs seem to not want to be an actual submissive and are more of a bottom. There is nothing submissive about them all. They just want someone to fulfill their fantasies. I wish that they would learn that no female dominant would want that unless they are getting paid for it.

maybe don’t generalize everyone into one thing?

[Ar****]

6 hours ago, Subsplore said:

Completely understand your point 100% however there are a few genuine subs like myself out there who really are submissive but can’t get close to even chatting without paying some form of tribute. It’s a huge shame. We all have fantasies but some are willing to put in the effort as a sub

let’s just call it what it is: greed/selfishness/manipulation/narcissism (immaturity)🤦🏻; cause at this point it has been ruining EVERYONE’s fun for several years now…

…including even their own (a.k.a. the ppl doing it), which makes no sense but i guess lacking the self-awareness to notice??🤯

[Ar****]

1 minute ago, ArmenianVagitarian said:

let’s just call it what it is: greed/selfishness/manipulation/narcissism (immaturity)🤦🏻; cause at this point it has been ruining EVERYONE’s fun for several years now…

…including even their own (a.k.a. the ppl doing it), which makes no sense but i guess lacking the self-awareness to notice??🤯

ps. *or* the morality to care…

[Si****]

I agree with many comments. It a shame. I just call it a new form of prostitution without sex or anything. If you need to pay or go log into a different site than it is a scam and they should be reported

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Subsplore said:

Completely understand your point 100% however there are a few genuine subs like myself out there who really are submissive but can’t get close to even chatting without paying some form of tribute. It’s a huge shame. We all have fantasies but some are willing to put in the effort as a sub

Femdom is not Findom, but it sure is hard to find one without the other.
It's primarily a market thing, and a greed thing. Since online streaming platforms have normalised paying women for tasks, it's now somewhat associative that men should be the ones that pay.
Why aren't female subs into findom? Because not many people are genuinely into findom. And, if a woman isn't getting what she wants from partner A, there's a million B, C, D, Es out there that will.
Plus, people like ***. It's not a stretch to say that most *** aren't even dominant or in to the control aspect. It's evident from the amount of posts talking about "hi I'm starting findom but can't find anyone willing to pay".
Findom is a female interest, not a males'. That's why it usually goes hand in hand with dominant women.

[adrenalina75]

1 hour ago, ArmenianVagitarian said:

maybe don’t generalize everyone into one thing?

She literally said ‘in my experience’ twice, I think.

[bdsmBarbie20]

I’m just going to be the wicked feminist and say…women have been earning cents on the dollar since Rosie the Riveter - when men finally needed us so badly in the workplace to keep the economy/war machine turning. In essence, we experience financial dominance every day.

I’m regards to the “laziness” of the female findom and the assumption that most submissive men would enjoy that, I counter with the dick pic. Most women don’t want it, we don’t ask for it, yet it continually rears its little ugly mushroom head at least once a day. AT LEAST!

Communication is essential in whatever form of BDSM you choose to give/receive. If financial submission is not for you, it’s your responsibility to recuse yourself and move on.

[Co****]

Sorry miss penelope I didn't mean you personally you was one of the only nice ones I've ever met before and I approached you 😔 Sorry if ive upset you but I ment the ones that approach me and most of them are fake accounts from abroad I can back up what I'm saying with proof if you want me to show you everything ? So sorry again miss penelope my comment wasn't directed to you personally don't mean to offended anyone 🫡

[ey****]

9 hours ago, bdsmBarbie20 said:

’m just going to be the wicked feminist and say…women have been earning cents on the dollar since Rosie the Riveter - when men finally needed us so badly in the workplace to keep the economy/war machine turning. In essence, we experience financial dominance every day.

This is one of the big things.

Generally, the person who holds the purse strings holds the power. 

Regardless of alleged workplace laws and advancements, men on average earn more than women on average -- including in 'like for like' jobs and also before anyone does the whole "men pick higher paid jobs..." stuff, there's a lot in asking what the barriers are in keeping women out and who values what is high paid or low paid?   

And understanding this is important, and trying to rectify this where possible is important (albeit this is not something most of us can do - unless we're say, responsible for wage budgets in our company) 

This is something that is true in kink - a lot of men wish to only submit on *their* terms,  and that as much as they might talk about feelings of submitting or not being in control - they may still hold the power if they hold the purse.  I say this as the main earner in my household (but then, our relationship is not Femdom) 

Whilst there are women who have assorted interests in giving (most Pro Dommes have female clients as well as male. A good friend of mine earned more than her boyfriend so she had a dynamic with him where she was handing *** to him for him to control - etc) it doesn't always make so sense because it's not a power exchange.

This, of course, said - there are plenty of F/m relationships which are not centred around financial exchange - but if guys are only finding those; it show cases how little they can actually offer the other person as a sub/partner and also being, well, lazy - cos they've clearly never looked in the real world above spamming loads of people online.

[Tr****]

Why are male subs and female subs treated differently? Because they ARE different.
.
From my experience, men are driven mostly by instant gratification, while women are more interested in a level of connection.
If all the male sub wants is getting [insert favourite kink here], with zero interest in understanding the Domme's preferences or who she is as a person (as much as she wants to show), the whole interaction becomes transactional. And if it's a transaction, why shouldn't it be mutually beneficial?
.
I was discussing with a Domme, and she mentioned how quickly male subs lose their interest if they don't get their kicks. They seem to forget that D/s is about control, and when they submit to a Domme, it's her choice whether she engages in a certain type of play or not. She may see it as a reward, so the sub should be ready to serve in other ways, to prove their commitment/devotion/submission, to earn such reward. And the reward may actually come some other time, not instantly.
.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that if all interactions revolve around the sub's kink(s), the Domme will feel like a kink dispenser.
This affects the power dynamic and the only thing she is left to control is whether or not to charge for her time (since she is not getting anything else out of it).
And if the financial aspect is a hard limit for the sub, they are free to politely decline and move on.
.
I know I used generalisation, no need to point that out. If you're ready to get in a "not all men/subs" rhetoric, remember that "not all women/Dommes" is true as well. Better use the time/energy to find the exceptions and develop actual connections

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, ArmenianVagitarian said:

maybe don’t generalize everyone into one thing?

I didn't generalize. I said in my experience. That means every man that has interacted with me has treated me that same way. It's not a generalization. 

[vicvega]

On 11/30/2024 at 7:51 AM, Subsplore said:

This is one of the major downsides to being a male sub, if you’ve got no spare disposable income you’ve got no chance as a sub.
My submissive partner has switched for me a couple of times to give me experience but if it wasn’t for her I’d still after years of being in the lifestyle wouldn’t have had a femdom experience

This dude is correct. 

[UK****]

20 minutes ago, vicvega said:

This dude is correct. 

No, he isn't, however it is the experience for many subs.  The odds aren't good but there are many non-charging dommes but you need to work hard to get their interest and if you can't do that then your choices are more restricted.

[AKA_Copper]

The male subs thinking that losing some m0ney (through online interactions and is replaceable) is the worst thing that can happen.

[Deleted Member]

As a Dom who has some female Dom friends, they have a real hard time finding good male subs who don’t make them risk their safety.
.
They tend to find make subs can be extremely pushy.
.
Not surprising it’s easier to find Dommes who are willing to do it for cash under those circumstances.
.
Worth pointing out, I am from the outside looking in, never side of this slash is my lived experience.

[ey****]

46 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

The male subs thinking that losing some m0ney (through online interactions and is replaceable) is the worst thing that can happen.

in the olden days (well, about 10 years ago) when surveying people about what the worst thing that could happen on a date was - men tended to reply, "that she didn't look like her picture", or that they wouldn't click.

The women's, of course, contained many words that the oversensitive filters won't allow through - so to sugar coat for the censors : physical or sexual harm.

And then today - men's big ***s now is losing ***, or experiences won't be worth the *** - or that they'll be scammed.    And the women's is as it was... there's far more female subs die during 'consensual kink play' than male...

[ey****]

On 11/30/2024 at 7:51 AM, Subsplore said:

This is one of the major downsides to being a male sub, if you’ve got no spare disposable income you’ve got no chance as a sub.
My submissive partner has switched for me a couple of times to give me experience but if it wasn’t for her I’d still after years of being in the lifestyle wouldn’t have had a femdom experience

I think there's some of what you have said here which sums up the issue - but it's not necessarily what you think.

A lot of (male) subs don't wish to be subs, they wish to have a Femdom Experience - that, they (ultimately) want a Pro Domme session as and when they choose, without paying for one -- or -- have some form of unsustainable fantasy which ultimately ends up with a Dominant partner taking on more "responsibility" which translates to "more work" with little real incentive in return.

For assorted "casual play" this is not too difficult at times, however there's again little/no incentive for ladies to meet up with strangers because of everything ranging from... their safety... to actually why am I sexually gratifying someone I don't know from shit?

Excluding my first run at fetish events (in which I think I did some form of play around 50/50 of the time) when I came back in 2013 - the very first night I was chatting with an (admittedly pre-existing) friend and we played.  I started going to munches in 2014, and there was a workshop event which had demos and also a little chance to play so I did some private play with one of the ladies who was doing demos I'd been talking to.

Of course, it could be argued that - of course - going to munches and events requires disposable income, of course.    But, let's just say.... someone you're talking to online says "OK, let's meet" that is still going to involve travel costs, the "coffee and see how things go" - that if you decide to play together then it might be ok at one of your houses, or may need a hotel or dungeon - extra cost.  Then the toys etc. who is providing these? They also need paid for.

And maybe that does pack a point - but this isn't like a charity, there isn't a ream of Dommes with fully stocked home dungeons waiting for broke-ass subs to come and experiment?! 

[AKA_Copper]

29 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

in the olden days (well, about 10 years ago) when surveying people about what the worst thing that could happen on a date was - men tended to reply, "that she didn't look like her picture", or that they wouldn't click.

The women's, of course, contained many words that the oversensitive filters won't allow through - so to sugar coat for the censors : physical or sexual harm.

And then today - men's big ***s now is losing ***, or experiences won't be worth the *** - or that they'll be scammed.    And the women's is as it was... there's far more female subs die during 'consensual kink play' than male...

But also, there's a real conflict at play. With a subset of men still wanting SAHM's creating some kind of narrative whereby they're acting as the 'provider' but, only financially.
And yet, ask a man to pay for attention, intimacy, or sex (essentially what a SAHM is expected to provide plus) and my God, all of a sudden they're being exploited. They can not see the irony.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

The male subs thinking that losing some m0ney (through online interactions and is replaceable) is the worst thing that can happen.

Do you like to be exploited or constantly asked for *** online in order to meet someone? Does this happens to you?

[ey****]

4 hours ago, Charlie218 said:

Do you like to be exploited or constantly asked for *** online in order to meet someone? Does this happens to you?

oh mate

- Women get threats of physical or sexual *** - people sending them dick pics, inappropriate erotica, fantasy pushing - so on

- Men are like, oh it's so hard as people ask for ***

get a grip 

[AKA_Copper]

4 hours ago, Charlie218 said:

Do you like to be exploited or constantly asked for *** online in order to meet someone? Does this happens to you?

Am I susceptible to online scams? Of course, but no more than anyone else.
In the world of D/s or Fet, have I received messages asking for banking details with regards to sugar daddies? Of course, many times.
Have I fallen for m0ney based scams? Fortunately not. Likely, due to sensibility and a lack of desperation.
If this is something that is a 'constant', I would suggest that the issue lies with the individual who keeps coming face to face with the issue.
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The point is that men are worrying about a loss of funds that are replaceable either through the Bank if you report or through future earnings. Women, on the other hand, are worried about physical or emotional h@rm. The two are not equitable.

[ey****]

5 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

But also, there's a real conflict at play. With a subset of men still wanting SAHM's creating some kind of narrative whereby they're acting as the 'provider' but, only financially.
And yet, ask a man to pay for attention, intimacy, or sex (essentially what a SAHM is expected to provide plus) and my God, all of a sudden they're being exploited. They can not see the irony.

there is weird gymnasts - but it's about control

people like the idea of SAHM / 1950s / etc because they can control.  They go to work, their *** is theirs.  Their wife has no *** of her own but must work at playing house.  The man can have complete control of household finances and perhaps setting a budget for shopping which limits personal purchases

That anything she wants to have or do she has to ask permission (since no/little *** of her own, or at best an allowance) whilst he can argue privilege due to being the provider.  "I work, put food on the table, etc." 

While the woman of the house must ask if she wants to go out or have something; the guy - well, if he's not home from work cos he's gone to the pub - there's very little she can do if she is (literally) juggling ***

Whereas of course, a lot of scenarios now where women ask for *** or gifts it is a reclaim on that.  OK, yes, I will talk to you, tell you how to jerk you cock, send you pics, whatever - but in return I want gifts or *** I can use as I like.  And there's not a damn thing you can do if I won't.

And a lot of men really don't like lacking that control. 

[ey****]

I think also something that gets overlooked.

Pound for Pound (or dollar for dollar) women are more likely to be scammed on dating sites, and for more ***, than men.

This is something a lot of men don't see for blinkers at times.  Granted of course, there is a difference between "you pay me x and I talk to you for an hour/day/week/month" or "you pay me and I send you pics, vids, tell you how to jerk your cock" etc compared to an actual scam.

But yep, pound for pound - women are more likely to be victims of dating scams then men.   

 

[adrenalina75]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

oh mate

- Women get threats of physical or sexual *** - people sending them dick pics, inappropriate erotica, fantasy pushing - so on

- Men are like, oh it's so hard as people ask for ***

get a grip 

Thank you for your allyship!