Bondage triggered Disassociation

[Wiredwendi32]

I have always been pretty vanilla kinky.  To vanilla for ministers, to kinky for vanillas (it's very frustrating).  But I was ***d about 2 months ago, and with my new partner I'm finding that I'm significantly kinkier since this recent trauma.  I've been experimenting with bondage,  something I've tried soooo many times in the past with very safe partners and NEVER enjoyed.  But I now find it INCREDIBLY calming.  My fantasies have bit onto this new fetish like a fat kid on cake and I became VERY interested in the Japanese rope tying and suspension.  On valentine's day my partner and I pushed the envelope with a hands to ankles tie.  Unfortunately while chatting with my partner in the morning I discovered that I had actually disassociated much of the encounter.  Aka I can't remember most of it.  Soooo this is slightly disturbing to me, as I really enjoy my new partner and we are very compatible outside of the bedroom, I dont want to create some sort of subliminal resentment or *** of him maybe because we are going to far to fast?  Any advice or insight is welcome.  

 

[Deleted Member]

Communicate. Always. Slow things down, but do not stop. It is something new that you need to get used to. I say continue experimenting, but take nibbles rather than bites. Communicate at all times, remember your Safeties, and just acclimatise your body to the sensations. That way you are less likely to forget what happened.

[Deleted Member]

Google "sub space".This may help you understand the detachment you felt then discuss it with your partner.

[Deleted Member]

Dissociation in kink is pretty common, especially for bottoms. Did you feel safe? Did you feel ok after/the next day? Did you enjoy the experience?
If you trust your partner and feel safe with them, the dissociation can be a pleasant experience.... even rather addictive.

[Dreamaway]

Having suffered an extremely traumatic event a short while ago be very careful that mentally you are not associating your bondage play as a subconscious coping mechanism to try and rationalise what you went through. Did you seek any professional help, has the person been dealt with by the law? I hope your play can help you move on but beware the breakdown of your relationship and, at worse, your mental health. Good luck, take care.

[FETMOD-SH]

The only thing you and your partner need to be acutely aware of is the distinct possibility of flashbacks ! He needs to check you constantly for body language showing stress or distress !

[Deleted Member]

I disassociate also and it can be during a time I would really rather soak up the moment. I have noticed that full mental engagement helps me. If I keep talking and focus on individual sensations I am better able to stay present. You may need to see a therapist to be sure you have no unresolved mental issues from your traumatic experience. Also I have been with my partner for 4 years now and even though I disassociate sometimes I don't have any resentment or trauma associated with him. But I do see a therapist like once a week.