Am I submissive or sissy? 🤔

[Pu****]

Handing over control is quite easy for me, it's much easier than deciding what to do with your sub. I find that being a dom, you have a lot to think about, limits, how to take care of this person, what to do next. I'd much rather follow orders and seek that validation from the dom! This leads me to believe it might be something deeper, is it just normal submission? Or something more? Could it be desiring fem? Or slave? What are your guy's thoughts

[Th****]

Is there any reason you can't be both?

[Th****]

There are sooooo many different possible submissive archetypes out there. Ultimately, submission is as you stated, giving up control. What you and your partner enjoy doing together will depend on you together. 

When you focus on people > kink, dynamics are as individual as the two people in them. My dynamic with one sub might look very different from the next because even though I have favorite things I enjoy I'm not into all things with all people and I also enjoy several different types of partners or submissives. It's very dependent on what feels right with any given individual. 

[Pu****]

Interesting, thanks for the insight! I guess I could be both too 🤔

[ey****]

so you ask if you are sissy without giving any indication of why you might feel as such - but, it's not my takeaway

So as you say - a Dom has a lot to think about, a partners limits, what to do, how to care.... but actually a sub also has the same responsibilities.

So while it isn't easy being a Dom (or a sub) it is less easier when a Dom has a sub who wishes to push responsibility onto them.  Who wants micromanaging. Who wants validation.  It's exhausting because it's increasing a workload on often a lot of elements the sub should still be doing themselves.

 

[Pu****]

I guess I'm used to a selfish sub 😭 thanks for your input! I'm interested in the sub/dom dynamic, so that helps a lot. As for an indication of being sissy, wearing fem clothes and anal play has been a huge turn on 🤔 also the loss of control/slave position is enticing, if that helps

[ey****]

I think, not necessarily selfish - but there's a lot of particularly guys online whose idea of handing control (hot, and something which should be worked towards over a long period of time) is conflated with handing over responsibility (I guess a trope of, "but why didn't you do the dishes?" "you didn't tell me to", "but you could see they needed done", "Oh no, guess you'll have to punish me" - which well, is appealing to roughly zero Dommes, give or take 1 either way)

Re: Sissy

There are a lot of different forms of play involving men in deemed feminine clothing.    So anal play, however, is something which isn't exclusive to that.  (Nor, is it enjoyed by everyone into dressing femine)

A lot of men who enjoy wearing deemed feminine clothing are likely to be some form of crossdresser, although there are some who do have a degree of misogyny ("Dressing as a woman is humiliating - it is humiliating to be a woman")

Sissy is however a more specific clothing style, lots of pink or bright colours, lace, frills, etc.  

[Th****]

Sissies are usually men who love dressing up as women. They can be submissive or not.

Submissives are people who want to give up control. They can include sissies but you don't have to be a sissy to be a submissive.

[dominionhub]

Correct me if I am wrong, but sissy is usually a variation of sub, involving the male sub being feminized in some way.

In other words (and I defer to people with better understanding) the difference between sub and sissy is more by degree/scale than by class or type.

[ey****]

29 minutes ago, dominionhub said:

but sissy is usually a variation of sub

I'd say yes on usually

but not always

So there are sissies I can think of who even in their sissy persona are Dominants, or switches - and others who - it's outside of D/s. 

Of course there are a lot of tropes, from sissy maid to the sissy slut

 

[Th****]

2 hours ago, dominionhub said:

the difference between sub and sissy is more by degree/scale than by class or type.

No, it's not a degree/scale, just like masochist isn't a degree/scale or even necessarily a submissive at all. 

[Si****]

Sunday at 10:11 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

so you ask if you are sissy without giving any indication of why you might feel as such - but, it's not my takeaway

So as you say - a Dom has a lot to think about, a partners limits, what to do, how to care.... but actually a sub also has the same responsibilities.

So while it isn't easy being a Dom (or a sub) it is less easier when a Dom has a sub who wishes to push responsibility onto them.  Who wants micromanaging. Who wants validation.  It's exhausting because it's increasing a workload on often a lot of elements the sub should still be doing themselves.

 

What do you mean by a sub who doesn’t wants to “push responsibility on them”? And i’d hate to break it to you, but everyone wants to be validated in some way in any relationship.
I’d be very curious as to what your idea of a D/s relationship is. and what elements you think a sub should “be doing themselves”. Like the way you said some subs want “micromanaging” is just one more potential red flag on a pile of them.
Unless you can explain all of this, it really is a screaming billboard for someone who doesn’t want to invest the time into his submissive, and expects them to do the heavy lifting when it comes to the whole D/s aspect of the relationship, and the “Dom” just expects to skate by with minimal effort and do whatever he wants.

I mean i dont know you or anything, but thats what i get from reading between the lines anyways

[ey****]

Reet, to unpack.    In any relationship (D/s or otherwise) both people need to put the work into it.    There are a lot of differences between M/f and F/m as well (and a lot of overlap) and some of that is due to general societal structure 

As the OP is a male sub, ignore anything you know about M/f, even if there is overlap.

Some of my points are relevant to the post, some is part of wider points.

Reet, where to start

There's assorted pitfalls that male subs in particular fall into.  I'm sure in most cases it's not deliberate - but a lot contributes to why so many struggle.

A lot of Dommes find male subs exhausting.   Many reasons.

One is can include that they frequently turn conversations into their wants/fetishes/fantasies/etc rather than any form of two-way conversations and working on relationship organically. This also almost places them in charge rather than the Dominant, as if theirs are secondary.

The old "I'll do anything", "Tell me what to do", "Follow orders" etc as well as placing burden onto the Dominant, in a lot of cases there's still a minefield because if the Dominant raises suggestions with this limited info that the sub doesn't like they will either ghost or ask for something else.

A lot of male subs also have bad habits in treating a Domme as a therapist or life coach, and while - as you say - validation is part of any relationship, constant reassurance, guidance, validation is exhausting when this is points where the sub should be proactive in improving themselves and the dynamic.

Then of course there's other things male subs often don't bother learning, etiquette, boundaries, how they can support their Domme without having to be *constantly told* 

Plus, of course unrealistic expectations on what the relationship will look like - and not appreciating the level of work that the Dominant will be putting (everything which goes into a relationship plus things like planning play etc) 

This is before we even get into the subs who end up talking a talk online, but then ghosting when things "become real" because it was a fantasy they'd ill thought about and now they've wasted everyone's time.

As I say, some of this is not relevant to the OP - but some is relevant to my points above.

When we talk about heavy lifting, again, a lot ends up that male subs end up expecting Dommes, or their Domme, to do most of the heavy lifting

 

 

 

[Alpalmson]

I think there are differences between subs and sissies.

A sissy is a guy who wants to be feminized.  It does not imply a role.  I know a lot of guys who enjoy being feminine because it makes them fell a certain way.  They may still take on the role of dom or top.  I know CDs who love being dommes.

Being a sub is a role in a sex/BDSM dynamic.  Subs come in many forms and perform certain activities in play.  One big difference is that subs can be both guys and gals.  By definition a sissy is a guy.  Another thing to look at for subs is the motivation.  A lot of subs are Alpha or dominants in real life.  With that comes a lot of responsibility, so when it comes to sex or play, they relish in giving up that control and responsibility.  It is a big release of tension for them.  As a natural switch, there are times I just want someone to take me and use me for their satisfaction.  It is kinda cathartic.

 

[Dogbonr]

As a closet crossdresser I’m very submissive an fem in bed to the point I’m totally women if that makes any sense, so I think u can be both 

[su****]

I feel iam both like the one guy said he's an alpha so it feels good to give up control and be submissive but im definitely a sissy to or at least I want to be im having hard tie because everyone who's interested in me wants me to be a dom top.