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New submissive... advice please


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Hi, I'm new to all this... 

I'm very submissive and would like to meet a master who will teach,nurture and guide me.

What I have noticed on here is that many people are not exclusive in their relationships and may have more than one sub. I know I wouldn't like this and would get jealous... so is that the norm? Or do some Masters want exclusivity also? 

Just feeling my way and trying to get a feel for it all. Thanks in advance :)

Posted (edited)

I can assure you everyone is different I my self am exclusive as are a great deal of Dom's all I would say is don't rush into anything I'm sure in time you will find what you need .  C

Edited by Deleted Member

It depends a lot on your master, exclusivity varies. Many of the masters I've talked to have wanted exclusivity.

I'm new to this as well so I understand how you feel! 


I’m so happy for you and have no doubt you will find someone who will rock your world!! If this is right for you then you will never look back x


I don't enjoy sharing either, and that's not a problem, you just need to make sure you wait and find a Dom that is compatible with you. Don't rush into anything or agree to a situation if it makes you uncomfortable, and just remain open and honest when talking to people. There is a real mixture of people on here, all looking for different things, some Dom's may want several D/s arrangements, others may want exclusive arrangements, or an exclusive relationship. Your best bet is to have a rough idea of what your looking for, or at least know what you are not willing to try and be open when communicating with people. Don't rule out talking with Dom's that are happy having multiple partners, as they may also be happy in an exclusive relationship too, you just need to talk to people and find out. Happy hunting and I'm sure you will find someone to rock your world soon : )

I’m into exclusivity simply because I respect my little ones. Yes I move on from one to another as each relationship ends but I’m often with the same girl for a several years before we part. In the lifestyle relationships are rarely ‘forever’ due to what occurs within it and often one partner or the other simply reaches burn out and has to move on.
This is a place for all sorts... genres a plenty lol so you kinda have dig through things to find what it is you want. Be patient learn a little and talk and chat as you are. Don't be scared to ask and just watch out for the twats. X

I echo what otherchave said. This is for all sorts. Personally, I do not like to share, so why would I expect that from someone else?

I am sure you will find what you are looking for, just keep an open mind and make sure it feels right and, most importantly, you are comfortable 

There are Dom’s who are very protective of there subs and don’t share I for one don’t like multiple partners I find it plays with my head Plus I like training my way so if they see other doms they pick up bad habits or other ways of doing things that don’t suit me I guess it’s personal preference really though

Hi there miss_subalicious and welcome to the site and the fun forum, it's nice to see you here.

As a Dominant Master who has been doing this for over a decade I can tell you that we come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and have all sorts of different views on monogamy and polyamory. Some Dom's prefer one-on-one monogamous relationships, some prefer more open and polyamorous relationships or what I would call "Arrangements" and some of us do both from time to time.

Personally I prefer one-on-one monogamous relationships; however I have also been known to have a few submissives whom I have arrangements with that work sort of like BDSM friends with benefits type deal without the romantic aspect of a true relationship. Having said that, I am a Dom who does not like to share my submissives at all. So even when in any type of arrangement I will expect and demand my submissive be completely faithful to me in that she will not be playing around with any other Dom's as this can encourage bad habits or mixed training messages.

The fact that you already know that you would be uncomfortable with a more poly type of arrangement is a good thing as it lets you be clear and state that limit with any potential new Dom from the get go and most Dom's whether they are looking for one on one monogamous or more poly and open relationships will respect that boundary and hard limit. It will let them know what you are looking for clearly and can only help you to find the right Dominant Master whom you feel not only comfortable with but resonate with the most. 

Another thing that is worth considering now as a relative newbie is whether you would be interested in a 24/7 D/s relationship which consist of you being submissive and allowing a Dominant to control you 24/7. When it comes to Dominants who like to be in one-on-one monogamous relationships you will find that within this group there are some Dom’s who seek to control and have a submissive submit to them on a 24/7 basis in all aspects of life and some who prefer a more equality based and balanced relationship outside of playtime and the sexual side of things. That’s not to say that a Dominant stops being dominant in other aspects of their life but that they are quite open to sharing responsibilities and will be happy to allow their partners to sometimes take the lead outside of play session and in more vanilla life and the world outside the home or dungeons and clubs. 

Try to remain open and chat and message as many folks on the site as possible whether it be Dom’s, sub’s or anyone and anything in between as the fresh perspectives, hints and tips you get from them will be invaluable. Also don’t be in a rush to dive in too quickly, take you time to get to know any potential new Dom’s as well as you can before even agreeing to meet for the first time.

You’ve had some great advice from others here already and I have no doubt you will find the Dominant your looking for before long.


 I too am a new sub but I've wanted to be savagely dominated for a very long time. I just never knew how to ask mhm boyfriend and I thought something was wrong with me..... why I wanted these "taboo" things sexually. 

          Until one day after a couple months of talking to this dom online, I decided I was ready....that I couldn't handle not trying it... and my first real play time with my dom I knew that's exactly what I needed and why I was never sexually satisfied.... and one girl also commented something like "it's not for you unless you know there is no going back to regular sex" and it's true..... the best is when you smile because  certain parts of your body is sore or bruised and knowing it came from an erotic, dominating , humiliating, pleasurable night...and you crave for more. If you have a good dom..... I've met guys who want to be a "dom" by making you fuck other men whenever he says so... or control every aspect of everything... not healthy and deff stay away 


Firstly it like to echo Nath6912’s wise words and say- watch out for the twats.

Walk this path slow, with eyes and ears and mind wide open. Decide yourself which turns to take and who walks with you. 

Make the one you chose earn your submission with trust respect and care and respect and respect and respect .... did I mention respect ? 

Not only would this be you submitting in the most dignified manner , but ask any real Dom, it’s worth ten times as much than that offered on a plate. 

“Blessings earnt are treasured, those given are often forgotten.”

Good luck 



p.s Bums the word . 

  • 4 weeks later...
watch out for the bullies and scum bags who hide behind their kink as an excuse to abuse women. Spread your wings and remember communication is key in a ds relationship even more than vanilla. If he's not asking lots about you and your limits he's a fake. Xx
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