Is love a choice or a feeling?

[grace-7901]

We often hear that love is a feeling — the butterflies, the excitement, the connection. But some believe love is actually a choice: a decision to commit, to show up for someone, to nurture the bond even when feelings fluctuate.
Which do you believe? Is true love something we fall into... or something we create and maintain through effort and intention?

[Mo****]

100% feeling. Try to fight it and it eats your insides.

[No****]

I think it can be both

[Deleted Member]

Love is a feeling, how you act & respond to the feelings is a choice.

[Mr****]

It’s a choice to go deeper into that feeling. To commit to caring for that person, stemming from that feeling in your heart.

[js****]

It's not a feeling. The feeling you describe is lust.

When we love someone, we don't love them because there's no better person for us, because then what happens when there is a better person?

We love someone because we make a commitment. Day in day out we will be there. You choose them over and over.

Love isn't the butterflies or the excitement. Love is waking up next to them when you're grey and old, knowing they're not quite the person they used to be. There's a million people more attractive and more capable than them, but you keep waking up to them because you chose them, and no one else.

[al****]

Love is considered both a verb and a noun. So the phrase I love you is as much a promise of behavior and commitment as it is an expression of feeling. The complicated part is when the only thing left I. The dichotomy is the promos of commitment and the expression of the feeling of love is all gone. Then what do you do? You can *** yourself into behaviors forever. But it doesn’t mean the feeling of love still exists. So your expression of that love can be ***d.

[th****]

Love is a choice. You can have feelings of compassion, kindness, empathy and care and act on them. Love is the decision to act the same way even if you're not feeling it.

Love is the choice to wake up 15 minutes earlier than your partner because you know she has trouble awakening and today is an important meeting for her. You might be feeling dead tired, but you know that this means a lot to her and you wanna support her.

Love is also the choice to walk away from an abusive ex, even though you feel like the relationship can be salvaged if she changes one little thing. Even though your feelings scream out in *** of being away from them, you know that loving yourself and being decent to yourself means taking the space to heal.

[theSir_ObservingU]

very commonly love is misrepresented by a trauma bond. seeing or feeling a similarity due to past unprocessed trauma. we often find ourselves constantly going through similar relationship bonds that fail because we arent learning or changing us. we arent dealing with our truama so we get bonded to the next person with similar trauma.

[Ki****]

How about a bit of both, not thus is a personal opinion so take it with a pinch of salt.
When comes to me love is sure a feeling, and the excitement you get from knowing your other half the grave for their voice and attention, but at the same time you shall be open to love, if you not willing to try if you not open to it you won't be able to experience that feeling.

[Raveript]

Both

[Sk****]

I believe you choose the ones you build a bond with, but their are some that come in your life and and it's like you have no choice. You just love them

[YoursMaybe]

i think it's both. but it takes time to make that choice. One day you'll just be thinking "oh shit, i'm inlove because xyz." and you know exactly why you are. you know them inside and out. and like reallyyy trust them with your heart. and then you choose to love them because feelings(the oxytocin, the honeymoon phase) fade. but, theres nothing wrong with re-seducing each other, either. lol. thats just my opinion.

[YoursMaybe]

24 minutes ago, fatmanDom said:

very commonly love is misrepresented by a trauma bond. seeing or feeling a similarity due to past unprocessed trauma. we often find ourselves constantly going through similar relationship bonds that fail because we arent learning or changing us. we arent dealing with our truama so we get bonded to the next person with similar trauma.

that's veru true. and at the same time, though, it makes it easier to love them because you understand them. you get them and its easy to know where they're coming from, or why they are the way that they are.

[CR****]

Love is easy and amazing. Simple and effortless and comfortable.
If it is hard and confusing and continues to be a burden then that's not what it is.
The only flaw and con is eventually when you are truly in love. It is inevitable that younwill.get hurt. Through loss, death, ect... But through it all that is the fukin beauty of LOVE and inside and through the *** you will see it. And it will prevail through all the ugly and darkness. And you will become a fukin God and realize what I am saying.
Through the *** there is amazing things and memories and that love grows even more.
But live life and learn that meaning is and the true life that we should live.

[theSir_ObservingU]

36 minutes ago, YoursMaybe said:

that's veru true. and at the same time, though, it makes it easier to love them because you understand them. you get them and its easy to know where they're coming from, or why they are the way that they are.

agree and its all good, but if that trauma has not been processed it may be attracting the kind of people you do not want to be inrelation too. so someone who you see eye to eye in your one trauma point but in every other thing they are toxic to you.  often our trauma bonds brings along all the worst of our childhoods with it.  

[OB****]

Love is time. You gravitate and spend time with the people/things that you love. The time you spend is how much you love them. That feeling at the heart chakra when you meditate is love and time passes very fast. Love is nota choice or the attraction that makes to gravitate towards that person. Love is time. Also, if you strip away all emotions, only time is left. Cheera

[minamax]

for me at first is a feeling then becomes a choice for you to let the feeling go on or put an end to it but for me i like to let it go on

[su****]

I believe love is a feeling love is a drug I can make you feel on top of the world invincible (PCP) love can make feel relaxed in a vibe (weed) love can make u feel like your heart is beating a million times a sec like there is no stopping you (meth) but love can also make u feel alone isolated desperate deprived (heroin)and when u feel like that love becomes a choice to stay and nurture the feeling of bliss or go down in flames either way it's a choice on what feelings your willing to accept

[Deleted Member]

Love is a feeling. If you trying to for ce it, it never works. You have to feel it to be in love

Edited April 28, 2025 by Deleted Member

[OB****]

Love is like a magic penny. Hold it tight and you won't have any, but lend it, spend it, you'll have so many. They will roll all over the floor.