Being safe while being kinky

[re****]

What's some of the way you ensure your partners safety as well as your own? I've used a small horn in the hand that you can squeeze when you can't talk, and used head lamps while doing predator/pray play on wooded areas often visited by hunters. What's your go to?

[typhoon2]

Safewords and safe gestures (non-verbal for when gags are used) are repeated by my playmates before anything happens, in order to ensure that they fully understand. I never use objects to drop or make noise since all too often 'Dead Man's Hand' from intense reaction kicks in and a tight grip makes it useless. Small steps is also a given - better to pull back from a scene than pick up the pieces after going too far.

[Gr****]

The obvious safe word, of course. I will also regularly check on them mid scene. I personally haven't gagged anyone yet, but it's good to know of the gestures thing or give them something to make a specific noise with. I'll keep those in mind.

[Ki****]

Safe words are my guidelines very simple red is stop yellow I like it but not so hard and Green..I could do this all day

[DarkArts1066]

I believe in evaluating each scenario - or kink on its own merits. As you indicate above, if someone is unable to speak (gag for example) then an audio cue is necessary.

A head torch for a Hunter/prey scenario is a good idea when out in the wild….

Regular check-ins throughout should be a matter of course.

[Deleted Member]

Clearly understanding what we’ll do and making sure we’re both comfortable with our scenario.

[ia****]

There's of course safe words and non verbal gestures for when they are not able to speak, but I've found research into the safest practices is probably best, making sure you know the proper ways of asphyxiation, impact play, etc is the best way of keeping your playmate safe

[Ur****]

I think one of the biggest ones is talking about what will be done beforehand. And making sure you know what they are 100% ok with and what they are unsure about etc. And while doing an act that they are not 100% about, be attentive to their reactions and energy. One of the big desires behind kinks is the scare and *** factor itself. Especially for new/inexperienced subs. So making sure that you as a dom are in-tune with them and not just enjoying the experience yourself but enjoying it together is really key for me. I’ve been told many times by partners that I just seem to know when and what to do, like I’m reading their minds or even beyond that like I can read their wishes that they didn’t know they had. For me it’s about paying attention to them and reading all of their verbal and non verbal cues

[Se****]

This one is (I’ve found) polarising, but I like to ask whether the D type I plan to play with whether or not THEY have a safe word - my general opinion is that all parties who are playing ought to have a safe word as one never knows what may happen.

I also like to understand their experience (both practical and theoretical) or lack thereof, additionally (idealistically) I’d like to know that anything a D type wants to do to or with me they have had done to or with them. That may seem odd but how can you possibly understand the sensations I might be experiencing, the ***, the type of sensation etc if you’ve not experienced it yourself. And yes, I see the counter argument to that.

I recently played with a partner who “demanded” check in/debrief sessions that day after play (that is not to say we couldn’t or didn’t talk prior to or after this time, this was just an expected time frame to go over things).  I very much liked that. 

[ey****]

safety in general depends on what you are doing

I guess a high level

Safe Words are a tool, but they're basically like a horn on a car - might have it's uses, but there's still going to be an accident if you don't know how to drive (or if no one else on the road can)

Research the activity you are planning to undertake before starting, including having the right toys/tools for the job and understanding the risk

Do not undertake activities you are not confident about managing the risk

Discuss with your partner prior to play, including their understanding, limits, and ability to mitigate risks

Discuss after play about what worked and what didn't. 

[DarkArts1066]

15 hours ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

This one is (I’ve found) polarising, but I like to ask whether the D type I plan to play with whether or not THEY have a safe word - my general opinion is that all parties who are playing ought to have a safe word as one never knows what may happen.

I also like to understand their experience (both practical and theoretical) or lack thereof, additionally (idealistically) I’d like to know that anything a D type wants to do to or with me they have had done to or with them. That may seem odd but how can you possibly understand the sensations I might be experiencing, the ***, the type of sensation etc if you’ve not experienced it yourself. And yes, I see the counter argument to that.

I recently played with a partner who “demanded” check in/debrief sessions that day after play (that is not to say we couldn’t or didn’t talk prior to or after this time, this was just an expected time frame to go over things).  I very much liked that. 

Interesting…..
It’s unusual for a Dom to have a separate safeword in a session - but I have always emphasised that everyone playing can use the established safeword if necessary, and that all play will stop for re-assessment at that point.
Perhaps having more than one safeword would be too much for a sub to focus on, in the heat of the moment ? -I’m not sure.
What I do know though is that simple always works.
Regarding check in/debrief sessions the same day of (or for the days following) a session.

I myself will insist on this also.

The comedown - or sub drop after a session isn’t always immediate, and can both take - and last some considerable time.

So, a responsible Dom or Domme would be aware of the status of their sub continually, and behave/react accordingly.

I have experienced pretty much all the practices and sensations that I am prepared to deliver -first hand, myself.

As a Dominant man, I have not always found that experience pleasurable, not have I desired to repeat some of them, but I do feel it important to have the best understanding and a good grounding in what I am delivering to others.

[Se****]

On 5/6/2025 at 10:43 AM, DarkArts1066 said:

Interesting…..
It’s unusual for a Dom to have a separate safeword in a session - but I have always emphasised that everyone playing can use the established safeword if necessary, and that all play will stop for re-assessment at that point.
Perhaps having more than one safeword would be too much for a sub to focus on, in the heat of the moment ? -I’m not sure.
What I do know though is that simple always works.
Regarding check in/debrief sessions the same day of (or for the days following) a session.

I myself will insist on this also.

The comedown - or sub drop after a session isn’t always immediate, and can both take - and last some considerable time.

So, a responsible Dom or Domme would be aware of the status of their sub continually, and behave/react accordingly.

I have experienced pretty much all the practices and sensations that I am prepared to deliver -first hand, myself.

As a Dominant man, I have not always found that experience pleasurable, not have I desired to repeat some of them, but I do feel it important to have the best understanding and a good grounding in what I am delivering to others.

I agree that it’s unusual but maybe it shouldn’t be, maybe it ought to be normalised. Who’s to say how a person may or may not react to anything that happens in a scene. I know I’d personally rather feel confident that someone would definitely use a safeword with me should an issue occur so that I know they might need me care and attention (even as a sub) than me wonder what’s happened and why they’ve stopped or changed something. I do appreciate what you’re saying regarding all persons being able to use an established safeword though. I’ve found that many Doms (that I’ve spoken with, obviously I’ve not researched it for “evidence”) find the idea of a safeword for them somewhat stupid or ridiculous - clearly it isn’t domly enough 🙄.

Again I agree with what you say re check-ins and drops although I’d argue these can apply to both subs and Doms. It is however unfortunate that there are pre conceived ideas of how this occurs within individuals.

Well done (not sarcasm) for experiencing what you deliver to others, it’s a good trait (I believe) and shows empathy. 

[D4****]

I don’t think the question is being answered properly. I think you’re asking about ways to make your sesssions safe. Safewords, “stop light” and scenario prep should be a given.

Wooded areas: flat, dry, private wooded areas, no “widow makers” above your head, shoes must be worn. If scene is at night; use trails, and cleared pathways for chasing scenarios. Both partners should wear a reflective vest with front and rear lights, and an air tag for precise locating. Since you might be far away from civilization, carrying a first aid kit, flash lights, Mylar blanket, alcohol wipes, flares to signal rescues, MREs, water, tick remover and fully charged cellular devices just for potential emergencies. It’s a good idea to keep in hourly contact with someone, if they don’t hear back from you at set times should raise an alarm.

[Ma****]

We have used bells in the hand when she couldn't speak. I am not real big on losing the use of her or anyone's mouth so it's usually used more for when she is bound and being used.