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In the closet


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As the title suggests, in real life i am extremely reserved about my kinks and lifestyle. I hide my sexuality and kinks from the people around me in fear of being judged.

However i have thought deeply about starting HRT and researching online with various sources and am undecided of it and understand that it would be a massive step for me but lack the courage to go to the doctors to talk about it as i still live with my family fear and they would notice too much. 

Am i right to wait to make the decision to see a doctor at a more comfortable time or do you think its too important to wait?

I just dont want to make such a life changing decision and regret it later on, but also feel that maybe starting that transition earlier may give me that confidence boost i need.


Hi Hex. I'm entirely new here, but I wanted to comment on your brave post. Life is full of "don'ts" - most of which are for other people's benefit, or to somehow protect conventional opinions or principles. I guess that's why websites like this exist, because it gives us a safe place to communicate with other congruent, non-judgemental people, who just want to enjoy their lives, and embrace their identity. Whichever path you choose . . live your life, and don't let others live it for you. I think you'll do great.

Congratulations for the bravery it took to make the above post Hex and I can understand your predicament completely. On the one hand it's something that you are obviously drawn to and resonate with and on the other hand you don't want to upset or cause trouble for yourself with your family and this is completely understandable.

What I would say is that if you haven't at least made an appointment with the doctors to chat about the HRT therapy/treatment, then maybe you should do that so at the very least you are getting even more advice and specific information from the medical establishment on how you would be best advised to proceed. That's not something your family would necessarily find out about and it would help you to make your mind up better if this is really something that you want to go through with.

My main bit of advice though is not to rush into this sort of thing. The incredibly high suicide rates among the trans community are one of the hidden statistics that many of the more extreme-liberal trans community prefer to ignore and play down but something to consider for anyone who does think about transitioning partially or fully. Making such huge life changing decisions unless you are 100% certain about them is never a good way to move forward and proceed with, so  I would give it time my friend. If you do find that it's something that you can no longer ignore, that dominates your thoughts everyday and something you want more than anything then I would say that it is right for you to at least make a start. Until then work on building the inner strength and a support network of others in the  Trans or transitioning community who may be able to help you, nurture and lift you up if the process ever threatens to overwhelm you.

You may find it easier to go through such a process once you have your own space, but if you do in the future decide to transition, then your family will find out eventually and you will have to have some difficult and frank conversations with them to try to help them understand why you have chosen to do what you need to do. So either way, you doing this whilst still living at home, or you doing this when your living in your own space/place; you will still need to talk to your family about it eventually as they will notice the changes in you eventually. 

Extrasexual made a great comment above that also speaks volumes. So much of what we do in life is tied into the expectations that we feel others have for us that many people can often live their entire life denying their true selves, needs, desires or callings for the trade off of living for other people and their expectations of us. Not rocking the boat and being who we are expected to be. But I have yet to meet a single person who has spent their life doing that who is truly happy and I think if I got to the end of my life and looked back on my whole existence then the only thing I would really regret is not being who I am and being true to myself. So don't live your life for other people. Be respectful of them and kind to them, but don't allow what other people expect of you to control your life choices and make you deny who you really and are who you really want to be. Anything worthwhile doing always carries a risk and what you need to ask yourself is; "Is doing this and taking the risk that it may alienate me from some people in my life who don't understand me or what I'm doing a price I am prepared to potentially pay to be who I want to be and to be true to myself". It's a decision only you can make my friend, but there are sites like this and people on them who will always try and help you if you ever need advice or someone to talk to to about it all. 


I have no real experience in this area myself, so I hope that you hear more from others who have either been where you are and been through what you considering or may also be having the same thoughts and doubts as you are.


Hi Hex, I'd relax a little and explore yourself, you still very young and considering HRT, whilst being undecided about taking this step. You do have courage as your opening up, this might be a small step, but it is a step towards learning about yourself.

See the doctor, they should be able to help you or discovery the right physician for you. Relax and understand that they will want to understand you and help you explore, this is a long process with multiple exit points as this is a big decision and they will want to make sure this is what you really need and want...this is a journey and not education, there not commitment to complete the course and pass an exam. 

Remember your still young, talk to you doctor and simply start exploring this part of yourself...nothing is going to happen overnight...there is no magic pill and it's all done, you'll find a lot of talking and thinking involved.



Thanks for the advice guys. I think i am going to wait till i move out and give it some thought. There are so many things that could go wrong when it comes to hormones. Thank you all for the support

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