Ghosting?

[Clairie34]

Why do I constantly keep getting ghosted? I finally meet someone, we seem to get on well. Then all of a sudden BOOM I’m ghosted. Like what the hell! Why do people think this is okay? 

Just plain rude! What happened to honesty. If it’s not what you want or your intention then just say and I can quickly move on. 

Sorry just needed a little rant. 

[Ki****]

They could at least say why. If they can't be honest then they are not worth your time. You've dodged a bullet and are better off not having them in your life. Imagine how they'd be if you actually met. They are probably not as they seem online.

[Clairie34]

Yeah, I’m trying to not let it get to me but if im being honest it is getting to me.

i would rather have honesty even if it’s not something I don’t wanna hear, lies however hurt even more than the truth. instead of being sat here thinking where did it go wrong? Is it me? Etc. 

[Si****]

Ive had that happen to me. Chatting for months and all is good then Wham! nothing... As Kitty has said, its best it happened before you invested too much of yourself into it. It still sucks and its easy to ask "what did I do? " but it wasn't you, but them, They were a custard of the cowardly type. They didn't respect you enough to say thanks but no thanks or this is what I didn't like and give you a chance to respond. Their loss.

[Re****]

16 minutes ago, KittyKuffs said:

They could at least say why. If they can't be honest then they are not worth your time. You've dodged a bullet and are better off not having them in your life. Imagine how they'd be if you actually met. They are probably not as they seem online.

In my personal opinion and experience this usually happens when that other person has a wife or a gf. There's no honesty in that 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Clairie34]

4 minutes ago, SirGreen said:

Ive had that happen to me. Chatting for months and all is good then Wham! nothing... As Kitty has said, its best it happened before you invested too much of yourself into it. It still sucks and its easy to ask "what did I do? " but it wasn't you, but them, They were a custard of the cowardly type. They didn't respect you enough to say thanks but no thanks or this is what I didn't like and give you a chance to respond. Their loss.

Completely get where your coming from. Just can’t help thinking it is me as it keeps happening over and over again. 
I have massive confidence issues (lockdown isn’t helping), I don’t let on I try stay positive but when I get crap like that it’s hard not to take it personally. 
 

im currently just sat thinking to myself “it’s nothing I did, don’t let it bother you” working to some extent 

[Si****]

Just now, Astarte said:

In my personal opinion and experience this usually happens when that other person has a wife or a gf. There's no honesty in that 🤷🏻‍♀️

or a boyfriend or husband. Women do it as well.

[Clairie34]

1 minute ago, Astarte said:

In my personal opinion and experience this usually happens when that other person has a wife or a gf. There's no honesty in that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree. I did ask if they had a gf, they said no so as far as I’m aware they haven’t. 🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

Ghosting does suck! We’re all adults here and honesty is the best policy... if something is no longer working for you or the direction has changed then just say. Also don’t make up bullshit, the truth can hurt but you’ll mend. Lies just drag on and cause unnecessary heartache. 
 

@Sirsgoodgirl remind yourself they’re not worthy of your time if you’re not worthy of a proper explanation 💗

[Deleted Member]

I've had it happen a few times on here tbh. No idea why and yeah it does annoy you so no need to apologize for the rant. As others have said those people aren't worth your time but I do understand that it still sucks.

[Si****]

3 minutes ago, Sirsgoodgirl said:

Completely get where your coming from. Just can’t help thinking it is me as it keeps happening over and over again. 
I have massive confidence issues (lockdown isn’t helping), I don’t let on I try stay positive but when I get crap like that it’s hard not to take it personally. 
 

im currently just sat thinking to myself “it’s nothing I did, don’t let it bother you” working to some extent 

By feeling it, goes to show you are human, you have a kind soul, and that's the best bit they will never get to know about you now.

[Clairie34]

Just gunna try pick myself up and dust it off. 

[Clairie34]

1 minute ago, SirGreen said:

By feeling it, goes to show you are human, you have a kind soul, and that's the best bit they will never get to know about you now.

Sod em! 😂

[Si****]

1 minute ago, Sirsgoodgirl said:

Sod em! 😂

totally, good for you lovely lady.

[Clairie34]

1 minute ago, SirGreen said:

totally, good for you lovely lady.

Thank you ☺️

[Deleted Member]

Perfect answer.....they are not worth your time!

[fartboy30]

This is the question every guy on here is asking themselves

[Clairie34]

How not ghost? Not just guys. Girls do it too, 

 

the answer is simple. Be honest from the start. Don’t lie and just tell the truth. 

[Deleted Member]

It is a bad thing and it happens to all of us. Just gotta move on and find a much better partner.

Just think that unless you meet them in person, they are just looking for fun so try not to get emotionally involved. 

[Vandalslut]

3 hours ago, Sirsgoodgirl said:

i would rather have honesty even if it’s not something I don’t wanna hear, lies however hurt even more than the truth. instead of being sat here thinking where did it go wrong? Is it me? Etc. 

Wouldn't we all!  No, it's NOT you.  It is rude, it is dishonest. I believe the types that do this either have a partner and they got busted by the partner, so they vanish; or they're just out and out head game players who are proliferating in these unusual days we're living in now. I'm seeing a dear, close friend go through something similar  - she'd been chatting to a man on FakeBook for ages ; it had evolved into flirting, even though they're on two different continents; then he suddenly vanished and all she got was hasty, 'Sorry, busy!' answers.  Ghosted, big-time. But he wasn't too busy to engage in some epic flirting with other women that she could see.  When she defriended him (or whatever it was you do) he came back with protests that he didn't think she felt as deeply about him as he did about her. So it's back on - he makes all sorts of grandiose claims about himself, a lot of high flown romantic Sir Galahad chat, he'd just -love to come and live here -  and she's buying the lot. Old, old story. I'm not even going to try and tell her.  But she knows I don't trust him. It's going to end in tears, so I say to you, Sirsgoodgirl - you HAVE dodged a bullet and you're right...don't take it personally, these low-lifes do it to everyone. Inspired by your post, we updated the music on our profile today, so go and have a look, hope it makes you feel better .

Edited May 12, 2020 by Vandalslut

[Re****]

7 hours ago, SirGreen said:

or a boyfriend or husband. Women do it as well.

Yes yes, ofcourse, no gender discrimination here :) was referring to the situation here ;) 

[Ky****]

@Sirsgoodgirlin general do they stay on here?  I've been finding a trend of this happening with people who are local to me and then after a while they delete their profile without telling me why b4 they go

[Vandalslut]

53 minutes ago, Kymi said:

@Sirsgoodgirlin general do they stay on here?  I've been finding a trend of this happening with people who are local to me and then after a while they delete their profile without telling me why b4 they go

Interesting point.  We've noticed a few members in our general area (100 k radius, often closer - even one or two in the same town) and...they're there for a few weeks then suddenly gone. We've not had any contact from them either.

[Ky****]

3 minutes ago, Vandalslut said:

Interesting point.  We've noticed a few members in our general area (100 k radius, often closer - even one or two in the same town) and...they're there for a few weeks then suddenly gone. We've not had any contact from them either.

I do wonder whether its related to the problem of @Sirsgoodgirl in that I suspect in both cases someone thinks things are getting too close, after a while ghosters have had their fun and leave, wonder how many also take  up new profiles, in the case I mentioned that might not be so hard to spot but if someone has ghosted you and then adopted a new profile that could be worrying, wonder if there are any checks on this?

[ey****]

there was a good article in the paper possibly a couple of years ago where they interviewed a lady who kept being ghosted on dating sites and managed to track down some of the men to find out why.

In this article some of the reasons that came up was

- it became apparent from talking we had different wants

- I didn't really feel we connected

- I was talking to other people and a meet/etc happened with someone else first (ahhh, mono problems)

in some/all of the cases it probably would have been appropriate to just, like, say - but in some cases it was that it felt easier to leave it and hope no hurt feelings; and in others, I'm not sure if worse.... that they could go back to them if their other interest didn't work out.