The importance of LIMITS

[Deleted Member]

Why do we have limits?

The amount of times I have heard or seen someone say they have no limits is ridiculous, everyone has limits it’s just they may not realise it yet. Having limits while engaging in D/S allows the Submissive to explore their sensuality safely. They never have to be afraid that their Dominant is going to do something they don’t want or that will hurt them physically or mentally. They can give up all control and be free from making the decisions. Dominants benefit from set rules also because it takes the guess-work out of what their submissive will and won’t do. Both individuals will be able to completely let go and fully enjoy living the lifestyle.

 

There are two main known limits- Hard and Soft. However there are other limits which can be overlooked, these are *** and Required. 

 

Soft;

These are things that the Submissive may be interested in but is hesitant about exploring. You cannot assume because someone has agreed to be a Submissive that they are OK with everything. The boundaries of soft limits are flexible as the Dominant sees fit and the Submissive agrees to push and expand slowly. However, once something has been decided upon (hopefully in a contract) it can be freely asked or demanded.

Some examples are: oral sex, swallowing semen, nipple clamps, spanking, flogging, being blindfolded, butt plugs, gagging, wax play or bondage with tape ect ect 

 

Hard; 

Both parties need to specify what they won’t do and respect it. The boundaries of hard limits are not flexible. Some examples are: choking, anal sex, electro play, fisting, needles, suspension bondage, whipping, caning, fire play and ***/urine/scat etc etc 

 

Dominant’s can have boundaries too. The point is, no one should be pressured to do something that they are not uncomfortable with.

 

Limits can change over time and some can be more fluid than others. For example, a Submissive may only be comfortable with something like rimming on some occasions but their Dominant has to ask first. Sometimes boundaries can soften in the presence of *** and/or alcohol but even so the Dominant should always make sure the Submissive really wants to and has giving their full consent.

 

Another rarely mentioned limit is the Submissive’s tolerance of receiving ***, which can be worked up slowly and with consent. Light bruises might be acceptable and tolerable but permanent scars or marks may not be. Always discuss what types of ***, punishments, discipline are allowed with the intensity and severity of each.

 

Finally there’s the Dominant’s and Submissive’s requirement limits. 

Requirements are not always talked about online when discussing the subject of limits but they deserve to be mentioned. These would be things that a partner has to have. It could be, “I need you to pull my hair when we have sex in doggie style.” Or “If a punishment makes me cry, good aftercare is a must.”

 

Remember: Safewords can help establish limits too. If a couple are exploring something new like anal play, safewords can help guide the Dominant as to what is acceptable and what is too far. One of the roles of a good Dominant is to push the boundaries of their Submissive a little, to see what they are and aren’t OK with.

 

What to do if limits aren’t respected?

If boundaries aren’t respected? It really depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Sometimes for a seemingly minor offense the Dominant could be warned never to do that again. However for more major breaches of trust, the Submissive always has the power to terminate the relationship. It’s always a good idea to discuss beforehand the consequences of breaking a contract. So as you can see, limits are for the benefit of everyone involved and are in no way restrictive. To make it easier for you try creating a list, either by yourself or with your partner. Ultimately this will bring more pleasure and trust to the relationship.

In the community do we feel LIMITS are given enough respect? 
 

When engaging with a new person is it considered a RED Flag if limits aren’t discussed or even asked about at all? 
 

Can BDSM ever be LIMITLESS and Safe?? 
 

💗

[typhoon2]

Good writing but I'd like to add a couple of points that experience has shown to be important to me.

Limits can be inclusive or exclusive. The former are best for early play sessions and negotiations, whereby what is discussed and agreed are undertaken and nothing else is. Any changes must be done outside of a scene or otherwise when both parties are able to negotiate freely. Exclusive limits are where only those discussed are not to be engaged in while playing. Essentially these are two negotiating styles.

It should also be stressed that limits can be changed at any time in terms of withdrawing consent. A person's *** threshold might change from day to day (or even hour to hour) depending on mood, weather, fatigue, etc. so canes might be fine one day but if the sub/bottom says no to them the next day then that's final.

Another point is that negotiations should always be from a position of equality - no bullying, for instance - and sobriety. Whether one's thoughts are clouded by sub drop, addrenaline, subspace, alcohol, ***, medication or whatever, wait until all heads are clear before negotiating anew.

[Deleted Member]

@typhoon2 all excellent points raised, especially that limits are never final. As with most things in a dynamic they’re subject to change over time as the relationship and the people involved evolve as a partnership and/or individually. 💗

[CaveBear]

Greatly explained and layed out .. Great points made ...

[Deleted Member]

Do all slaves have written contracts with their master? I’ve had mine for four years now. I highly recommend this. I am off the charts different when it comes to the “normal”. when it comes down to it I think this is what you were saying. Have an initial understanding and go from there with , limits,safeword etc. I guess it’s two part understanding. I always say baby I was born this way and it’s also how I was trained when I first came into the lifestyle years ago. To quote others “I’m a *** whore” it makes me cum like crazy! My thoughts when chatting with others is different strokes for different folks. I do enjoy chatting with others about it. I believe it’s all individual preference.

[Deleted Member]

@NailsPLZ not everyone has a written contract, some only verbal but I am am advocate of a contract so all parties know where they stand. 

[Vandalslut]

 

10 hours ago, little_dark_princess said:

In the community do we feel LIMITS are given enough respect? 
When engaging with a new person is it considered a RED Flag if limits aren’t discussed or even asked about at all? 
Can BDSM ever be LIMITLESS and Safe??

A fabulous piece and co-written seamlessly - thanks, little_dark_princess and typhoon2. I, too, cringe when I see a newcomer to the site, community or lifestyle gleefully announcing, 'Hey, no limits, I'm up for anything!' There will always be a minority who will take them at their word.  Literally.

Our community, as in the wider world, has rules or laws; most people understand them and keep within them; and it has been demonstrated recently that national/state law en***ment can and does cross from the vanilla world into our community - slowly, but it is beginning. By and large I would say that limits are generally given enough respect, but it's never going to be 100% across the board; I definitely agree that refusal to discuss or acknowledge limits is a MAJOR red flag, and I would be going in the opposite direction, as far and as fast as possible; and...No.  BDSM cannot ever be limitless and safe. There's been several posts by very unhappy, confused and damaged submissives, regarding Dom/mes who refuse to acknowledge limits and who then say that they're sorry - and then just do it again. They got away with it once, so of course they're going to do it again!  I believe they are in a minority, just as there's a minority in any community who think it'll be OK to drive home drunk, 'just this once' - and then do it again because they got away with it; or who hold up a convenience store because they've got financial trouble for the first time ever and anyway, the owner has insurance so they aren't 'hurting' anyone; or become a drug mule because their dear old Mum needs an urgent operation and if they don't do it, someone else will...Each scenario has the potential to kill, scar and do life-long damage to any number of people including the perpetrators. (Just ask the Bali Nine - the ones that are still alive...) We have community and national laws for very good reasons, the comfort and safety of all. And it's the same in BDSM.

I've never had a written contract with the Vandal, as we've been together so long. And legally speaking, a written contract in a BDSM relationship is not regarded as a legal document (yet) and will not stand up in any law court.

[Th****]

The opening pieces here, as was said wonderfully written. I was particularly impressed as this is such a wide subject to cover in such a concise way.

Thank you as well to Vandaslut, it is rare to get a good accurate reflection on the legal context of written contracts of consent within BDSM and how they are currently viewed in most courts. Bravo!

My only addition to this is a small one.

I often speak to people new to the lifestyle who have not got limits. My reaction is the same as anyone who has been in it a long time, 

So I just patiently explain that Hard limits are the things they never want to do.

Often that still draws a blank as they do not have the depth of knowledge to know what they hate. At this point I suggest that they read up a little if they are planning on taking this seriously or at least watch some videos. While they do it note down what they feel they would not want to do themselves.

 

The best way I have found to put across soft limits is "What might you be willing to try at some point in the future ao be willing to do but only for the right person." 

Yeah, it is not great, but we are trying to build on a basis of lack of knowledge. 

To be honest once I have gone through this, wants and needs, consent etc. then they have usually got bored and I never hear from them again.

But we can but try. 

If we can only impart a little information it is a major win. 

Thank you again to all the previous posters ...awesome work.

[Cade]

Although I do not disagree with all of what you've discussed, I think it makes a common mistake of applying negative connotation from the vanilla world to BDSM jargon. If you're a newbie or have a new play partner (or just a casual player), having limits is vital to providing a safe and efficient manner of exploring this wonderful lifestyle and BDSM dynamics. I also agree someone that starts with proclamations or demands of "no limits" does act as a red flag, and although I do practice a "no limit" CNC owner/property dynamic, I tend to turn away anyone that comes to me offering to do anything for me before even knowing me. My issue comes in when these types of writings negate "no limit" dynamics, and I feel it alienates lifestyles that practice very literal owner/property - master or mistress/slave relationships that have existed as part of this community since its origin.
As with practically every subculture, the fetish and BDSM world has a language all its own. So, what do we mean when we say "no limits", you might ask? In my opinion, it means desiring a relationship where a person is able to give their *everything* to their partner because they trust that partner, that person has been found worthy of that level of submission (or reversed for top side - the submissive has been found worthy to serve to that degree). In this regard, I reference your question: Can BDSM ever be LIMITLESS and Safe? To which I reply, YES! Although, this isn't accomplished easily nor overnight (my own process of cultivating my dynamic is over eight years long). It requires a level of communication that only seems possible in this lifestyle, of absolute honesty, and consistent integrity that proves one's intent and motivation that leads to an undisputable trust. In this current age of instant gratification and lack of attention span, it does seem unlikely individuals could accomplish this (let alone, would desire such a lifestyle), but we still exist!

[Vandalslut]

4 hours ago, Thebian said:

At this point I suggest that they read up a little if they are planning on taking this seriously or at least watch some videos. While they do it note down what they feel they would not want to do themselves.... To be honest once I have gone through this, wants and needs, consent etc. then they have usually got bored and I never hear from them again. But we can but try. 

Excellent suggestion. Read, research, there's a ton of online BDSM sites where short films can be seen for free, see what's a thrill and what's a turn off...before finding out the hard way.  Thebian, if they get bored and 'disconnect', you've done your level best  and one can only hope they'll remember the advice. Thank you for your care and concern. 

1 hour ago, Cade said:

Can BDSM ever be LIMITLESS and Safe? To which I reply, YES! Although, this isn't accomplished easily nor overnight (my own process of cultivating my dynamic is over eight years long). It requires a level of communication that only seems possible in this lifestyle, of absolute honesty, and consistent integrity that proves one's intent and motivation that leads to an undisputable trust.

Absolute honesty and consistent integrity are not exclusive to the BDSM world and these characteristics are certainly not always to be found in the BDSM world. Cade, if you have a limitless and safe BDSM relationship with a partner, well done. However, I'm sure that you appreciate that it's rare and as you say, it didn't happen overnight.  And I'm sure you appreciate that not everyone is as honest and ethical as you evidently are. If a Master-Mistress/slave or owner/property dynamic works for both parties, this is a good thing and no-one is out to negate it or alienate it.  But satisfactory functioning relationships of this dynamic are not common and there are those who use the dynamic to practice *** - such as the alleged 'Master' who refused to let his 'slave' - who posted here last year - have medical treatment. The term 'limitless' needs to be understood in every sense of the word. Given time, there may be many to be as fortunate as you, Cade and come to a limitless and safe BDSM partnership. But it does take time - it's not an instant dynamic. And even in a long term relationship, people can change.

I've explained to those new to the lifestyle that announcing 'no limits' to utter strangers, in the hope that this will attract the perfect Dom/me will definitely attract the unscrupulous, who will  move in very rapidly, and their idea of no limits might be a sudden urge to hire their new submissive out for prostitution, gang-bangs and any sort of 'limitless' ***; or their interpretation of  'no limits' is emptying their submissive's bank account, taking every last possession as 'tribute' and putting them out on the street with no rights or recourse.

So I'll stand by my original conclusions; across the entire BDSM community, it will never be 100% limitless and safe, just as no community will have 100% of its citizens willing to abide by that community's laws 100% of the time.

[je****]

Nice to see it all spelled out so succinctly....everyone on here should read this( I know some wouldn't NEED to.... but I'll bet there are others who think they understand these important issues but DON'T!) Thanks... X

[Ky****]

can't understand why anyone would have problem with limits, agreeing with @Cade that those who say they don't are probably not very experienced, afterall no limits means being ***d to death, burnt at the stake, fed alive to pigs or any of the other real world nastiness, yes this is a feature of real slavery in history and fiction but not what we do, its al about establishing how we want to interact with pertners, and the emphasis is partner because ultimately unless we have been kidnapped then D & s are both partners in a relationship

[Cade]

36 minutes ago, Vandalslut said:

Excellent suggestion. Read, research, there's a ton of online BDSM sites where short films can be seen for free, see what's a thrill and what's a turn off...before finding out the hard way.  Thebian, if they get bored and 'disconnect', you've done your level best  and one can only hope they'll remember the advice. Thank you for your care and concern. 

Absolute honesty and consistent integrity are not exclusive to the BDSM world and these characteristics are certainly not always to be found in the BDSM world. Cade, if you have a limitless and safe BDSM relationship with a partner, well done. However, I'm sure that you appreciate that it's rare and as you say, it didn't happen overnight.  And I'm sure you appreciate that not everyone is as honest and ethical as you evidently are. If a Master-Mistress/slave or owner/property dynamic works for both parties, this is a good thing and no-one is out to negate it or alienate it.  But satisfactory functioning relationships of this dynamic are not common and there are those who use the dynamic to practice *** - such as the alleged 'Master' who refused to let his 'slave' - who posted here last year - have medical treatment. The term 'limitless' needs to be understood in every sense of the word. Given time, there may be many to be as fortunate as you, Cade and come to a limitless and safe BDSM partnership. But it does take time - it's not an instant dynamic. And even in a long term relationship, people can change.

I've explained to those new to the lifestyle that announcing 'no limits' to utter strangers, in the hope that this will attract the perfect Dom/me will definitely attract the unscrupulous, who will  move in very rapidly, and their idea of no limits might be a sudden urge to hire their new submissive out for prostitution, gang-bangs and any sort of 'limitless' ***; or their interpretation of  'no limits' is emptying their submissive's bank account, taking every last possession as 'tribute' and putting them out on the street with no rights or recourse.

So I'll stand by my original conclusions; across the entire BDSM community, it will never be 100% limitless and safe, just as no community will have 100% of its citizens willing to abide by that community's laws 100% of the time.

You raise an interesting point, and I agree, those characteristics aren't only found in this lifestyle alone. I think it's more supported in this lifestyle, as a whole, whether that means we live up to that or not is on us as individuals, of course. I mean this in the most simple social ways: in the vanilla dating world, people are taught to put their "best face forward", hiding their faults, while this form a dating typically includes extensive and frank discussion including self awareness, expectations, and those pesky dark secrets we think of as "enjoyable activities" (haha). By no means anything that can be rushed though, protocol that isn't superceded, and personal responsibility for our decisions to live this "Lifestyle".

But I think you outlined my point with the phrase "alleged 'Master'". The outlook that is often overlooked is just because we can do something, doesn't mean we will (given whatever situation). There are aspects that aren't acceptable, as human beings even beyond lifestyle roles or dynamic that seem overlooked for the possible negatives, to the point that the term "no limits" is a *bad word*. Speaking for myself alone here, my lifestyle choice isn't bad, isn't impossible, just because it's not possible in yours.

In your example offered, I would consider that individual not a master, but abusive; not because of the aspect of "no limits" in their relationships, but the decision to use that to cause harm. Not only that, but in either case, I think we both agree that individual wouldn't really qualify as a "Master", separating the stigma from our lifestyle by calling what that was: abusive. BDSM is not ***; the significant difference of course being consent. So, then I feel the consideration should be, can someone consent to a no limit dynamic, given consent means educated and aware? Then, my answer would still be YES! Because again, it's not the aspect of "no limits" that is the negative, but the manner in which that is used.

Thanks for your input!

[Emery-Pie]

I agree with your limits establishment, with the clear defining of boundaries. But just like with National Security officers, matters of boundary en***ment along with documentation processes for infiltration into off-limits areas must be dealt with.

[Wo****]

No limits...

How can you say you have no limits? Even in an established relationship. Unless you've tried every possible thing, how can you say you have no limits?

Idk, it's like I trust Pirate to the point I don't think I'll ever have to tell him anything is is a hard limit (he knows my hard limits and we discuss soft limits every so often) but Idk if one day he's gonna suggest something I haven't tried and I'll discover it's a limit.

Tbh... even my hard limits may become soft limits with Pirate precisely because any limits we both have are respected. 

An example, pirate and I discussed a scene once that he didn't feel comfortable with because, at the time, he felt there were/are too many potential triggers. It's something I actually want to do now, I think, but more discussion would be needed. Is it a soft or hard limit? Could it change? Is he against me doing it, or just against me doing it with him?

 

Limits are a good thing.

They offer a framework.

 

No limits? No play, and anyway.... limits give you something to explore.

[Ky****]

@LazyPiratesBounty yes sometimes over time even hard limits may become something you want to try, with me it was sexual activity with a male, eventually I got intrigued and it become please 

[Vandalslut]

5 hours ago, Cade said:

So, then I feel the consideration should be, can someone consent to a no limit dynamic, given consent means educated and aware?  The outlook that is often overlooked is just because we can do something, doesn't mean we will (given whatever situation).

Of course, someone can consent to a no-limit dynamic inclusive of educated and aware before entering that relation and dynamic and the education, awareness and trust is something that would have to come over time.  I still maintain that you are a rare and good man to be able to enjoy a no-limits relationship and to honour the trust you've been given.   Such relationships can happen. The abusive sorts as mentioned above - and agreed as being abusive - are the ones because they CAN do something, they will. For those new to the  life, or engaging with a new partner, limits are a must until there is education, awareness and trust.

[MaddieShires]

I do agree there should be limits but occasionally there are people,such as myself who have been in the lifestyle for many years. This has resulted in my personal boundaries moving, I find myself in a position whereby I do not know how far I can go any more. In fact the more extreme for me the better.
Having a dom in place who can pleasure himself when required helps me and keeps me safe otherwise I would put myself in some predicaments. A dom would control instruct discipline and correct me in the manner he felt most appropriate.
For me this is a lifestyle. I commit to helping others in my employment and in my private life it is all about my master, what he desires and expects and how I can provide that. Perhaps it will take instruction control discipline and correction but I enjoy that.

[Deleted Member]

TY every for your opinions. I have been in this lifestyle 20+ years. I know what I like and like what know. So in reference to my prior comment: I said different strokes for different folks. After perusing your comments to my original post I understand that you each have  a paradigm for the lifestyle. With each individual having the same defined guidelines with slight variants added to suit their relations, actions and reactions. That is wonderful.

In reference to the specified contract. It was my intention to ascertain without appearing intrusive when questioning as to was contracted.

In conclusion and reference to my formal agreement/contract, my master performs an open quarterly review with my status being free. I am able to vocalize my opinion  openly as to the status of our agreement and If I want to proceed with amendments  Air remain stagnant.  An open discussIon Is held with presentation of  issues. To conclude we “both” need to concur that the amended contract is in effect and sign off on the old to null and void it.

In regards to not choosing to have a safe word. It was my suggestion to do this as our contract is specific in my rating scale that ranges from superb(activity is loved by us both and done frequently) Great- one step down and so forth. To the No Way list. Similar to a scale of one - five scale on a survey. We aware of each other’s response to each others needs,likes and dislike to know when we should continue or enough has been achieved in the session. The ability to not require a safe word is effective in our relationship because of clear guidelines. At any time I can request a meeting in addition to our weekly Friday am sit down. Our relationship is a business agreement and that is how we operate. Thank you again for your thoughts. 

 

 

 

 

[Wo****]

One question..

Why NOT have a safe word? You don't have to use it.

[MaddieShires]

Each to their own, good to have opinions its healthy

[Wo****]

31 minutes ago, MaddieShires said:

Each to their own, good to have opinions its healthy

Agreed.

But is not having a safe word healthy?

Limits can change and I appreciate some people may have few but none? At all? Fine.. my kink is peeling your eyeballs with a potato peeler...

 

I've used my safe word very, very rarely and it's always been at the beginning of the relationship. 

I doubt I'll ever need it with Pirate now, and I'm happily exploring my limits with him. I have no plan to ever use my safe word but say I don't need one? I couldn't do that.

 

If someone says they have no limits, personally I don't believe them, everyone has limits.

A safe word is like a safety harness. You may never need it but if you do, and you haven't got it, you're scuppered.

[Deleted Member]

17 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

Fine.. my kink is peeling your eyeballs with a potato peeler...

😂😂😂

I spat my cuppa out 🤭

[Cade]

16 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

One question..

Why NOT have a safe word? You don't have to use it.

Some people don't need a special code word to be able to communicate what they need to. Also, I think some people have realized that a safeword isn't going to save you from someone that intends you malice, and prefer other methods - NOT to discourage the use of safewords for anyone.

 

3 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

Agreed.

But is not having a safe word healthy?

Limits can change and I appreciate some people may have few but none? At all? Fine.. my kink is peeling your eyeballs with a potato peeler...

 

I've used my safe word very, very rarely and it's always been at the beginning of the relationship. 

I doubt I'll ever need it with Pirate now, and I'm happily exploring my limits with him. I have no plan to ever use my safe word but say I don't need one? I couldn't do that.

 

If someone says they have no limits, personally I don't believe them, everyone has limits.

A safe word is like a safety harness. You may never need it but if you do, and you haven't got it, you're scuppered.

I really wasn't sure I wanted to comment on this thread anymore, but darn it, I just have to give "eyeball peeling" a crack. Haha.

 

So, let's consider the logistics: you find an individual willing to be trained to be your no limit slave to be blinded for you to realize your fetish. This training would obviously need to also include training that individual to serve you blind, as the idea here is longevity - ownership is a lifelong commitment (in concept). Likewise, you would need to be sure to have the proper care and finding a doctor willing to remove eyes seems like it's going to warrant an "off the grid" trip - not cheap, might I add. Long term considerations for the blind slave would come into play, what if you (their dutiful caretaker) dies, what if they want to leave the relationship, etc. Immediate care of the wounded slave would obviously be paramount for recovery and transition into their new world of darkness, years of therapy, and likely many years of lackluster service that would need to be accepted as part of personal responsibility. This is considering if you're not just immediately arrested because eyeball peeling would definitely fall under illegal in most states (speaking for the US only).

 

I think when you consider it, the better question is why would you want to do it? Simple fetish gratification seems like a piss poor trade out for the responsibility, in my opinion. Once again, just because you can do something doesn't mean you will do something; being "no limits" doesn't mean no logic, no civility, hell, no humanity! This isn't even considering that, like with safewords, someone that intends to *** isn't likely going to care it's within your list of HARD LIMITS. I know my relationship has been considered rare, but really, I don't think it is...aren't most master-mistress/slave dynamics striving for some level of ownership over another? I don't really think my relationship is special or unique, but maybe one sided lessons like "no limits = bad" without qualifying that there are dynamics that strive for and practice this minimizes the reasons many of us joined this community: because we have desires different from the norm that we accept and wish to explore. I'm pretty sure master-mistress/slave dynamics have always been accepted within BDSM.

A couple additional thoughts:

When I tell someone "vanilla" that I'm a sadist, the most common question is, "You mean like a serial killer?" I don't blame them, I've watched enough crime drama to know that the two phrases are nearly used synonymously. But, I am still wounded - my lifestyle is diminished to a heinous act, through ignorance, that there are sadists that truly don't desire to harm anyone. Because all they know is the negative, they can't see positives - stubbornly so sometimes.

In my opinion, protocol offers the framework for the relationship; limits would be more like "out of bounds" for the relationship, to me. The prior is what bolsters security and trust which enables the relationship to grow, while the latter typically dictates where the relationship ends (and rightly so). Limits have their place and are important, but so is respecting alternative dynamics that are very much a part of this glorious community.

[Wo****]

Just so we're reading from the same page @Cade.

I don't disagree with you.

I've read your profile (which is so good, on so many levels) and someone like you, who (Forgive my bluntness) isn't a dick, it's a little bit different.

You would respond to the eyeball thing! Was half expecting a message from someone "finally! Someone shares my kinks" 

I like trying to see different perspectives. 

 

I appreciate that not everyone (And I include myself in this) needs to use a safe word but I have one.

Limits wise... I suppose it's that I'd never say I have none, maybe not found (m)any but none? 

 

Safe words and limits offer a safety framework. Fits in with RACK and SSC.

Makes sense to me, particularly within the "darker" side.

If your play involves a bit of light spanking and name calling there's not really much need but if your play involves whipping and potentially risky things isn't it wise to at least start with a safety net?

 

Maybe it's different if you're actually living a D/s relationship. Idk.

Did your current dynamic start out with no limits or safe words?