Any tips for autistic people looking to date?

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, DiDet said:

What is wrong with name? I’m asking because I don’t know and can’t find out? My Latin is rusty but “truely many toothed” is it offense? Or EURO poly with teeth? Thats a cool name, but I’m not the droid he’s looking for my ***

I had changed my name from SuckleMyDongus

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, DiDet said:

What is wrong with name? I’m asking because I don’t know and can’t find out? My Latin is rusty but “truely many toothed” is it offense? Or EURO poly with teeth? Thats a cool name, but I’m not the droid he’s looking for my ***

He had a different name and already changed it ;)

[Li****]

As someone with mental issues and severe ptsd, I always start with that. Upfront and honest so no one can say I was a liar or a manipulator for pretending to be someone or something else.

[Ch****]

Speaking from experience, it's best to just be yourself and figure out the right time to be upfront about it. Don't mask yourself too much for others and let those who vibe with you stick around and those who don't just filter themselves out. I usually find myself meeting others with similar stuff so it's easier for me to just be upfront about it but depending on where you find yourself, it may be harder to encounter those types of people. Just keep at it, you'll eventually meet those you naturally gravitate towards and you'll like those you mesh with.

[Mr****]

You have to find someone that matches your vibe dude. Like either try to match or compliment your tics and superpowers to find the right comfort level. Theres an app called Boo iirc that let's you meet based on personality traits.

I used to be a service provider for differently able people and one thing that I found that seem to help people was that you need to realize that typical people do typical things, and being born thinking differently straight from the beginning I love that that's gone too feel like typical bullshit. I have super ADHD so finding the right one is hard to do, like so much seems so petty and poorly considered because, good or bad, my brain bounces between hemispheres 7-15x times faster than the neurotypical brain, but with this app I can put that sense of annoyance to a good use.

Also keep in mind that people will play to your empathy to use you, and be careful with your first impression don't idealize the people you meet and set yourself up for disappointment/heartbreak. Also don't be afraid to break out of what you think is your ideal because sometimes a new experience will open up a whole new world to you

Good luck my dude

[YoursMaybe]

yeah. The main thing that will at the least get women interested in you is how you carry yourself and how you dress. So, make sure you have good posture, good relaxed body language, be smiling and look happy, and at the least, make sure your clothes fit and match, and be well groomed and smell good.

Another thing is go do things you like doing because chances are someone compatible will also be doing the sane things and you will immediately have a common interest. But don't show romantic interest at first until you start feeling it's mutual. For your case..at that point..after you've noticed she might be showing signs of romantic interest (it might be hard to tell because of the tism, idk) but after that, then you could just say "i like you. Run it back?" or just "you're cute." lol.

Good luck, its okay to be weird and authentic.

[Co****]

Speaking only for myself, I prefer when people state in their profiles that they are Neuro spicy because then I do not have to communicate with them the way I would with an allistic.

[ls****]

4 hours ago, Cordeliaschase said:

Speaking only for myself, I prefer when people state in their profiles that they are Neuro spicy because then I do not have to communicate with them the way I would with an allistic.

This absolutely this!

[ar****]

5 hours ago, Cordeliaschase said:

Speaking only for myself, I prefer when people state in their profiles that they are Neuro spicy because then I do not have to communicate with them the way I would with an allistic.

I'm very curious to know how your communication changes between allistic and autistic?

[0l****]

Honestly, just be yourself. Cliche I know. You can learn from what other people ask and say. "So, what are you on here for?" Really sets the mood and helps you understand what they are looking for and how you can better act. I'm pretty genuine on here, and the good ones appreciate it.

[su****]

Bdsm should actually be easier than real world socialization .... everything is supposed to be explicitly discussed and agreed upon with very common and universal rules and procedures like the stoplight safeword method, etc. I feel bdsm is flexible about accepting people's individual quirks.

[Deleted Member]

Say hello. Conversate, and either a) breath between sentences and let them speak, or b) contribute to the conversation when they breathe and expect you to speak. If they talk about a subject you love, avoid info dumping by leaving "teasers trailers" of what you know.

[Lo****]

I am too. Confidence is key. Be sure of yourself. Don’t second guess yourself or things you say or do. If they don’t like it or scoff at it, they’re not for you! I know from experience. Believe in yourself it’s worth it!!

[De****]

Just so you know it’s better to say you are high support needs or low support needs! As saying “high/low functioning” is rooted in ableism.

Also I would say try to talk to/date other autistic people if you can! I’m AuDHD myself and sometimes I feel it’s a lot easier to date someone who also has autism or at least some form of ND so it’s easier for them to understand my needs and any issues I might have because of my ND. Plus it’s easier IMO because you don’t feel the need to mask as much when you’re first meeting and engaging because you know they’re more likely to understand to some extent!

If you do date someone NT I feel it helps to let them know when something is an autistic trait or stems from your autism. Also I tell them upfront that I’m very blunt but not mean I just don’t feel the need to lie about things and I’m going to be straightforward if I dislike something, or communicate if there’s a genuine issue, etc. to establish early on a foundation of honesty.

[Deleted Member]

As someone also on the spectrum I have noticed telling people how you like to build connection helps. NT people like to start with "how are you doing? Or how was your day?" When it's 5pm and the day's not nearly over. I personally hate these questions and have a lot of issues with answering them because for NT it's a formality. So I tell them how I prefer just having someone info dump to me and I'll info dump back. Be specific and curious and don't feel the need to fill every void.
I also like to tell them what can overstimulate me do they when dates get planned we have all of that in mind.

[cu****]

As someone who is also on the spectrum, I am always up front about it. I was very late diagnosed (at about 33) and my marriage ended shortly after. What I have learned is that I need to set expectations with a partner of what supports I will need, what my personal strengths and weaknesses are and make sure that they fully on board knowing those things. I tend to go nonverbal in subspace so I require a partner who is able to tune in very closely to my nonverbal cues or it doesnt work. I also am very highly masking so I may ignore my own needs without even realizing Im doing it. This makes it even more important that my partner is in tune with my body and mind. It's a heavy ask and not everyone is suited for it.

My suggestion is to make sure you know YOURSELF very well so that you can inform any potential partner of things to watch out for. Also remember that you arent defective or broken, just unique ❤️❤️❤️

[an****]

lmfao i just mask real hard and hit them with how was ur day? and what did you eat for dinner? but like actually talk abt it to find common interests be it favorite dishes or hobbies or even pet ***ves

[sc****]

Sorry I can’t help you, it would be the blind leading the blind across a motorway

[ey****]

at munches there are a lot of people who are neurodiverse (which is a catch-all, along with autistic) and how this affects different people varies on the traits - so it'd be difficult to give specific tips or advice without knowing where perceived shortfalls are

that said - perhaps the first bit of my statement is the advice - seek out local munches etc and you may well find that communication in person is easier and that you are, indeed, not alone 

[Co****]

June 5, arnhem961 said:

I'm very curious to know how your communication changes between allistic and autistic?

Zero small talk. Straight to the point. No flattery. No disingenuous comments. Fully unmasked. None of this why are you here stuff. If people bother to read the profiles, it should tell you what you need to know.

[Vulkan69]

From experience there are a disproportionate amount of ND people in the kinky scene. I feel a large part has to do with the fact that it can be quite structured and rules based and this can help provide good basis for those who like order