I Was Exposed to the Worst of It, and I Went Silent

[Gimmetoes]

That literally made my skin crawl as I read it. I applaud you, for so many things i can surmise from the reading, and all that I can as well. It sounds like you've truly ventured into the darkness and found your way back with more clarity than most will ever achieve. That person will be a rare one, and surely worth the wait.

[Deleted Member]

On 6/10/2025 at 9:24 PM, Wild_Rose said:

This text holds something that is almost poetic. I don't know if you write about your actual experiences or this is literacy but I think either way the message is quite powerful and important.
And if it is your real story - it takes bravery to share it like that. Although it might get a few stupid people into a race to "proove themselves" on the spot. 😅

That devote doesn't come from "stupid" or "submission" or "***" or "without will" but from devotion is something most people seem to miss. And think about it? What is a person able to show devotion to? Doesn't it have to be something they really feel they love, they want they trust, they chose? Dosen't that need some kind of earned respect?

I know many don't say devote but submissive. But how can you submit, if you have never truly owned yourself first?

To present yourself to someone you need to be yourself first. You need to own yourself. You need to have a will and be able to make a choice. You need to have boundaries.

Everything else is soulless performance. And it is harmful.

A will, and a no doesn't make you less of a Sub. Being a Sub starts only there.

Hey, if you are actually looking for what you wrote about I wish you all the best for your search! I hope you find it!

Thank you for taking the time to really read and reflect - that means a lot. What I wrote does come from real experience, though I tend to shape it with a bit of intention, like leaving breadcrumbs for the ones who get it.

 

You’re absolutely right: devotion is often misunderstood. It’s not about weakness, it’s about conscious choosing. It’s strength in surrender, but only to something (or someone) deeply worthy where trust is earned and mutual respect is the baseline.

 

I resonate with what you said about ownership. You can’t offer yourself fully unless you have yourself first. Anything less is just performance, like you said, and that’s not the kind of dynamic I’m seeking.

 

So yes, I’m genuinely exploring what I wrote about and I appreciate your kind words. Wishing you the same depth and honesty in your own path, wherever it leads

[Deleted Member]

On 6/11/2025 at 2:45 PM, Gimmetoes said:

That literally made my skin crawl as I read it. I applaud you, for so many things i can surmise from the reading, and all that I can as well. It sounds like you've truly ventured into the darkness and found your way back with more clarity than most will ever achieve. That person will be a rare one, and surely worth the wait.

You’re right. The person who gets that, who meets me there without flinching, will be rare. But I’m not in a rush. I’d rather wait for the one who sees it and says, “I see you, and I’m not afraid.”

[Deleted Member]

On 6/11/2025 at 8:48 AM, EdinaGuy82 said:

Your words took hold of me instantaneously! You speak quiet explosions of knowledge on your past and present that aim to educate and tell your truths, but I have realized they also can educate the people really looking to find the power from your courage! Your being heard by many, although even if it were only heard by a few, I can tell you reading it has made me want to be more thoughtful in my interactions with the people I come across and are fortunate enough to touch and/or leave an impression on. I know that as a man it makes me want to love harder, express intention in my desires, to make strenuous and exhaustive efforts when working to learn and discover just who it is that I am attempting to connect with. Also the same can be said for the person who might eventually pursue me, that they can expect honesty and transparency when inquiring about my past or present and the things that make me motivated to do anything I do in life. It’s always made my heart rate rise while I am connected with a partner I have strong feelings for, and sometimes those urges for wanting to get there quicker, make for hasty decisions or lustful feelings to overpower reason and sense. I think that earning a profound understanding of when our intentions are selfish and lustful, and how powerful we can be when we stop, think, question, and verify with our fellow man or woman what they want and compare that to the outcome we want, can be such a powerful and comforting experience for anyone, but at the same time we need to take note and understand that we may not essentially deserve or have worked hard enough to have gotten what it is weve tried so hard and long to earn! Consent is such an important statement when it comes to any part of things that may have an effect on others around us or directly in our life.
As for myself, I had been sexually cut off during the last 5 years of the 9 year relationship I now have been free of for just under 2 years now. Through the *** of a devastating medical issue to which I went to doctors appointments and sat in many a waiting room for her, all while it was not true and I sat and took off work for basic appointments everyday stuff! The appointments I didn’t have the ability to go to( never were going on, it was all an elaborate cover to cheat, for years this went on, and I was being pretty much the sole financial support for her and her daughter and three cats, and house and everything that goes along with home ownership. So now that I’m going on about five or take 6ish close to 7yrs of no intimacy at all with a woman, I have had so much time for self growth and emotional healing, emotional intelligence and now trying to get back out there after having so much time to heal and grow since out of the toxic environment I lived in for sooo long, but you live and you learn. Now that I am 42 trying to learn how to date in the modern age…it’s so much different from when I was younger!! There are amazing people like yourself out there which personally I’m on your side, learning who one another are deep down to the core can be more sexually charged when you really connect on deeper levels than the surface! I would be honored to befriend such a strong empowered, woman with the will to persevere what you have I am blessed to know for one you made it and are telling your story, and two thank you for speaking about it so that I could reflect on my own journey. Maybe I’ll be fortunate enough to come across you in our daily lives and that would be an honor. I’m sure you are a really interesting and super intelligent woman. If I don’t ever meet you, I know that you will be ready to bless one man or woman with your strength and love and conviction and that individual will ( if they’re not a dork and or blind ) one of the luckiest humans out there!!! Much love woman, keep on holding true to you!! The power you have for the battles you have fought, the walls you’ve had to climb that power might make some men ***ful that they might have to work to get to know you. Personally I think the strength and wisdom you’ve gained is a testament to the caliber of woman you are today, for that I know you’re more than many times over the kind of woman I find attractive and I am certain there’s plenty of other good men out there that think somewhat along the same lines es as I! Peace and love Queen!!

P.S. I’m a free member so I had to put this in the comments sorry

It’s easy to let desire cloud our judgment, but learning to slow down, listen attentively, and truly see the other person - that’s where the beauty lies.

 

I’m genuinely sorry for what you endured, and I’m happy that you’ve emerged stronger and more self-aware. That kind of healing is arduous. You seem like someone who’s ready to connect with presence and purpose, and I genuinely wish you the best on that journey.

 

Thank you once again for your kind words. They didn’t go unnoticed.

[Deleted Member]

On 6/11/2025 at 2:45 PM, Gimmetoes said:

That literally made my skin crawl as I read it. I applaud you, for so many things i can surmise from the reading, and all that I can as well. It sounds like you've truly ventured into the darkness and found your way back with more clarity than most will ever achieve. That person will be a rare one, and surely worth the wait.

Clarity came at a cost, but it’s mine now. I’d rather wait for something real than reach for something easy.

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, south-bend-mish said:

Why not just go OnlyFans?

I don’t get the connection. Huh?

[Mi****]

Did you hear about the Rose that grew from a crack in the concrete?
Proving nature’s laws wrong, it learned how to walk without having feet.
Funny it seems, but by keeping its dreams, it learned to breathe fresh air.
Long live the Rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared…
-Tupac Shakur

Maybe you are that rose?
You’re beautiful enough to be one.

[so****]

Wednesday at 02:10 PM, HushedBite said:

I don’t get the connection. Huh?

You're writing artfully erotic prose and taking artfully erotic photos and giving away both for free to your audience. There's nothing wrong with that. I was suggesting you might want to consider sharing it on Only Fans and making some ***. I've bought art others have created, and I've made a living selling art I've created. There's no shame IMHO in either -- buying or selling. The art isn't more "real" because it was given away for free. Free just makes for starving artists. That said, you have every right to share your art for free.