How do we weed through the creeps on this site and find something real?

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 10:02 AM, BikerMasterNSB said:

There seems to be an abundance fakes and scammers on all of these sites. So much so that I continue to question if I should bother to invest time or *** to upgrade. I so messages from dumbasses calling me slave/sub when I am not, and/or trying to get me to hangouts or something like that. I'm really fed up with it.

This is the case with any dating site I have been on. And other kink sites. You can add filters to your inbox which help to some extent (such as the length of the message). As a sub, the ***/quantity of messages I’ve received on here is far less than Fetl***. Not reading profiles is very common. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Wi****]

6 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I have found it to be, and I’ve spent considerable time on Fetl***. I don’t think I have seen you ask any questions in the month you’ve been on the site? It took me a few months and several visits to the Lobby before I felt more at home (and could keep up!). Please give the site another chance, it’s small enough to be genuinely helpful to kinksters.

Yes, ask, there is always some who will know the answers, and you get to chat to people.

[pomonagirl]

typically i will ask them to tell me about thier specific experience & expertise in BDSM. 90% of the time i'll get a "None, actually i was hoping you would teach me the ropes" type answer. the other 10% of the time they don't email me back. either way, problem solved!

[Ky****]

judging by some of my experiences wait 24 hours before replying will solve a lot of the sifting problems, virtually every dm I get from someone seems to be temporarily blocked by the moderators by the next day, and many of the rest have deleted their profiles

[Si****]

I have a codeword in my profile so I know if they have taken the time to read it and they have an idea as to who I am before we start. The good thing about time wasters is, they don't take the time to read a profile. Their messages are standardised and they don't include things like your name. They shortcut words like "u" and "r" I never ask closed questions. Real people have something to say, so if their profile is quiet, they have nothing to offer as it were.

[Ky****]

@SirGreen although in fairness it did take me 3 goes to find it, and that's with me looking for it

[Si****]

2 minutes ago, Kymi said:

@SirGreen although in fairness it did take me 3 goes to find it, and that's with me looking for it

I'm well worth the effort lol

[Ta****]

One thing that has really helped , is to set the message filter so they can't just use icebreaker messages.   They now must send me  a proper message in their introductory.   Lol. 

[Si****]

3 minutes ago, TammyNatalia said:

One thing that has really helped , is to set the message filter so they can't just use icebreaker messages.   They now must send me  a proper message in their introductory.   Lol. 

I would double check your filters, its blocking all messages. I never use Icebreakers, they are so impersonal. I set a number of words limit for the first message. Its the one thing I'm struggling with from the lockdown, the face to face talking. It the only way one can see the reaction of your words. The body language and the posture of the person you are talking to. Are they being drawn into the conversation or are they distracted by other things. Just the way they present themselves physically give a big clue as to the connection or if they are just waiting politely to move on.

[Ta****]

My message filter is set so that non one can give me an introductory of less than 10 words.  This is when I am offline.  But when I am in the chat, all filters should be automatically disabled.    Having said that, I shall go and check them again.

[Deleted Member]

I'm probably jumping on a necro post, but  (and I'm touching my butt), It took me some time, and thought  I was that "asshole" that you're talking about.  If you can weed out the fuckmetinderyoulikedick stupid shit. Big sigh, I can actually talk to people?! I was so afraid when I came to this site.  I've been judged and laughed at and now people just answer and talk and listen and give advice.   there is no *** here. at least that's my experience. don't be afraid to ask, because you will get very honest and open answers.  

[Leisa]

Hey Kiki just wanted to let you know there is a munch today in one of the chat rooms at 8pm UK time. If you have trouble finding the time difference in your neck of the wood you can with ask a FetMod in this forum or the lobby and they can help you figure out the time difference. I believe based on your location you’d be 8 hours behind the UK but don’t hold me to it. I’m MST and it’s 7 hours behind. The topic is frenzy and is for both inexperienced and those more experienced in the lifestyle.

[Deleted Member]

June 7, Tigress said:

Old school went out the window sometime ago my lovely!
Iv been on here over a year now & mostly found users & time wasters. They usually always just want wank material.
I’m in convos with other women in here to support each other & we are all experiencing the same crap.
With the exception of one true gentleman which gives me hope at least.
Stay strong & stick to your standards whatever they may be.
I wish you luck my sweet 😘

Tigress... yes

[SucculentPenis]

Start with a conversation, follow it with some flirting, build it into foreplay, and then get into sex and kink. I believe that's the strict sequence you want to follow. Pretty much the same as dating in real world all over again, isn't it? Some male brains are just better at short-circuiting the first two or three steps and making it more efficient by directly jumping into the business. Just try giving them a break sometimes.

[PhantomFlogger]

I weed through the dangerous subs by talking to them, wanting to be ***d does not make a good sub, BUT!

if you are talking about the posers who call themselves Doms and sully our titles in the hopes to get layed or be send some "wank material" then its simple! Ask them for a reference.

An okay Dom has had at least 2 partners, a good Dom maybe 6 scenes with casual partners in the community..

Ask for 2 references, ask the referees if they follow boundaries, are they nice, would they recommend, what do they specialise in.

Ask partners if they are creeps.

[Deleted Member]

So hang on....wanting to be ***d makes one a bad sub?

[PhantomFlogger]

10 hours ago, comehereboy said:

So hang on....wanting to be ***d makes one a bad sub?

Sorry, i didnt mean it like that, i was more referring to the idea that just because someone likes the same thing as you, it doesnt automatically make them safe, sane or consensual. 

A Dom/me isnt automatically a good Dominant just because they like choking people right? Then a liking being ***d doesn't automatically make you a good sub 🤷🏻‍♂️

[ey****]

2 hours ago, PhantomFlogger said:

A Dom/me isnt automatically a good Dominant just because they like choking people right? Then a liking being ***d doesn't automatically make you a good sub

True

But also

I think a lot of people think they *have* to be either Dominant or submissive (or switch) when really they just like something that happens to be kinky.

So you can enjoy choking or being ***d without being Dominant or submissive - it's just important to remember that.

[Paddywack-3112]

Sorry for the issues, I am a nice and naughty.
I like to chat as friends, and I also want to tell you how I am gonna eat your pussy and fuck you hard with my numb cock.
Again its all about the connection

[SubSweet]

I'm new to this site. But have to say I have noticed some profiles that have their info. To Me, it sends red flags. Just how I feel. 

[Deleted Member]

One of many men wondering if this thread was about me !  (sorry just in case)

How about putting a question or tick box on the profile

Are you a creep  y/n then you could filter us them out of your results

 

* sorry, I've nearly had a full beer !

Edited October 30, 2020 by Deleted Member
fingers faster than brain

[Ta****]

Forget the creeps....its the creepers you need to worry about.  You keep cutting them down but they always come back.  Hehe.🤓

[Si****]

creepers that play hard.Thats why I like trolls, they have the conviction to be up front with their stupidity. lol

 

[Ky****]

2 minutes ago, SirGreen said:

creepers that play hard.Thats why I like trolls, they have the conviction to be up front with their stupidity. lol

 

and trolls are big butch and Norwegian, good for carrying a girl off

oh sorry wrong type of troll lol

[Wo****]

On 10/29/2020 at 4:32 PM, SubSweet said:

I'm new to this site. But have to say I have noticed some profiles that have their info. To Me, it sends red flags. Just how I feel. 

Having contact info on profiles is against site rules so report any profiles like that.