Why is it always the ones who don’t read, who shout the loudest?

[Deleted Member]

It doesn’t seem to matter how a woman presents herself, whether she’s a Top, a bottom, a switch, or something else entirely, there’s always a man who storms in, declaring what he wants to do to her, regardless of what she’s actually said.

If you’re dominant? He tries to assert power over you.
If you’re submissive? He immediately wants to be your slave.
All without reading a single ***y sentence of your profile.

Let’s be clear: this is a boundary issue, not a mismatch. It’s not a cute misunderstanding. It’s not harmless. It’s a red flag, and it makes someone fundamentally unsafe to play with.

Because what it actually tells me is:
— you don’t listen
— you don’t observe
— you think you’re entitled to someone’s time, attention, or body because you’ve decided you want something

That’s not kink. That’s control without the consent.
That’s not dominance, it’s delusion.

It’s exhausting. It puts me off apps like this altogether.
I spend time crafting a profile that reflects me, my needs, my energy, my expectations. That isn’t an invitation to override them at all. It’s there so that if you do message me, you’re not coming in blind or selfish.

Profiles matter. Effort matters. And the “ask me anything” crowd who can’t be bothered to write a single thought down? You’re not mysterious….,you’re just lazy.

To everyone… men, women, everyone in between, who’s tired of being bulldozed like this: I see you. We all deserve better.

And to the ones still charging in uninvited, making demands without consent:
Read. The. F**king. Profile.

[UK****]

I agree and I hear it so often from women (mainly) on apps like this and elsewhere.

Sadly, it's also often the men who complain that people don't respond to their messages that seem to be the biggest offenders.  What's worse, their lack of basic respect often means they are unlikely to look at the forums to understand how to improve.  So don't expect it will get better any time soon lol.

I don't understand why men fail to read profiles, especially when the app limits icebreaker messages for basic members.  Surely you'd want to target very precisely the people who are most in tune with where you want to be?

I have women compliment my profile as it helps them get a feel for the person behind the photo.  Men need to stand out in a crowded market, so they really should put the effort in to make any small difference count.

[el****]

👍

[th****]

Please say it louder please say it louder, omg

[sa****]

Af**kingmen!!!! I’m copying and pasting!

[Mr****]

Low quality is always noticeable. Cheap knock-offs are easily spotted.
I view those types as weaning themselves out so is dont have to.
Its like the trash walking itself to the curb. Try turning your annoyance into the flipped perspective and don't be bothered by it. Inner peace is always more important than attempting to teach a piece of plastic that it is not an emerald.

[La****]

And no. I told this guy I’m a sub, and he wanted to make me into a slave. I’m not a slave. I told him that and he got mad.

[Tw****]

Hope this isn't about my message in response to your request. I thought I'd kept it pretty tame 😂

[sa****]

It's because guys look at pretty pictures, I figured you would anticipate this. I'm sorry you get so many responses to your profile that must be awful. Some people probably don't get any. I suppose if it's not the specific response you wanted zero or a hundred connections makes no difference.

[ja****]

Well there is that! And There’s the flashy, pop-culture version of BDSM the Fifty Shades of Grey all polished, and a bit shallow. It plays with the idea of kink but misses the real depth behind it.

Then there’s someone like Marquis de Sade, who wrote book after book, not just about sex, but about power, cruelty, freedom, and how twisted human nature can be!!
It’s kind of sad that his work is still misunderstood, while some young person today might rush into “submission” thinking it’s just sexy roleplay, without realizing how deep, dark, and complex that kind of surrender can really be

[gi****]

100%

[ol****]

In all honesty, I’m actually starting to believe the males your talking about are actually real. It might sound a little strange, it it’s always quite peculiar how some people on this app say the exact same thing on profile pics, especially some males - maybe your right in your assumption that it’s laziness, or maybe this app is fooled with bots?

Although the idea that male bots are a thing is quite bizarre, and even I am doubtful this is a thing, but the responses I’ve seen males give to female profiles, just seem, well, the majority seem quite artificial.

As for their purpose, many bots for BDSM have been created, and maybe some of these bots can actually gather info on the type of conversations people who join this app would enjoy - but that’s highly speculative.

Still I do think there’s male and female bots on here, and that would explain the lack of reading profiles, although that could just be laziness as you said

[du****]

FWIW, I’ve had similar interactions with female dominants. I’ve been clear that I’m not a submissive and am not looking for a domme, but they ignore that and insist that I refer to them as “goddess” or “mistress.” They tell me to grovel and worship them, when we don’t have a D/s relationship. It’s frustrating and wrong for anyone (male or female) to assume that you have agreed to some power dynamic merely by interacting with that person. That’s not how it works.

[LadyRenee]

ashê

[Tw****]

*Beep boop* I am not a robot 🤖 also a lot of people who live and breathe bdsm forget that some people prefer the shallow end of the pool. I do see lots of judgement from "top dogs" in the community. I do understand wanting to protect your commitments from the enshitification that the Internet brings but there is a fine balance.

[LadyRenee]

There’s a guy on Instagram that make songs out of weird text exchanges . Can’t think of his name — but yeah that’s common regardless of the platform

[de****]

Totally agree. Not many people I’ve talked to on here are willing to have any sort of in-depth conversation. I’m not a sapiosexual, but it would be nice to have a back-and-forth with someone who can type out a full, coherent thought.

[wi****]

Have to say I luv this and ur totally amazing and the reason why I sometimes wonder ? Bi? Lol sorry but had to say I luv these word

[My****]

I love this. You are so right. It’s hard enough for people, especially females since they get inundated with so many messages, that it’s gotta be infuriating. You really did a great job of touching on so many issues.

[Ar****]

I could not have said it better myself and I want to thank you for voicing what so many of us are feeling.

[Re****]

Can I share this in my writings on the fetlife app, of giving the credit to you?

[va****]

This. I have my role clearly on my profile and people engage in fantasies and dynamics we have not previously negotiated or agreed to. All the red flags. At least they show themselves early. Less guesswork at keeping ourselves safe.

[Mu****]

I feel like this has been the constant all month ngl 😮‍💨 preach it for those in the back 🙌

[Wi****]

I've asked this question...more then once.
Does anyone read these profiles, nope.
Aww that's to bad app bot. Your loss.

[JJ****]

it is always like this with those who are ignorant, in the moment that the ignorant sees itself without arguments that could defend his "stance", he either starts yelling, coleric grasping for his truth, or worse, goes physical..