Do**** Posted July 13 8 hours ago, gemini_man said: Oh absolutely and didn't read it any other way than it was intended originally. The suggestions for play wasn't necessarily about initiating it either, and definitely not about the kind of thing you are suggesting (that would be completely overwhelming and tiresome) - was more getting at going to the effort to suggest possible play styles, or new things to try at the dominant's time of choosing etc - maybe something like updating a BDSM Checklist or similar to indicate new interests....that kind of thing Perfect!!!!
ey**** Posted July 13 1 hour ago, gemini_man said: In person (bizarrely) at clubs/Munches etc it can be a little more difficult to manage to find that balance and gauge interest - but again if that connection/chemistry is there it will find a way. I have found a little a lot for me has changed a lot - and this might be because I have been active for (almost) 12 years. So like when I first started going to things I was new and excitable and being able to show I was serious about kink led to a lot of opportunities Now. I have this kinda issue. That.... anyone new turns up, I have a slight advantage here so kinda ward off to let them settle. Also consider there may be others kinda buzzing around and so not wishing to add to the problem of what could already be overwhelming. Or at other events, well, I get a lot of play and so sometimes I'll step back a bit so I'm not adding to the volume of people looking for play - which is a good "if it happens, it happens" attitude - but often means, well, less play. I was kinda briefly sat next to a lady I really want to talk to, but I knew she'd been busy and had come out for a cigarette break so I thought... I don't wish to add to stuff. And so, I still enjoy things, but a lot of the dynamic has shifted.
ge**** Posted July 13 29 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: I have found a little a lot for me has changed a lot - and this might be because I have been active for (almost) 12 years. So like when I first started going to things I was new and excitable and being able to show I was serious about kink led to a lot of opportunities Now. I have this kinda issue. That.... anyone new turns up, I have a slight advantage here so kinda ward off to let them settle. Also consider there may be others kinda buzzing around and so not wishing to add to the problem of what could already be overwhelming. Or at other events, well, I get a lot of play and so sometimes I'll step back a bit so I'm not adding to the volume of people looking for play - which is a good "if it happens, it happens" attitude - but often means, well, less play. I was kinda briefly sat next to a lady I really want to talk to, but I knew she'd been busy and had come out for a cigarette break so I thought... I don't wish to add to stuff. And so, I still enjoy things, but a lot of the dynamic has shifted. Yep, am pretty much the same with the "I don't want to bother someone" angle and very much take an "if it happens it happens" view...sometimes to my own detriment
ey**** Posted July 13 3 hours ago, gemini_man said: Yep, am pretty much the same with the "I don't want to bother someone" angle and very much take an "if it happens it happens" view...sometimes to my own detriment I guess also the right people notice. At an event recently (well, the same event twice) the overall host spent time trying to help make sure everyone got play and kinda saw I was being less pushy. End result - event one ended with her "putting her feet up" - on my face, after a day of sweat as she'd run round helping everyone. Perfect. Event two. Mid event. She grabbed me to do some human ashtray and then passed me onto another one of her friends - though, her friend initially said no, they were tired of running around after boys - until they saw it was me, "Oh, it's blacksheep - that's different" - and THAT - I think someone just saying something like that has a buzz more than casual pick up play.
Salacious67 Posted July 13 My own personal experience of clubs from what I’ve seen is that most people seem to attended with partners and have generally pre-arranged play. I would agree it can be difficult to ascertain what people are looking for in terms of play and styles in casual pickup play. If I attend a club on my own, I tend to approach it with the view of a social event with no guarantees or expectations of play, go with the flow just chat and socialise. I do find it harder to attend clubs and events being older as when you look around and see the age gap of getting younger and younger and less of my age group being around 🙈 and then feeling like the odd one out, hence I feel much more comfortable attending with a partner.
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