Sex: How Do You Define A Fetish?

When does 'regular' sex or sexual desire become a fetish? One Fetish.com member argues that the line between a little kink in the bedroom (or bathroom) and calling it a fetish is blurring. So, how do you define fetish?

Sex isn’t always perfect, not to begin with, anyway. It can be jackhammer central or an awkward fumble, but when you know what both parties like, it can be super hot. Once you know how to please each other, you’ll feel like a sex god that holds the key to the world. But when it comes to our fuck itinerary, when does what we consider our ‘norm’ become a fetish? How do we define fetish?

‘Hi, nice to meet you. I have a thing for handcuffing girls to my headboard.’ Does that mean I have a fetish? Possibly, but it’s nice to experiment. The line between a bit of kink in the bedroom and claiming you have a fetish is starting to blur.

How do you define fetish?

I liked my ex-girlfriend to breathe in my ear and make as much noise as possible. That’s just hot, right? Saying you have a fetish for heavy breathing is like my Nan saying she has a fetish for purple handbags. It doesn’t really count and is not enough to define a fetish. It’s a bit like scratching your fuck buddy’s back as they’re pinning you against the wall; it just seems a bit expected. If you’re running your hand through their hair and giving it a tug, does that count as a fetish too?

All these elements seem like the usual goings-on of a fantastic fuck to me. But when you’re dreaming of blondes with big tits or the thought of a threesome, it’s classed as a fantasy. So maybe our bedroom favourites cross over when they get a bit more specific. Perhaps you can define fetish as something every orgasm has to include. The idea of exhibitionism is common, making sex far more exciting when someone else is watching or when there’s a possibility of being caught. Clothes shopping has just got far more stimulating.

Define fetish - if you only like it every now and then, is it really a fetish?

When does something you like become a fetish?

When something you just ‘like’ in bed starts to really get you wet, then the craving it for it can increase. So, you now know what makes your legs weak. And who doesn’t love a guaranteed orgasm? What you consider normal for the bedroom can be strange to someone else. Pull my hair, call me bitch, and piss on my face may not be what everyone is used to. But there’s a long scale of fetishism. From a pubic hair fetish to getting off in front of a mirror. It seems like there are more labels for fetishes than I’ve had roast dinners.

A love for animate fetishes seems normal to me. Everyone loves tits or a perky arse, surely. While gaining sexual pleasure directly from a specific body part, like a good old foot fetish, puts something you may just enjoy into a category. Being spanked and experiencing different levels of pain enters into the world of sadism. But just because you like a slap on the arse occasionally, it doesn't mean it needs to become a fetish; it’s a must-have. And if you only like it now and then, can we really list it on our fetish CV? It’s like a menu of sex; you don’t want the same meal night after night, so occasionally we like to order from the specials board.

Suck my toes and crack out the whips!

Nick Broomfield’s documentary Fetishes shows men being ridiculed for sexual pleasure, with dominatrices holding public humiliation sessions and taking control. But these fetishes aren't necessarily part of sex directly; they don’t include women riding a cock like a joystick while biting their pecks off.

This style of fetish may not even include sex at all, but simply gives the pleasure of it — a bit like yiffing. Within the furry community, there is a shitload of people who get off on having sex in a costume. And we’re not talking those slutty nurses or schoolgirls. The more mainstream the things that make us scream, the less fetish-like they become. As we’re familiar with our bodies, the less surprised we are towards a fetish that includes a body part. But if you crack out the whips, whack on a rabbit mask and suck my toes, we both know that’ll be ticking a load of boxes.

How do you define fetish? What does fetish mean to you exactly? Leave your thoughts in the Fetish.com forum.

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