New dynamic

[Deleted Member]

Hey yall, so me and my owner have been wanting to evolve our relationships from a owner/pet to a more master/slave dynamic. Its something weve talked about and both love the idea of but we have no idea where to start for rules, or how to slowly start the dynamic so i dont get overwhelmed, do any of yall have any tips or pointers. thank you so much i appreciate any feedback on this 😊

[Luvablenut]

Why not post a photo or two?

[Fi****]

There is plenty of material about this very subject. I’m not sure of the titles. Maybe someone else here can help with that. But a good first step is a training contract. Along with a training collar. If you’ve got friends that know about your dynamic, have a collar ceremony. It really takes it to the next level. I’ve done this a couple of times. If your owner has any questions, it’s really more appropriate for him to ask me. Any questions I can help with I will. Stay safe.

[Andypandy13]

I'd advise both writing down (seperately) what you'd each envision what such a dynamic would look like and then comparing notes to see any crossover between the two and going from there as a start.

 

Master/slave dynamics are a learning journey and should be treated as such.

 

Also dynamics can/will shift and change overtime, so having an ongoing dialogue about what is/isn't working for you both is always a good idea.

 

Good luck in your journey 🙂

[Ta****]

11 minutes ago, Luvablenut said:

Why not post a photo or two?

The fck does that have to do with what the OP is asking?

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, FiletMigon said:

There is plenty of material about this very subject. I’m not sure of the titles. Maybe someone else here can help with that. But a good first step is a training contract. Along with a training collar. If you’ve got friends that know about your dynamic, have a collar ceremony. It really takes it to the next level. I’ve done this a couple of times. If your owner has any questions, it’s really more appropriate for him to ask me. Any questions I can help with I will. Stay safe.

The collars in the mail, we're so excited

[Deleted Member]

I would recommend you both get involved in your local community versus using the internet. There you will find individuals who are willing to share their experience and refer you to resources, educational or otherwise. Just like Atlanta, Indianapolis has local munches and dungeons - if you go on Fetlife.com under the Events section, you can search on your city and see what is available. The BDSM community takes care of their own and is welcoming to newcomers who are serious about learning proper protocols, including but not limited to consent and safety. Good luck. -HelenATL ☀️

[Deleted Member]

I think it’s also important, psychologically, that you hold on to something that can haul you out if it becomes toxic. What always scares me is seeing women completely disappear in their master, and when they don’t have their own job or family to keep them safe and give them a minimum amount of independence they are stuck and can’t leave even when they need to.
Aside from that, I think you should be very clear about your limits, the ones you feel comfortable stretching and the ones that you need to safeguard in order to preserve your identity and sense of self, outline them well and perhaps set a mandatory daily or weekly progress report with your owner to talk about what made you feel wonderful and what didn’t. I suggest it be a mandatory appointment because these things tend to get a little lost when a routine sets in. Have a safety net. I’m sorry, I understand it’s not what is thought to be sexy in this type of conversation, but I believe it to be one of the, if not the, most important thing. The only way to give yourself up completely is for it to be a choice you make every day. For that to be possibile, you need to have a way out, otherwise choice and necessity bleed into each other.

[do****]

22 minutes ago, GabsGabsinG said:

I think it’s also important, psychologically, that you hold on to something that can haul you out if it becomes toxic. What always scares me is seeing women completely disappear in their master, and when they don’t have their own job or family to keep them safe and give them a minimum amount of independence they are stuck and can’t leave even when they need to.
Aside from that, I think you should be very clear about your limits, the ones you feel comfortable stretching and the ones that you need to safeguard in order to preserve your identity and sense of self, outline them well and perhaps set a mandatory daily or weekly progress report with your owner to talk about what made you feel wonderful and what didn’t. I suggest it be a mandatory appointment because these things tend to get a little lost when a routine sets in. Have a safety net. I’m sorry, I understand it’s not what is thought to be sexy in this type of conversation, but I believe it to be one of the, if not the, most important thing. The only way to give yourself up completely is for it to be a choice you make every day. For that to be possibile, you need to have a way out, otherwise choice and necessity bleed into each other.

If a woman gets trapped into the relationship then he was never a master but another ***r.

A true master or dom will always teach first that the slave or sub that she have the keys, the jail is always open, she chooses to serve and lock the doors and be there. That's the essence of submission, without this there is no real submissive/slave nor dom/master.

So people need to understand from where BDSM came from and it came from vanilla, BDSM are just a community of vanillas that started to talk about and show their kinks and discovered they were not as bizarre as they thought, that many other couples had same or similar kinks and made a community based on the basic set of values for any relationship to be healthy, because with hard kinks this was much more needed to maintain a healthy relationship without repression of kinks.

So BDSM is only BDSM in relationships, outside relationships there is really no BDSM, there is no dom or sub, just top and bottom, just play and not responsibility, just technical knowledge and not connection and deep understanding of your partner.

So many of this problems appear after outsiders and fetishists started myths and folklore and set up a fixed image/makeup in the imaginary of people about BDSM over many kinds of media, making people forget from where it came from and what it is about.

About what you said about reports, this is really something all kinds of relationship need, a fixed appointment regular weekly to deep talk about everything, not only about sexuality.

Of course that the communication should flow daily as the connection and knowledge and love between partners increase, but it's good to have a regular meeting just to check and be a time and space focused on venting about anything.

Connection and love is constructed by the decision, effort and compromise of two or more humans to make relationship work and be healthy and fun. Both must find support on each other at any time for every situation, including separation/break up.

Relationship is for mature people that already dominated their shadows, or at least people that are willing to dominate their shadows instead of being dominated by them, because BDSM needs consciousness and decision or it's fake.

[do****]

For Luna that asked, you might read the above i wrote too.

So after reading, you both must understand that master and slave are just husband and wife in real life, in true BDSM without the folklore and myths and bullshit rituals people created to disturb it.

BDSM is a unique relationship that only you both will know and learn.

True master and slave are not kink technicians, but specialists in their partners and relationship.

So master and slave is not something you choose to happen like a turn on or off button, it is a true and healthy dom and sub relationship that evolves in love and trust at the point the sub feels love, safe and trust enough to trust total power control over her life to her/his partner and the dom feels love, safe and trust enough to assume the responsibility of taking care of his/her slave for the rest of life.

That's true master/slave dynamic and there is no instructions manual for that besides the basic values of communication, respect, consent etc, that are needed for every and any relationship to work and be healthy.

The rest is up about what you both learn about each other and evolves in love and connection and communication.

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, domdegrader said:

If a woman gets trapped into the relationship then he was never a master but another ***r.

A true master or dom will always teach first that the slave or sub that she have the keys, the jail is always open, she chooses to serve and lock the doors and be there. That's the essence of submission, without this there is no real submissive/slave nor dom/master.

So people need to understand from where BDSM came from and it came from vanilla, BDSM are just a community of vanillas that started to talk about and show their kinks and discovered they were not as bizarre as they thought, that many other couples had same or similar kinks and made a community based on the basic set of values for any relationship to be healthy, because with hard kinks this was much more needed to maintain a healthy relationship without repression of kinks.

So BDSM is only BDSM in relationships, outside relationships there is really no BDSM, there is no dom or sub, just top and bottom, just play and not responsibility, just technical knowledge and not connection and deep understanding of your partner.

So many of this problems appear after outsiders and fetishists started myths and folklore and set up a fixed image/makeup in the imaginary of people about BDSM over many kinds of media, making people forget from where it came from and what it is about.

About what you said about reports, this is really something all kinds of relationship need, a fixed appointment regular weekly to deep talk about everything, not only about sexuality.

Of course that the communication should flow daily as the connection and knowledge and love between partners increase, but it's good to have a regular meeting just to check and be a time and space focused on venting about anything.

Connection and love is constructed by the decision, effort and compromise of two or more humans to make relationship work and be healthy and fun. Both must find support on each other at any time for every situation, including separation/break up.

Relationship is for mature people that already dominated their shadows, or at least people that are willing to dominate their shadows instead of being dominated by them, because BDSM needs consciousness and decision or it's fake.

Yes, but there can be no choice if the door is locked. If the door is locked it’s a prison, not a choice.

[do****]

If you really both think are willing to evolve your relationship to master/slave a tip, which is just a suggestion is to as the above woman said, do regular reports conversation and i would add that he and you first needs to understand and agree that what makes submission real is that the sub has the key and chooses to lock the door and always have the key, and that a true dom or master doesn't need to want to have that key, on the opposite, he is the one that must teach the sub she has to have the key and decide to be in jail by her own, otherwise there is no submission and without submission there is no dom.

So if that is checked, you can try slowly choosing some areas of life or acts of service that you feel ready to give total power of control and decision to him and go trying like that little by little. But again there is no rule, just a suggestion since only you both can deep know each other.

[Fi****]

2 hours ago, Luna16 said:

The collars in the mail, we're so excited

I’ve used a training contract and collar before. A set of established goals to proceed up levels of release of power. And usually a time frame to do it in. It’s an undertaking. I’ve just got to say, he is a lucky man to have such a beautiful woman willing to release herself to him. I kinda envy him.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, domdegrader said:

If you really both think are willing to evolve your relationship to master/slave a tip, which is just a suggestion is to as the above woman said, do regular reports conversation and i would add that he and you first needs to understand and agree that what makes submission real is that the sub has the key and chooses to lock the door and always have the key, and that a true dom or master doesn't need to want to have that key, on the opposite, he is the one that must teach the sub she has to have the key and decide to be in jail by her own, otherwise there is no submission and without submission there is no dom.

So if that is checked, you can try slowly choosing some areas of life or acts of service that you feel ready to give total power of control and decision to him and go trying like that little by little. But again there is no rule, just a suggestion since only you both can deep know each other.

To be clear- the lock and key are metaphors for a source of independent income and people outside of the dynamic. There is no key when a slave becomes completely dependent on their master, because the choice of leaving doesn’t exist without the financial independence and emotional support to do so.
And about the people coming in after 50 shades (I was cooking before and couldn’t respond properly), that doesn’t change the fact that way too many self professed masters are just people hiding behind the role to exert *** and oppress. You’ll see people proclaim they are Masters just because they were wife beaters and then found that calling themselves Master made it more socially acceptable.

The fifty shades bump was a factor a decade ago, less so now, I feel, but if it still affects this world, then we must accept that this world has been changing and expanding to adapt to that, and it’s time we made our peace with that.

The necessity of having a way out is the same in every kind of dynamic; in BDSM and vanilla relationships.

A relationship has to be something we choose every day for it to be healthy, no matter its nature, and we only have choice if we have options. My two cents are: keep the options, so that you’re free to choose your Master every day- choosing him every day is true submission. If it’s not a choice it isn’t.

[do****]

5 hours ago, domdegrader said:

If you really both think are willing to evolve your relationship to master/slave a tip, which is just a suggestion is to as the above woman said, do regular reports conversation and i would add that he and you first needs to understand and agree that what makes submission real is that the sub has the key and chooses to lock the door and always have the key, and that a true dom or master doesn't need to want to have that key, on the opposite, he is the one that must teach the sub she has to have the key and decide to be in jail by her own, otherwise there is no submission and without submission there is no dom.

So if that is checked, you can try slowly choosing some areas of life or acts of service that you feel ready to give total power of control and decision to him and go trying like that little by little. But again there is no rule, just a suggestion since only you both can deep know each other.

Doesn't need or want to have the key, that part ☝🏾

[Deleted Member]

59 minutes ago, doubletrouble129 said:

Doesn't need or want to have the key, that part ☝🏾

Not having the key makes them prisoners, not willing participants. Consent doesn’t just require saying yes. It requires having the option to say no. It’s the age of consent. Even in BDSM. If you boys are too insecure to trust her to stay and need her not to have the key, that doesn’t make you doms. I’ll let you fill in the blanks. I have subs, and if I ever thought they didn’t have the faculty to leave I’d make them leave.

[ha****]

So what you have said is that the pet was own by the owner and pet was never changed but a master of his own illusion thought it was something that he had nothing really to be part of owner let the pet have a trian Color but had time limited to get the mental illness to be informed of that pet was going to become a sub for him

[do****]

2 hours ago, GabsGabsinG said:

Not having the key makes them prisoners, not willing participants. Consent doesn’t just require saying yes. It requires having the option to say no. It’s the age of consent. Even in BDSM. If you boys are too insecure to trust her to stay and need her not to have the key, that doesn’t make you doms. I’ll let you fill in the blanks. I have subs, and if I ever thought they didn’t have the faculty to leave I’d make them leave.

Bro what is your tangent about? I was agreeing with you. And who the fuck is a boy? Check yourself before you wreck yourself. You have subs 😂🤣😂🤣

[do****]

7 hours ago, doubletrouble129 said:

Doesn't need or want to have the key, that part ☝🏾

Yes, i meant "doesn't need to want to have the key", in a way focusing that a true dom or master is not possessive like a ***r that wants to by *** really enslave someone else.

A need to have the key would not necessarily mean ***r but a insecure male, but was not my focus since the discussion was more about the ***d slavery.

But both cases show what is not a dom or master.

But i understood you just highlighted this part as a important key point of what I said and in a form of agreement.

[do****]

13 hours ago, GabsGabsinG said:

Yes, but there can be no choice if the door is locked. If the door is locked it’s a prison, not a choice.

It's a prison only if she doesn't have the key, but if she doesn't have the key then it's not dom/sub or master/slave relationship.

That's why I talked about all the things I said in the way I did. A master and slave relationship doesn't happen by merely a choice but a evolution of the relationship when it grows in love and trust.

She doesn't need to have job or parents or etc if she is with a true dom or master, because if she wants to get out the relationship he will help her to get out safely because it's still part of the responsibility assumed, it's not a object to just throw away just because she understood she don't want the relationship anymore.

Of course that if she already has job then it's very encouraged that in a sub/dom phase of the relationship she should keep the job unless they want to entrepreneur or invest on something together as a new form of income etc, since at this point there is no total power exchange.

But many woman want to be housewives or housekeepers as a life job or role in their submissive way, so what you said doesn't make sense to all women and is not the core of the problem.

The problem is how we can get back to the roots/origin of BDSM so people dont get fooled by all those nonsense ritualistic and folklore and makeup Halloween standard that midia and outsiders or fetishists put on BDSM, which makes more and more people unaware of the responsibility involved in BDSM and that it doesn't exist outside relationships and it's all about relationships willing to evolve in trust and love as life partners and not just plays or status or for Instagram photoshoots as if it was a game or a fashion.

That's why i was saying to them about the essence so both she and he could understand how to be and to identify a true dom and master, and a true dom or master will always teach or check if the sub knows that she always have the key and that she is safe.

But the problem you are trying to argue about is that there is no way to prevent from narcissists or psychopaths, because no one can ever really identify them since they disguise as normal people very well, but this is not a risk in BDSM but in all kinds of relationships, and in this case it will always be a horror movie where you have to find a way out, no matter if men or women, all can be victims of those kind of people.

Fortunately most of people are not in those conditions and most of the bad experiences comes from a combination of both sub and doms that have few knowledge and maturity, which can still lead to very bad situations but not compared to when dealing with narcissists or psychopaths, etc.

So in the sense of what can be solved and the post owner question, it's just a matter of cleaning BDSM from all this myths and folklore and makeup/Halloween costumes that midia and other people put on BDSM as a standard or definition and recover the roots of BDSM, which is just normal people wanting to live relationships without hiding sexuality and finding partnerships that fit for that and following the universal essential values for healthy relationships.

That's what is being lost and that's why many people are confused or don't evolve in maturity in BDSM anymore.

True BDSM is being traded for a standard leather culture with whore or badass posing in photoshoots for Instagram as if BDSM was an fashion or art movement.

We have generation after generation a focus on appearance and a loss in depth and roots, that's why the knowledge of BDSM is being lost and traded for technical knowledge in the performance of kinks following the standard leather or dungeon Halloween folklore while the true depth and human reality about relationships knowledge with open communication and sexuality, based in honesty, love and respect is fading away to extinction.

[sRiley]

If you guys are comfortable with this, you can always look up local link groups, often times there are fun classes you can attend for various kinks, get-togethers etc. sex-positive and kink communities have a lot to offer in the education space and the people are generally very friendly. There are non-nude and likely nude events but educational events are generally relaxed and pressure-free 😊

[do****]

13 hours ago, GabsGabsinG said:

To be clear- the lock and key are metaphors for a source of independent income and people outside of the dynamic. There is no key when a slave becomes completely dependent on their master, because the choice of leaving doesn’t exist without the financial independence and emotional support to do so.
And about the people coming in after 50 shades (I was cooking before and couldn’t respond properly), that doesn’t change the fact that way too many self professed masters are just people hiding behind the role to exert *** and oppress. You’ll see people proclaim they are Masters just because they were wife beaters and then found that calling themselves Master made it more socially acceptable.

The fifty shades bump was a factor a decade ago, less so now, I feel, but if it still affects this world, then we must accept that this world has been changing and expanding to adapt to that, and it’s time we made our peace with that.

The necessity of having a way out is the same in every kind of dynamic; in BDSM and vanilla relationships.

A relationship has to be something we choose every day for it to be healthy, no matter its nature, and we only have choice if we have options. My two cents are: keep the options, so that you’re free to choose your Master every day- choosing him every day is true submission. If it’s not a choice it isn’t.

Again i understand what you saying but you're mixing and confusing somethings.

Key is not a metaphor for income or people outside, key is not external, key is the knowledge a sub must have in order to identify good, bad and fake dom or masters. Your definition of key is modern women thing and excludes the women that want traditional housewife/housekeeper lifestyle.

So if it's not universal for all women to have, it's not the right key.

And again, you treating the problem of exceptions of evil people as a standard of the roles which is not true. Most cases are lack of knowledge about the origin and essence of BDSM and maturity.

In true BDSM there is no dependency, master and slave are husband and wife building life together, there is no his or her things, there is their things, and this separation of vanilla and BDSM is again by itself a disturbance in the origins and essence of BDSM. There is no essential difference between vanilla and BDSM for BDSM came from vanilla, the difference is just that BDSM means vanillas with more hardcore kinks, but the essence of both is healthy relationships based on the essential set of values which are universal for any healthy relationships.

So the confusion you're making is that you're anxiously mixing the problem created by what the midia and outsiders made BDSM seems to be, as a folklore of standard leather and dungeon lore and plays of kinks as if it was about only explicit s3x and kinks, and putting that wrong standard as a new essence of the thing.

So what i want to make clear is that the problem you are worries about is that most of what we have out there being categorized by the midia gurus and influencers is not true roots BDSM, and the problems are growing because of this knowledge is being lost as the wrong if being highly diffused as if it was the original thing.

So what will save the future good subs and doms is not the sub being dependent on having good income or people outside, those being always a security is an illusion because neither income or good friendships or parents are a reality for many many people. Those are not the key, the key is the right knowledge about BDSM, which is both for men and women, doms and subs, since there is no dom without a relationship with a sub neither a sub without a relationship with a dom.

Both must have right knowledge or a healthy relationship will never be achieved.

The true freedom for a submissive is to have a person who can trust to give all in his or her hands and become a slave, is to relax and trust and not needing to be aware. That's why no master and slave relationship truly starts by choosing it, it happens and evolves naturally to that.

And this is why your philosophy or vision about the subject can be safe at some point but will never satisfy a true submissive since the trust will never be complete so that's why it's not a solution.

For the dom and dommes perspective, the true knowledge is yet the only way, or they will not know how to give care and make the subs feel safe and trust and will never experience the true pleasure of being served and trusted. So the right knowledge too teaches the doms and dommes that if they try to feed possessiveness in a sense of ***d submission of another person to them, aka "the need of wanting to have the key", then they will never know how is to be served truly and will never be satisfied as doms or dommes.

That solves the problems of those who lack knowledge, or are confused or immature.

For those that are evil in heart, there is no solution, no matter if it is BDSM, if its in a profession like a medic, they will always do evil to others and no one can ever be safe from them and your job or friends will not stop a sick evil person if it wants to hunt you down in most of cases, and thats why in the end we too all need to be submissive to God and trust that God will protect us; or be always anxiously finding a way to prevent everything if you're atheist for those who prefer to worry.

Death and suffer are something guarantee in life, we all have passed to suffering at some point in life and will end this material life at some point even if you hide in a cave or wears a Tony Stark metal suit. So try to prevent the unpreventable is really not a solution in my point of view. Prevention is like driving a tank, but knowledge is knowing to identify where are the landmines and where is the safe ground.

If you just ride the tank, in a way or another you will end exploding.

But if you seek knowledge, things can still explode, but you will have more chances of finding something rare that will make your life worth living too.

[do****]

Sorry for the grammar or keyboard mistakes while writing, hope you all understand the semantics to correct the wrong words in some phrases.