Am I too soft for wanting some affection returned from a sub unrelated to how I treat them or make them feel?

[ja****]

4 hours ago, DommeDelight said:

I completely agree with this! I have felt only wanted for the kink service I can provide to a sub, for what I can make them feel, for it being so difficult to find a lifestyle Domme. Not wanted for the rest of me. What’s said here is how I feel.

If we are talking about submissive men, most men naturally pick up on sexual signals in almost anything. That’s why, as a Dominant, you can use this ability to your advantage. Shape it to match your goals and turn it from just a desire into something deeper and more emotional.

Take crying for example. It’s rare for men to cry, especially in a way that’s not tied to sex. Not because they’re strong, but because it’s just not something they often show. But when a man cries in a sexual context, it can be full of deep, honest emotions maybe even more real than physical pleasure. So its up to you how you use it and how you receive it, If its make sense!
maybe men, inside their usual sexual roles, can actually be very pure and free from masks.
Also do you have a twin *** near USA VA that i can talk to 😆

[Th****]

5 hours ago, DommeDelight said:

I completely agree with this! I have felt only wanted for the kink service I can provide to a sub, for what I can make them feel, for it being so difficult to find a lifestyle Domme. Not wanted for the rest of me. What’s said here is how I feel.

This is all too common, ans incredibly frustrating. They're usually not actually subs, just bottoms wanting to be topped. 

5 hours ago, DommeDelight said:

I like this idea. I think initially some subs would start giving oral or finding a kink scene they think would be enjoyable for me. But eventually they could be taught to provide nurture for a Domme.

You can also just talk to them. Explain up front what type of D/s relationship you're wanting if you're wanting more than just play sessions. 

[Th****]

 

*Edit. 

Oops, accidentally double posted. And cant delete 

 

Edited July 18, 2025 by ThaliaV

[Do****]

10 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

You can also just talk to them. Explain up front what type of D/s relationship you're wanting if you're wanting more than just play sessions. 

Not everyone hears what I say when I try to explain what isn’t working, how I’m feeling, what I’m needing. Not everyone can see both sides………

[ja****]

6 minutes ago, DommeDelight said:

Not everyone hears what I say when I try to explain what isn’t working, how I’m feeling, what I’m needing. Not everyone can see both sides………

Thats difficult.

[Do****]

10 minutes ago, jaykkolins said:

Thats difficult.

Sometimes things just don’t work 🤷🏻‍♀️
But we live and learn. And I’m trying to learn as much as I can from the experiences to date

[ja****]

10 minutes ago, DommeDelight said:

Sometimes things just don’t work 🤷🏻‍♀️
But we live and learn. And I’m trying to learn as much as I can from the experiences to date

May i ask for openings your dms, i would like to talk to you more if thats possible.. totally understandable if you don’t

[Th****]

1 hour ago, DommeDelight said:

Not everyone hears what I say when I try to explain what isn’t working, how I’m feeling, what I’m needing. Not everyone can see both sides………

I agree, sadly there are also a fair number who don't seem to even care to. 😕

[Ta****]

"Unrelated" to how you treat them and make them feel? This is super vague, like the whole EP. It certainly depends on the kind of relationship you are. And how you treat them and make them feel.
If it's casual, bonding might not be wanted.
If there is a strong DS aspect, subs may not feel able to do any step in actively comforting because they are in passive mode and would feel like they are overstepping.
If it's overwhelming, hard play, they may be to exhausted.
If they are ashamed of their kinks and how you made them feel, they might want to avoid afterwards because you have seen them how they do not want to be seen outside of the act, or they see you as their ***er.
So many ifs and whens, there is not one answer to be given, it's just a guessing game.

[ey****]

16 minutes ago, TaliX said:

So many ifs and whens, there is not one answer to be given, it's just a guessing game.

This is what I meant by missing context - but you've put it so much better than me. 

[Deleted Member]

And what's wrong with being soft anyway? One can have a moment to be a soft Dom in my opinion. Like others have stated here, it depends on what you've discussed with your sub, if it's part of the dynamic. Let's never forget that we also have the option of evolving or changing certain aspects of ourselves in the life as with all areas of our lives. Communication is key.