Live in pets

[Lu****]

Me and my Master have spoken about how we both want to try to have me as a live in pet in the future (we're still newish together so obviously it'll take some time). Neither of us have tried this before but it's something we've always wanted. I know it'll take some build up on trust, communication and having a true understanding of eachother but I was wondering how it works for some of you. Obviously there's no complete "right way" as everyone has their own preferences on how things work in their dynamic. I just like to do research from people who actually have the experience, so how does it work for you? What's your experience as a live in pet and/or owner?😊🖤

[Ga****]

Hi… I don’t have any, so I can’t help other that to say… have you tried the other Fet? Fetlife.com - I feel it might have a better public for this - to me it feels like the better Fet 😊

[MrHulkS]

It's dose take a lot of trust and communication but this is fun and it all depends on what pet you want to be
It is just like having a real pet, I can tell from your pics you enjoy being a pet and being a owner is great

[DeviantInside]

So we do do pet play, but it’s not 24/7 for us, we just incorporate aspects of it when the mood takes. We do live 24/7 but it’s only one of the things we enjoy. We do have things like a cage etc but it’s not always set up as not practical for us. But for us having lots of things we enjoy helps to keep everything fresh and not feeling stale. Obviously the things you mention about trust, communication and understanding each other are very important, but then that’s true for all kink… and relationships generally.

[Lu****]

26 minutes ago, DeviantInside said:

So we do do pet play, but it’s not 24/7 for us, we just incorporate aspects of it when the mood takes. We do live 24/7 but it’s only one of the things we enjoy. We do have things like a cage etc but it’s not always set up as not practical for us. But for us having lots of things we enjoy helps to keep everything fresh and not feeling stale. Obviously the things you mention about trust, communication and understanding each other are very important, but then that’s true for all kink… and relationships generally.

I think that's an important point, trying to not let it get stale. We wouldn't be in that mode completely 24/7, same as you, as we have other things we like to enjoy but it would probably be the main one. What's an average day like for you when you are in pet/owner roles? (If you don't mind me asking)😊

[DeviantInside]

18 minutes ago, Lucien985 said:

I think that's an important point, trying to not let it get stale. We wouldn't be in that mode completely 24/7, same as you, as we have other things we like to enjoy but it would probably be the main one. What's an average day like for you when you are in pet/owner roles? (If you don't mind me asking)😊

Not sure I can answer that… not because I’m not happy to share, more because I’m not sure we have an “average day” in that sense. Could be her in her cage (locked on not), giving dog kisses, only allowed to make dog sounds, crawling on leash, drinking from pet bowl etc. but there isn’t a typical day or routine

[Lu****]

9 minutes ago, DeviantInside said:

Not sure I can answer that… not because I’m not happy to share, more because I’m not sure we have an “average day” in that sense. Could be her in her cage (locked on not), giving dog kisses, only allowed to make dog sounds, crawling on leash, drinking from pet bowl etc. but there isn’t a typical day or routine

No I completely understand that don't worry! I'm grateful for your input anyway😁

[Th****]

Moving in with a partner is a big step, just as it is in regular vanilla relationships, so it should be done with careful consideration. Even if the relationship is more of a BDSM FWB level and you'd be more roommates cohabitating rather than also romantic partners. Thoughtful and very specific conversations and negotiation should happen up front. 

24/7 and 24/7 living together very very rarely mean that life is 24/7 kink and BDSM. It simply means a full time relationship or partnership rather than occasional play partners, or pick up play. To many people seem to have an idea of what 24/7 is based in fantasy rather than what's realistic. 

There's also some differences in pet play and having a human pet, I'm not sure which you're referring to. Human pets are more my preference than pet play so I can't really speak much on the latter. I'm pretty sure I saw event posts for upcoming webinars on both human pets and balancing kink & "real life" recently on Fetlife, their events section is really the best place to find educational event listings, I know of a few podcasts that also talk a lot about balancing the every day things with kink & BDSM. 

Don't forget to consider for yourself up front what level of control over what areas of your life you are and aren't wanting to relinquish, while your partner will have to consider how much they realistically want responsibility for. 

[Lu****]

28 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Moving in with a partner is a big step, just as it is in regular vanilla relationships, so it should be done with careful consideration. Even if the relationship is more of a BDSM FWB level and you'd be more roommates cohabitating rather than also romantic partners. Thoughtful and very specific conversations and negotiation should happen up front. 

24/7 and 24/7 living together very very rarely mean that life is 24/7 kink and BDSM. It simply means a full time relationship or partnership rather than occasional play partners, or pick up play. To many people seem to have an idea of what 24/7 is based in fantasy rather than what's realistic. 

There's also some differences in pet play and having a human pet, I'm not sure which you're referring to. Human pets are more my preference than pet play so I can't really speak much on the latter. I'm pretty sure I saw event posts for upcoming webinars on both human pets and balancing kink & "real life" recently on Fetlife, their events section is really the best place to find educational event listings, I know of a few podcasts that also talk a lot about balancing the every day things with kink & BDSM. 

Don't forget to consider for yourself up front what level of control over what areas of your life you are and aren't wanting to relinquish, while your partner will have to consider how much they realistically want responsibility for. 

Thank you for replying! And yes we both already agree it wouldn't always be "play" since that's pretty unrealistic and doesn't leave room for discussions, individual time etc.
It probably won't happen any time soon, since rushing into something like that would be quite the risk but we have occasionally spoken about what it could be like. He's also very willing to take me to events etc to see what it's like and to learn what maybe does/doesn't do it for us.
And thanks for the recommendations, I'll be sure to check some out!😊

[Da****]

One thing I do encourage is doing research and educating both you and your partner. Find events near you through discord ***am other link sites. The more research and education you get the better off you will be. Google is very helpful too. Ad you said cater it to what you and your partner want it to be. It's your dynamic.

[ey****]

the whole "live in" idea is a common fantasy either which round but is very difficult

this is often due to unrealistic expectations from either the submissive, or the Dominant (or, in your case - Dominants) and the slight powerplay of someone not having a home of their own - which means you, or they, wishing to end the arrangement renders them homeless.   Obviously, this is something which can be an issue in itself when any relationship ends, but this can be heightened with D/s

I think it's best to look at "live in" as not necessarily even "an endpoint" but a "possible endpoint" that if you do have a sub/pet where it works for you and they are spending more and more time with you anyway - and there is benefits to everyone in them moving in - then that is a step up.

However, if you are new in your own relationship I would solidify that first.  How having any form of sub to any capacity affects your own dynamic.  

[st****]

Love to do it be a live in pet and fully understand that both people most likely will be working definitely unrealistic to be 24/7 thing

[ey****]

6 minutes ago, stellakitty said:

both people most likely will be working definitely unrealistic to be 24/7 thing

on the contrary - being someone's live in *is* a 24/7 thing (hence being something to build up to)

and yes, you should have a job (or be otherwise able to financial contribute) and they will likely have a job.  This doesn't make it any less "24/7"

[Lu****]

53 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the whole "live in" idea is a common fantasy either which round but is very difficult

this is often due to unrealistic expectations from either the submissive, or the Dominant (or, in your case - Dominants) and the slight powerplay of someone not having a home of their own - which means you, or they, wishing to end the arrangement renders them homeless.   Obviously, this is something which can be an issue in itself when any relationship ends, but this can be heightened with D/s

I think it's best to look at "live in" as not necessarily even "an endpoint" but a "possible endpoint" that if you do have a sub/pet where it works for you and they are spending more and more time with you anyway - and there is benefits to everyone in them moving in - then that is a step up.

However, if you are new in your own relationship I would solidify that first.  How having any form of sub to any capacity affects your own dynamic.  

Thank you, yes it's not something we see as "okay now we're going to spend the rest of our lives like this" more just another advancement. And yes that is something I have thought about a lot even though it's not happening any time soon but I'd like the security that since I'd be going to his I'm not just going to end up on the street at some point😂 thanks for your input🖤

[Lu****]

12 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

on the contrary - being someone's live in *is* a 24/7 thing (hence being something to build up to)

and yes, you should have a job (or be otherwise able to financial contribute) and they will likely have a job.  This doesn't make it any less "24/7"

Yeah I think there was confusion on the meaning of 24/7 on their part. Sure we obviously wouldn't be in constant "play" 24/7, that isn't realistic but living together and him still being my Master and treating him that way is. For instance even just having a normal everyday conversation I still call him Master and show that kind of respect as a sub, we do that now just fine even without living together🤷🏻

[st****]

17 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

on the contrary - being someone's live in *is* a 24/7 thing (hence being something to build up to)

and yes, you should have a job (or be otherwise able to financial contribute) and they will likely have a job.  This doesn't make it any less "24/7"

Then technically it isn’t 24/7 since work takes up 8-10 hours of that time

More like 16/7

[st****]

That’s what I menat

[st****]

That’s what I meant

[ey****]

1 hour ago, stellakitty said:

Then technically it isn’t 24/7 since work takes up 8-10 hours of that time

More like 16/7

Sigh.

Work, sleep, committments all account for in 24/7.   24/7 does NOT mean *play* 24/7.  

Let's ignore kink for a second.  Let's pretend someone gets a partner and gets married.  You are still married when one person is away running erands, or when one person, or both, is at work.  Any expectancies of the relationship still continue.  Like, if you are monogamous, it's not OK to cheat when you're out shopping, or when you're at work, so on.     

24/7 in D/s accounts for that you're not both joint at the hip.  And that unless you're both rich or retired, one or both (or all in any form of multi-person-dynamic) is going to have to work to make an income.

But, for example - a submissive who has to go to work, they still have to uphold their part of the relationship.  So, for example, making sure they don't do anything stupid to get fired, or push to get better results in pay reviews, promotions, etc. since this enables, and betters, their ability to contribute to the costs of running a household.

The Dominant of course also needs to ensure they are financially independent so do not run into issues should their dynamic end.  

24/7 dynamics do depend on what works for the individual dynamic - but I guess for example a lot is in the difference of - well, does your dynamic extend beyond 'playtime', does it extend beyond 'the bedroom' so on.  

[st****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Sigh.

Work, sleep, committments all account for in 24/7.   24/7 does NOT mean *play* 24/7.  

Let's ignore kink for a second.  Let's pretend someone gets a partner and gets married.  You are still married when one person is away running erands, or when one person, or both, is at work.  Any expectancies of the relationship still continue.  Like, if you are monogamous, it's not OK to cheat when you're out shopping, or when you're at work, so on.     

24/7 in D/s accounts for that you're not both joint at the hip.  And that unless you're both rich or retired, one or both (or all in any form of multi-person-dynamic) is going to have to work to make an income.

But, for example - a submissive who has to go to work, they still have to uphold their part of the relationship.  So, for example, making sure they don't do anything stupid to get fired, or push to get better results in pay reviews, promotions, etc. since this enables, and betters, their ability to contribute to the costs of running a household.

The Dominant of course also needs to ensure they are financially independent so do not run into issues should their dynamic end.  

24/7 dynamics do depend on what works for the individual dynamic - but I guess for example a lot is in the difference of - well, does your dynamic extend beyond 'playtime', does it extend beyond 'the bedroom' so on.  

Ah ok I understand what you mean now

[Ki****]

As someone in a Dom / sub / sub throuple who partially co-habit, I can probably offer you quite a bit of perspective on this, but not on pet play specifically. I have a 24/7 dynamic with one collared partner, and the other collared partner is mainly play focused, but I always own her and we are starting to build it up more. If looking for bi sub women or non-binary person, the odds of you finding someone are astronomically low, and so many couples run out of patience before they meet someone. You’re not just looking for a sub woman / non-binary person, but also one who is specifically into pet play, and moving in. That’s a very niche ask. If it’s a guy you’re looking for expect to be inundated with messages and spend endless hours filtering out time wasters. The most stable three person dynamics form organically, so it’s always best to consider dating separately. If you meet someone, I’ve no doubt it will tally be super exciting, but then life starts to clash with fantasy. Three people is six times as complicated as a couple. What you’d be adding is a person, not a role. Expect to change your life to accommodate that new person as much if not more than you expect them to fit into your dynamic. Research couple’s privilege. What will you tell family and friends about the new person living with you? Can you be open with them? If you expect this new partner living in your home to be a secret and have to pretend to be just a friend, or a roommate then expect them to feel left out and unequal. In fact, they probably will feel unequal no matter how hard you try, as you and your pre-existing partner will have more shared history. How will you try to address this balance? It’s important in arguments or debates that it’s never 2 vs 1, no one takes sides and any power dynamics don’t negatively affect domestic discussions. What’s my experience? It’s really complicated, takes a lot of discussion and a lot of work. There are some beautiful parts of it that make it really special, but don’t expect it to be easy. Best of luck to you.