BDSM Role Developments

[GeneGrey]

In the BDSM community I know there a lot of roles. How are these roles developed? For example what makes a person become a dom? Is it through basic human instincts? Like a man becomes a dom due to having masculine traits. Or is it something like job-related? Such as a dom would have a leadership job like a manager. Or is it through fantasy? Love to know your thoughts on this. 

[Da****]

I can only speak for myself. Each person is unique in their own individual ways. I have always been a natural leader. I have always led by example. I have incorporated into my own BDSM life style. If I expect my submissive to follow rules, then I too must have rules I have to use to hold myself accountable. Even leaders have a different set of rules they have to follow. We have to first recognize these "roles" (I hate that term), are not just that. I look at them as positions. A lot of debate is going on right now with are men more dominant than women. The jury is still out on that one. I mean it is up to you what positions you're filling. I think you have to be your own trailblazer on your position. For each of us we have done our own research. We have educated ourselves and had to do some soul searching. I don't think of it as a "role". It is a responsibility to our own selves to look and see where we are.

[Ji****]

It’s a personal journey TBH. The “roles” are frameworks to help us each been seen. We evolve, shift and move during the journey.

There aren’t “right” and “wrong” ways - just aligned and unaligned (in my opinion).

To me? BDSM is about freedom and liberation. Even as a Dom? The sub experience is always about freedom and liberation - not control. But again, that’s me.

The frameworks (roles) exist because communication is crucial - and language is tough to discuss these concepts (which tend to be more sensual/spiritual than mechanical)

[cl****]

As a domme, I am naturally very dominant in my everyday life and so it’s easy to take control, though I do enjoy letting go of power sometimes. From personal experience I have found that women tend to act in their life how they act sexually (so if they’re a dominant personality, they’re probably dom and so on) and men often act the opposite (most men I know who are very dominant in their everyday life want to be taken control of sexually) I would often say the leadership roles in men job wise, tend to be the ones who want to lose control elsewhere most. Though this is just my experience, I do believe what turns you on can be your body’s way of expression in a sense of what you might lack and crave more of (letting go or control) and I often find being a switch, when my life feels more out of control, I want control sexually and vice versa

[Da****]

7 minutes ago, Jimmy1912121 said:

It’s a personal journey TBH. The “roles” are frameworks to help us each been seen. We evolve, shift and move during the journey.

There aren’t “right” and “wrong” ways - just aligned and unaligned (in my opinion).

To me? BDSM is about freedom and liberation. Even as a Dom? The sub experience is always about freedom and liberation - not control. But again, that’s me.

The frameworks (roles) exist because communication is crucial - and language is tough to discuss these concepts (which tend to be more sensual/spiritual than mechanical)

I agree 💯. Yes that is the frame work, but before you can put up the framework, we need to have the foundation of trust respect consent honesty and communication. If you put up the framework first, it won't have sustainability. It will just come crashing down around you. That is why you yourself need to trust yourself, respect yourself, consent to yourself, be honest with your self and communicate with yourself.

[Ji****]

Well. I’m not sure we are saying anything different. To me? BDSM is always a personal journey. The dynamics that exist tend to be mirrors of the self work we’ve done (or have not done).

Just my 2 cents

[Ji****]

8 minutes ago, Daddyskinky55443 said:

I agree 💯. Yes that is the frame work, but before you can put up the framework, we need to have the foundation of trust respect consent honesty and communication. If you put up the framework first, it won't have sustainability. It will just come crashing down around you. That is why you yourself need to trust yourself, respect yourself, consent to yourself, be honest with your self and communicate with yourself.

Well. I’m not sure we are saying anything different. To me? BDSM is always a personal journey. The dynamics that exist tend to be mirrors of the self work we’ve done (or have not done).
Just my 2 cents

[Do****]

I became a Domme through finding I enjoyed when a partner behaved submissively sometimes (at his own instigation). Then someone in a dating app asked if I’d consider being a Domme. I researched it and found it really interesting. Then tried it out and really enjoyed it! That definitely wasn’t down to me being a man 😉

[La****]

My kink and role are just the extension of who I am. I have a dominant personality and naturally drawn into leading, controlling and creating. It’s just something that I do like its breathing. The perverted side is also a part of me since it just occurred naturally since I was very little.
Some people have them as fantasy to escape who they arent in real life which is completely valid too.
Anyone pick and choose their role for varied reasons as how I stated above.
The kink community is very accepting to any types of people that enjoy doing the lifestyle no matter the background and stories.

[ge****]

I don't think you necessarily "decide" to be dominant or submissive, or for that matter switch - any more than you decide to be straight, gay or bisexual - interests develop naturally and instinctively for those with genuine interests, sure they may be sparked by something, but the underlying reasons are character and instinct driven, and for the most part subconscious.

.

I also think sometimes they are driven by circumstance, in our lives in general I think we all have those we are submissive to, and those we are dominant towards, as well as those we are on an equal footing with - and that can translate to the kink world too, so whilst we may state we're submissive, it's entirely possible we may come across someone who we feel dominant towards, or vice versa.

.

And those instincts and interests are constantly developing and evolving over time - to come back to my previous comment about circumstance, until the back end of last year, I'd have laughed at you if you'd told me I would be a dominant with a submissive partner - yet that's exactly what happened when I met someone who appears to have pressed my dominant buttons to the point I now consider myself a switch - the submissive side is still there and very strong, and I'm lucky enough to be able to explore it still, but it goes to show how complex and ever changing this all can be.

[ey****]

Roles tend to be self-appointed.  And, to be fair, is pretty much how it should be.  Basically picking the coat which fits best for you.

Of course, you could call yourself a Dominant, Sadist, submissive, switch, Daddy, etc and have your own idea on what that means - as you would have your own ideas on what you want from a potential partner, and, therefore an idea of what that looks like

"But Blacksheep, words have meaning"

Yeah, absolutely.  But if you want to call yourself a Dominant, and a partner sees you that way then that's all anyone's business. 

[Ma****]

It is more that, a name comes from the observation of exhibited characteristics, rather than a person trying to fit a preconceived idea of whatever a named roll may be.
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Be you, first. Whatever that is, be yourself most authentic self. Dont go looking up rolls, instead go and do the things you like. Go tie, or spank, if you want to be the one doing that. Or go GET spanked and tied, if that is what you want. But be you, first and foremost.
Then try to find a closely matching name for how you naturally behave, and your own interests.
.
Do not do the opposite; do not try to conform to some broad brush generically defind roll.

[Ma****]

For me, it was because i was interested in what i was interested in. I didnt worry about what to call it.
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My interest were not entierly informed by what i do professionally--but it would be silly if i didnt also use what is avalable to me. Neither were my interests informed by my physicall abilities—but it would be silly to not use what is avalable to me.
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Dont forget that we name things, afer we observe them. We say a man has masculine traits, because whatever those traits are, that one sex tends to demonstrate those traits on average, more than the other sex. So we call it masculine. We didnt decide what men should do to be masculine, and then start following those definitions.
The name itself, ("masculinity," in this example) and it's associated characteristics, have no dominion over how a singular man (or woman) must perform. That puts definition before the thing—when, in fact, the definition was derived after, and in an attempt to describe, the original thing as it was.
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Are decision makers, Doms? Does being a decision maker, make you a Dominant?
No.
It could be that many Dominants secondarily are also decision makers, or have masculine traits, or both. But that is only an association. It is not causation.
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So what does a Dominant tend to do? Well those things, then, help us describe what a Dominant is. Don't get the definition and name of a roll it backwards, and assume casuation.
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Broadest brush of all: what does a Dominant do?
They take control.
So, how can you take control?
-you can make decisions
-you could offer new ideas
-you can remove options
-you can provide options
-you can physically impose/restrain
-you can physically en***
....sooo many ways, limited only by how creative you can be, in "taking control."

But whether you are "masculin/feminine" or being decisive, or your level of physicality may be, that is all secondary dewcriptions of however it is you take control.
.
But before any of that, it is more important that you be you, and follow what you want to do, and then go do the thing. Later worry about how you would describe what it is you are already doing. And I'll bet that you find you are not the only one, that likes doing those kinds of things, in the manner that you enjoy doing them. And I'll bet that they already have a name and associated characteristics that describe what it is that you enjoy doing.

[Si****]

14 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I don't think you necessarily "decide" to be dominant or submissive, or for that matter switch - any more than you decide to be straight, gay or bisexual - interests develop naturally and instinctively for those with genuine interests, sure they may be sparked by something, but the underlying reasons are character and instinct driven, and for the most part subconscious.

.

I also think sometimes they are driven by circumstance, in our lives in general I think we all have those we are submissive to, and those we are dominant towards, as well as those we are on an equal footing with - and that can translate to the kink world too, so whilst we may state we're submissive, it's entirely possible we may come across someone who we feel dominant towards, or vice versa.

.

And those instincts and interests are constantly developing and evolving over time - to come back to my previous comment about circumstance, until the back end of last year, I'd have laughed at you if you'd told me I would be a dominant with a submissive partner - yet that's exactly what happened when I met someone who appears to have pressed my dominant buttons to the point I now consider myself a switch - the submissive side is still there and very strong, and I'm lucky enough to be able to explore it still, but it goes to show how complex and ever changing this all can be.

I totally can relate to this…
I need both sides

[ra****]

I can’t speak for the Dominant side, but as a submissive, it comes naturally for me. I’ve always enjoyed pleasing others, and being useful. I like to serve, it makes me happy.