Three-way Relationships experience, advice, successes, and fails

[Deleted Member]

What were your reasons for wanting a third in your relationship?

My wife and I have had a very close and loving relationship and marriage for 17 years. As we come into our late 30s/40s, we find we have the want to fulfill long held intimate and sensual desires. The ultimate goal for us is to find a female third who would want to join our every day life for a long-term relationship.

That said, we do realize it is a big ask and move for someone to be attracted to both of us and try and find a place for themselves within an already established strong marriage.

Another thing as a newcomer to this lifestyle, there seems to be a lot of negativity towards couples looking for a female.

Is it truly reasonable for my wife and I to be very much in love and still have the want and expectancy of sharing Love with yet another person? Should we just be grateful for what we have? Would it be better for us to just concentrate on the sexual fulfillment and stop trying to add a level of intimacy?

What kinds of things could we put on our profile or share in conversation that would let people know that we are a safe couple to consider?

Any feedback from those in the know is appreciated

[ey****]

I feel you've summed up some of the issues you'll face, but that doesn't mean everything is useless and you won't be able to explore

I guess if it helps, and a fun term for you to google, is you're unicorn hunting.  And this is very common, and there's nothing wrong with it as such - but there's a few reason a lot of people struggle.   The first of course is to have someone as a third, you need someone attracted to each of you that is interested in being in a relationship with each of you - and that they would be coming into this, ultimately, as play-thing/experiment for an established couple.   The problem many unicorn hunters face is that it's very much on their wants, and little to consider what a potential unicorn would want and how this benefits them

Consider also there is a massive power dynamic here, because if you find it doesn't work for you - you both still have your relationship together, and they are out.   There's also other quandries like, for example, if this unicorn is more interested in one of you, than the other, and how that affects your relationship

One important thing whatever you do next is not allow any potential frustrations in finding someone affecting your otherwise solid relationship.   

Some potential options you might find easier is to seek someone out for a standard threesome, not entirly difficult via swinging scenes, or simply booking someone - see how that makes you both feel, especially if one gets, or pushes for, more attention than the other

Or simply going via your own independent non-mono exploration with a seek for a new relationship without them necessarily having to be a third 

[br****]

Love this

[Lissabrannie]

Just be cool with everything play your part and be your best 

[ma****]

I am poly do ur part to make the 3rd feel love i been in poly relationship were i was not treated like a equal i been cheated on hurt

[Ch****]

Communication, communication, communication. As a part of a throuple, i cannot emphasize enough... communication! Its not impossible, but it isnt easy. Id suggest starting casual, just play and then slowly work your way up. Sharing is hard when youve never done it. And its best to start slow. And communicate clearly. Establish boundaries, but be willing to stay flexible, I had a lot of boundaries/rules going in that I later found to be unrealistic in practice

[Deleted Member]

My husband and I are sort of in the same boat (unicorn hunting - ugh I hate that term) I feel like it makes the woman sound like a disposable play thing, which she is 100% NOT. Before you try having a serious relationship with a 3rd take your time getting to know them, what they want and what their boundaries are. Maybe start out as friends maybe even experiment sexually. But before you decide to start a relationship make sure you are all truly ready!! It takes a TON of open brutally honest communication. Knowing how to navigate a lot of new feelings and jealousy. You have to be confident in your current relationship because you basically need to start over and build a whole new relationship as 3. Everyone must be treated equally and made to feel just as important. It’s a lot of work and takes a lot of time to perfect but the extra love is so worth it.