What do you do?

[Da****]

What do you do when the one person you want to talk to is the person who is breaking your heart? I have a deep desire and need to speak to my babygirl, except she left me last night. She is the person I've confided in for 3.5 years, and now she's gone. My person, my love, my babygirl has left, and it has ripped a huge hole in my heart. She's the one I've confided in, talked to, bared my soul to for years now, and she's gone.

How do I find myself in all this hurt that I'm feeling?

[Fa****]

I am sorry to hear that 😢
There isn’t a right answer for that!
Just do what your heart feels doing 🙏🏽

[Ca****]

Sorry you are going through this

[al****]

I’m sorry for the loss and heartbreak you are going through. I understand.

[Ri****]

If you truly don’t have anyone else, try writing to her. Pen(cil) and paper. Write the things you are feeling and thinking. Write the things you would say to her if she was there. Write down the happy memories you have with her, and the regrets. Using pen(cil) helps ground you, and expressing all those thoughts, even if she will never read them is a way to help you grieve constructively. If there’s no way she’s coming back, you have to take begin taking care of yourself in a positive caring way.

[Ze****]

You just keep remembering that you are important, valuable and loveable. That is your birthright. No one can take that away from you. Not even yourself. I know it doesn't fix the problem but it's at least a first step. Stay strong.

[ol****]

I am very sorry to hear of your ***. I know nothing of your situation, but, speaking very generally, reaching out to her right now will probably not make things better and very well make things worse. Though this will be ***ful for you, give her time and space and offer her your silence. She may come back. She may not. But it will be her decision. This will be very hard for you but you will be showing self control and respect for her and strength. You’ll respect yourself for it. If this relationship must end, salvage whatever you can to make you feel good about yourself

Good luck, Buddy

[Deleted Member]

You find yourself by being cold, realizing right away that you are your own pillar of strength (unless you fuck it up), you can't lean on emotions during this, your emotions will only lie to you. It is the perfect cognitive dissonance, "I love her, but she broke my heart", "I want her, but she doesn't want me" "I don't want to believe she doesn't want me, but she doesn't". The simple fact is, if you focus on your loss, you'll never find yourself, the ultimate goal should be clarity, but that only comes when you can objectively think about it all, which you can't until there are no longer strong feelings, which takes time. Try to ignore it for a couple months, don't do anything that will hurt your pride or dignity, life won't be over if you ignore her for 2 months, a year, etc. you will find your purpose again, but for now, stop trying to find it, just exist, go outside, do a hobby, you'll feel like shit and probably cry but in time if you act with strength you will have your strength back. Not easy feeling whole when you gave a part of yourself to someone who is no longer there. Don't be afraid that this stage of your life has passed, it's often disbelief that lingers the most in heart-break. Stay strong brother ❤️👌🏼💪🏼

[Ad****]

Never invest 100%.

[AF****]

What do you do when the person you gave your heart to just ghosts and disappears for more than a month and then tries to come back and say sorry? Someone you've known for decades, who knows all of your ***s and scars... Just disappears when you need them...
I'm in the same sinking boat friend... My best friend, my Dom, And who I thought was my future... I knew living so far apart would make it hard, but we were trying and doing so well I thought... He literally popped back up yesterday and started talking to me and apologizing... I don't even know how to respond, he knows that just the action of ignoring me broke a part of me...

[ne****]

You feel it, you cry, you let it out. Then after, you do things you enjoy doing or try something new... It's hard at first it will hurt and even when you think you're finally done something or someone will come along and remind you of them and you'll hurt again till you no longer hurt and eventually you move on....

[DD****]

I made that same mistake 18 years ago... to make my babygirl my one and only. To put her on a pedestal only to have her coldly betray me and walk away. It took me years to understand that it was never something I did wrong. That what was missing in our relationship was inside her.

All you can do, my friend, is to focus your efforts on improving yourself financially, physically, mentally and emotionally. You cannot make someone else feel any particular way about you... and would you want to if you could?

[bi****]

You can either follow your heart or your head. Neither of which will make it any better, really. You just have to accept that the hole is just part of you now. If you are lucky, someday you'll move on enough that the wound becomes irrelevant, kind of disembodied and detached.

[Mi****]

Just have to try and plug along one day at a time. It seems like it never goes away. I still have a hard time accepting the same thing and I dedicated myself for about 15 years. Make sure to live life though even if your sad. It may be the experiences that you have that help heal you.

[My****]

Walk away.....go to church find God you're not loving yourself and that can go on forever and guess who doesn't care

[ra****]

I'm in similar situation. So please know your not alone. And don't be afraid to reach out for help

[Te****]

I feel your *** brother. I’ve had a tumultuous long distance connection with someone for the last 6 years. They’re an avoidant attacher and they come and go from my life, despite me being so dependent on them. Last year though they broke me so hard that something changed and I started to put boundaries in place. It made things easier to take back a level of control over things between us. It still breaks my heart that she can’t work on herself and grow beyond the trauma that causes her to self-sabotage. I haven’t seen her in over a year. We still message every day but I’ve put a stop to us having phone calls because it’s not fair on me to be giving more than I’m getting in return. The only advice I can offer is the old adage of “if you love something, let it go… and if it returns, then that’s true love”. If she doesn’t return, then it’s not meant to be… but don’t chase her. Don’t beg. Just let her go and if she doesn’t come back, then just know it gets easier and less ***ful with time.

[at****]

Good luck my friend. The same thing happened to me and I haven't been able to get over her. I've tried to find somebody else and I just can't. I wish you the best and hope you can find the peace of her not being with you anymore

[Th****]

I'm sorry to hear that. My wife left me in January. I promise it gets easier. Find your people and do things for yourself.

[je****]

You listen to the person. Know what’s preventing the person from fixing your heart. Maybe the person is afraid to be hurt again by another person. Let’s care about people with our heart too.

[Mi****]

You only have two choices. Adapt and overcome or wallow in despair. I just divorced with my wife two months ago so I understand what you’re going through. Find something to better yourself like exercising and channel that energy into something positive for yourself. Allow yourself to feel the feelings when you can, but don’t stay there for too long. Time is what heals these wounds and so fill your days with tasks and make goals for yourself. Also, get help. Once a week see a counselor (online is easiest) to help you with how you’re feeling. Read books or listen to them. Focus on improving yourself. You will be in *** and it’ll be okay. Love you brother.

[Sa****]

Recently went through this myself. Still grieving (in cycles and waves) to be honest. My hope for you is that there is opportunity to talk and reconnect. For me that option is gone. So I’ve been being open, receptive to talking to new people, but finding I need to get my mojo back by being more solo and really contemplating and processing what happened and reminding myself of my desires and intentions and to stop ignoring red flags, and stop being available to people who need to be fixed or who need help. I tend to want to be a fixer or a “savior” but you can’t save or fix people. You can choose to sign up for the ride, of course.

[an****]

Sorry to hear that man my little left me after being with me for 16 years we built a life family like it was just another day. Take that *** and anger and turn it into fuel become a better man than you was yesterday maybe she needed a break who knows dont yell or be a dick to her be friendly even though your dying inside. You'll get past it man. Maybe she'll come back.

[Ch****]

I wrote letters to my ex husband to get all the words out, then never sent them. Then went to therapy. It took a whole, but I got better.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

[Sl****]

You write it out, take some time for you.
I’m also a big fan of writing a letter and burning it for release.
It sucks hard, but it’s just another thing to use to grow as a person, you’ll get through this so much better than you started as long as you put the energy into healing. I don’t know you but I believe in you