Curious latecomer seeking thoughts/advice

[GopherJoe]

I’m in my mid 60s, married in a very vanilla relationship, and have only just become curious about kinks. I guess I’m here to try to understand exactly what it is that appeals, and which aspects I really want to explore.

In my younger days I was very closed off to the idea of kinks. When I was growing up kinks = perverted = just plain wrong, which triggered lots of feelings of shame. As a result I quickly withdrew from anything kinky that my partners suggested.

It’s only many years later, prompted by a return to therapy, that I’ve started looking into kinks. I’m realising that I’ve denied a lot of feelings, and I’ve been surprised about some of the things that appeal to me. Now I’m trying to work out what’s just fantasy vs. what I’d actually like to actively experiment with.

Although I’ve ticked a few things in my profile for the most part I can’t say what I’m really into. How did people here explore their interests in kinks without freaking out their partners - or for that matter freaking themselves out?

 

[Ki****]

My advice is read up on the basics of every kink with the thought in mind of reading it like it's a porno story and think deeply about each one out yourself in the shoes of both the giver and receiver of each and every kink you can and which ever ones get your *** flowing looking into more deeply again with an open mind

[Ki****]

That's put yourself (not out yourself ) and look into each (not looking) sorry I should've read that first

[typhoon2]

If possible, within your dynamic, attend a munch or similar gathering of kinksters and talk to them about their motivations, how they appriach play, what pitfalls there are, and so on. Text or even video doesn't really convey what kink means to people, so talking to individuals, asking specific questions, digging deep as they explain themselves, will help you get a better idea of what wider drives there are in the world of kink. This may then help explain your own interests and assist in focusing on areas that you want to explore further (or avoid). Many kinksters seem very willing to explain themselves and help newbies. If nothing else you'll avoid feelings of isolation. You'll also pick up tips on how to raise the topics of introducing new ideas. In an ideal world your partner would be in attendance too.

[Ki****]

Exactly like typhoon2 said ... I was merely working on the fact you may not know anyone or may not have anywhere local or anything and figured reading up would give you a good basis to start from as there are many many kinks out there my thought process was merely to narrow that down a little so you had a smaller pool to look into

[Ki****]

Ps.sorry I really wanted to say no need for shame either we are what we are and if we accept ourselves for that so will other people especially in groups like this where we all have our kinks we all probably felt bad about them at first ... I know I sure did I love women in every way and im very open minded and kinky with them also more so if they have a dominant side but I also like to be had by guys too whwn I feel the urge to do so but that side of me disgusted me for the longest time and it stopped me from enjoying it and from letting others in
It took me a long time and make a lot of friends that I could discuss it with I came to peace with it all and now I enjoy everything and I make people smile... Anyway sorry for the rant just wanted you to know that and that you can talk to anyone here about anything they're all amazing and welcoming people and greet everyone with open arms and open hearts

[Ki****]

Ran out of space there i think lol ... I know you accepted yours its was just a kinda we feel you on that one sort of thing but also for anyone else who reads it that it helps too

[LotharSex]

Hey dude, I think yours is a more common story than you'd think, especially for your generation(I'm not too far removed from it). I was thinking about my own submissive kinks the other day, and as far as 'What's the appeal?' Fort myself, I think it's mostly about control. Letting someone else take control of everything for a bit is just a relief and a pleasure, it just happens that sex is a pretty potent seasoning to sprinkle on that particular meal as it also brings extreme vulnerability which can bond you with your partner in trust (definitely not shame), which is very satisfying.
I think little steps is a good way to include your partner, also clear communication in small steps. Re-engage sexually and passionately with them first, play time is important. Be gentle but be bold. Its so hard to really know. I don't know if there's been any psychological study of kinks yet, but it's really interesting. Maybe there's a nice way in to having the conversation, it's genuinely fascinating, in a wider context as well as in a personal context. 🤷 Good luck my man 🍀

[Yi****]

Whatever gives you a boner the trick is finding a partner who's into the same things and it's good to be kind of not too serious about it I like role play for any fantasy but also I must admit a lot of my partners really don't want to communicate or talk we've had one or two short talks about consent but trying to figure out what they really want that night or in the scene it's like pulling teeth so I kind of do my thing and hope they get off too

[GopherJoe]

Thanks to everyone for the replies. You’ve given me useful ideas to start with.