DID and BDSM

[Ki****]

Anyone else have trouble in the kink community as a system? Are there any other kinky plural people out there? Shit can be so complicated for us. Between making accessible safe words, taking forever to trust a partner, figuring out in-system boundaries as well as boundaries between partners, figuring out gender and sexuality, worrying that you will get triggered over something small… worrying that someone will say something annoying like “can you make X front? I wanna try xyz with them…”… knowing it’s a possibility that someone (who completely misunderstands how this works) would say that… Just… it can get tiring. Not to mention, communicating can be really hard and confusing for you and your partner if your partner doesn’t know or understand DID/OSDD. Just wanted to want to know if there is any other systems out there in the community. And if so, what are your thoughts on what it’s like being a system in the kink community? What do you or your partner(s) do to make things safer for you?

[T_****]

My issue is this damn app.

[Ch****]

The only people I see who has any luck with this place are the ones with more basic kinks like spanking and rope play. Anything more heavy doesen't seem to get anywhere. I would put that down to when this site brought in the app which just allowed people to use this place like all the other regular dating sites, mainly trying to hook up. I've watched this happen and rhe more serious kink related members left because of this. I know this because I've seen soo many friends I met here leave and their reasons for leaving was because of what happened to the site

[6i****]

ughhh, yes! all this exactly. i’m also a system as well so i deeply understand the struggle.

[T_****]

8 minutes ago, prettyageplayer03 said:

ughhh, yes! all this exactly. i’m also a system as well so i deeply understand the struggle.

What’s a system?

[po****]

I have a friend who’s in relationships/dynamics with a partner who has DID. She’s actually married to them, specifically the main host of the system.

They just made sure to work through boundaries together and she discussed with their other alters what the boundaries of their relationships were like or if there was any for of romantic relationship to begin with.

In the end her and the host are involved and the others are more like in-laws. I think what you need long term is exactly as you described: a partner who’s at least willing to learn what DID/OSDD is at the minimum if not already know and want to work within those parameters that make you’re system feel comfortable

[Ca****]

Sex shouldn't be so complicated, but people can over-complicate anything. Trust is a complicated word in and of itself, having so many layers. Trusting someone in one aspect doesn't mean you trust them across the board. Like everything else, you've gotta take it one small step at a time letting them prove their trustworthiness as they go deeper. To me the idea of safe words is starting out with a lack of trust. It doesn't take a psychologist to tell when someone gets turned off and uncomfortable. But that could just be me, I'm often surprised by people's lack of empathy.

[Ca****]

8 minutes ago, Mas666 said:

I'm new here in the last month, from Australia. Men outnumber women here about 20 to 1, or 90% of the women aren't active... or haven't been on here for months! Is there a shortage of women or too many men? 😅 I thought more women would be into kink and fetish. Very disappointing app this is. 🙄

Right?! And that's not even taking into account all the fake profiles and scammers. But that's pretty much everywhere. Men tend to be more sexually adventurous thanks to the "Puritanical" society raising girls to be even more ashamed of their sex drive than men. When we no longer need to troll around on the Internet to sate our deviant minds, maybe things will change. I'm not holding my breath. There are SOOO many changes that need to happen before we can worry about the little shit like this.🫤

[al****]

3 hours ago, T_Hizzy said:

What’s a system?

Im with you. I don’t understand what all the above is. Not being rude, I just genuinely don’t understand what it all means.

[Ca****]

2 minutes ago, aligurl80 said:

Im with you. I don’t understand what all the above is. Not being rude, I just genuinely don’t understand what it all means.

Agreed. Why does everyone need a separate label for everything? Can't we just speak plain? Can't we just enjoy everything? Do we HAVE to do this according to factory presets? It takes all of the fun out of it, if you ask me...

[pr****]

44 minutes ago, CasualPlay said:

Agreed. Why does everyone need a separate label for everything? Can't we just speak plain? Can't we just enjoy everything? Do we HAVE to do this according to factory presets? It takes all of the fun out of it, if you ask me...

A system is a term for multiple personalities inside one person with dissociative personality disorder. It's not a kink or an euphemism, it's a medical term.

[pr****]

50 minutes ago, CasualPlay said:

Right?! And that's not even taking into account all the fake profiles and scammers. But that's pretty much everywhere. Men tend to be more sexually adventurous thanks to the "Puritanical" society raising girls to be even more ashamed of their sex drive than men. When we no longer need to troll around on the Internet to sate our deviant minds, maybe things will change. I'm not holding my breath. There are SOOO many changes that need to happen before we can worry about the little shit like this.🫤

I wouldn't say that it's because women are less adventurous or kinky. Most men overpopulating this app are basic and not kinky at all, they just use the app because they believe that kinky women can be "easy" and it's an effortless way to get sex. Then they overpopulate our chats so much with their empty anonymous profiles and effortless messages that we stop having any positive expectations from this app

[De****]

Hey KittyCat. I understand the frustration. It’s a very niche subject where DID/OSDD and real kink overlap without a lot of guidance or research. I find building a system from scratch with important core pillars that you, your alters, and partners can support. Communication and understanding of boundaries is most important here. Making them clear, writing notes, and negotiating prior to play is one system you can turn into a game. To be a kinkster in this way requires consistency, discipline, and rules with punishments and rewards created to stim you and your partner(s). Try an experimental system with you and a trustworthy partner and see if they are willing to have a deeper understanding of what you and your alters need. Start with a discussion or role play. Patience and openness will be important as there might be significant trial and error required. The things that do work, keep doing them so you have something to build from. If you need space communicate that then circle back. Feel free to dm me about it. Stay safe.

[Deleted Member]

I have found mine, I'm sure there is someone out there for you.

[Hezzair]

As someone with a healthcare background who has dealt a little bit with people with DID, you need to be especially careful, obviously. Any D/s partnership needs to be built on trust, but someone in your situation requires an extra layer of trust beyond the norm because it requires education on top of just the regular. Your partner needs to understand what could potentially happen if you were to switch, or if something could trigger a problem. I'd recommend looking around on other sites *hint hint* for like minded groups where you can find a group specifically designed for BDSM for individuals with DID/OSDD.

[Ca****]

2 hours ago, pretty_odd_alexa said:

I wouldn't say that it's because women are less adventurous or kinky. Most men overpopulating this app are basic and not kinky at all, they just use the app because they believe that kinky women can be "easy" and it's an effortless way to get sex. Then they overpopulate our chats so much with their empty anonymous profiles and effortless messages that we stop having any positive expectations from this app

Agreed. The topic is broad, therefore generalizations cover the bigger population. The closer you draw to a particular perspective, the more unique the picture becomes. This is the fringe areas of the human psyche. Issues here are symptomatic of larger systemic issues.

[Ki****]

8 hours ago, potatogem said:

I have a friend who’s in relationships/dynamics with a partner who has DID. She’s actually married to them, specifically the main host of the system.

They just made sure to work through boundaries together and she discussed with their other alters what the boundaries of their relationships were like or if there was any for of romantic relationship to begin with.

In the end her and the host are involved and the others are more like in-laws. I think what you need long term is exactly as you described: a partner who’s at least willing to learn what DID/OSDD is at the minimum if not already know and want to work within those parameters that make you’re system feel comfortable

This gave me a lot of hope thank you :]

[Ki****]

5 hours ago, pretty_odd_alexa said:

I wouldn't say that it's because women are less adventurous or kinky. Most men overpopulating this app are basic and not kinky at all, they just use the app because they believe that kinky women can be "easy" and it's an effortless way to get sex. Then they overpopulate our chats so much with their empty anonymous profiles and effortless messages that we stop having any positive expectations from this app

You are awesome. Thank you.

[Ki****]

5 hours ago, Dehtro said:

Hey KittyCat. I understand the frustration. It’s a very niche subject where DID/OSDD and real kink overlap without a lot of guidance or research. I find building a system from scratch with important core pillars that you, your alters, and partners can support. Communication and understanding of boundaries is most important here. Making them clear, writing notes, and negotiating prior to play is one system you can turn into a game. To be a kinkster in this way requires consistency, discipline, and rules with punishments and rewards created to stim you and your partner(s). Try an experimental system with you and a trustworthy partner and see if they are willing to have a deeper understanding of what you and your alters need. Start with a discussion or role play. Patience and openness will be important as there might be significant trial and error required. The things that do work, keep doing them so you have something to build from. If you need space communicate that then circle back. Feel free to dm me about it. Stay safe.

Thank you :]

[Ki****]

4 hours ago, Hezzair said:

As someone with a healthcare background who has dealt a little bit with people with DID, you need to be especially careful, obviously. Any D/s partnership needs to be built on trust, but someone in your situation requires an extra layer of trust beyond the norm because it requires education on top of just the regular. Your partner needs to understand what could potentially happen if you were to switch, or if something could trigger a problem. I'd recommend looking around on other sites *hint hint* for like minded groups where you can find a group specifically designed for BDSM for individuals with DID/OSDD.

This is very helpful thank you, but unfortunately I don’t know of other sites but still it’s helpful.

[6i****]

8 hours ago, Mas666 said:

I'm new here in the last month, from Australia. Men outnumber women here about 20 to 1, or 90% of the women aren't active... or haven't been on here for months! Is there a shortage of women or too many men? 😅 I thought more women would be into kink and fetish. Very disappointing app this is. 🙄

yeah, no. the majority of men are just disrespectful asf as a woman that’s been on here for over a year and this also isn’t even my first account. there’s plenty of active women on here

[6i****]

8 hours ago, CasualPlay said:

Right?! And that's not even taking into account all the fake profiles and scammers. But that's pretty much everywhere. Men tend to be more sexually adventurous thanks to the "Puritanical" society raising girls to be even more ashamed of their sex drive than men. When we no longer need to troll around on the Internet to sate our deviant minds, maybe things will change. I'm not holding my breath. There are SOOO many changes that need to happen before we can worry about the little shit like this.🫤

🙄 ya’ll irk me like seriously lmao

[6i****]

how in the world did a topic about DID get bombarded with a bunch of men complaining about the “lack of women” literally proves my point that 99.9% of men on here do not read.

[Ki****]

2 hours ago, prettyageplayer03 said:

how in the world did a topic about DID get bombarded with a bunch of men complaining about the “lack of women” literally proves my point that 99.9% of men on here do not read.

They saw something they didn’t understand, probably only read the part “non sexual bdsm” so assumed I wasn’t actually kinky, and it angered them… so they are now blaming women for their sexual frustration… I think. Honestly, I am just as confused as you are lmao. Like how did we get here? Sir, this is a post about DID (a complex disorder) and BDSM intersectionality…

[Ka****]

I’m a kinky system!