New Kinkster Tips

[purplepie]

What’s your best advice for new kinksters on FET? Share your wisdom and help newcomers explore safely. 🔥

[Ne****]

Definitely patience and understanding. Many of us are just as nervous and shy to talk to people. All it takes is a little patience and chatting to get them to warm up.

[Bu****]

Keep ur standards! Don’t settle!

[theSir_ObservingU]

95% or fake

[Boysub1980]

Be careful lots of scammers using pictures of genuine people to take advantage of kind people and take their m*ney.

[Re****]

Do not allow yourdelf to fall victim/prey to abusive interractions. Seems all too many Doms take advantage of Submissives and end up leaving them broken or sour towards the lifestyle.

[Deleted Member]

Remember that everything is a negotiation. No one has a right to make any demands on your participation unless you consent to that type of behavior in your dynamic. If you’re not into sex centered BDSM, Be sure to put that at the forefront of your discussions and pay close attention to the way your potential partners respond. If they get upset or try to pressure you into a scene you don’t want to play, they are NOT your person. Respect, trust, consent.

[Rh****]

To the men-Treat this like social media and stop acting so thirsty…

[Sa****]

Beware of imposters

[My****]

Today's safeword is..... encyclopedia!!!

[to****]

Be patient and stop pressing lol

[pl****]

Try everything three times. Because the first time you try it, you’re nervous and not really enjoying the experience. The second time you’re a little more knowledgeable and you can express yourself a little better being prepared. And the third time you will know for sure if it’s something that you would continue doing or you wanna put it on a Limit list. Give every new kink a fair assessment. I had anything 🦶 on my hard limits list and one day someone sucked on my toes… now it is odd but the last 3 toes being sucked on is very pleasant. But do not touch the first 2 toes!!! 🤭

[bo****]

Being a Dom REQUIRES after care. If you're unwilling or unable to care for your sub its probably ***, and definitely toxic.

[ro****]

Put the time in. You need to sift through all the sand to find the nuggets of gold

[Da****]

Attitude, Curiously and Enthusiasm cannot be taught. We either have it or not. Don't waste your time with those who lack it. Don't waste their time if you don't. Fake it, until you make it , has limits that the world of kink and Fetishism acid tests.

[57****]

As a Kinkster who has evolved tremendously you have to be patient. You will go through many people before you find your circle. I've learned to keep moving forward when things dont work out with someone. There are many out there. Don't get emotionally involved too fast. No "I miss yous" no "I love yous "no jealousy. In beginning take breaks when u get overwhelmed. Don't be afraid to communicate your needs. It is definitely an adventure

[Sa****]

I have been to a private party a couple times cosplay costume it's more fun. I did lean im a Switch from that kinky test so im a dom and submissive plus caregiver don't know how that works. Should add aRedneck test. Watching stuff. Any way hi

[Ja****]

Take a step back, be cautious, and observe. Vet beyond their local community friends. Go have tea with their previous partners that are no longer around. Truth always finds its way to the surface. There are bad characters in the scene - Be Safe.

[Um****]

The first big piece of advice is one nobody wants to hear, that is be patient, at all steps of the process. Whether that be vetting someone, learning a new skill, dating someone, negotiating a scene, preparing for consideration, and especially ownership. You cannot rush the process and still expect it to work out all right. If it feels more like a burden, and less like a natural and gradual change, you’re rushing it and not being patient.

This is more so a minimum rule of thumb but I’ve never seen a timeframe less than the following work out.
Vetting: 3 weeks minimum, 1-4 months recommended
Consideration: after vetting this is your “test phase dynamic / practice dynamic” give this whole process at least 3 months, I personally recommend a 6-12 months.
Ownership: realistically this can happen the moment consideration is done but you will likely still need to set aside a few months at the beginning for additional training and getting used to it.

When learning how to practice a new kink, patience is also needed. Before you even start practicing you need to learn all the safety risks and requirements, this needs to be learned to the point you can fully explain it to a scene partner. Only after safety is out of the way, should you practice either on yourself or an inanimate object before you ever practice on another person.

Before you ever enter into a dynamic as a Dom, you need to at minimum have discipline over yourself, understand the cost of submission, understand what it takes to both create, and sustain, the environment of submission. This cannot be done in a couple weeks, if you do not apply this you are at risk of causing undue *** and suffering on any sub you take on.

If you are polyamorous, patience also applies. You should not be seeking additional dynamic partners until you complete at least consideration with the previous partner. If you’re in consideration, wait till it’s over to even contemplate adding another person, otherwise you are setting yourself up for failure.

I know it sucks, I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s best practices going back 60+ years.

Qualifications: I am a formally trained Dominant with a decade in the community. I haven’t seen everything, but I’ve seen a lot and these recommendations come from that experience.

[Sl****]

One thing I would do with ANY Relationship is the Mirror Test: If someone was treating your best friend like they're treating you, would it make you Happy or Upset? Don't trust Words, trust Actions, because people Lie. Feelings are okay, it's what you DO with those Feelings that are Important.
Be Explicit with what you want, don't want, and interested in trying. People don't always get hints! It's okay to try something and not enjoy it! It's okay to ask Questions. It's okay to take things slow.
Negotiate things ahead of time, including the relationship itself. Try new things, might be surprised at what you find you like. It's okay to want to do lighter versions of things, before doing something extreme like Handcuffs before you do full bondage.

[Sl****]

A lot of this isn't strictly Kinky, but is great for Friendships, Vanilla, Non-Monogamy AND Monogamy, etc.