Time together

[Deleted Member]

No - it isn’t unreasonable at all. And it isn’t needy.

 

What you’re describing isn’t an extra demand or failure to “understand kink.” It’s a desire for connection. For many people, especially submissives, intimacy outside of sexual or play contexts is what makes the dynamic feel safe, grounded and real rather than transactional.

Sharing a meal, watching a film, talking, or simply being held are not distractions from a D/s dynamic - they’re often what support it. Those moments build trust, familiarity, and emotional safety. Without them, the dynamic can start to feel like it only exists in scenes, which can leave people feeling unseen once the play ends.

 

A Dom who is comfortable with their role doesn’t feel threatened by closeness. In fact, many understand that submission deepens when a sub feels valued as a whole person, not just desired in the bedroom. Wanting to spend time together doesn’t mean you’re trying to blur boundaries or take control - it means you’re human.

 

That said, not every Dom is looking for that level of connection, and that’s why clarity matters. Asking for these things isn’t “too much”; it’s information. It helps you see whether what you want aligns with what they can offer.

 

If someone dismisses or shames you for wanting connection outside of play, that’s not a flaw in you - it’s a mismatch.

 

You’re allowed to want more than scenes. You’re allowed to want warmth, presence, and care. Those things don’t weaken a dynamic - for many, they’re exactly what makes it sustainable.

[Ba****]

Wait not to be the dismissive asshole but are you really asking whether it’s ok or not to desire proximity to people you actually have a connection with??
I don’t know, humans are social an1mals, so tell me: how human are you?? the only thing you mentioned people normally wouldn’t definitely want from casual platonic acquaintances they really get along with is cuddling, hell i tend to be closer to the outright antisocial side of things and even i prefer to at least have my people around, share food and ***, consume media as a group activity and hug my homies, just remember to ask when you want to do something unusual and/or physical like touching someones face and you’ll be fine, if they actually call you needy just for wanting as little of the bare minimum attention you described then they either have some issues to start dealing with or you are not in the relationship you seem to think you have, when i think of people who only meet in bedrooms the first two example that popup are people in affairs and people giving up “the goods” in exchange for “compensation”(winking heavily to avoid censorship while hopefully being understood), i had purely sexual relationships before and with them too i went out to eat some pommes, chill at a lake and fuck behind a kiosk on occasion, damn i’m getting heated just thinking about the implied level of neglect, such a waste of
Ps there is also quite a lot of fully or partially asexual BDSM so it’s almost more normal to spend your time with your dom outside the bedroom