Question for the men about your female FWB

[Ma****]

October 31, AmyM333 said:

Update, I have since explained that I had too many feelings for him and that's why I had to end it. I thanked him for not making me feel cheap. He said that I was anything but. And cheap didn't make him go weak at the knees and other places like I did. Fast forward to today and he messages often, the conversation always turns naughty and he's desperate to see me. I put him off, I don't know if I can do it again.

It's good of you to be smart about your feelings and protect your heart. I would also encourage that that remember your instincts regarding his true feelings for you. Men want what we cant have as much as women and your withdrawal has probably encouraged his competitive instincts but its not emotion. Don't let him confuse desire for love especially if that love has grown in your absence. Love can only grow with someone not without them.

[wo****]

FWB- I generally mean anything with more than one sexual encounter that falls between LTR and hookup.
How long before I see it as something more? Infinity. When I put my magical headdress on, which enables me to be great and powerful, I wonder if you put that question there because of your situation, maybe hoping Mr. Mil Intel sees your situation as something more.
* Pro tip- “When you can’t fight, and you can’t flee, flow.” When they don’t talk about their feelings, and you want to know more, don’t fuck yourself up by asking about their feelings. You respect him, right? No means no, right? Talking about his feelings is a NO! Respect his boundaries. He’s intel, right? Ask him about what he THINKS. Do it indirectly if that makes more sense. Do it with subtlety if you like, unless he asks you to be direct.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to extract intel from the guy you like. Who gives a flying flip about how he feels as long as he is there with you and for you. Besides- You ALREADY KNOW how he feels. He doesn’t want you seeing other people, etc
He can love you more than a newborn loves its mother’s breast… from halfway around the world. Don’t you really want Intel? What are his long term plans and are you in them?…. This message will self destruct in thirty seconds.

[le****]

I'm taking applications for @friends#1 #2fwb #NSA #PLAYPARTNER. I FD UP AND PUT ALL MY GOOD IN ONE BASKET AND SHE STOMPTED IS THEN SET 🔥 TO IT...... CALL ME GROUND ZERO! LOL

[wo****]

September 2, AmyM333 said:

Wow! That's a lot of different opinions and experiences about different types of what a FWB is, how long and what the outcome is or was. I can't reply to that many people, but thank you for your comments. Interesting to read the different thoughts or feelings.

What would you say the difference between a situationship and a FWB is?

I'm trying to work out what I had to avoid it in future!

I met a guy through Tinder. At the beginning, we lived close to each other. It started as a couple of coffee dates, then quickly became regular sex.
Then I moved away after two years and he would be do a six hour journey, to see me and go back again.
We would always have incredible sex, I'd wear new lingerie as a surprise, chat after, fall asleep holding hands and being really close.
He would bring his work clothes to change into on the morning and leave very early to get to work.
Then we would chat most days via WhatsApp and eventually I would order and wrap his Christmas gifts for him. Pick him up the occasional little funny gift. Added him to my Netflix and Amazon accounts.

His mum met me twice, but only a quick hello if I was at his and his mum popped in and back out (she lived in his place). He worked 7 days a week for the government in intelligence and had his own brigade in the army. He was very high ranking.

His mum bought me a Christmas gift, which I refused to take from him. I still have no idea what it was. But I never did anything for him or her to receive anything back. I just enjoy helping people. I bought him an expensive sweater and he was shocked because he had no idea that I had. I hid it I'm the bags of gifts I wrapped for him. He sent me a picture of himself wearing it to work one day.

After another three years, I ended it because he wanted to see me more but I could feel myself getting feelings. And although we were only seeing each other and no one else, I felt like continuing was only hurting myself.

We never gave it a title but we did not want the other seeing anyone else.
I was very clear about the fact that I don't sleep with my friends.

He felt, maybe emotionally immature, or being in the army made him hardened or unable to express himself and never spoke about his feelings towards me.

When I ended it he argued that he wouldn't tell me how he felt and seemed to get his back up and be angry that I ended it.

Because I don't have sex with my friends, what was that? Why did it last 5 years? And why do we both “accidentally” message each other and delete the message and say sorry, then occasionally share a few words!

This was his last message today after I text him by accident, deleted it and just wrote “sorry”,

“If you want to text just text”

Apologies for the long story everyone..I just want to know what that was?

I know the op was from months ago. I know there have been updates. In the OP you mentioned that you know the male brain is so different and you don’t know unless you ask. Both excellent points!
Instead of trying to work out what you had to avoid it in the future, a better approach may be to figure out what you want, if what you want is realistic (not to people who blow smoke up others asses about ‘know your worth’ and ‘don’t settle’ but to a matchmaker you pay $$$ to. If you find yourself disagreeing and arguing with her your expectations are too high/unrealistic. Or ask men who are no nonsense, take no prisoners, pinch your nose to feed you your medicine, tough love men. Fortunately for you, The magnificent and benevolent patriarchy has answers for you. Uncomfortable truths instead of comfortable lies.
A “situationship” , the very name itself, is to give women a comfortable lie to rest upon. It sort of loosely translates to “some guy I’m fucking who doesn’t really care about me” [way, way down below what you had btw].
You focus way too much on relationship labels. What matters is the interpersonal relationship you have. If something is the best thing I have ever had call it a shit sandwich if you like, but bring me another!
This guy has told you how he feels about you, repeatedly. You’re NOT LISTENING.
You have been exposed to too much female centric, anti male propaganda. Men do not emote like women, generally speaking. They are not defective or deficient because they deal with emotion differently than women. That is a very self important, self centered way to look at it. Throughout all of human history, until about five seconds ago, men were with men and women were with women. They didn’t work together. Their days were not spent communicating with one another. I’m curious to know what answer Mr. Mil Intel would give if you asked him to share with you what it’s like when soldiers are sharing their feelings with one another in the midst of combat.
Moving on… I have never, not once, traveled SIX HOURS to spend time with a woman.
That alone speaks volumes about how important you are to him, how dear you are to him, how he feels about you. The propaganda has you training your ears to his mouth, concerned because “he isn’t communicating his feelings to you”. Step outside. Look around. Do you really think “bad communicators” built and maintain the amazing civilizations all across the globe? The thought is preposterous. Yet no one seems to think, much less be mindful, of this. Propaganda.
…fall asleep holding hands and being really close. Nope, no feelings communicated there.
Keeping in regular contact, talking time to talk with you every day or two. Don’t see any feelings behind any of that, nope.
Very High ranking military officer. Army Intelligence. Responsible for an entire brigade. 7 day work week.
A man like THAT, taking a picture of himself wearing a sweater his girl gave him, and then sending it to her is the “sharing feelings” equivalent of Shakespeare writing an entire play and letting the whole world know that his feelings for you were his motivation.
I’m stopping there. You should drop everything, contact him immediately, express your profound respect for and gratitude towards this giant among men. Apologize for not being as appreciative as you should have been.
He will understand. He will forgive. He will continue to hold you close to his heart. Because that’s what benevolent patriarchal leaders do.

[CuriousRose]

FWB to me is fully casual, once in a while and strictly about sex. I see it as nothing else other than that. It gets complicated when you talk daily or constantly, do other things like dates, walks, dinners etc. once that starts to happen it’s not really a FWB situation it turns into dating/relationship without being fully committal. Having major boundaries and discipline is key here. And typically it doesn’t work out (in my experience). 

[at****]

See that’s where u set an internal boundary that you can’t cross to protect your peace or tell the person that your emotions have changed

[di****]

I need one of your girls