Rushing a Dynamic: Why Slow is Better

[Deleted Member]

I see it a lot. Someone meets a potential partner, the spark hits hard, and before either of them can take a breath, words like “collar,” “ownership,” or “24/7” are flying around. The energy feels intoxicating and it is tempting to dive in headfirst.

But here is the thing: a dynamic is not built in a weekend. It is not built on NRE (new relationship energy) alone. A healthy D/s or M/s relationship takes time. Time to learn each other’s needs, communication styles, boundaries, red flags, and trust. Without that foundation, rushing only sets the stage for burnout, disappointment, or worse, harm.

Taking it slow does not mean lacking passion. It means respecting the weight of what you are building together. A collar, a contract, or even a title like “Sir” or “submissive” carries meaning. It is not just a shiny word to try on, it is a responsibility.

So if you are in that thrilling, heart-racing stage of discovery, breathe. Ask questions. Test compatibility. See how conflict is handled. Learn each other’s aftercare needs. Build communication skills before putting labels on things.

A dynamic worth having will still be there tomorrow, and the day after that.

What is the rush?

[3b****]

Love this!

[Pr****]

I so appreciate this—it’s exactly what I needed today. Thank you, and thank you to the universe for bringing you and this post here. 🌌

I’d love to go deeper. I can take these 5 things in your post as a starting point to really sit with and learn, what would you say are the next 5 to explore after that?

[So****]

Duh

[Deleted Member]

This 1000%.

[Mr****]

Very well said

[ki****]

100% agree

[Lo****]

Thx for this, you‘re soooo right🤗

[ey****]

Absolutely - this is also why often using these *before* a potential partner is also off-putting to the right people 

[Jj****]

The rush always turns me off, and most people don't understand. Get to know me and I want to know you. Build a genuine connection first. The titles require trust

[Pi****]

I agree. I tell any potential Dom I want friends first, see where it goes from there. If you can't be friends, get to know me & allow me to get to know you in both vanilla and kink...it's not going to work. For me, friendship is the foundation of any other type of relationship we may have. If a Dom isn't willing to be friends & only wants to talk kink or do kinky or sexual things...that's a red flag for me. Might not be for others, but for me it's a red flag that he's only thinking of his needs and want, and mine will be pushed aside.

[Ne****]

Very well said 💯👏🏻

[om****]

The transformation from vanilla to bdsm is fluent. It is all a decision off the moment. One small step follows the next. ( Remembers me what Neil Armstrong said.; one small step..
Lol)

[em****]

New to this dynamic and still learning. Trying to not rush into it. It would be great if I could get a handbook on the right questions to ask.

[Th****]

Agreeeeeee

[Um****]

Wednesday at 01:25 PM, emmen342630 said:

New to this dynamic and still learning. Trying to not rush into it. It would be great if I could get a handbook on the right questions to ask.

Do you mean what you should be doing during vetting? I’ve got a general guideline I wrote laying around somewhere.

[Um****]

Well said OP, I’d ad a recommendation, don’t end vetting until you’re out of the NRE phase. Those rose tinted glasses can hide quite a bit of things at the beginning that really need to be addressed. Until they come off, I recommend staying in the vetting/dating phase.

[Mi****]

Yes this is everything

[Deleted Member]

Very true

[ma****]

AMEN. You need to have impulse control and be able to control your lust. Make negotiation thorough and detailed and make the connection solid first, before tab A goes into slot B.

[sw****]

Love this so much because I need to be able to trust the person completely to let them have control in the bedroom

[Ch****]

Nicely put! I'd add that attachment styles and needs come into play. NRE (I love that!) clouds things and people can definitely get overwhelmed and hurt! Thank you for putting this out there!