Not giving oral. Am i being selfish?

[Su****]

So as stated on my profile I don’t like to give oral.

I have tried to find a way in which I and my partner both enjoy it. I am very much in the belief that if the giver is not enjoying themselves then the receiver can tell and it can kill the mood.

I have tried my best find a way around my aversion for example with condoms, without condoms and using flavoured lube.
Alas nothing seems to have worked.

I often feel guilty that I don’t just for lack of a better word suck it up, but to me the action just turns me off and gets me out of the mood.

For those wondering it’s the sensation of a d^ck in my mouth that gets me and the thought of cum being in my mouth.

I suppose I’m just looking to see if I am being over sensitive or even selfish for setting it as a hard limit.

I appreciate anyone’s take and thoughts on the matter, all I ask is don’t be an ass with your response and try be respectful of my feelings.

[Vi****]

Its definitely a turn off if she isnt engaged

[Tinyginge]

No absolutely not you know what you like at what you are comfortable with and I always say if you are not comfortable do not do it as you won't enjoy it

[In****]

This a boundary/hard no for you, stand by it. There are other ways to please a lover. If someone can't respect it, then that's a red flag.

[Ste501172]

If you don't like it, then you don't like it. Enjoyment should be for both parties and if you don't like, want or enjoy it, then your partner will sense that and you'll feel compromised. Don't feel bad about respecting your boundaries and what you enjoy, plenty of other things you can do together and enjoy sexually.

[Lu****]

I wouldn’t worry about it - I’ve never cared too much for it on the receiving side myself

[Ca****]

Not at all. If you're uncomfortable with something, it'd be selfish of them to ask it of you. For me, as you stated, if you're turned off so am I. What gets me off is feeling your lust. Sex should NEVER be something you suffer through to make someone happy.

[Deleted Member]

Seems like a sensory issue, pretty normal if you ask me, not everybody has to like everything. Maybe you can try a different approach, like a super juicy hand job with a few kisses or licks on the tip and a lot of saliva or lube. And cum doesn't have to be in your mouth it can literally be everywhere else 🙂

[We****]

Having an aversion to something is not your fault to begin with. You either like something- or you don’t :) A partner is going to have to be okay with that if they want to be with you

[Deleted Member]

No, I don't think you are being selfish. I feel like, with many things in life, if something doesn't give you joy, you don't have to continue on with it. I personally am a person who is enthusiastic about oral, in both receiving and giving. But, my partner is not into giving it. I love them so much, and I understand that for them, it's a sensory issue. I will never pressure them into it when we do get down to becoming sexual irl. I believe everyone should respect and understand each others limits, especially if you are partners. Also, accepting these hard limits and learning what other things your partner likes is probably one of the best ways of supporting a partner.

[Da****]

No one can fault you for anything YOU decide is a hard limit for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting a d**k in your mouth. Some people just don’t enjoy it. Just like there are people who don’t like eating p***y. You like what you like and dislike what you dislike.

[Deleted Member]

It doesn't matter if you're being selfish or not, if that's your boundary a good Dom will respect it and find other ways to have fun with you.

[Sp****]

Only you would really know how much you don't like it, and whether it's selfish or not.
If you don't like it, then don't do it..
Make up for it in other ways perhaps

[sw****]

No your not being selfish...if you don't like it ,then it's not for you..and your right it can kill the mood..

[cum4meSlowly]

I think you have very much hit the nail on the head. It’s the thought of c*m in your mouth that’s putting you off and it probably tells. Giving head is not for everyone don’t feel guilty I am sure you shine elsewhere.

[su****]

I don’t think it’s 1 bit selfish. Both parties need to understand this. There are other things that can be done while he is going down on you. You could use a sucker type toy so you both are pleasured at the same time. Stay true enjoy your kinks.

[BigPolly]

Not liking something & not really wanting to do something are 2 different things.
If you don’t like something that’s perfectly ok. Don’t let someone sway you or tell you that they’ll help you like it.
A limit is a limit, simple as that. That’s what limits are there for.
Many don’t realise that BDSM doesn’t have to involve sex be that intercourse or oral.
You are not being selfish you simply have to find the right person for you.
Not everybody’s desires, needs, kinks etc suit everybody. We’re all wonderfully different & bollocks to anyone who tells ‘you’ what you should & shouldn’t like.

Edited September 18, 2025 by BigPolly

[Deleted Member]

Your feelings and how a certain act makes you feel is completely valid and if it's something that becomes a limit for you then that doesn't mean you're being selfish. There could be ways around it like just using your tongue so you never actually insert it into your mouth. Even so, if you can't find a way round it and you decide it's not for you that's perfectly fine. There's lots of other things to try and different areas of the body that have pleasure zones. 🙂

[Do****]

You have to like doing it or it shows... what are your thoughts on hand jobs? Same aversion? Or it's ok? Sometimes a great hand job with saliva or lube is also magical for a guy...

[Deleted Member]

No you’re not being selfish, everybody has things they don’t like to do and no one should be made to do anything they don’t want to

Edited September 18, 2025 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

It’s not selfish at all! Everyone has their own comforts and boundaries and there’s nothing wrong at all with feeling that way!

[jd****]

Do you want to receive oral? The fun of giving oral is the reaction you get from your partner; eating a girl out isn't super fun in and of itself, but it's a lot of fun to give your lady an orgasm. So it's mostly just about taking care of your partner's desires. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't give oral, but if you meet a guy you really like, it's a very effective way of showing him how much you like him.

[Ki****]

I don't think is selfish at all, like I say if we don't both enjoy it it shouldn't be on the books at all.
It's not for lack of you trying, sounds like you gave it more than a good go it's not your thing fair enough.
Question is, is such a deal breaker for your partner? If you feel that guilty is there acceptance of this limit?

[pa****]

I think it would be a good idea to offer up something else instead. Maybe there's something else your partner really wanted to try out. What if it turns out its easier than giving head?

[Fu****]

If it's a no it's a no.
Im not sure id want to be in a relationship where my partner wouldn't swallow, but I wouldn't judge a lady who didn't want to