Healing.........

[Ta****]

So I found myself healing without an apology which has been a hard truth to face & I'm not alone with this betrayal & deceipt.
I know he is not now, nor ever will be sorry for what he did, only sorry he got caught out in his lies.
Whilst I now realise I dont need his apology to heal I just need to believe I was worth more than the way he treated me, which is easier said than done when self worth is something I've struggled with from the trauma of childhood toxicity.
I owe myself the apology as I'm learning to forgive myself for the blindness that allowed him to deceive & betray me because a good heart doesnt always see the bad as we will sometimes eat the lies when our hearts are hungry for that person.
A time will come when I hope I have been able to forgive myself for allowing him to destroy my life as it was as his partner & submissive with his lies, fake hopes & promises of the life & dynamic I thought we had.
Yes, there may be times you will see me going about my life as if I dont have a care in the world but thats just one way of me getting through each day, but each day I get through with less tears shed & more of myself returning is progress from this heartbreak & hell.
It's the little things I find the hardest, even after these past months I still pick up my phone to text when my mind is absent, I still have days where I struggle with choosing which lingerie to wear, I still take my daily photo's which I dont send so I post them instead. Now he's gone its a lot of work being in control & having to make choices that were once his & yes I miss that but not his lies.
So now I'm choosing peace & to rebuild my relationship with myself.
The only good thay came out of this emotional trainwreck of him are the 2 new friendships which to some it may surprise but they too were victims of his lies & betrayal. Together we are each rebuilding in our own ways but are here to help keep each others crowns straight.
For these 2 new friendships I'm thankful, so for now its about taking each day as it comes & continuing to grow as friends & individuals...........

[Th****]

Self reflection and self healing is truly important. You will face many in life whom are selfish and see no wrongdoing. Your healing will also bring you inner strength that will help you grow. Take all the time you need to mourn and help those deep cuts close. Don’t rush. Now is the time to look after you and put yourself first.

[Ki****]

The thing an apology is this: they come from a few different places and they're looked for from a few different places. There are moral apologies, compassionate ones, some are opportunistic, some are escape mechanisms, and so forth. So, even you were granted a completely sincere one, who's to say that it would really mean what you want it to mean and provide the closure you're looking for?

But this is a little better: the thing about closure is this: YOU operate it. It doesn't come from anyone else. It comes from within. You don't have to hold on to resentment or loss or.... Well anything.

"Well that was an experience." And focus on the "was." It happened in the past to different version of yourself that doesn't even exist anymore. We reinvent ourselves by the second. Be who want to be and move on....

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[Ta****]

19 minutes ago, TheTemptingRedQueen said:

Self reflection and self healing is truly important. You will face many in life whom are selfish and see no wrongdoing. Your healing will also bring you inner strength that will help you grow. Take all the time you need to mourn and help those deep cuts close. Don’t rush. Now is the time to look after you and put yourself first.

I have never felt *** & heartbreak like this, but he is the only one i have ever fully given all of myself to, he had my full & complete submission. I wouldnt wish this on anyone because i didnt just lose him, i was lost & some days i still am bt my healing will continue.

[Th****]

12 minutes ago, Tasty_Confession11 said:

I have never felt *** & heartbreak like this, but he is the only one i have ever fully given all of myself to, he had my full & complete submission. I wouldnt wish this on anyone because i didnt just lose him, i was lost & some days i still am bt my healing will continue.

This is truly the hardest *** when you give all of yourself. These are bonds we form that are truly all encompassing. These loss is almost as deep as death.

[Bi****]

Well said