The Depth of Dominance and Submission

[Deleted Member]

Out of pure curiosity, I wondered if there are any kinksters out there who are interested in the psychology behind BD/SM. Personally, I know my need to submit and to be controlled along with my love of *** and bondage are tied, if you'll excuse the pun, to my anxiety issues. All of the structure and protocols go a lot deeper for me than just sexual satisfaction. Can anyone else relate to this? I'd love to have an open conversation about the deeper side of fetish and kink if anyone cares to share. 

[Pl****]

The reason I got into D/s is similar. My girlfriend had a lot of anxiety and I started taking more control in an effort to alleviate some of that. The reason I got into bondage was partly for the psychological advantages to my partners during sex. I imagine it's probably important to most practitioners, even if they don't think about it in those terms or get the same things out of it.

[Empressestongue]

Yes I actually put a good amount of time into the psychology of it. I also agree, I'm also a sub and it is about the only thing that keeps my anxiety and depression to a minimum

[Deleted Member]

It makes a big difference in my anxiety and depression too. I can't find the right words to explain why i need it i just know that without being someone's submissive I feel really empty.

[Ky****]

for me I suspect its linked to my trans identity.  Growing up I read a lot of sword and sorcery and similar, the constant bombardment with images of women in bondage, in peril etc either being punished as slaves, sold as slaves or being sacrificed to the monster probably lead to an association of kink with the femininity that I craved for myself

[Deleted Member]

I can definitely relate to this. When I was a kid, for whatever reason, seeing Disney princesses tied up struck a cord with me. I don't know what cord exactly or why, and i definitely wasn't conscious of it at the time, but something about seeing damsels in distress was an early influence for sure.

[Deleted Member]

Absolutely. Being submissive is enormously therap'eutic for me. A release, not just sexual - particularly when I am being hurt. I have to let my control go and with it, (some of) my anxiety. It’s very calming to give control to someone else, and even more so when I love and trust that person.

[Deleted Member]

That's so beautifully written and so true for me as well. At some point i started finding it difficult to release anxiety without some form of sexual release or some form of physical ***. I really do want to get to the point where i can find that deep trust with a Dom and give control over completely. It's not the most conventional form of healing but it's the kind i most believe in for myself.

[Deleted Member]

I’m currently toying with the idea of getting my masters degree in a nurse practitioner to psych program. I could see myself researching the healing properties of BDSM, personally and academically.

[Deleted Member]

My childhood Barbie—I made sure she had the best time. She was often tied up and positioned as Ken’s bottom. My brother’s GI Joe doll got heavy action too. My Barbie was not monogamous. LOL

[Deleted Member]

When I've relayed to people that my interest in bondage came as a kid, they don't believe it. But my favorite game as a kid was to play hostage and get tied up. Might have had something to do with seeing Disney princesses as damsels in distress or it could've been random. 🖤

[Ky****]

6 hours ago, ChainedJade said:

When I've relayed to people that my interest in bondage came as a kid, they don't believe it. But my favorite game as a kid was to play hostage and get tied up. Might have had something to do with seeing Disney princesses as damsels in distress or it could've been random. 🖤

nah, its Disney, I mean who doesn't want to be Snow White, that dress, the peril and living with 7 guys lol,

mind you can't remember her being tied up, now Penelope Pitstop that's likely to be one of my influences

[Deleted Member]

I just vividly remember watching Aladdin and seeing Jasmine in chains and thinking gee that looks fun.

[Ky****]

31 minutes ago, ChainedJade said:

I just vividly remember watching Aladdin and seeing Jasmine in chains and thinking gee that looks fun.

forgotten that one, but yes Jasmine in chains in that costume, mm for me too

[Deleted Member]

I just had a thought come to mind that should have brought up when i originally posted. A few months ago i joined some facebook support groups and over the course of being a member in those groups i had at least 1/2 a dozen guys try to engage in conversations about kink. Is that a coincidence or correlation?

[Ky****]

2 minutes ago, ChainedJade said:

I just had a thought come to mind that should have brought up when i originally posted. A few months ago i joined some facebook support groups and over the course of being a member in those groups i had at least 1/2 a dozen guys try to engage in conversations about kink. Is that a coincidence or correlation?

or destiny lol

[Pe****]

I also have noticed when I give up the control to my Dom, it releases my anxiety.  I feel free and almost revived. Its like finally coming up for air, its as though I'm no longer being suffocated. Which is ironic as I love his hands around my neck. Theres probably lots of psychological reason as to why this happens. But I have not looked into. But would be interested in understanding the "why" I feel this way.

[Rzero]

I feel much the same from the other side. I experience a lot of anxiety, but when I'm in control in the bedroom, it melts away. I think it has to do with not always feeling in control of my own life or anything else in the real world.

The big mystery to me is why I desire to be in charge with female partners but take a slightly more submissive roll with men. Outside the bedroom, I'm just the opposite. I hate macho, dominant men, and I'm drawn to independent, strong-willed women. I don't believe in antiquated gender rolls in romantic relationships at all, but in the bedroom, I want her to submit entirely, at least most of the time. (I like the sweet stuff sometimes too.)

[Deleted Member]

It's been really comforting to hear I'm not alone in the way I feel. I've slowly started at accept that my sexual health and my mental health are linked. There's times where I'm frustrated with that though, especially having to deal with that while having a spouse that has difficultly inflicting the kind of *** I need. Luckily I'm getting better at being open and communicating what I need and he's been understanding. Since connecting with my Sir, I met here my mental health has been a lot better focused. I don't have to feel the added anxiety of having to repress my needs a long with my anxiety day to day so I'm definitely starting to feel more at peace. 

[Deleted Member]

On 11/13/2020 at 12:58 AM, Rzero said:

I feel much the same from the other side. I experience a lot of anxiety, but when I'm in control in the bedroom, it melts away. I think it has to do with not always feeling in control of my own life or anything else in the real world.

The big mystery to me is why I desire to be in charge with female partners but take a slightly more submissive roll with men. Outside the bedroom, I'm just the opposite. I hate macho, dominant men, and I'm drawn to independent, strong-willed women. I don't believe in antiquated gender rolls in romantic relationships at all, but in the bedroom, I want her to submit entirely, at least most of the time. (I like the sweet stuff sometimes too.)

I'm the same way sort of I like to have a good amount of control in day to day life, i tend to like less macho guys out side of a bdsm dynamic. But i want full control taken away in the bedroom, so much of it comes from wanting to give over a lot of trust to someone so they can know you deeper and push your buttons a little, for me that's what *** and submission really appealing. 

[Deleted Member]

On 11/12/2020 at 11:30 PM, PetiteSub007 said:

I also have noticed when I give up the control to my Dom, it releases my anxiety.  I feel free and almost revived. Its like finally coming up for air, its as though I'm no longer being suffocated. Which is ironic as I love his hands around my neck. Theres probably lots of psychological reason as to why this happens. But I have not looked into. But would be interested in understanding the "why" I feel this way.

I'm looking for that relief too. I know exactly how you feel. 

[Bigtitpunisher]

I want to strip you naked , tie you to my bed and suck on those huge boobs

[Deleted Member]

12 hours ago, Bigtitpunisher said:

I want to strip you naked , tie you to my bed and suck on those huge boobs

Well, now are you quite finished then?

Gooooooood.

I'm glad you got that out of your system.

While your clearly well thought out very original proposal has just gotten me all kinds of all a twitter over here (you really know how to charm a lady), I'm afraid I must decline with extreme prejudice, and ask you with far more courtesy than you've shown me, to crawl back under whatever warm dark place from whence you came and have a lovely day.

[Ky****]

***y hell Jade, he signed up only an hour before he posted that publicly to you, we get some right uns on here-had he even checked your profile? or was it from seeing you on a forum post?

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, Kymi said:

***y hell Jade, he signed up only an hour before he posted that publicly to you, we get some right uns on here-had he even checked your profile? or was it from seeing you on a forum post?

Not in my visitor history. It is so important to read. Read the original posts, read the room, read a profile. And even if one is illiterate, every single sub here or anywhere is a person first, for globs sake show some GD basic manners. I'd much rather be on my knees than a soap box but it had to be said. Thanks Kymi💜

Edited November 16, 2020 by Deleted Member