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What’s a good DM look like?

By Deleted Member
in Kink Academy

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em****

em****

Posted
Honestly? Something that starts a conversation. Maybe comment on something in the profile. Or make some obscure fandom joke about a book or show they like. I like it when they can make me chuckle with that first message.

Deleted Member

Posted
It’s like approaching someone in public.
Yeah the first impression is probably about physical attraction. You want to get past that. Can you tell from photos or profile that you have anything in common? Do you like their glasses? Did they say something interesting? If there isn’t much material, ask about an interest that you WANT to have in common with a potential partner and see how they respond. If they respond and you’re not into the answer you can try again with a different topic.
I say don’t focus on physical because it’s a dating app. Obviously you think they’re attractive. What else do you got?
So****

So****

Posted
i like the ones that lay out what they are about. some are long but not always. clear and direct like
“hey i’m james im a dom with 5 years experience looking for a play partner and open to a dynamic for the right sub. i like my subs blah blah blah. some of my kinks are blah blah blah.
i loved your pics and your profile, you seem interesting and i’d love to chat and see where things go”

something like that, open not desperate, no dic pics


i also like “hey slut” or something simple maybe “i been looking for a little slut like you” idk just vibes i guess

Deleted Member

Posted
I had a guy start off with a corny little joke. Nothing dirty. It was just to break the ice. And it caught my attention more than someone jumping straight into asking me to see my private gallery.
Cr****

Cr****

Posted
For me a good dm looks like someone showing interest in something I wrote in my profile/description. Let's me know they are interested in getting to know me and opens up the door for a conversation.
sm****

sm****

Posted
A first DM should be polite, not overly courteous, showing that the guy took time to read the profile and, hopefully, he found some common interests. The text should express some kind of intention. "You have nice boobs" doesn't ask for a reply. Vulgarity doesn't work unless it's consensual, so never in a first DM. "You need a good fuck" is never a chat starter. Dick pics as profile pictures don't work either. Over sharing is a no. "I'm bored, I've been recently dumped." No need to write literature. It's just an introduction. Keep it simple and clean.
po****

po****

Posted
A good message needs to have a point. Needs to be clear and honest (which should be in all cases where you give your word)

Dont think about it too hard either.. gotta realize these gals inboxes are innunndated with low efffort 3 word messages. "Sup girl" "hey bby want sum fuk: <- these are your bread and butter if youre intent is to be as boring as everyone else.

Deleted Member

Posted
Kinda crazy(not really) that this has been up for 8 hours and can get likes, but no one wants to comment.

Of the minority that doesnt get any messages first, I would personally like to see a joke to get a soft gage of your humor, a brain teaser for your creativity, or a question/engagement about a pic of an event to show a common interest/curiosity.

Its all subjective though.


In****

In****

Posted
For me getting a message in the first place is a great start lol.

But polite and friendly. Nothing crude or 🍆 pic. Tbh I'm happy with the typical hi how are you and maybe something relating to my profile to prove its been read.
La****

La****

Posted
Genuine and respectful one. If someone write their profile with care—take some time to read and make conversation based on the infos they’ve written.
Point some distinct thing abt the profile.
Write something on your profile too. So you got more chance of getting a reply.
Here’s the thing, you can be as polite as a worm. But if someone stated clearly about their preference and you don’t match with that—best believe it won’t guarantee you a feedback.
It might work on very rare occasions. But rather than wasting your time, move on.
ey****

ey****

Posted

It's weird in the sense there's no silver bullet - and often easier to communicate what most certainly do NOT want rather than necessarily good examples.  Because of course even the best examples can fall flat as your message is only part of the total picture.

Best advice I ever had was "keep it brief, but make it count" - no one wants to read essays, most people want something that perks them a bit.  

I guess questions to ask yourself before you hit the magic send button is...  why them?  And the answer might be they are local and you message everyone, or it might be something particularly stood out.  Is this communicated well  in the message?  A next question is what do you want from them, what are you hoping the outcome will be?   And in most cases other than "we have a happy kinky relationship together" is that the hoped short term outcome is a response.   But like, if you want to chat, what do you want to chat about?  Cut out some of the small talk and ask a conversational question.  So like if she's interested  in... Dr Who... and so are you, ask a question about Dr Who... if there's not much to go on, but she's local - ask if she's been to local events... ask about favourite books (if, of course, you also like book) that if your aim is a conversation, make it conversational.   

Bo****

Bo****

Posted
For me certainly, initially, basic respect in the first few messages. Yes, I know we’re on a kink site, but if someone’s first message is screaming at me for not giving them my real name, or going into detail about how they want to humiliate me in public it’s a swift block. I want to know that someone is curious about me not just collecting photos and holes. Breaking the ice about mutual non kink interests before delving into more kink based detail. Obviously everyone is slightly different, and some people are just out for a no strings hook up, or don’t need some kind of intellectual connection with those they indulge with, in which case, hopefully that would be clear from their profile. For me to explore my kinks fully, I need to trust and have a good rapport with my partner, and that comes from a stronger basis than a shallow or unhinged first message.
Curiously_Exploring

Curiously_Exploring

Posted
A good first DM should show that you have read the bio of the person who interests you, and give an indication of enthusiasm for common ground.
It should offer opportunities for the respondent to pick up on things that you have mentioned in their reply, should they choose to respond to tour message.

Deleted Member

Posted
Yesterday at 03:44 PM, Curiously_Exploring said:
A good first DM should show that you have read the bio of the person who interests you, and give an indication of enthusiasm for common ground.
It should offer opportunities for the respondent to pick up on things that you have mentioned in their reply, should they choose to respond to tour message.

Precisely this

ky****

ky****

Posted
Ill be candid, i think it all depends on the person and their personality and kink. Ive had women turn me down because I wasn't aggressive enough for their liking and I was too much of a "gentlemen" and I've also had the exact opposite happen. So its really trying to read the person's bio in depth and trying to get a good perception of their wants and kink. Also pictures say alot obviously lol.
un****

un****

Posted
just read the bio and don’t be creepy because generally speaking if they’ve put any amount of actual effort into the bio there are several avenues that you can approach from to start a conversation centered around stated interests etc now granted that still may not get you an answer but its more likely to do so than just the bog standard “hey how are you” and its derivatives at least thats from my personal experience both receiving and sending DM’s
Ro****

Ro****

Posted
Simple, if you won't walk up to them on the street with that first dm, then don't do it.
Do****

Do****

Posted
Sunday at 05:26 AM, RogueLynx said:
Simple, if you won't walk up to them on the street with that first dm, then don't do it.

I go upto women all the time saying “woah cracking bangers”

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