How to educate a potential Dom(me) as a sub

[lo****]

As a dom , i would prefer to know how you feel. (remember your communication is for letting the other person know what you need)If you can message me,but I dont know enough about ur situation to speculate.

[Ma****]

And, naturally the reference to that red stuff flowing through our veins, also gets censored. (Sorry for the rant - I've seen some of the over-censorship, haven't tripped over it much previously.)

[BD****]

Agree with ya #Daddybrains. Well said. I can’t top that text. Took my words outta my mouth. This is why ideas comments first. 😝 Subs have all the power, at least in my opinion. I can only be satisfied when they are. It’s a kink

[BD****]

I read* sorry dang typos

[Deleted Member]

I have found the best way to learn (in my opinion) is to start as a bottom. I do think finding a local group and getting hands on knowledge is super helpful and even crucial depending on the type of play. But the best tops/D types in my experience learn how to inflict/command(insert word of choice) by experiencing as a bottom it from a legitimately experienced top for sure.

[Ma****]

5 hours ago, anguisette said:

I have found the best way to learn (in my opinion) is to start as a bottom. I do think finding a local group and getting hands on knowledge is super helpful and even crucial depending on the type of play. But the best tops/D types in my experience learn how to inflict/command(insert word of choice) by experiencing as a bottom it from a legitimately experienced top for sure.

I've seen a little demonstration at a museum, by a university researcher and *** expert, demoing his electric *** machine, that he never turned up to ten. With the kink crowd there that night, he turned it up to ten...

A sub I was vaguely familiar with (spouse of someone I knew, from memory) sat there. Giggling.

I understand what you're saying, and I endorse the sentiment - but when the experience is materially different...I believe the value is less than you suggest.

I literally asked her if it hurt - I'm assuming she was a masochist, but I didn't get the chance to explore further. I can't imagine either the researcher, or I, would have been so calm, even without the giggling.

So...how could we appreciate a completely different experience, even from identical (electrical) ***/stimulation.

There should be a valid crossover point, but I don't know how you'd find it. And experiencing something different could easily MISlead...

[Ph****]

Oh , this is a subject I could talk about all day long, but i'm not going to . You know why.. because\ I'm not gonna hold somebody's hand and tell them what they need to do. If they can't understand safety 101 .. then they are incompetent and ignorant. And i'm not gonna sit there and be there , babysitter.
There are too many ways now.These days to educate yourself on safety in the lifestyle. And it's everywhere.

It's not like it used to be back in the 90's it was hush , hush , you didn't talk about it. We didn't have all these cutesy little names.

I have more respect for a dom that has taken his time or her time. To educate themselves on the lifestyle .. and how important it is to be safe.

And most important, and I'm gonna say this all the strength I've got submissive. It is your job to educate yourself to now I'm not directing towards anybody. On this topic, this is just in general.
You have to take care of yourself.Do not play big boy games if you don't understand the game...

I don't care if it's a word you don't understand. Look it up, read about it.It will start to take you to different sites. And don't educate yourself on one person. Explore in every expect and get advice is great.But it can only take you so far.

[my****]

Something I find is that in this community are often people who believe their way is the only way this can work. Everyone who wants something different are dangerous or wrong. Safe, sane, consensual. If something isn’t feeling right - you safeword. If after a discussion with a potential partner where they prove themselves to be on a different path than you, thank them for their time and move on. I’m not interested in Littles , every now and then I meet one and I am very courteous but I say thank you so much but that’s just not for me.

[Ro****]

I start with my own boundaries first and see how receptive they are. As I have a few unique needs. If they are not, I move on. If they are, then I will proceed to educate them on some things. I know I'm different and have been told so. Some delight in it, others balk at it. Go with the ones who are willing to be flexible within your boundaries. Even cutting them off and not responding/blocking is a powerful action. It sends a clear message, and if they don't understand that, then it is their issue to deal with, not yours.

[TimberTara]

1 hour ago, RogueLynx said:

I start with my own boundaries first and see how receptive they are. As I have a few unique needs. If they are not, I move on. If they are, then I will proceed to educate them on some things. I know I'm different and have been told so. Some delight in it, others balk at it. Go with the ones who are willing to be flexible within your boundaries. Even cutting them off and not responding/blocking is a powerful action. It sends a clear message, and if they don't understand that, then it is their issue to deal with, not yours.

Exactly the decision is yours as a dominant. Ours is to await your commands and desires

[Deleted Member]

Doms wouldn't exist without subs. There's a understanding of this is a role not a right. Any good Dom that is practicing should know this and know that it's a always evolving partnership and you need to be dynamic with change especially if your sub needs more structure. Physical,mental emotional states can change day to day.
If a sub can't come to a Dom with needs communication and consent! In *** of it being awkward, disruptive or ***. That is not a Dom.
As well as a good dom should be coming to you for there needs, dislikes breaks, or checking in on you outside the dynamic (unless that's a pre agrinot to etc)
If I wasn't up to being educated as dominant I would never learn anything. Decades of this life style and I'm still learning every day. I've had many of body and mind on my table exploring things neither of us knew existed and I can tell you no one person is the same. Even if it's a online or not as serious Dom/sub play that is communicated and consent. and as things change in what's yes n no even if small.
This is about fulfilling needs and wants in life that make you happy,feel loved, free to be alive as you. And having support on that journey trying things that may or may not. In sort be direct. Don't wait for life to give you everything you want. It certainly won't wait for you.

[70****]

Sounds like a common misidentification in the others (sub) side of the relationship. If you've been sweet and nicely informative about your pov of being in your role as a (dom) and nothing has been satisfying your needs, maybe be more direct and see how that works and if nothing changes then cut it off and find your kinky match.

[vv****]

November 30, seekingsapio said:

There’s books on Amazon. Haha

Exactly. Google is free and there are plenty of resources available. Any “Dom” who is utilizing you as their personal information kiosk isn’t doing the work necessary (for me at least) to be a better member of the community. I’ve discovered it’s mostly dude bros out here trying to get their rocks off by baiting people into discussing their interests. Now, if I encounter someone with a genuine educated question, I am far more likely to respond because we all had to start somewhere. But I agree with some of the other commenters, start with your boundaries first, and sometimes that means a pass on a user.

[Vi****]

Personally, I’d say ask on an individual basis.
Such as ‘ I have a lot of experience on such and such, mind if I share some of my insights with you’

I’m fairly new to this community or world although I’ve long desired a bit to much of it and I’d love to learn more 💕

[Deleted Member]

This is such a familiar tension, and I don’t think there’s a single “right” line - but there is a healthy way to think  about where you responsibility begins and ends.

One thing I’ve learned is that experience doesn’t equal competence. Time in the scene doesn’t automatically mean someone has reflected, updated their knowledge, or interrogated bad habits they picked up early. Some people learn deliberately; others just repeat what once “worked” and call it expertise. That’s uncomfortable to confront, especially when safety is involved.

That said, it’s not your job to run remedial kink school for every unsafe or misunderstood person you meet.

A few principles that may help:

1. Safety education is not a moral obligation unless someone is at immediate risk.

If you’re seeing something genuinely dangerous (consent ***s, unsafe practices, lack of aftercare awareness), speaking up can be an act of care - but even then, how you speak matters more than how much you say. Calm, factual, and specific beats “ripping it all down.”

 

2. Boundaries are not educational failures.

It is completely valid to say, “I don’t play this way because it isn’t safe,” or “I need X knowledge before I’ll engage,” and then disengage. That’s not abandoning the community - it’s modelling standards. People learn more from firm, consistent boundaries than unsolicited lectures.

 

3. Ask before teaching.

A simple “Are you open to feedback?” Does wonders. If the answer is no, that tells you everything you need to know about how effective “going whole hog” would be anyway.

 

4. You can care about the community without carrying it.

Wanting the scene to be better is admirable. Burning yourself out correcting everyone is not sustainable. The people who want to learn will lean in when you name concerns thoughtfully. The ones who don’t will frame any correction as condescension no matter how gently it’s delivered.

 

5. Pick your battles intentionally.

Save the in-depth education for people you’ve actually considering playing with, mentoring, or staying in community with. For everyone else, clarity plus distance is often the healthiest choice.

 

In short: you don’t have to choose between sweet and being silent or being blunt and being demeaning. You can be clear, grounded, and selective. That balance tends to protect both your energy and the standards you care about - which, in the long run, probably does more good for the community than trying to fix everyone you encounter.