Threesomes in LTR

[Bi****]

Never happened to me unless I was in a swinger relationship. Monogamous always stayed that way. Maybe try another couple so you both play with other people of the opposite sex and maybe start with soft swapping.

[Lu****]

1st off don’t do it just too plz someone else, if you guys are gonna get into this then make sure all parties are on board, set boundaries and stick to them. Communication is the KEY. Let her choose the woman. There’s no problem saying NO, if the vibe not there then don’t push it. Rt, jealousy will always come up, why ( because it’s a feeling, we all have traits). That’s why I get back to communication, you have to talk. Other than that sit back n enjoy. You can’t be selfish sooner or later that mff 3sum might wanna be a mmf 3way. Just move slow that’s all

[py****]

First of all.
Go to a sex club.
Try having sex or just playing together.
See how you feel with people watching.
If not for you then don't go further.
But can be enjoyed by both.

[wo****]

6 hours ago, goon4rbunny said:

respectfully, don't throw random shots at poly relationships because those are just as "committed" as mono ones. just because you don't understand the specifics doesn't give you the leeway to put down their dynamics

Maybe I’m not understanding this, but if he doesn’t understand the specifics how can he be putting them down? Why accuse him of throwing shots? That’s an intentional thing, isn’t it? People don’t understand things a lot. If you can only mention things that you have a full understanding of lest we not insult it human communication grinds to a halt.

Doesn’t he deserve grace here? It seems pretty clear to me that he didn’t intend to insult poly. I could be wrong as I often am, but there seems to be some misunderstanding on your part as well.

[go****]

2 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

Maybe I’m not understanding this, but if he doesn’t understand the specifics how can he be putting them down? Why accuse him of throwing shots? That’s an intentional thing, isn’t it? People don’t understand things a lot. If you can only mention things that you have a full understanding of lest we not insult it human communication grinds to a halt.

Doesn’t he deserve grace here? It seems pretty clear to me that he didn’t intend to insult poly. I could be wrong as I often am, but there seems to be some misunderstanding on your part as well.

He immediately throws shots claiming that poly isn't "committed" by saying "committed relationship (aka not poly)" and the reason for this is not understanding, or refusing to understand, how polyamorous dynamics work. There's zero reason to mention polyamory here other than to insinuate something about polyamory, and in this case, that it doesn't count as a real commitment.

[wi****]

It never ends well

[Deleted Member]

Do you both agree to it ?and does it excite you both? Is your relationship strong? Will you respect each other wishes if one of you isn't enjoying the experience? Then yes life is too short. Go for it. Enjoy your dreams and fantasies together. If it is both what you crave. Go through every thought or feeling you might encounter and if one of you have any doubts or ***s don't go through with it. Only yourselves know each other's minds.
Hope you both continue to have fun and make the right choices together. It's a journey of discovery for you both after all and if it's both of your fantasy , it's your rules , discuss them together . Have fun whatever you choose 😊

[jh****]

I love it, but I’m also a caregiver and I do everything in my power to make sure my partner/little is taken care of in every way. It definitely can be uncomfortable and you’re going to feel a little jealous (well I guess I can say I did but maybe not everyone I’m also not the jealous type ) but it was a different type of jealousy and it was fun as hell. But tbh the other guy didn’t really do some things that were key and that could have been miscommunication. It’s fun but be very clear about what you’re comfortable with happening , and make sure all people involved are on the same page. The jealousy thing specifically is easy for me to deal with bc I just get to reclaim and it’s great lol

[ci****]

Long story short, if its originally a monogamous relationship and you allow anyone into your relationship sex or no sex it becomes a downhill spiral for whoever is involved.... basicly it usually not always but usually it ends tragically communication is key and never ever ever crossing any type of boundary established. You cross a hard boundary its over end of story.

[bi****]

Well, me personally absolutely loved this chapter of my life. For 3 out of the 5 years that we were together, she had to move back to Cali, we had nothing but positive experiences. Word of advice, talk about issues y'all encounter as they come along, not before you experience them. I say that because when we decided we were going to try it out we had come up with about 10 things that were definitely on the "won't do" list. After about a year about 6 of the things on the list were some of our biggest turn ons.

[Sk****]

Me personally, absolutely elevated my relationships and we both had fun while doing it. We're singers with the same couple fpr over 2 years and It was an amazing experience!

[pe****]

Took me 17 yrs to get my wife to fuck another man but she finally agreed on a married male friend we'd known for years & he was with multiple different times
We've been married 30 years now
We've done the young man 18 to 30 yr old (her fantasy) & me waiting at home for her to get home
Now we're trying for the dark side & multiple males

[DarkArts1066]

Sunday at 04:20 PM, goon4rbunny said:

respectfully, don't throw random shots at poly relationships because those are just as "committed" as mono ones. just because you don't understand the specifics doesn't give you the leeway to put down their dynamics

As a slight aside to this discussion, I would say that Poly relationships are often MORE committed, and the participants are much more open about everything, than those in mono relationships.

[DarkArts1066]

As I seem to say constantly on various discussions on here and on other platforms, communication is the key, to pretty much everything in the Universe - kink or not.

The way to “deal” with Jealousy, is to make sure you don’t get to that position of feeling it in the first place.
And that means exhaustive conversations about what limits you are going to set -always together, how frequently you are going to engage in group sex, what the actual process for having sex with someone else is - for example, is this only when you are together as a couple ?
Are both going to participate all the time ?
Will one party watch ?
Can you play separately -but with permission?

I’ve had group sex before which has just … happened, -out of the blue with my partner and two of our friends after a night out, and there were still hasty discussions about who can put what where, and safewords or phrases that can indicate that one party is not happy to continue, - between my partner and I.

Likewise both I and that particular partner were allowed to play separately, providing we let the other person know before the fact either by text or call -so that the other party could veto -if they felt strongly about it at the time.
There are so many ways this can play out.

But - almost every obstacle can be overcome with a simple conversation.
Understand each others’ perspectives and WHY you both want to do this, and you won’t go far wrong.

One final comment.

Make certain, that BOTH of you are onboard with this, and that one of you isn’t just saying “yes” to please the other.

If that situation occurs, it is LIFE changing.
Take it from someone who has been there, a very long time ago.

[wo****]

Yesterday at 01:13 AM, goon4rbunny said:

He immediately throws shots claiming that poly isn't "committed" by saying "committed relationship (aka not poly)" and the reason for this is not understanding, or refusing to understand, how polyamorous dynamics work. There's zero reason to mention polyamory here other than to insinuate something about polyamory, and in this case, that it doesn't count as a real commitment.

That’s quite a claim with very little to go on. You assume there is no other reason. Claiming you are 100% certain (zero other reason) is your guess, your read on it. As far as him not understanding, that is what the one saying he threw shots asserted. I was replying to them.

Do you think that this is an emotionally charged issue for you? It makes a difference. It’s extremely rare for me to say “X is the only possible reason, there is absolutely no other explanation”. When talking about one single post, from someone I don’t even know? I could come up with many other possible explanations and I don’t know anything about him.

He didn’t insinuate, you made an inference about it. Without asking the op several other questions and evaluating his responses without bias you are making an educated guess at best.

I took the poster who said throwing shots claim to guy didn’t understand at face value. My only interest is replying was to talk about intentional vs. unintentional and my position that they are very different and I MO, treated as such.

[go****]

4 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

That’s quite a claim with very little to go on. You assume there is no other reason. Claiming you are 100% certain (zero other reason) is your guess, your read on it. As far as him not understanding, that is what the one saying he threw shots asserted. I was replying to them.

Do you think that this is an emotionally charged issue for you? It makes a difference. It’s extremely rare for me to say “X is the only possible reason, there is absolutely no other explanation”. When talking about one single post, from someone I don’t even know? I could come up with many other possible explanations and I don’t know anything about him.

He didn’t insinuate, you made an inference about it. Without asking the op several other questions and evaluating his responses without bias you are making an educated guess at best.

I took the poster who said throwing shots claim to guy didn’t understand at face value. My only interest is replying was to talk about intentional vs. unintentional and my position that they are very different and I MO, treated as such.

Okay so why did he mention "aka not poly" after saying "committed relationship" then,? Because that is explicitly saying polyamory isn't committed. Stop talking around it. You're annoying.

[ki****]

the best experiences i’ve had were where everyone felt equally known, cared for and appreciated— before, DURING and after. it’s easy to get self conscious or even offended depending on the situation. Knowing what each person likes and expects, and if there is a preference for a hierarchy or equality D/s wise goes a long way.

[Ky****]

Sunday at 04:20 PM, goon4rbunny said:

respectfully, don't throw random shots at poly relationships because those are just as "committed" as mono ones. just because you don't understand the specifics doesn't give you the leeway to put down their dynamics

My bad, didn’t mean to imply that. Just wanted to clarify that we’re monogamous

[wo****]

18 hours ago, goon4rbunny said:

Okay so why did he mention "aka not poly" after saying "committed relationship" then,? Because that is explicitly saying polyamory isn't committed. Stop talking around it. You're annoying.

I’m not a mind reader, I don’t “know” why he did it. When reading his post I took notice of that and remember finding it odd. But rather than assume why not ask him? It’s certainly possible that he has negative thoughts or feelings about polyamory, I can’t say that he doesn’t. But there is scant information to go on.

He made the post. Everyone can see it. He could think poly sucks and lie about it if asked. Either way there will be more information to go on.

He is responsible for what he says, not for what other people ‘think’ he means. This is true for everyone. Understanding and incorporating this into your (anyone’s ) daily life will reduce conflict and misunderstandings.

When you assume, ass/u/me, you make an ass out of you and me. What I said is just food for thought, take it or leave it as you see fit.

[go****]

5 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

I’m not a mind reader, I don’t “know” why he did it. When reading his post I took notice of that and remember finding it odd. But rather than assume why not ask him? It’s certainly possible that he has negative thoughts or feelings about polyamory, I can’t say that he doesn’t. But there is scant information to go on.

He made the post. Everyone can see it. He could think poly sucks and lie about it if asked. Either way there will be more information to go on.

He is responsible for what he says, not for what other people ‘think’ he means. This is true for everyone. Understanding and incorporating this into your (anyone’s ) daily life will reduce conflict and misunderstandings.

When you assume, ass/u/me, you make an ass out of you and me. What I said is just food for thought, take it or leave it as you see fit.

That's a whole lot of therapy speak for "I'm not taking any responsibility for my actions, intentional or otherwise" because while yes, you're not responsible for how other people understand or misunderstand your words, you ARE responsible for acknowledging their problems with it and reexamining your behaviors. You DO have responsibility for your words. If you said this kinda thing about any other group (ie going "good people (aka not Muslim)" or something similar) then you have to acknowledge the way that sounds and have a responsibility to deal with the people harmed by your words. Intentions only matter so far when it comes to implying whole groups of already marginalized folk are somehow worse than your own.

[Fr****]

I wouldn't do it bro I usto be the 3rd to a couple and it was all fun and games till she left him for a bigger fella if u catch my drift

[tu****]

I have found that the people have known who have been in open relationships in polyamory and going to sex clubs and all of that cause jealousy. They say it doesn’t, but it does. And one of the partners will end up, leaving to go with the other partner they find that is more interesting. I haven’t seen a relationship be successful that is like that. I’ve seen a lot of turmoil and stress. The main thing that I would say is when you go into those relationships… It needs to be very clear between both partners what they want. And I’m talking about what they really want. They can’t just say what they’re wanting the other person to hear. But I am finding that’s not what people today do. They’re not honest with themselves. I am a monogamous person. However, if my partner wanted to do something and they spoke to me about it, we had a conversation… I would let them know how I felt about it. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to do something with multiple people. It just means that it needs to be spoken about before it happens. And the conversation needs to be about how it’s going to affect your relationship. That’s why I’m monogamous. I think it’s really hard to deal with watching somebody that you love getting made love to… And you’re seeing the look on her face that shows that she absolutely loves it. Now some people like that. I get it. But most men don’t like it. Even if they say they do.

[Ky****]

9 hours ago, goon4rbunny said:

That's a whole lot of therapy speak for "I'm not taking any responsibility for my actions, intentional or otherwise" because while yes, you're not responsible for how other people understand or misunderstand your words, you ARE responsible for acknowledging their problems with it and reexamining your behaviors. You DO have responsibility for your words. If you said this kinda thing about any other group (ie going "good people (aka not Muslim)" or something similar) then you have to acknowledge the way that sounds and have a responsibility to deal with the people harmed by your words. Intentions only matter so far when it comes to implying whole groups of already marginalized folk are somehow worse than your own.

Idk why y’all are arguing on fetlife. I already clarified, I’m sorry for the implication, it wasn’t what I intended. Do either of you want to answer the question?

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, tucson995119 said:

I have found that the people have known who have been in open relationships in polyamory and going to sex clubs and all of that cause jealousy. They say it doesn’t, but it does. And one of the partners will end up, leaving to go with the other partner they find that is more interesting. I haven’t seen a relationship be successful that is like that. I’ve seen a lot of turmoil and stress. The main thing that I would say is when you go into those relationships… It needs to be very clear between both partners what they want. And I’m talking about what they really want. They can’t just say what they’re wanting the other person to hear. But I am finding that’s not what people today do. They’re not honest with themselves. I am a monogamous person. However, if my partner wanted to do something and they spoke to me about it, we had a conversation… I would let them know how I felt about it. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to do something with multiple people. It just means that it needs to be spoken about before it happens. And the conversation needs to be about how it’s going to affect your relationship. That’s why I’m monogamous. I think it’s really hard to deal with watching somebody that you love getting made love to… And you’re seeing the look on her face that shows that she absolutely loves it. Now some people like that. I get it. But most men don’t like it. Even if they say they do.

Said like an experienced soul. That hits. And it hits with intent. Self-awareness? Self-love? Self-anything?? Nah, our generation wasn’t raised to seek and establish our own value systems. Instead we seek that in others as if it’s a sick role play through dependency. Not having the tools to deal with it let alone confront it we then what, impress the dependency once again through the guise of romantic connection with a third party? Not looking good. And in the end, nobody wins.

[wo****]

14 hours ago, goon4rbunny said:

That's a whole lot of therapy speak for "I'm not taking any responsibility for my actions, intentional or otherwise" because while yes, you're not responsible for how other people understand or misunderstand your words, you ARE responsible for acknowledging their problems with it and reexamining your behaviors. You DO have responsibility for your words. If you said this kinda thing about any other group (ie going "good people (aka not Muslim)" or something similar) then you have to acknowledge the way that sounds and have a responsibility to deal with the people harmed by your words. Intentions only matter so far when it comes to implying whole groups of already marginalized folk are somehow worse than your own.

Let’s reflect back to the op.
He says …. Committed relationship (aka not poly)
Non committed relationships= poly

Why is that said in the post? I see nothing to tell us why. There is an entire discipline of study called linguistics aimed at understanding language, the various meanings of words, sentences, etc

What I see there is a category error.

We are all Human beings (aka people)
AKA= also known as. There is no judgement, no emotional or moral implication involved there.

Human beings aka antelopes.
That is a category error. But that statement by itself doesn’t tell us anything about the authors views of humans or antelopes. There is nothing there for us to go on to tell why the category error was made. People who love or hate antelopes might think there is, but that would be a misinterpretation on their part.

I strongly disagree that we are responsible for acknowledging other peoples problems with our behaviors/statements.

The way communication works is one person makes a statement and the other person receives the message through their filters made up of all of their prior experiences, understanding of those experiences, and the ways they have developed to deal with those experiences.

We also don’t “make “ people feel one way or another. He “made me feel”… Nope. He didn’t send magic pixie dust through the air and into your emotional regulation center. What happened is he did or said something. because of all of your past experiences and the way you have dealt with them, which are unique to you and that he had no part in whatever and therefore no responsibility whatsoever for a feeling developed within you that he has no responsibility for or control over.

All of that is the message receivers responsibility. Some people face horrific trauma growing up and are filled with anger, hate or rage because of that. Their personality, behavioral patterns, etc are shaped in maladaptive ways as a result. They move through life with emotional wounds that are open, not healed. They react to people and situations based on all that. When triggered they get angry and blame the person who did something that triggered them. That’s not fair at all. If I look like you’d dad who used to chain you to the toilet and beat you… and you come across me while I happen to be holding a chain… I am doing nothing wrong. You might perceive me as threatening you and become extremely emotional, yet none of my behaviors were at all threatening.

Other people grow up experiencing horrific trauma growing up which changes them and are fortunate enough to be able to realize that the trauma, the problems, are inside themselves regardless of what is going on with anyone else. They learn to recognize what triggers them and the true, actual reason why. They realize they are broken, through no fault of their own, but learn to take responsibility for what goes on inside themselves regardless and their maladaptive behaviors that have developed. Rather than being upset with others when they are triggered, they pause and realize that what they feel emerged because of who they are and not because of what another did. As a result they learn to change and heal. They don’t hate authority figures because of what another did authority figure did to them when they were young. They realize they are prone to overreact and perceive authority figures through a warped and damaged lens.

So I am not reexamining holding a chain in my hand because someone freaks out and accuses me of threatening them. That person may call the police and report me as dangerous and threatening. That’s them doing bad to me.

The Muslims reference. You throw in a moral claim “good” people. That isn’t present in the op. That says something, you choosing to add in a moral claim, good or bad.

Hypothetical- exchange student new to the USA, doesn’t speak English. Goal of learning English. First day here he comes across someone who refers to someone of a certain religion or ethnicity with a slur. The next day the student sees someone also from that group and says “he slur”. Where is his responsibility?