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Very frustrating life long problem

wb****

By wb****
in BDSM Forum

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wb****

wb****

Posted
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Since my first time I have never, & I mean NEVER been able to reach the end goal when with a partner. The gender of the partner didn't matter it never ended happily for me. 

Yes I still enjoy every part of the experience I just don't have a happy.

I am almost always able to alone (failed 1 time) so I it's not like I've never. Previously I was able to complete my goal while on the phone but recently I can't even do that, video, or recording for myself.

I haven't used anything artificial in years. 

Could this be a I don't feel safe thing?

Or am I just broken

du****

du****

Posted

well. perhaps you think to much on other things to deep dive into the situation ? to feel the pleasure ?

Honeybee-3663

Honeybee-3663

Posted

I don't believe that you're broken. Do you have any traumas from the experiences or partners? What are you focused on before and during those intimate moments?

Fl****

Fl****

Posted

I have never been able to reliably finish without a vibrator. When I was a *** I tried all kinds of things and only managed to finish a handful of times, and I've never been able to finish with a partner without a vibrator. Partners have told me that means I'm broken, that means something is wrong with me etc. but the truth is everyone is different and everyone needs slightly different things to be able to get there. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or anything you need to change about yourself, it just means you might need something different to get there and there's nothing wrong with that. Find your rhythm, find what works for you, and run with it.

Li****

Li****

Posted

Connection, communication, transparency , honesty , consent and trust. If you have all of the above then talking about everything and what you want to achieve should be straightforward. Big Hugs x

Deleted Member

Posted

It is more common as you think and I watched this many times with different partners. Let me give you my useless stupid answer as a man. Maybe you have trust issues and additionally want to fulfill your partners needs to make him happy. The phone interaction worked good , for you. Try it next time blindfolded or with seducing but distractive music. You can't control your body in every second. You dont have to , trust your emotional ego. Learn to soar and land on cloud nine, try tantra. Who knows maybe it solves it.

Deleted Member

Posted

One, your age matters as a female and we go through lots of bodily changes and disruptions, outside of PMS, Menopause, and disorders.

Two, it could be something is up with your body, or your mind, or both... or it could just be the way YOU function sexually.

Whether the above are issues or not, you being able to communicate to partners this very fact of your life/experience/and concern with and desire for YOUR HAPPY ENDING might be a crucial component and a good place to start, being proactive in addressing your Self.

Three, you might just be one of the many who function this way / seemingly a bit different to the most talked about and represented form of climax. And that's all that [might mean.]

Even if something is off for you, not hitting, you want something different, or there's genuinely one or more major issues, you aren't broken.

🤎

wb****

wb****

Posted
  • Author

To answer the question about trauma, yes and no. The kind of trauma I think your talking about, not until years and a few partners after my first time.

What am I thinking about before or during, nothing. This is one of the few times my brain actually stops thinking and just feels. 

Yes I feel pleasure just not the joy joy a lot of people feel.

@Cheekysmiles the only thing in your first sentence I have had was what I thought was connection.  That's why I added the could not feeling safe be part of the issue, but knowing I have ever truly had "communication, transparency , honesty , consent and trust". Realizing it is more than just not feeling safe definitely would explaine it. 

 

Da****

Da****

Posted

I think potentially neither. It's about not being fully present. If you review even most sentences are incomplete, although clear. Try not thinking of the goal of multiple tasks and attend to only one task at a time. Once fully completed, take time to register and acknowledge it, so your brain can witness evidence that you can do it. Then the next and next and next. Micro habits, make great chances. Avoid multitasking no matter how rushed . One mind, one task, one result, then repeat.

Pe****

Pe****

Posted

A sex therapist could probably give much better info than anyone here.

With artificial you mean toys? Weren't they working for you?

If you're able to finish alone, why not do the exact things you do alone but with a partner? When I finished early with a girl, I would sometimes just lay beside her and help herself finish.

Jo****

Jo****

Posted

Could just be the wrong partners. Youre not broken and its not necessarily a lack of safety. Could just be the way it is all approached. Could be a boredom effect too. Sometimes that happens. When a person doesn't get you right on all levels, it can cause a block similar to writer's block. Just search and find the right one for the job. Like with me, my woman's pleasure is my pleasure. So I am meticulous in my methods. I've not ever failed to get a woman's O. But I also take the time to learn her and know what she wants and needs. The O is not just from the sexual. I get a woman off physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. All levels are important. Hope this helps.

az****

az****

Posted

Maybe because it didn't happen you just got in your head about it an now it's become a long term worry my advice is go back mentally to that relationship see what they did how they made you feel and try to find out what's missing good luck :)

wy****

wy****

Posted

I know what your going through, except mine is reversed a bit. I struggle for release if I do it myself and also oral doesn't "do it" for me. My brain has a habit of trying to keep tight control over my reactions as if im scared to let go. This also happens with my overthinking, if im told whats happening next i switch off. This is what has led me to this site.
Spontaneity and restraint.
Sorry I dont have an answer for you just know your not alone. X

tu****

tu****

Posted

I’ve got a very similar issue. I can almost always reach my happy ending by myself but have sadly perfected the art of faking it when with a partner. I enjoy the journey to the happy ending and it usually feels amazing but don’t experience the stars and rainbows. Used to think it was because of past trauma messing with my head but I’ve come to terms with that over the years and it doesn’t enter my mind when I’m with someone. Then thought I wasn’t experiencing the type of sexual relationship I wanted so have experimented with different things with no luck. Know this probably doesn’t help you at all, apologies. But it’s nice for me knowing I’m not alone in feeling like that part of me might be broken.

Firepit

Firepit

Posted
4 minutes ago, turtlequeen93 said:

I’ve got a very similar issue. I can almost always reach my happy ending by myself but have sadly perfected the art of faking it when with a partner. I enjoy the journey to the happy ending and it usually feels amazing but don’t experience the stars and rainbows. Used to think it was because of past trauma messing with my head but I’ve come to terms with that over the years and it doesn’t enter my mind when I’m with someone. Then thought I wasn’t experiencing the type of sexual relationship I wanted so have experimented with different things with no luck. Know this probably doesn’t help you at all, apologies. But it’s nice for me knowing I’m not alone in feeling like that part of me might be broken.

Weed? I get the impression that can help

DonMan-3133

DonMan-3133

Posted

I think it is beyond fucked up that people admit to faking orgasms. As a man that would feel fantastic to hear, but then later down the line you say it was fake? Never made sense to me, then again not a lot does.

ar****

ar****

Posted

Tried tantra? When you don't focus on the "goal", but just spend time loving/enjoying for hours, then eventually you may be able to let go and things start to shift.

Deleted Member

Posted

You might need a wand during sex,or a vibrator to stimulate the clit to climax. Or have that person sexually please you first ORAL.

Happens to me too. Just don’t focus on the goal too much, it’ll feel like a job

tu****

tu****

Posted
2 hours ago, Firepit said:

Weed? I get the impression that can help

Can’t because of my occupation. Have a long time ago but don’t remember it making a difference.

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