Body image

[Be****]

I have been going through something that greatly affects my sex life and willingness to try new partner. I have always had body image issues...I had kids at a very young age and always had stretch marks and even at 44 have trouble relaxing with my shirt off so don't do it unless ***d then that is all I can think about and can't relax. Then after 40 I went from 150 to 170 and because of a lesser sex drive because of how I look, I tend to isolate and then I don't lose the weight I want to because I stay in. How do I get over this so I can find the right one or ones before it's too late for me

[na****]

What helped me was therapy. Idk if you would like that but it always helped me having support that way.

[Ch****]

Firstly I think you've shown so much strength in your vulnerability 💙

There is no easy answer but you're already off to a head start as you have identified some repeating patterns which are causing you to go in a circle and get nowhere.

So the key is looking at ways to break the cycle. Are there any triggers which lead to yod spiraling?

Have you ever tried working with a coach, both physically but also mentally to help you through the initial phase of breaking the pattern which is often the hardest till you find a new routine?

Finally, do this for yourself, not for other people. When you move into a space of self love and worth the urgency that you feel to have someone in your life will diminish and the people you do draw towards you will be worthy of you💙

[st****]

I would say that everyone has doubts/insecurities about their body. Nobody is perfect and you almost always notice your own imperfections more than anyone else will. Chances are the other person is worried about themselves too. Sounds to me like what your describing are 100% normal things that everyone has

Of course... easy to say, hard to feel

[ak****]

I’ve gained weight the last few months. Small steps to get on track with my weight loss for me and my health. I can definitely emphasize with how you’re feeling. Give yourself grace and compassion. Take small steps in changing eating patterns or exercising. Don’t worry about how fast or slow your body changes. No one has the perfect body. NO ONE. We’re all a work in progress love. I will reach my health goals I’ve set but in the meantime, if someone doesn’t like my cushion for the pushin’……fuck another woman then. 😘
P.S. your stretch marks are beautiful. It’s the story of your life journey.

[wa****]

I mean you’re not alone I like that too and it insane

[re****]

Honey the right one or ones will accept you and find you attractive for who you are not the version of you in your head you believe you should be to attract a partner. Don’t change yourself for anyone but yourself but know that you’re are beautiful just the way you are and even if only 1% of the rest of humans on this planet think so than that’s still millions of people. You just need to make sure you’re choosing the right ones to give the opportunity to know and be with you. Many won’t and don’t deserve you. Love yourself and the rest will follow.

[wa****]

But remember there always someone will see those things you see as imperfections as part of a work of art

[Deleted Member]

You are at that age where things really start to shift. I’m not a doctor but look into hormone replacement. Find a doctor that will work with you. Do some research into perimenopause.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with the above but will add, do something about it. You're looking outside but inside is where the issue is.
Personally I started working out, every 3 days and drastically limiting sugar intake. Intense but 3 days of rest, abs are starting to show, arms and chest are bigger, confidence high enough to get on an app like this with the goals stated in my profile.

It's difficult to pull your own head out of your ass but the fresh air is purpose filled and arousing.

Lastly any grown man that has a problem with stretch marks is a major lame. I think they're beautiful. A testament to a women's unique beauty.

[Ch****]

10 minutes ago, ChaoticPeace said:

Firstly I think you've shown so much strength in your vulnerability 💙

There is no easy answer but you're already off to a head start as you have identified some repeating patterns which are causing you to go in a circle and get nowhere.

So the key is looking at ways to break the cycle. Are there any triggers which lead to yod spiraling?

Have you ever tried working with a coach, both physically but also mentally to help you through the initial phase of breaking the pattern which is often the hardest till you find a new routine?

Finally, do this for yourself, not for other people. When you move into a space of self love and worth the urgency that you feel to have someone in your life will diminish and the people you do draw towards you will be worthy of you💙

Live this!!

[Ch****]

Just now, ChameleonLady said:

Live this!!

Love, too. 😆

[pt****]

I can’t speak for all guys but for me the most important thing is that I’m attracted to the persons face and you’ve got a beautiful face so I wouldn’t worry. And as other people have said we’re all our own worst enemies

[Do****]

Look, in this day and age of rampant glp-1 use, a few stretch marks and a few pounds don’t matter. Women don’t look like porn stars and most men know this. Anyone that has an issue with your body isn’t for you anyway. Nobody is perfect, but you are perfect for that special someone.

[ju****]

I don’t want to comment publicly but am unable to message you. Maybe you can message me?

[mo****]

You are beautiful the way you are

[bo****]

You should never feel that way because somebody will find you gorgeous it’s not too late for you and it never will be. You’re still young. Keep a positive mindset and if you want to inbox me, I’m single and I could be a new partner you know.

[Te****]

I would suggest visiting a nudist beach or resort. It's not sexual, but you'll quickly see that people of all shapes and sizes can be confident and relaxed in their skin, and that confidence is beautiful.

[SE****]

Get confidence and don’t care what people think

[LadySusweca]

I would recommend a SMART goal. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-Bound. So let's say you want to start walking. Your goal is to eventually walk 5 miles a day, 4 days a week. You wouldn't start with that but that work up to it in increments. For the first week you only walk a mile for 4 days. Do that for 2 weeks then move up to 2 miles and so on. You could do this with any goal but remember to keep it a SMART goal. You can look it up online to learn more.
As for meeting new people, you may need to learn to love yourself. Sticky notes on your bathroom mirror to give yourself positive affirmations to remind you daily that you are worthy of respect, dignity, and love.
Sometimes we need to start with really simple suggestions to move forward.

[An****]

What you’re describing isn’t a flaw — it’s a pattern, and patterns can be changed.
Right now your body image isn’t just about how you look, it’s about where your attention goes. When your shirt comes off, your attention turns inward and critical. When your attention turns inward, you can’t stay present. And when you can’t stay present, connection — sexual or emotional — feels unsafe. So your nervous system does what it thinks will protect you: it pulls you back into isolation.
None of that means you’re broken. It means you learned very early that your body needed to be managed instead of inhabited.
Here’s the thing many people never tell us: confidence isn’t believing your body is perfect — it’s learning to stay inside your body without abandoning yourself. Presence is what people feel as “sexy,” not a number on a scale or unmarked skin.
You don’t have to love your body to reclaim it. You only have to stop treating it like a problem to be solved before you’re allowed to be seen.
One gentle place to start is the mirror — not to judge, but to practice staying. Look at yourself clothed or unclothed and notice where your mind wants to flee. Then bring it back to something neutral and real: your breath, your posture, the way your shoulders settle when you exhale. This isn’t about convincing yourself you’re hot — it’s about teaching your nervous system that being seen is survivable.
As for partners: the people worth exploring with are not the ones who tolerate your body — they’re the ones who are drawn to your comfort inside it. Especially in kink-positive spaces, attraction often comes from authenticity, presence, and self-ownership far more than conventional beauty standards. There are entire communities where stretch marks, softness, age, and lived-in bodies are not obstacles — they’re signals of depth and reality.
And one last thing, because it matters: there is no “too late.” That belief is another voice trying to rush you into shame. Desire doesn’t expire — it deepens when you stop postponing yourself.
You don’t need to become someone else to be chosen. You need to let yourself arrive as you are — and then choose environments and people who meet you there.

[mo****]

You are beautiful and if someone can't accept all of you then they aren't the right person for you. You have to believe in yourself as being worthy of love. I also struggle with this but thinking about yourself in a way that is positive really helps to make it easier to know you are worth it.

[Deleted Member]

I completely understand where you're coming from. And honestly no matter how many people say otherwise, you feel self conscious. It sucks! The thing is though, it's all in your head. An no matter what you'll beclme 100x sexier when start to look at yourself with the confidence you deserve. You are the only one that can change your perspective. I understand, I've been there, and it's a dark path that feels never ending. But I promise, the end is coming. One day you'll look in the mirror and see the beauty there and smile.

[It****]

By keeping the body active. Don’t get too comfortable and always keep improving. An active body keeps a healthy mind

[Ka****]

I been heavy all my life so I get it. I been working on losing weight i juat had a baby in March so its be hard. I understand the depression as well. If you need a buddy to just vent to or help encourage you you can give me a holler. I great at boosting other up .