When did “Pleasure Dom” start sounding soft and why do so many women want one?

[norfolkbloke44]

11 hours ago, cuteNpsycho said:

This is definitely the closest to my own experience. Ive been with 2 men who fit the description of pleasure Doms. The first told me that the act of controlling whether or not I was allowed to finish and how often was a huge boost to his ego. He routinely tried to f0rce so many that i passed out cause he said that was the ultimate goal. I personally like not having a say in the matter. It takes the pressure off me and let's me finish easier if he lets me. Also if I dont have a say, im less likely to fake it if I feel bad it isnt happening quickly enough. On the flip side, he also could have chosen to just edge me, completely deny me and use me for his toy or f0rce me to finish as many times as he wanted. The second guy had issues finishing himself so when he wasnt done having fun, he would just focus on me. Once again I didn't have a say and submitted to what he wanted the play to entail.

I think there are definitely people who use the term pleasure Dom to get attention but I don't think there are many who really are. I only found out the name recently but I've been doing it for years. Through out my life I've always prioritised the womans pleasure but once I started exploring BDSM I realised there was more to it. I have struggled with finishing myself but this takes the pressure of me so I can enjoy it. The control is exciting and with the sub not knowing where the scene will go. As you said sometimes it's just pushing more and more orgasms until you are a quivering puddle others it's a slow burn to one massive orgasm and other times it's keeping them on the edge for as long as possible. The true sign of a pleasure Dom in my opinion is the aftercare. It's not about jumping in to have your fun it's about holding them letting them calm down and making them feel safe. For me that's where the scene ends sometimes it leads to sex but a lot of times it doesn't.

[norfolkbloke44]

12 hours ago, soleil8534 said:

for me, someone saying they are a pleasure dom means they aren’t looking for me to serve them, but that they will take control of my pleasure for their own pleasure. the label describes what kind of experience i can expect, even if both are acting from the same fundamental base of dominance.

Absolutely agree the dynamic is the same whether it's pleasure or ***, I never liked *** so pleasure was the best option. Pushing the sub to new things and new heights of pleasure is an amazing feeling and in some ways is better than actual sex.

[Re****]

The community grew way too wide that many people nowadays translate terms to their own understanding or use (like many other terms and topics).
It lingers a long path between the dom giving pleasure while taking his, bottoming from the top.
It's quite confusing to meet someone who uses the same term meaning something different, especially if they feel entitled to some crap and can't hold a normal talk.
In my opinion, leaving terms on the side and discussing/demonstrating the actual points gets you exactly where you want.

[ps****]

20 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

I don’t read books or articles about BDSM. I don’t really care about labels either, I care about understanding what someone means when they use a label People have lots of different understandings and interpretations of things, even professionals.The bottoming from the top and it’s from subs and it being connected to their ego. I understand your use of qualifiers like “seems”, but it sounds odd to me. Do you separate people into either Dom or sub? Do you have unusually strict criteria in defining a dominant?
You allude to one possible reason a man might say that, not having anything to do with sub or Dom actually. If women equate the term with respect…men have been known to do difficult, costly, and extravagant things to appeal to women. Adopting a label, easy.
You doubt the majority of them caring that much about the woman’s pleasure? OK. I am not sure why though.
Then you pretend to wonder how they respond if they can’t get an orgasm “out of her”? Revealing that they frequently throw “emasculated” tantrums, ending with the emoji.
If I were to go by the way they seem to you, I would not like or trust anyone calling themselves a pleasure doms. I seem to have a different way of assessing people with respect to trust and their propensity to throw tantrums, as well as the less obvious and more subtle ways people ack out. To each his own.

i understand this comment about labels and language which is why i enjoy non verbal dynamics - hand gestures, symbols, motifs, communicate agreed meanings on any given word. there is a bunch of people on this thread and it didn’t seem viable to ask that.

i only see someone as a dom or sub if they self identify as one. i wouldn’t label as identity, i would describe using adjective that someone may hold more dominant energy than submissive, for example. i do have very strict criteria in terms of how i define dominance and it always incorporates a very specific flavour of self security and power rather than control.

i have a pretty high capacity for psychological pattern recognition. i believe their heart cares, but i also believe in these cases there is more often than not sophisticated patriarchal shadow in play.

i always give the benefit of the doubt. but i dont give it twice. x

[mr****]

12 minutes ago, psybermamii said:

i understand this comment about labels and language which is why i enjoy non verbal dynamics - hand gestures, symbols, motifs, communicate agreed meanings on any given word. there is a bunch of people on this thread and it didn’t seem viable to ask that.

i only see someone as a dom or sub if they self identify as one. i wouldn’t label as identity, i would describe using adjective that someone may hold more dominant energy than submissive, for example. i do have very strict criteria in terms of how i define dominance and it always incorporates a very specific flavour of self security and power rather than control.

i have a pretty high capacity for psychological pattern recognition. i believe their heart cares, but i also believe in these cases there is more often than not sophisticated patriarchal shadow in play.

i always give the benefit of the doubt. but i dont give it twice. x

This perspective holds merit, especially around language and embodiment

[mr****]

After reading through everyone’s perspectives, what stands out to me is this
Dominance isn’t defined by labels or methods, but by how consciously power is embodied and received

[wo****]

1 hour ago, psybermamii said:

i understand this comment about labels and language which is why i enjoy non verbal dynamics - hand gestures, symbols, motifs, communicate agreed meanings on any given word. there is a bunch of people on this thread and it didn’t seem viable to ask that.

i only see someone as a dom or sub if they self identify as one. i wouldn’t label as identity, i would describe using adjective that someone may hold more dominant energy than submissive, for example. i do have very strict criteria in terms of how i define dominance and it always incorporates a very specific flavour of self security and power rather than control.

i have a pretty high capacity for psychological pattern recognition. i believe their heart cares, but i also believe in these cases there is more often than not sophisticated patriarchal shadow in play.

i always give the benefit of the doubt. but i dont give it twice. x

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I completely agree with you about the significance of non verbal communication. It’s second nature to me. I often forget that although people intuitively read this to a degree on a subconscious level (facial expressions that indicate different emotions, shouting, the broad strokes) they typically don’t put conscious effort into observing this to pick up what is communicated.
People lie with their words, sometimes as a habit or reflexive response to something. Effectively lying with non verbals is a very difficult skill to learn and impossible to master. NVC is more involved in message delivery than words spoken. To the trained observer so much information is there. The message is delivered through a loudspeaker while the words are whispers, truth or lie.
Huge NVC nerd.
Also, thanks for sharing insights into how you understand dominance overall , as well as the subtleties involved. Huge fan of understanding the value of pattern recognition and how it communicates about ‘the little man behind the curtain’ (wizard of oz reference) despite his efforts to have everyone focus on and believe what the great and powerful oz is saying.
I suspect that I may not have the same commonality with you when it comes to interpreting behavior with the same perspective on patriarchy or its shadow though. Not a problem for me.
Your views and understanding are yours, mine are mine. Similar in some ways, differing in other ways. I appreciate your thoughtful reply and contribution to the thread overall as well.

[ps****]

3 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I completely agree with you about the significance of non verbal communication. It’s second nature to me. I often forget that although people intuitively read this to a degree on a subconscious level (facial expressions that indicate different emotions, shouting, the broad strokes) they typically don’t put conscious effort into observing this to pick up what is communicated.
People lie with their words, sometimes as a habit or reflexive response to something. Effectively lying with non verbals is a very difficult skill to learn and impossible to master. NVC is more involved in message delivery than words spoken. To the trained observer so much information is there. The message is delivered through a loudspeaker while the words are whispers, truth or lie.
Huge NVC nerd.
Also, thanks for sharing insights into how you understand dominance overall , as well as the subtleties involved. Huge fan of understanding the value of pattern recognition and how it communicates about ‘the little man behind the curtain’ (wizard of oz reference) despite his efforts to have everyone focus on and believe what the great and powerful oz is saying.
I suspect that I may not have the same commonality with you when it comes to interpreting behavior with the same perspective on patriarchy or its shadow though. Not a problem for me.
Your views and understanding are yours, mine are mine. Similar in some ways, differing in other ways. I appreciate your thoughtful reply and contribution to the thread overall as well.

thanks for chatting 🫶

[ps****]

3 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I completely agree with you about the significance of non verbal communication. It’s second nature to me. I often forget that although people intuitively read this to a degree on a subconscious level (facial expressions that indicate different emotions, shouting, the broad strokes) they typically don’t put conscious effort into observing this to pick up what is communicated.
People lie with their words, sometimes as a habit or reflexive response to something. Effectively lying with non verbals is a very difficult skill to learn and impossible to master. NVC is more involved in message delivery than words spoken. To the trained observer so much information is there. The message is delivered through a loudspeaker while the words are whispers, truth or lie.
Huge NVC nerd.
Also, thanks for sharing insights into how you understand dominance overall , as well as the subtleties involved. Huge fan of understanding the value of pattern recognition and how it communicates about ‘the little man behind the curtain’ (wizard of oz reference) despite his efforts to have everyone focus on and believe what the great and powerful oz is saying.
I suspect that I may not have the same commonality with you when it comes to interpreting behavior with the same perspective on patriarchy or its shadow though. Not a problem for me.
Your views and understanding are yours, mine are mine. Similar in some ways, differing in other ways. I appreciate your thoughtful reply and contribution to the thread overall as well.

thanks for chatting 🫶

[Di****]

You can have control and get that dom pleasure from pleasing. I can be aggressive but when I have a woman going through orgasm waves, I have her. That is my power and she can’t stop me. Very much a turn on for both of us. I have been called body worshiper, bull, dom, etc. not really a label I don’t think. Pleasure dom is closer. I always try and read my partner and even after sensual arousal, maybe it’s time to move ***fully. Catching that transition can absolutely make someone lose their mind

[Sa****]

Holy hell. 🔥

[Go****]

I'm not sure if it's because I'm asexual but I consider myself a pleasure dom. For me i don't need to cum to feel satisfied as long as my sub is satisfied. And while I may not find specific kinks hot on their own, seeing how my sub reacts to me playing into their kinks is really satisfying and a turn on for me. It's less about me and more about them ig

[As****]

A dominate who gets pleasure from giving me pleasure instead of only thinking of himself.

[Sa****]

That's me. I'm a Pleasure Goddess. His pleasure was my pleasure. It was short lived. I would have loved to see where it could have gone. We were connecting more. It was awesome.

[Bi****]

4 hours ago, AshenFlame said:

A dominate who gets pleasure from giving me pleasure instead of only thinking of himself.

That's me as it takes a lot for me to get off.