Masochism and self esteem.

[Wo****]

I had always considered myself a hard-core masochist. I started exploring it with LazyPirate and found an amazing dynamic for a while, based on trust, evolution and exploration.

Having explored impact play with Fen, introducing him to my levels of masochism I recently had a startling revelation.... I didn't crave that level of impact play anymore. An unexpected slap to my arse, or a light flogging evoked the very reactions that a good thrashing did.

 

Different connection and dynamic or a high *** threshold and the idea that I deserve to endure ***?

 

Did I enjoy being whipped to reiterate that I should only feel ***?

 

Was I truly a masochist?

I have discovered my sensual side, maybe I'm just exploring the softer side of it. Maybe I've finally stopped beating myself up and feel worthy of love. (That is in no way saying that what Pirate and I did/do wasn't and isn't done with love)

 

 

[Hal727]

That is very nicely stated! This lifestyle is about mutual understanding, respect and enjoyment! Sweet *** is necessary for some of us to fully enjoy our sexuality. That is very different from actual ***.

[Deleted Member]

As you said you started with exploration and evolution, what ever push you to masochism and reach for *** slowly dissipated for something new, a feeling that was there before and taking over your response to ***.
I don’t assume there was a reason for you to enter into a Ds masochistic in the past but maybe your mind and body crave for a more docile approach or it’s time for a rest. Peace in mind effect.
But can you be sure it won’t come back years later?

[bi****]

Hi

[Bo****]

@Bounty.......embracing yourself,forgiving yourself,learning to like yourself......as equal ,& metaphorical temple to the feminine.....allows an evolution of mind,body n soul.....perspectives expanded into dynamic 'realms' .......craving becomes unashamed enjoyment as a pleasure to be savoured, no longer a dark hunger for punishment as attonement?.......as Phd guy said....a ***/pleasure axis of modality in self administered the***utic spiritual growth ,vectored in bdsm...... See me,re: his observations during our study update!🙏🙏🙏🐺🐾🐾

[Deleted Member]

It's lovely to hear your that bit closer to the final version of yourself. And more importantly that you have found a genuine love for what you see when you look into yourself too.

Sounds to me like you have healed Bounty! I like to think that kinky play let's you tap into something deeper within you that you can either endure, embrace or grow from. Maybe all three! Maybe without even having to try so hard because it can feel so natural and enjoyable too.

Self reflection has a big part to play but the biggest question is... where do you go from here?

[Wo****]

4 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

As you said you started with exploration and evolution, what ever push you to masochism and reach for *** slowly dissipated for something new, a feeling that was there before and taking over your response to ***.

I think it allowed me to recognise, accept and let go of a lot of emotional *** through the physical.

 

4 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

I don’t assume there was a reason for you to enter into a Ds masochistic in the past but maybe your mind and body crave for a more docile approach or it’s time for a rest. Peace in mind effect.

There were a myriad of reasons.... all recognised, accepted, let go off.

Peace in mind... yes!!!!

 

4 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

But can you be sure it won’t come back years later?

Nope 😊

And that's ok. 

Everything has it's time and place. "And this too shall pass"

 

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, KinkySirXxX said:

It's lovely to hear your that bit closer to the final version of yourself. And more importantly that you have found a genuine love for what you see when you look into yourself too.

Sounds to me like you have healed Bounty! I like to think that kinky play let's you tap into something deeper within you that you can either endure, embrace or grow from. Maybe all three! Maybe without even having to try so hard because it can feel so natural and enjoyable too.

Self reflection has a big part to play but the biggest question is... where do you go from here?

I love who I am. I've grown a lot over the last three years and kink has had everything to do with it.

 

Endure, embrace and grow... evolve.. absolutely! I am a totally different person from the person I was then. There have been a few significant people who have walked with me, guided me, supported me.

It's been, is, an incredible experience. I was rock bottom three years ago. Alone, depressed, had no self respect, neglected others, neglected myself. I had a choice... change my life or give up. I'm tenacious so I changed my life. 

Where do i go from here? Wherever the wind takes me. I am Free!

[Bo****]

16 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I love who I am. I've grown a lot over the last three years and kink has had everything to do with it.

 

Endure, embrace and grow... evolve.. absolutely! I am a totally different person from the person I was then. There have been a few significant people who have walked with me, guided me, supported me.

It's been, is, an incredible experience. I was rock bottom three years ago. Alone, depressed, had no self respect, neglected others, neglected myself. I had a choice... change my life or give up. I'm tenacious so I changed my life. 

Where do i go from here? Wherever the wind takes me. I am Free!

🙏💚🙏

Life,love, Unity.......freely gifted .

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I love who I am. I've grown a lot over the last three years and kink has had everything to do with it.

 

Endure, embrace and grow... evolve.. absolutely! I am a totally different person from the person I was then. There have been a few significant people who have walked with me, guided me, supported me.

It's been, is, an incredible experience. I was rock bottom three years ago. Alone, depressed, had no self respect, neglected others, neglected myself. I had a choice... change my life or give up. I'm tenacious so I changed my life. 

Where do i go from here? Wherever the wind takes me. I am Free!

I second @Boldbald s sentiments here...
🙏❤🙏 😜

[Koby-8348]

On 1/22/2021 at 2:02 PM, Bounty said:

I had always considered myself a hard-core masochist. I started exploring it with LazyPirate and found an amazing dynamic for a while, based on trust, evolution and exploration.

Having explored impact play with Fen, introducing him to my levels of masochism I recently had a startling revelation.... I didn't crave that level of impact play anymore. An unexpected slap to my arse, or a light flogging evoked the very reactions that a good thrashing did.

 

Different connection and dynamic or a high *** threshold and the idea that I deserve to endure ***?

 

Did I enjoy being whipped to reiterate that I should only feel ***?

 

Was I truly a masochist?

I have discovered my sensual side, maybe I'm just exploring the softer side of it. Maybe I've finally stopped beating myself up and feel worthy of love. (That is in no way saying that what Pirate and I did/do wasn't and isn't done with love)

 

 

This is the depth I like to read - a connection between the emotions you are feeling and the *** you are experiencing, more than simplistic emotional responses. Also, it is nice to hear that you can compare and contrast your different  experiences. With this step forward, it nicely leads you on to perhaps an untrodden path.....

[Deleted Member]

Oh wow, this is super interesting.

From personal experience, when I was in a super vanilla relationship, I alsways knew I was kinky but my partner wasn't really up for it but a lil slap was good enoughish at the time.

Now, I always want a more intense beatings and I want to be left with the marks and bruises but generally now my self esteem is miles higher than it ever has been.

Am I experiencing the complete opposite to you or is it a lack of deep emotional and this is compensating? Wow, that got deep on my part...

Thing is, I crave emotional relationships and enjoy connecting with people and learning and discovering new things all the time, it's such a rush for me. The deeper I get into a kink relationship, the more beatings I want and need and see it as affection because I love the safety and affection that comes after...I'm just rambling now

[Wo****]

3 hours ago, Kinky_Berry said:

want and need and see it as affection because I love the safety and affection that comes after

Rambling is good.... 

I think you may already know a few answers. Including the truth in that statement.🙏

[bi****]

Nice canvas to mark and bruise up

[Wo****]

5 minutes ago, bigdickdaddy40 said:

Nice canvas to mark and bruise up

?

[bi****]

You have a nice body made for taking ***

[Wo****]

2 hours ago, bigdickdaddy40 said:

You have a nice body made for taking ***

Except it isn't anymore. That's kinda the point of the thread.

[bi****]

I see also very understanding

[Deleted Member]

Coming back to this now that I am exploring my masochism after quashing it for some time. It is really difficult at times to realise why we crave certain things - sometimes it's purely sexual, sometimes I need the control to be taken away in a very potent way. But often it's the dynamic and that's a lovely thing - connect with someone and both find something new.

[Th****]

I always find it fascinating that our desire can define our dynamic and yet at other times our dynamic can define our desires.

If it works though and you enjoy the journey all power to you.

It is meant to be fun right 😊👍🙏

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Thebian said:

I always find it fascinating that our desire can define our dynamic and yet at other times our dynamic can define our desires.

If it works though and you enjoy the journey all power to you.

It is meant to be fun right 😊👍🙏

oh I like that perspective! As a sub, I started off just being entirely guided by what the d-type wanted and was interested in. But now I have more confidence, I feel I've more of a say in what develops. Perhaps that's true for you too @Bounty?

[ca****]

I really like this Bounty.  I think you have explained something that is incredibly interesting and i am sure others may be able to see aspects of their 'journey' in what you have / are experiencing.

I kind a see many aspects of life being similar...  some people run marathons to keep fit and that is their way of feeling they are fit and healthy - others might find walking or a simple work out or swim works for them both physically and mentally...     So many paths to take and they all lead 'somewhere'.  And yes we are all constantly changing - even people like me (stubborn and stuck in their ways!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

oh I like that perspective! As a sub, I started off just being entirely guided by what the d-type wanted and was interested in. But now I have more confidence, I feel I've more of a say in what develops. Perhaps that's true for you too @Bounty?

I think, for me, it's more that I've truly started to love myself and I want love and adoration.

I loved every second with LazyPirate and our impact play was something that developed and evolved over time. It naturally evolved from spanking, crops, paddles and crops to include floggers and whips.

Would I engage like that again? Possibly but my desire for it has waned.

Fen and I do some impact play but it's included in something else, like a good, hard spank after hours of oral. I still like it but don't crave it anymore.

 

@Thebian Spot on! Pirate and I fed off each other's energy. Fen and I do. It's a dance.

[ol****]

I think the one thing this thread proves is that people can grow and change with time. I guess it's not something many people would even talk about outside of this world of kink. That's probably why most of us are here and prepared to talk about it.

not sure I've expressed that as well as I intended.

[Deleted Member]