Ever feel down when looking at fetish images of slim models wrapped in beautiful shibari rope work? Does seeing promotional pictures of busty, curvy gals in leather and latex and perfect porn stars with peachy bottoms make you feel insecure? Stop right there! Kink is body-positive and for everyone, no matter your size or shape! Victoria Blisse shares her experiences and body-positive tips for overcoming body image issues and building self-esteem.


Being BBW (and not body-positive) 

I’ve always been fat. That word is a descriptor; it’s not an insult. I used to take it as such but growing up has shown me that it’s just the same as calling someone tall or skinny, labels can be used positively or negatively.  Call me what you will, BBW, plus size, curvy they’re all positive things to me now although that wasn’t always the case.

Growing up I hated my body. That seriously put a dent in my self-esteem. For every compliment I got on how I looked I was able to twist it into an insult. Catcalling from a car by a stranger or a group of lads on the other side of the road didn’t help with my self-esteem either. It was hard to believe I could ever be attractive. Even after meeting my husband and having his confirmation that he found me sexy I still had minimal self-confidence.

Adverts permeate our day to day life so even if, like me, you avoid magazines and newspapers you still see idealised images on TV, posters and the sides of buses. We are surrounded by photoshopped images that pressure us into believing we need to purchase this scent or that designer outfit to become attractive. I say bollocks to that. You are beautiful exactly as you are.

confident plus-size model in bdsm kinky play
Plus size, kinky, loud and proud!

How kink helped me build self-esteem and be body-positive

It was stepping into the kink and fetish world that really helped me in building self-esteem. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a body-positive community before. Participating at large scale erotic markets and fetish fairs revealed to me, women and men of all shapes and sizes confidently wearing whatever they damn well wanted. Plus size latex, for example, was a real eye-opener - I didn’t realise it existed.

I was still quite reserved at first, and it took a long while to start to wear more revealing clothes. Over time I received more body-positive compliments, and my confidence grew. I then realised that I could wear whatever made me happy and by doing so, I shone with self-confidence. That's the key, you know. When you believe in yourself, you’re comfortable in your skin and clothing - then other people see that and react in kind.

Check out our article 'How to Look Incredible in Plus-Size Fetish Wear'   :smiling_imp: 

We all have parts of ourselves that we’re not fans of. For me, it’s my back because I have a few rolls. What I’ve found though is that my pride in taking a beating that results in pretty marks totally trumps any body worries I have. And in confidently displaying my body covered in spanking marks, I’ve come to realise that I’m a beautiful canvas to start with.

At my first kink play event, I was still quite reserved and marveled at the confidence of the plus size women wandering around topless or even nude in some cases. It took me a while to be as free and easy myself. What helped me was having marks to show off.  I eagerly wanted to show off my bottom covered in cane marks and bruises and soon I was even showing off my back.


"It might not happen overnight but I’m confident that you can boost your self-esteem and confidence because if I’ve managed it, anyone can do it!" - Victoria Blisse.

Tips for being body-positive and building self-esteem  

Here are my five top body-positive tips for building self-esteem within the kink community.

  1. Look at the people at kink events. I don’t mean to stare open-mouthed (that’s a bit rude) but notice all the different body shapes around you. Remember we’re all different but beautiful in our way.
  2. Show a little bit more. You don’t have to throw all your clothes off right away but maybe show off some slinky, sexy lingerie or wear that strapless dress to the next play event you attend!
  3. Compliment others. Have you heard the saying 'you get back what you give'? Well, then when you see something you love, let that person know. It can be as simple as telling someone you like their earrings or corset, but by giving out positivity, you invite it back to you.
  4. Compliment yourself. Once you’re used to giving out positivity to others, try it with yourself. Look in the mirror and be kind with your comments. Compliment your good bits and be gentle with the other parts that are harder to love. Each little bit makes up part of sexy you!
  5. Peacock those marks! Show off your bruises, share photos of the wax play art on your back, embrace your sexy kinkiness and share it with your fetish friends.

Victoria Blisse is an erotic author, a sex-positive Reverend and part of Smut.UK who arranges events for curious and kinky people with a literary bent.

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Got body-positive tips to help build self-esteem? Sharing is caring kinksters, head on over to the Fetish.com forum or drop a comment below this article. Everyone is beautiful here!

Plus size and into kink forum thread

Images: model released from Shutterstock.com


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I feel fabulous after reading this.  I've always been edging toward Goddess-shaped but while I didn't have as many men friends as my slimmer sisters, I've certainly had my share.  (Usually attracted by the size of my bust.) My lord likes a 'good handful of woman' and shows that he likes but it's good to hear such positive words from another Goddess-girl and it is true - there's plenty of lovely lingerie and goodies in plus sizes. Thanks, Victoria.

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Loved reading the suggestions for help, I've always felt big and fat and been ridiculed for being much larger than most people, and have because of this always struggled with my self esteem, Its only recently and with help from some truly lovely people that I've started to see my worth,
I'm looking forward to trying your tips and seeing how they help! 

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Yeah it does seem the main Fetish mags and fetish models like in Bizzare magazine are very slim & perfect & somewhat boring because of it too)

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Any foot fetish on
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