Fat Positivity and Kink | Saying No to Body Shaming

On 10/25/2022 at 2:20 PM, RosesHaveThorns75 said:

If you actually understand the post & the aims of this site it's about being pro-diversity pro-education pro-humane it's for humans to learn more respect for one another!!!  ect which seems to the reason that fetish.com exists 🤔 it's already educated me a lot ❤️ hope it continues to do so!!!

Why is it that we are asked to accept obesity as opposed to actively warning about the health implications of carrying excess fat??

On 10/17/2020 at 3:08 PM, Deleted profile said:

I don't think it's being celebrated, more an article of acceptance that we are what we are and maybe a hint that we should try harder to just be plain nice to each other. Let's face it peeps are bullied and bullied horribly for things like this, how is that right? It's just not, and can destroy what little confidence a person has. Maybe we just need to try a little harder, all of us, as none are perfect 

If you actually understand the post & the aims of this site it's about being pro-diversity pro-education pro-humane it's for humans to learn more respect for one another!!!  ect which seems to the reason that fetish.com exists 🤔 it's already educated me a lot ❤️ hope it continues to do so!!!

On 10/17/2020 at 11:45 AM, quietlysure said:

So "thin" people never have health problems, and nobody's suggesting we live unhealthily,

Funny these skinny joggers so super fit they can run marathons 🤔 have seen on the media that they can suddenly drop dead of heart attacks 

On 8/12/2022 at 9:43 PM, Deleted profile said:

Not the same risks. And since this is the topic, the others aren't relevant. Nobody needs to live in a monastery, just to live sensibly - if they want to maximise life expectancy and avoid serious illness. Which is not to say one has to do these things - but self-delusion isn't an option. 

What are your actual qualifications & certificates in health care & weight management's?!? You obviously have a lot of personal experience with working with overweight clients in your chosen profession as a healthcare assistant.....seeming as your so full of knowledge & statistics I can only presume you work for the NHS or similar & are in fact a nurse?!? Hence your obvious concerns.....You obviously do have genuine health concerns due to your job for the members on here now I see why you've done these posts on fetish.com!! 🤔

Edited October 25, 2022 by RosesHaveThorns75
Missing phrase

On 8/12/2022 at 4:13 PM, Chloebear said:

Just as we should be able to live our lives without your interference, and your assertion that it’s self harm is most certainly judgemental. Many on here have said they embrace their body size. That is not self harm. It is acceptance. 
 

Actually the reasons can be myriad, from illness, to medication to disability… labelling weight gain as self harm is a damaging sentiment. If anything, it is a form of self comfort, which is reactionary to perceived harm, not unlike the comments you make. There are many behaviours like this. It’s why making larger people feel ashamed of their size will likely achieve the opposite of what you state is your aim. Increasing someone’s self esteem will make them more likely to take care of themselves after all. If we don’t care about ourselves, would we care for ourselves?

To be clear, I explain this to highlight the holes in your approach. Many bigger people now accept their frames, love themselves as they are and good. I wish it had been the same when I was younger. Many things can alter my lifespan, I could get hit by a car tomorrow. Not all of us want to be 70. I don’t have kids, my parents wont outlive me (really?!)… yea I’ll selfishly sacrifice ten years for cake. The economy needs us to live shorter lives honestly… maybe you should have some pizza and think a little more about the pension schemes etc. 

Totally agree with the whole tone of your peice & your attitude(s) too 😎👍 quality of life personal happiness do count greatly especially in such an unkind society why would I want to be skinny just to live longer in a society full of misogyny & hate crime?!? 💀😆 Everyday I hear economic gloom so my food purchases good/bad are probably helping to prop up the failing economys 🍕😆

This is all correct for women, but for men it's an entirely different experience.

Just to say.  Yes, being obese has statistically poor outcomes but contrary to popular belief that it is a choice is plain wrong. There are myriad reasons (75% of them genetic - read "Why we eat (too much)" by Dr Andrew Jenkinson, a London-based bariatric surgeon). There has been a metastudy into possible causes for the increasing global rise of obesity and to date no clear cause has been found. Since the explosion in the 80s we ate eating less sugar and calories than 100 years ago. We move about the same. The new theory is hyperprocessed food consumption but it is just a theory at the moment.  Obese people are not to blame for their body's very persuasive attempts to overconsume. We need to find solutions for those that want them. Some people are happy being obese and that's okay too.

2 hours ago, LonDom83 said:

According to popular (or, at least, a) theory, the only way to get inclusiveness is to exclude those who don't want it. Paradoxical shenanigans!

I'm all for it. Paradoxical, no?

6 hours ago, wicklowdom said:

Ok, every single word of this response relates to your preconceptions and has nothing to do with me. And it's pretty rich to talk about being inclusive when you can't cope with differing opinions and demand to know why I am here at all. What's my 'propogandas' by the way? 

According to popular (or, at least, a) theory, the only way to get inclusiveness is to exclude those who don't want it. Paradoxical shenanigans!

9 hours ago, RosesHaveThorns75 said:

There is also a growing health concern for mental & emotional well being and a serious risk of illness such as anxiety loneliness depression self hate ect manifesting for those who get judged shamed degraded isolated & condemned socially by others who refuse to support accept or relate to others that they deem as different undeserving or inferior because of their own issues social prejudice or media targeting....... ☹️ the long term risks for those being bullied also include self harm isolation long term mental illness and it's also implicated in suicidal ideation/intentions because being judged condemned or bullied through societal eXpectations puts eXtra stress on those who may already have genetic health conds or be prone to mental health conds hereditary or otherwise......compassion self care & respect are all essential factors in human health!! We are individualls not robots statistics or numbers to be judged owned & controlled by others who don't know us!!!

People are bullied and excluded for a variety of reasons. I've already addressed the genetic health conditions meme - for the most part it's nonsense, a self-justifying excuse. 

8 hours ago, RosesHaveThorns75 said:

There is also a growing health concern for mental & emotional well being and a serious risk of illness such as anxiety loneliness depression self hate ect manifesting for those who get judged shamed degraded isolated & condemned socially by others who refuse to support accept or relate to others that they deem as different undeserving or inferior because of their own issues social prejudice or media targeting....... ☹️ the long term risks for those being bullied also include self harm isolation long term mental illness and it's also implicated in suicidal ideation/intentions because being judged condemned or bullied through societal eXpectations puts eXtra stress on those who may already have genetic health conds or be prone to mental health conds hereditary or otherwise......compassion self care & respect are all essential factors in human health!! We are individualls not robots statistics or numbers to be judged owned & controlled by others who don't know us!!!

I don’t like this post… I love it! Well said. People aren’t statistics on a page 💖

7 hours ago, RosesHaveThorns75 said:

So if your fat shaming size shaming & quite cold & clinical why did you even read this article?!? Clear conflict of interests ☹️ You obviously believe in social judgements and don't really care about social education and inclusion just statistics because it makes you feel superior  🙀 The overall theme of this site is Fetish and peeps into that come in all shapes & sizes why do you care how other people live their lives or what body they are in?!? The site aims to be inclusive so why are you here then?!? 🤔 you want to control other peeps through statistics or enforce social shame of others through using this site.....?!? If that's your agenda I'm staying well clear of your propogandas women esp thinking they can own & control other women's body's f*ck that on this website 😲

 

 

Ok, every single word of this response relates to your preconceptions and has nothing to do with me. And it's pretty rich to talk about being inclusive when you can't cope with differing opinions and demand to know why I am here at all. What's my 'propogandas' by the way? 

On 8/14/2022 at 11:23 AM, wicklowdom said:

Health issues cause about 2% of obesity. And your ex-wife's health issues did not cause her weight gain but the medication she was put on. 

Being black, which is not a choice, is not comparable to being obese, which in most cases results from poor choices. 

And bringing in examples of other things which  may or may not have bad outcomes is whataboutery - when confronted with an undeniable fact, the tactic is to say "but look at this other thing over here which is irrelevant to the topic." If you want to start threads discussing these other things, do so. 

I've bucketloads of nice and sympathetic things to say on the subject of being clear-sighted about the risks you take - but a lot of the notions being expressed here are simply self-delusion. 

So if your fat shaming size shaming & quite cold & clinical why did you even read this article?!? Clear conflict of interests ☹️ You obviously believe in social judgements and don't really care about social education and inclusion just statistics because it makes you feel superior  🙀 The overall theme of this site is Fetish and peeps into that come in all shapes & sizes why do you care how other people live their lives or what body they are in?!? The site aims to be inclusive so why are you here then?!? 🤔 you want to control other peeps through statistics or enforce social shame of others through using this site.....?!? If that's your agenda I'm staying well clear of your propogandas women esp thinking they can own & control other women's body's f*ck that on this website 😲

 

 

On 8/12/2022 at 1:28 PM, wicklowdom said:

There is a clear and demonstrable correlation between excess weight and poor health outcomes.

There is also a growing health concern for mental & emotional well being and a serious risk of illness such as anxiety loneliness depression self hate ect manifesting for those who get judged shamed degraded isolated & condemned socially by others who refuse to support accept or relate to others that they deem as different undeserving or inferior because of their own issues social prejudice or media targeting....... ☹️ the long term risks for those being bullied also include self harm isolation long term mental illness and it's also implicated in suicidal ideation/intentions because being judged condemned or bullied through societal eXpectations puts eXtra stress on those who may already have genetic health conds or be prone to mental health conds hereditary or otherwise......compassion self care & respect are all essential factors in human health!! We are individualls not robots statistics or numbers to be judged owned & controlled by others who don't know us!!!

Interesting comments here. I think the article is saying ‘accept fat people for who they are’. It has nothing to say about poor choices; it merely enjoins us to accept fat people for who they are. It has nothing to say about health statistics; it merely entreats us to accept fat people for who they are. Accepting fat people for who they are is a matter of courtesy towards other human beings. Accepting fat people for who they are has nothing to do with poor choices and health statistics, which are a subject for fat people themselves to consider (or not): it is a matter of accepting fat people for who they are. Fat people, both men and women (although most of the comments here seem to be directed at women), are people first. If you consider them statistics you are turning them into objects. This militates against accepting fat people for who they are. It may be that the ‘experts’ in this comments section are right about poor choices and health statistics – how do I know for sure, given the contradictions? – but this has nothing to do with accepting fat people for who they are. Acceptance is acceptance. Health statistics are health statistics. Accepting fat people for who they are means no body shaming. As the article says, body shaming is everywhere. It is even in the comments here. So let’s all at least try to accept fat people for who they are, because in the end it is the courteous thing to do.

I have been 140 lb, 340, and now 190 and I am probably the happiest with my body that I have ever been. Am I bigger than a lot of girls, yes, am I smaller than other, yes. Just bc I didnt love myself at 340 does NOT mean other ppl aren’t happy with being 300+ lbs. I am not bi but I do love a confident bigger woman. It gives me power and they just don’t know it bc I look at them and think how BEAUTIFUL they are and I turn it inward and say IF they can love their body so can I. Being in the kink world has really helped my self confidence.

On 8/12/2022 at 3:43 PM, arousalismydrug said:

@wicklowdom that’s the biggest assumption and rationalization for fat-shaming there is. Sometimes it’s a health issue that causes weight gain instead of the other way around. When my ex-wife’s rheumatoid arthritis presented, she was on prednezone for a year while her doctors were looking for the right medicine to treat her case. She gained around 160lbs in a that time and several years later she’s still working to get her weight back down. It’s not easy. And it’s not ok so assume or judge anyone for any reason.

Is it ok to criticize someone for being black because they have a higher risk of heart disease?
You’re using the same rationalization against a fat person. Even in cases where it is just a lifestyle choice, that’s not an excuse to criticize either.

BDSM carries risks of bad outcomes. Therefore we can criticize it according to your logic.

Fat may not turn you on, it may even turn you off and that’s ok. But if you don’t have anything nice to say…keep it to yourself.

Health issues cause about 2% of obesity. And your ex-wife's health issues did not cause her weight gain but the medication she was put on. 

Being black, which is not a choice, is not comparable to being obese, which in most cases results from poor choices. 

And bringing in examples of other things which  may or may not have bad outcomes is whataboutery - when confronted with an undeniable fact, the tactic is to say "but look at this other thing over here which is irrelevant to the topic." If you want to start threads discussing these other things, do so. 

I've bucketloads of nice and sympathetic things to say on the subject of being clear-sighted about the risks you take - but a lot of the notions being expressed here are simply self-delusion. 

Edited August 14, 2022 by f1e074fcca0aa7f3ed89a2773d10b18e

5 hours ago, Alistair1974 said:

"If you're overweight through your own choice it's basically self harming."

I understand that the words "through your own choice" don't fit with your wanting to be angry. 
That doesn't mean they're not there though sweety. x

I understand your need to be condescending. Wait…. No I don’t… why is that necessary? Before you judge, how do know who is doing what for what reasons. You don’t know where anyone is on their journey. Perhaps it is your anger that needs exploring, since there is no need to be as annoyed and passive aggressive about other people’s lifestyle choices which have no effect upon your own.

Edited August 13, 2022 by Chloebear

On 8/12/2022 at 4:13 PM, Chloebear said:

Just as we should be able to live our lives without your interference, and your assertion that it’s self harm is most certainly judgemental. Many on here have said they embrace their body size. That is not self harm. It is acceptance. 
 

"If you're overweight through your own choice it's basically self harming."

I understand that the words "through your own choice" don't fit with your wanting to be angry. 
That doesn't mean they're not there though sweety. x

I worship a sexy bbw

1 hour ago, Chloebear said:

Please, continue to justify your lack of empathy. It just makes you look less and less of a sympathetic cause. 

P.s. it was irony. 

 

I've empathy to burn, but not for those who pretend reality is other than it is. P.S. I know what irony is, but yours doesn't cut it. I'm out. 

37 minutes ago, wicklowdom said:

Not the same risks. And since this is the topic, the others aren't relevant. Nobody needs to live in a monastery, just to live sensibly - if they want to maximise life expectancy and avoid serious illness. Which is not to say one has to do these things - but self-delusion isn't an option. 

Please, continue to justify your lack of empathy. It just makes you look less and less of a sympathetic cause. 

P.s. it was irony. 

 

5 hours ago, Chloebear said:

As is there with being underweight…. Or living in a city…. Or drinking alcohol… or working a sedentary job…. So many things. Let us all live monastically in the pure hills! 

Not the same risks. And since this is the topic, the others aren't relevant. Nobody needs to live in a monastery, just to live sensibly - if they want to maximise life expectancy and avoid serious illness. Which is not to say one has to do these things - but self-delusion isn't an option. 

2 hours ago, wicklowdom said:

There is a clear and demonstrable correlation between excess weight and poor health outcomes.

As is there with being underweight…. Or living in a city…. Or drinking alcohol… or working a sedentary job…. So many things. Let us all live monastically in the pure hills! 

14 hours ago, Alistair1974 said:

Gods there's some nonsense on here. If you're overweight through your own choice it's basically self harming. You're cognitively aware that it's causing you harm. You're causing your lungs, heart etc to work harder than they should. You're placing excess stress on a bone structure that was only meant to handle X Y or Z in terms of impact.

However. It's just the same as drinking more beer than recommended. Or smoking. It's a choice. A life choice. And thus, given we're all adults, it's fine.

If you want to leave your kids early.. because of your selfish choices.. so be it. You want to risk dying before your parents .. so be it. It's a tad rude but it's your life.

But.. STOP promoting this as being something that's ok. People saying "oooh you're so judgemental" is not a defence for this. For someone to stay neutral in the face of someone being oppressed .. is taking the side of the oppressor. It requires the same warning as cigarettes. And not just a warning... but .. a chunk of information stating.. you're going to screw your organs.. etc etc.

This isn't something that is debateable in terms of "is it ok?". It's detrimental to the individual and thus the individual needs to be made aware of that, or reminded of that. Fat "positivity" should not be a thing. It's not something to be encouraged.. because it's tantamount to aiding and abetting a slow.. meandering suicide.

And just because the individual, or some people on the outside get a kick out of it, shouldn't exempt the conscientious observer from saying.. "hang on.. this is a tad dangerous" without being vilified for it .

Just as we should be able to live our lives without your interference, and your assertion that it’s self harm is most certainly judgemental. Many on here have said they embrace their body size. That is not self harm. It is acceptance. 
 

Actually the reasons can be myriad, from illness, to medication to disability… labelling weight gain as self harm is a damaging sentiment. If anything, it is a form of self comfort, which is reactionary to perceived harm, not unlike the comments you make. There are many behaviours like this. It’s why making larger people feel ashamed of their size will likely achieve the opposite of what you state is your aim. Increasing someone’s self esteem will make them more likely to take care of themselves after all. If we don’t care about ourselves, would we care for ourselves?

To be clear, I explain this to highlight the holes in your approach. Many bigger people now accept their frames, love themselves as they are and good. I wish it had been the same when I was younger. Many things can alter my lifespan, I could get hit by a car tomorrow. Not all of us want to be 70. I don’t have kids, my parents wont outlive me (really?!)… yea I’ll selfishly sacrifice ten years for cake. The economy needs us to live shorter lives honestly… maybe you should have some pizza and think a little more about the pension schemes etc.