Fat Positivity and Kink: Saying No to Body Shaming

Body shaming is everywhere. Whether it’s in advertising or even friends and family commenting on our bodies – it can feel like the world's against you as a larger person. The kink world, however, is known for its acceptance, and fat positivity is proof of that. Victoria Blisse talks about fat acceptance and kink, as well as her own experiences on the scene.

What is fat positivity?

It may seem obvious, but fat positivity is all about accepting a fat or larger person for who they are and the body they inhabit. Although it shouldn't be such a big ask, body shaming is so ingrained in Western society that it’s important to actively promote body confidence in mainstream culture.

Nobody should be subjected to scorn or ridicule because of their size. Furthermore, fat people should have the same rights and access as everyone else.

Being fat on the kink scene

The kink scene is, in general, an accepting place. Body confidence is cherished, even celebrated. As a fat person myself, I was nervous about showing off flesh when I first attended BDSM and fetish events. But, to my surprise, being fat was never an issue.

Curvy and kinky: all sizes are welcomed on the kink scene!

That's because the fetish scene attracts all people in all shapes and sizes, and fat positivity and acceptance is a testament to its inclusivity; having a good time and getting kinky is all that matters!

Despite my initial concerns about being accepted as a fat person, after dipping my toes into the fetish waters, it actually soon felt strange to keep my clothes on. I felt comfortable in my own skin in this wonderful world.

“The kink scene is an accepting place. Body confidence is cherished, even celebrated. That's because the fetish scene attracts all people in all shapes and sizes, and fat positivity and acceptance is a testament to its inclusivity.”

I’m now as happy being naked at a fetish club as I am in my own home. My journey towards self-acceptance and body confidence is, in large part, thanks to the kink world.

Still, there are some misconceptions and stereotypes about fat people on the fetish scene. For example, it's commonly thought that a fat person can't do as much because of their size, but that's not true in most cases.

Chain reaction: support larger kinksters by calling out body shaming

Being fatter: great for impact play

Fat acceptance and positivity isn't just about body confidence. Fleshy areas of the body are the safest areas of the body for impact play. So, more flesh equals bigger surface area – it’s as simple as that! A fatter person can be hit in more areas for a longer duration, and often times, more intensely.

Shibari and rope for fatter people

Photos of rope bunnies usually portray a misconception that you have to be young, thin, and bendy to rope properly. This is not true in the slightest. Fat people can be rope bunnies too. If you're a larger person, you might just need more rope and try a few different ties that take into account your unique body size.

“Fleshy areas of the body are the safest for impact play. A fatter person can be hit in more areas for a longer duration, and often times, more intensely.”

Likewise, suspension is also possible, and don't be told otherwise. If a rigger tells you differently, then they're simply not the right rigger for you. In fact, don’t let anyone tell you something is impossible because of your larger size. There's always a way.

Fat fetish: is it OK?

Some people get turned on by fat people and plus-size women. Often, though, it's the fat itself that gets them going, not necessarily the person or their personality. This is not the same thing as fat positivity.

We'll never fetish shame here at fetish.com and FET, but always remember to ask a fat person for their consent in your kink. Every person should be treated like a human being, not just as a way to get a fetish fix.

Feederism and weight gaining kink

The same goes for feederism, also known as the weight gaining fetish. Consent is particularly important with this kink. As long as everyone involved is on the same page and aware of the risks, then a weight gaining fetish can be enjoyed by all parties. Feeders and feedees can enjoy their fetish without shame or guilt.

What's knot to love? Larger kinksters can be rope bunnies, too

How to actively champion fat positivity in kink

It’s easy, really: respect fat people. Anti-fat sentiment is so hardwired into society, it can be hard to recognize at times. So, here are some ways to combat body shaming within the fetish community, and in day-to-day life too!

Carry extra rope if you're into shibari, and try tying a larger person if you've never done it before
If you hear someone body shame or say something derogatory about a fat person, stand up for them and call it out
Don’t talk about being too fat or needing to diet in front of a fat person
Don’t assume a fat person’s needs and preferences, just ask them! They might be different from other people.

It can be difficult to challenge personal preconceptions, but actively working to be more fat positive and accepting of larger people in the kink community and beyond is worth it. There’s a soft world of curves and kinks out there to be explored! •

Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.