When desire dies...

[Ro****]

I'm curious. What methods do you have to get your desire back when you don't have any? How do you reawaken your libido?

[CK****]

Tough question…. You have to understand why one loses it in the first place. Depression, anger, stress, not staying physically fit. Maybe chemical imbalances testosterone is low. But what I can say all of the above coincides with each other. I’ve been there. 2 of each for the win! lol what I can with out a doubt tell you. Start an Exercise routine. Won’t be easy. But a $10-20 gym membership. Pack a duffel and go strait from work. When you sign up you can ask for a plan to self work for what you want to accomplish. Might even get a free personal training. Take that info cross it over to YouTube, instagram anyone of the short videos. For those 30 minutes to an hour 3-4 times a week. Shove the depression, the anger, the stress into the work out. Grunt, breathe, and do it again. When it becomes repetitive you will get stronger, sexier, healthier. I’m not even saying eat different. I eat what I want. Oreos will keep me from a 6 pack. So what. lol. Walk taller and all of the above will fade. Stress and sadness isn’t quite what you thought it was. The chemicals in your body will start to balance. When you feel good, look good there will be a change in the air around you. Take that new vibe and start flirting. If you’re married. Flirt with your spouse. It will feel awkward at first. But who cares? It will bring smiles and you’ll start to get the libido back. For sure!! 8 years popping Xanax at 7:30 am to deal with the 8:30 daily work calls, antidepressants… this one… that one…. Never angry. But never happy. Dead inside. The regiment that I did. Jog a mile 3 days a week. Lift weights 3 days a week. I Cut out all the meds and haven’t looked back. I have my moments. But I can handle them better. Now the ladies man needs a pill to keep it down. lol. Or because I’ve been single so long. 😉

[St****]

You jus don’t really like sex because I can’t see how you could lose it.

[Ar****]

14 minutes ago, Stlover95 said:

You jus don’t really like sex because I can’t see how you could lose it.

This is not just an unhelpful comment, it's rooted in an absence of both education and willingness to learn.

 

How about we don't tell people how they feel, and DO recognise that a dwindling or faded libido has many possible documented psychological, emotional, physiological reasons for occurring without belittling or being dismissive of somebody asking the community for help?

[JackJonesHull]

Historically, for me, it has been the result of stress, usually emotional.
So I go through a cycle of recentering myself. Which sounds terribly mystical.
But it's rest and relaxation, followed by cool/cold water swimming and exercise.
I understand what cold water does to a libido but ice baths are a no go but cold swimming and/or showers are a must for me.

[Kr****]

Stress reduction is definitely an important target. Sometimes reduction of sexual stimuli can help too. And take your time without pressure.

[wb****]

I never really had much of a libido, even in my een’s and early 20’s. Therapy has answered at of those questions.

What I do know is at 50 I have the sex drive of a 20 yr guy. I have never felt like this before.

Here’s how I got here and what helped me.

My generation and older never talked about perimenopause or menopause. I don’t know of anyone my age who knew what or when to expect it.

I keep getting posts on “signs your in perimenopause”. So down the rabbit hole I went.
I found out EVERYTHING is a damn sign.
I’m not kidding, weight gain/loss, hairs in new places/loss/thinning, mood swing, itchy ears, reduced sex drive, a 100+ more. The biggest one for me was short temper, low threshold of patience, basically being a raving B. The lack of sex drive never occurred to me because I hadn’t been in a relationship (of any kind) for years.

I went to my doctor who did *** work, guess what I am menopausal. Oh joy 🥲. We talked about my options one was estrogen. I was most concerned about get my patients back so I could repair my relationship with my short person. The hormone replacement did that, what it also did was kick my libido into overdrive.

I’m not giving medical advice or telling you this is what’s wrong or that you need to get this from you doctor. What I am saying is sometimes the answer is medical / hormonal. But I don’t know your age or anything. That just my 2cents, hope it helps.

[Ro****]

Thanks all. It very much is likely to be stress. Mostly a stressful holiday time. Thank you all for the advice.

[re****]

Refrain from porn and masterbation for awhile. This makes me you have a strong desire for whatever your brain can come up with.

[St****]

13 hours ago, Aranhis said:

This is not just an unhelpful comment, it's rooted in an absence of both education and willingness to learn.

 

How about we don't tell people how they feel, and DO recognise that a dwindling or faded libido has many possible documented psychological, emotional, physiological reasons for occurring without belittling or being dismissive of somebody asking the community for help?

That’s like being hungry and wondering where your appetite went. Believe it or not, some people don’t really enjoy sex that much. They do exist, bud.

[Ar****]

12 minutes ago, Stlover95 said:

Believe it or not, some people don’t really enjoy sex that much. They do exist, bud.

That's right flower, they do. And there is nothing to indicate from the OP that they're one of those people or warrant you projecting your assumptions about her.

 

If somebody said "I don't like lemon cheesecake as much as I used to" you wouldn't scoff and them and say, "You're just lactose intolerant"...

[St****]

55 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

That's right flower, they do. And there is nothing to indicate from the OP that they're one of those people or warrant you projecting your assumptions about her.

 

If somebody said "I don't like lemon cheesecake as much as I used to" you wouldn't scoff and them and say, "You're just lactose intolerant"...

Close, you’d actually have to not be able to eat it or digest it. Then I would say you probably don’t like it anymore

[St****]

56 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

That's right flower, they do. And there is nothing to indicate from the OP that they're one of those people or warrant you projecting your assumptions about her.

 

If somebody said "I don't like lemon cheesecake as much as I used to" you wouldn't scoff and them and say, "You're just lactose intolerant"...

Listen to your body, why aren’t you horny? Why can’t you eat cheesecake? I don’t seem to have this problem 🤷🏽‍♂️, good luck on finding a solution. Over and out

[4R****]

Get your testosterone levels checked. I’ve come across several people now with this predicament and low T has been a contributing factor. 

[sa****]

You think about the road blocks question why and whats changed then go try somthing new doesn't have to be in the bedroom just in general try to experience something new