Decision making.

[Odd-1086]

Hi, I'm a submissive male, and i enjoy pleasing others. I've been here for a long time now and the major paradox I have come across, women want you to do as your told, but want you to make all the decisions.
Is thereanyone else out there that has come across this paradox?

[No****]

So u want a woman to take care of u like we arent already… and u cant even have a mind or brain to make decisions. Ok. They arentt your mom sorry. Dominant women domt even wanna have to be dominant so men are annoyinh like that

[Deleted Member]

Understand that the majority of women who enjoy the perks of a D/s or FLR are not dominant. Less that 5% of the global population of women may be considered genuine Dominant. That's not to imply you can not still enjoy the many benefits of FLR with those that are not sincerely Domina. I've learned in my 40+ years in this space, that one disposition that attracts a real Domme, is if you express a service-oriented attitude and personality. Good luck to you.

[Odd-1086]

My life experience is one of service, following rules and regulations. But my experience with women who call themselves domina is that they refuse to commit to the life. Over and over I have had to waist tome on a female member on this site over months only for them to ask what is it they I want. It's simple. I want to be placed in a situation of obedience, to serve, to pleasure my Mistress. But that doesn't happen because the female doesn't want to appear to be dominant. The slave has got to want to be submissive. You can't have it both ways. If you want a submissive, then tale him, if you don't, become a sub yourself.

MAKE A DECISION.

[Laycette]

What do you mean by'make all the decisions'? Within what context? If a domme give you goal-oriented instructions for the big-picture result, you may have decision making power within that scope. But micro-managing you is more trouble than it's worth, then we may as well do it ourselves you know?

[su****]

Same has happened to me. It’s called being lazy af. It’s definitely not leadership that’s for damn sure. But it matters on your agreed dynamic.
But when you damn well made it clear what you’re looking for and they’re just half assing it yeah it’s very annoying. Confusing even. Like you keep expecting something that just doesn’t exist.

[Odd-1086]

Great fan of rules protocols snd procedures. But a decision has to be made first. You can't wait for your sub to tell you what you want.

That's called subbing from the top.

Your the domme. Decide what you want.

[Odd-1086]

Just to clarify myself a bit.
If your sub or slave does something for you that you enjoyed, you loved what was done, how it was done, and how your sub performed while doing it. That's called a protocol. Now who's fault is it if it is not rewarded and if it is not expressed. So your sub has no.idea that you wanted again and for always that way. Who's fault is it that you never get that thing again. Is it up to the slave to guess, or is it up to the Mistress to ensure that her desire to have that repeated again and again.
I have written well over 20 000 words on essays for a Mistress on research into bdsm. Simple to have her refuse to decide to have me as her slave/sub. Zero commitment from the domme. 100% commitment from the sub.
She simply couldn't take responsibility for her own happiness.
MAKE A DECISION
It's easy once you start

[ch****]

A dom delegating and assigning an open task is a form of submission. What you sound like you want is a 24/7 d/S lifestyle. Many who have to be dominant all day want to be *** and submissive in private. This happens with women a lot. Often women adapt to dominance due to circumstances but that is not their desire at their core. A female dom is also more adept at the psychological. I am not saying they are always better but they network, communicate, and control in a more complex manner. When a female dom delegates to you she want you to serve her through you showing you understand her well enough by making the choices she wants. I delegate tasks to my subs to see how they handle it. Then repercussions as needed based on their results. Having a competent and intuitive sub who pays attention is of extremely high value.

Try not to get upset when tasks with decision making are given. Bare in mind she may be exhausted and want you as her trusted minion to provide for her desires as you should already be aware of them from previous scenarios.

[Odd-1086]

What a perfect way to put it.
But first you have to decide to be in charge of your own happiness.
How can a slave anticipate when.it has no base to work from.

[Viking3742]

1 hour ago, Laycette said:

What do you mean by'make all the decisions'? Within what context? If a domme give you goal-oriented instructions for the big-picture result, you may have decision making power within that scope. But micro-managing you is more trouble than it's worth, then we may as well do it ourselves you know?

In general I agree, that it does come down to the context meant by “making all the decisions”

As her submissive If “My Lady” (Mistress) say I want oysters for tonight. There is a certain amount of decision making for me. Go out to restaurant that serves good oysters or go get fresh one and arrange dinner at home.
If she’s say I want to go to restaurant xyz for dinner, there is much less scope for decisions / discretion on my part. Even if at that restaurant she is unlikely to eat anything but oysters.
IF she wants specifics she will make them clear, if there not specifically stated I am free to choose as long as the stated goal is met.

As you say, if you have to micro manage every single detail it’s probably easier to do it yourself.

Personally I enjoy sometimes trying to put an unexpected twist in that she doesn’t see coming when I have a broader brush to work with. Being a completely step 1, step 2 … micro managed to the enth degree sub “ALWAYS” sound horrible and tbh pretty boring to me.
But horses for courses and courses for horses I guess. Others may find that idilic.

[ey****]

This is what I've found.

Dommes, in general, don't like micromanaging subs.  It's often pretty infantile and subs tend to be grown ass men, not toddlers.

Subs that lead into the micromanaging, tell me what to do all the time, make my decisions for me, blah blah end up creating a lot of extra work for the Domme with no actual reward.

It's not really a paradox for the Domme to expect you to follow reasonable  instructions when provided.

It's also not unreasonable to ask subs to be proactive.

 

Like, I hate to use workplaces as an example. But, like... your manager would be exhausted if they had to monitor you from start to finish. This doesn't mean they can't be there for reasonable guidance. If your manager gives you reasonable instructions, you would be expected to follow them - and, when doing tasks, or having downtime, if you can be proactive in upskilling or looking how to do them better then everyone succeeds.

[Odd-1086]

Well, people, this is my last post on this subject. The last so called dome is exactly what I was talking about. Her happiness is everybody's else's problem. It's up to the dlave to do sll the work. The m8dtress isn't responsible for anything. Hardly dominant. She wants to have the last say, but never committing to a course of action. Only there to scamm people she thinks is lesser than her.
She has never had a sub in her house in her life, because she will never invite some one back to her house, nor will she ever give out her phone number, but it's the subs fault for not committing. She will never make the decision to be responsible for her own happiness.

[Do****]

6 hours ago, chivalrous219 said:

A dom delegating and assigning an open task is a form of submission. What you sound like you want is a 24/7 d/S lifestyle. Many who have to be dominant all day want to be *** and submissive in private. This happens with women a lot. Often women adapt to dominance due to circumstances but that is not their desire at their core. A female dom is also more adept at the psychological. I am not saying they are always better but they network, communicate, and control in a more complex manner. When a female dom delegates to you she want you to serve her through you showing you understand her well enough by making the choices she wants. I delegate tasks to my subs to see how they handle it. Then repercussions as needed based on their results. Having a competent and intuitive sub who pays attention is of extremely high value.

Try not to get upset when tasks with decision making are given. Bare in mind she may be exhausted and want you as her trusted minion to provide for her desires as you should already be aware of them from previous scenarios.

YES! 🙌🏻

[ey****]

13 hours ago, Odd-1086 said:

Her happiness is everybody's else's problem. It's up to the dlave to do sll the work. The m8dtress isn't responsible for anything. Hardly dominant. She wants to have the last say, but never committing to a course of action

I've seen this style of Dominance before and it's a valid style.

So yes, in these cases a sub not contributing to her happiness is not a sub worth her time.  That's an open and shut scenario right there.

In some cases it's rhetorical.  

Scenario - guy contacts prospective Domme. Reason could be variable - the usual, kinda let's be honest - is she's *there*.  As I say there's variables, whether the guy finds her attractive, if she's local, or if it's a new day and he's searching for new profiles.   Or of course, could be any form of genuine interest or curiousity.  

It's a simple question... what can you do for me? How does engaging benefit me? What value does it bring me to have you in my house, to trust you with my phone number?

It's not that she is not taking responsibility for her own happiness. The opposite in fact. She isn't letting people  into her life/space/etc that are not going to benefit her happiness.  And this is difficult because a lot of sub guys maybe only really ever think about how things benefit them. So when faced with a challenge, cannot answer.

And there isn't a universal answer because, for example, there are people I know I would bring no real benefit to.  This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them or what they're looking for. But it isn't me.  But then there are those, where, I can bring genuine enjoyment. Those who I do bring genuine enjoyment to.  

One thing a lot of men underestimate is how happy a woman can be *without* a man.

[Odd-1086]

You've miss the point. There's no point serving a Mistress who expects the slave to fo all the work. Not the practical stuff, that's a big part of why your there. To serve. But yhe intellectual and emotional stuff. How can you develop a relationship when they don't engage, make that decision to be a dominant and not expect the sub to do all the work. I've bee dismissed and ignored before, only to be humiliated in public for her to degrade me after months of not engaging with at all. I didn't even know that we were still in a D/s relation

[Odd-1086]

Read the case of versus the naughty girl.
Why would it be any different for a male

[ey****]

15 hours ago, Odd-1086 said:

There's no point serving a Mistress who expects the slave to fo all the work

there's another thread which looks at stuff like language and terminology - but - on the contrary THAT IS EXACTLY THE ROLE OF A SLAVE.  Sorry for shouting, but if you call yourself a slave, yes, that is the role.     So, it kinda then might be that calling yourself a slave is the wrong terminology, especially when someone lays out expectations and you disagree with it.  

15 hours ago, Odd-1086 said:

How can you develop a relationship when they don't engage

I don't get a little why there then needs to be a rant that someone is responding but clearly not compatible to what you're looking for

 

[ey****]

14 hours ago, Odd-1086 said:

Read the case of versus the naughty girl.
Why would it be any different for a male

you cannot really cite experience if you don't know the difference between M/f and F/m. 

[Odd-1086]

Why would they be different. Because a man is more comfortable either power, because a woman won't take responsibility. Please tell.me, why is M/f, different than F/m. I thought it was all D/s.

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, Odd-1086 said:

Please tell.me, why is M/f, different than F/m. I thought it was all D/s.

There's a lot of resources on this on the web, but for a brief overview.

Society is typically patriarchical. 

M/f typical rein***s archetype structures. So the male often takes on roles on authority, protection, ownership, discipline.

F/m subverts things. It goes against traditional roles and so often is closer to power exchange/reversal.  

The problem a lot of men often face with F/m is because there's stuff that it becomes difficult to let go of, because they need to strip away a lot of authority, control, etc they're used to having and also elevate the other person and help them succeed in the framework.  There's a lot of common complaints from women (many around these forums, many on blogs, many from people in the community) of people they've dealt with who've said they want FLR, the lady to be their Domme, so on - but there's so much the guy won't let go of - or, seeks to create extra work for the Domme ahead of being proactive.   Some of this can be a lot of very simple things - including things like not taking a fair share (or majority) of housework, retaining control of finances regardless of how the lady would prefer to do things, even a lot of final authority matters which can be anything from what's for dinner to what to watch on TV tonight.  

Some of this less relevant when it's someone you're only talking to online. But they're not going to move to the "you can come to my house" stage if they're not comfortable on how they can trust you. 

[Odd-1086]

The patriarchy hasn't been around for 100 years. Get 9ver it. Women have had equal rights fir at least 50 years, get over it. 8n fact the opposite is true. Woman no.longer have to.provide anywhere near the physical evidence in court yhat a wan has to. Stop quoting literature that is made by women with a distinct female bias to get sympathy for more stricter laws directed specifically at men. Start looking at attitudes of both men and women on social media. You'll find men aren't engaging with women. You'll find berth rates falling below replacement numbers. Men no longer trust women, and thud I'd all around the world. Women are abusing men on social media because having **** between their legs is no longer enough, and their angry because men are demanding more honesty loyalty, support. Thus is in the vanilla world. And you say, the literature say men arre untrustworthy. The ***hood is the most dangerous thing in society and it's destroying it.

[Deleted Member]

👀

[Odd-1086]

See, devil may care has proved my point. No substance, just you should worship me because I'm pretty

[Odd-1086]

Check travel 4179 as the opposite end of the scale. Visited me, spanked me, yet hasn't read my profile. These women don't respect a man in any relationship let alone a D/s one. And eyemblacksheep still thinks man are the dangerous ones.