When did you develop interest in BDSM? And how did that continue to develop?

[Ni****]

How did you develop interest in BDSM and especially when?
I wanted to introduce this question because I think I might be a peculiar case? I developed interest in BDSM/what I later learned was BDSM, when I was about six or seven years old (worst numbers to say in a row atm lol). I had intense dreams of finding pleasure in bondage/bodily restriction and to an extent also ***. The methods of restriction varied a ton and I was very "open minded"/"creative" in imagining situations similar to those in my dreams, in the sense that they also restricted me. I'd also spend a fair amount of time trying to simulate these fantasies at home by myself, with blankets for example. Just some years later I gained access to YouTube, where I found a fair amount of videos with some bondage (I never know if I should call it porn or not - they never included nudity) - I found videos of stuff like pantyhose bondage, some minor knots, or even just unboxings of gags, or rope or whatever. Sometimes more extreme stuff like vacuum beds or whatnot. Over the years this developed further. I'd say with 13 or 14 or so I was able to identify these desires as partly/maybe mainly sexual, at which point they took a more extreme/niche form. I'd specifically look for stuff like vacuum beds or mummification. At 17-ish I started looking at actual porn sites. Do y'all relate to this at all? Do you find it strange? Sometimes I wonder if my early access to videos online has stunted my development at all.
Recently a very meaningful relationship of mine came to an end. My partner and I lived together for about a year and were together for a similar amount of time before. She was down to explore the field with me but wasn't really into it that much. It wasn't the main reason our relationship came to an end but it played a role that I wasn't satisfied. I longed for a BDSM focused relationship. I'm deeply afraid that the expectation I had for that relationship was caused by my pornography consumption.
I have never been active in the community. I'm 20 (m) and consider myself a sub. I'm not a party person and don't study in a large city with munches so I'm not sure how to get involved, which is why I'm posting this here. Please do let me know what you're experiences are! Also feel free to let me know if you know any forums that are good for talking about this kind of stuff.

[ca****]

I knew I was a sadist when I was that young when I would imagine me hurting people and feeling the power and the rush. My personality is kinda conflicting to how I am sexually. I’m very very caring and loving. It took a little bit to put two and two together because I repressed the thoughts as I should have and I still do. I’ve done a lot of development so it’s not really something that affects me but to think about it during sex is shameful for me. I am naturally so good at the role but I’ve never dated anyone who actually would be a super good fit for me in terms of the maximum sexual pleasure but I’m ok with it. I am a very loving person and I prioritize that and having meaningful connection over my kinks I guess. I kinda wish I wasn’t like this but it is what it is. I don’t watch porn or anything like that. People say sadism comes from watching more and more intense porn which is true but for me it wasn’t really that I was set up for failure from birth especially caring so much about people. It’s literally like a dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. The way my heart races and the way my perversity takes over causes huge shame. But I’m very aware and I’m very tame. No one in my life knows about it and hopefully it stays that way. I would rather find a partner who understands and someone I can genuinely love and provide and protect at the same time as being depraved.

[subjoe101]

Nick -  Similar you, I had BDSM fantasies at a very young age, and it wasn't until I got access to the internet  (internet did not exist until I was in my 20's). that I learned many others had similar fantasies. I dove deep into the BSDM porn which super charged my fantasies. Fortunately I eventually discovered the female led relationship (FLR) lifestyle. It took awhile, but overtime I discovered that my BDSM tendencies were driven by a desire to serve women (as opposed to just the act of being dominated). By then I was married and my wife was not dominant.  As luck would have it, she was open to the idea of FLR.  Long story short our marriage transitioned to a FLR. Over time I learned that focusing on serving and obeying her and making her life better was much more fulfilling that just focusing on my BDSM kink, Our FLR incorporates domination and kink, but my devotion is focused on making her live like a Goddess. For me, this change in mindset added meaning to "the need to be dominated," and I was no longer chasing kinks that were fun but unfulfilling. 

[Ni****]

10 hours ago, subjoe101 said:

Nick -  Similar you, I had BDSM fantasies at a very young age, and it wasn't until I got access to the internet  (internet did not exist until I was in my 20's). that I learned many others had similar fantasies. I dove deep into the BSDM porn which super charged my fantasies. Fortunately I eventually discovered the female led relationship (FLR) lifestyle. It took awhile, but overtime I discovered that my BDSM tendencies were driven by a desire to serve women (as opposed to just the act of being dominated). By then I was married and my wife was not dominant.  As luck would have it, she was open to the idea of FLR.  Long story short our marriage transitioned to a FLR. Over time I learned that focusing on serving and obeying her and making her life better was much more fulfilling that just focusing on my BDSM kink, Our FLR incorporates domination and kink, but my devotion is focused on making her live like a Goddess. For me, this change in mindset added meaning to "the need to be dominated," and I was no longer chasing kinks that were fun but unfulfilling. 

That's super interesting Joe! Thanks for sharing. In my recent relationship I too realized that beyond the very sexual desires of kink in the form of wanting to be dominated, there is an underlying desire that is more the***utic and quite innocent that I too could call "a desire to serve women". Love the input.