How to fix a pet that hard to feel love?

[AC****]

It could be a hard process for a master/ mistress to take care of a pet that has issues with “love and beloved”.
It’s a psychological thing that requires patience and understanding, even knowledge and effort.
Let’s imagine:
At this moment, what would you do if you have a pet with issues or you would avoid interacting with them at the beginning?

[da****]

Personally if they i.e. Master/Mistress have being let in there has to be some room for care. If I was let in.. then I would try to help but on their terms not push to hard.. try to understand and maybe be a little careful on how much both play and issue are linked. No expert but got to start someplace.

[AC****]

I would do some academic research on their issues and get better understanding on them. Trying to talk about it. If they don’t want to talk about it it’s fine but I would teach them how to express their love in healthy ways. I believe that ability does exist but sometimes it is covered by trauma or emotions.

[To****]

I don’t approach this as something to fix.

When a pet struggles to feel love or to feel lovable, that isn’t a flaw in need of correction...it’s information about their history, their nervous system, and the ways they’ve learned to stay safe…

As a Dominant, my first question isn’t “How do I change them?”
It’s “Do I have the capacity, patience, and consistency to hold this responsibly?”

If I choose to engage, the work starts with structure, not affection…

Predictability builds safety long before love does. Clear routines, clear expectations, and reliable responses do more than reassurance ever will. Pets who struggle with love often relax when they know what won’t change

I don’t rush emotional closeness. I let trust grow through repetition:
showing up when I say I will, correcting gently and consistently, and maintaining boundaries even when it would be easier to blur them. That’s what teaches the nervous system that connection doesn’t equal danger

Affection is earned in both directions... not as a reward, but as a result of stability

That said, not every Dominant should take this on. Some pets need the***utic support alongside a dynamic, and some need a level of emotional containment that goes beyond kink. Avoiding the dynamic isn’t failure...it’s discernment

Responsible dominance isn’t about rescuing or repairing someone.
It’s about knowing your limits, choosing dynamics you can sustain, and understanding that care without structure is chaos, but structure without care is cruelty

If a pet eventually learns to feel love, it’s not because they were “fixed”
It’s because they finally experienced safety long enough for it to surface

[wo****]

47 minutes ago, TomWhttt said:

I don’t approach this as something to fix.

When a pet struggles to feel love or to feel lovable, that isn’t a flaw in need of correction...it’s information about their history, their nervous system, and the ways they’ve learned to stay safe…

As a Dominant, my first question isn’t “How do I change them?”
It’s “Do I have the capacity, patience, and consistency to hold this responsibly?”

If I choose to engage, the work starts with structure, not affection…

Predictability builds safety long before love does. Clear routines, clear expectations, and reliable responses do more than reassurance ever will. Pets who struggle with love often relax when they know what won’t change

I don’t rush emotional closeness. I let trust grow through repetition:
showing up when I say I will, correcting gently and consistently, and maintaining boundaries even when it would be easier to blur them. That’s what teaches the nervous system that connection doesn’t equal danger

Affection is earned in both directions... not as a reward, but as a result of stability

That said, not every Dominant should take this on. Some pets need the***utic support alongside a dynamic, and some need a level of emotional containment that goes beyond kink. Avoiding the dynamic isn’t failure...it’s discernment

Responsible dominance isn’t about rescuing or repairing someone.
It’s about knowing your limits, choosing dynamics you can sustain, and understanding that care without structure is chaos, but structure without care is cruelty

If a pet eventually learns to feel love, it’s not because they were “fixed”
It’s because they finally experienced safety long enough for it to surface

l appreciate this perspective, especially the emphasis on structure, patience, and knowing one's limits. That feels like a grounded way to approach something this sensitive.
One small thing that comes to mind for me, alongside that, is how important simple recognition can be for some pets who struggle with love or feeling lovable. Not affection or reassurance, but being interacted with in a way that reflects dignity and humanity.
Things like calm, deliberate eye contact, presence without demand, and speaking to them as a person rather than a problem. For some, that consistent sense of being seen seems to matter as
much as predictability in helping trust slowly take root.
I agree that this isn't something every Dominant should take on, and that discernment is part of care. Structure creates safety; how someone is regarded within that structure can quietly shape whether connection ever feels possible.

[AC****]

5 hours ago, TomWhttt said:

I don’t approach this as something to fix.

When a pet struggles to feel love or to feel lovable, that isn’t a flaw in need of correction...it’s information about their history, their nervous system, and the ways they’ve learned to stay safe…

As a Dominant, my first question isn’t “How do I change them?”
It’s “Do I have the capacity, patience, and consistency to hold this responsibly?”

If I choose to engage, the work starts with structure, not affection…

Predictability builds safety long before love does. Clear routines, clear expectations, and reliable responses do more than reassurance ever will. Pets who struggle with love often relax when they know what won’t change

I don’t rush emotional closeness. I let trust grow through repetition:
showing up when I say I will, correcting gently and consistently, and maintaining boundaries even when it would be easier to blur them. That’s what teaches the nervous system that connection doesn’t equal danger

Affection is earned in both directions... not as a reward, but as a result of stability

That said, not every Dominant should take this on. Some pets need the***utic support alongside a dynamic, and some need a level of emotional containment that goes beyond kink. Avoiding the dynamic isn’t failure...it’s discernment

Responsible dominance isn’t about rescuing or repairing someone.
It’s about knowing your limits, choosing dynamics you can sustain, and understanding that care without structure is chaos, but structure without care is cruelty

If a pet eventually learns to feel love, it’s not because they were “fixed”
It’s because they finally experienced safety long enough for it to surface

That’s amazing! Respect a lot!

[AC****]

“Secure” is very important.

I’m a complex pet and I know my situation could be too much for most people, so I chose ***ting instead of dating hahaha.

Professional help is one thing but socializing is necessary.

However
There are risks to both sides when one’s behavior is impacted by negative mental state/ trauma. The deeper the bond the higher the risk is.

I can’t really rely on someone because I can’t build the sense of security. My submission came from “I don’t care about myself anymore”. Looks obedient but it’s not trusting.

So think about the responsibility very carefully 💪stay healthy always.

[AC****]

Why I can’t say I ***t on canvas.

[AC****]

I apply colors on canvas ( why that word is banned

[Gracen]

If you take your time and have a good heart behind whatever you do with them, I can see them being yours in a real way

[Se****]

15 hours ago, TomWhttt said:

I don’t approach this as something to fix.

When a pet struggles to feel love or to feel lovable, that isn’t a flaw in need of correction...it’s information about their history, their nervous system, and the ways they’ve learned to stay safe…

As a Dominant, my first question isn’t “How do I change them?”
It’s “Do I have the capacity, patience, and consistency to hold this responsibly?”

If I choose to engage, the work starts with structure, not affection…

Predictability builds safety long before love does. Clear routines, clear expectations, and reliable responses do more than reassurance ever will. Pets who struggle with love often relax when they know what won’t change

I don’t rush emotional closeness. I let trust grow through repetition:
showing up when I say I will, correcting gently and consistently, and maintaining boundaries even when it would be easier to blur them. That’s what teaches the nervous system that connection doesn’t equal danger

Affection is earned in both directions... not as a reward, but as a result of stability

That said, not every Dominant should take this on. Some pets need the***utic support alongside a dynamic, and some need a level of emotional containment that goes beyond kink. Avoiding the dynamic isn’t failure...it’s discernment

Responsible dominance isn’t about rescuing or repairing someone.
It’s about knowing your limits, choosing dynamics you can sustain, and understanding that care without structure is chaos, but structure without care is cruelty

If a pet eventually learns to feel love, it’s not because they were “fixed”
It’s because they finally experienced safety long enough for it to surface

I think this LIKELY applies to anyone who struggles with feeling loved or being loveable.

Predictability is very important, knowing what to expect, when and how and learning to believe that that will continue but more importantly that it is SAFE to BELIEVE it will continue.

And being aware of nervous systems and safety mechanisms cannot be underestimated. 

[La****]

Tom has said all the needed explanation above.

Everyone should be careful on the mindset of wanting to fix or to be fixed. Bcs changing yourself is your own sole responsibility.
What a loved one can do is to support according to their capacity. They got their own lives too.
Everyone deserves love.
But everyone also needs to know the efforts and responsibilities that need to be done in order to love and to be loved.
Your willpower to grow, improve and recover will be boosted bcs you got motivated by your loved ones.
And loved ones must learn how to support you in order to give you a safe space to be able to do all the necessary things to achieve recovery.
But without improvement, then your loved ones will only do unreciprocated labour.
Learn how to manage your issues so people would feel safe to approach and help you too.

[To****]

2 hours ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

I think this LIKELY applies to anyone who struggles with feeling loved or being loveable.

Predictability is very important, knowing what to expect, when and how and learning to believe that that will continue but more importantly that it is SAFE to BELIEVE it will continue.

And being aware of nervous systems and safety mechanisms cannot be underestimated. 

I agree with this, especially the part about predictability and nervous system safety
From my experience, pets who struggle with feeling loved don’t calm down through reassurance...they calm down through consistency. Knowing what to expect, when to expect it, and that it won’t suddenly disappear is what slowly rewires that belief
Understanding nervous system responses is crucial, but so is knowing your own capacity as a Dominant. Not every Dom is equipped to hold that level of emotional dysregulation long-term, and recognising that isn’t failure... it’s responsibility

Structure creates safety
Safety allows trust
Trust is what eventually makes love possible

Without predictability, affection just feels like another variable they don’t know how to trust

[Se****]

4 minutes ago, TomWhttt said:

 

I agree with this, especially the part about predictability and nervous system safety
From my experience, pets who struggle with feeling loved don’t calm down through reassurance...they calm down through consistency. Knowing what to expect, when to expect it, and that it won’t suddenly disappear is what slowly rewires that belief
Understanding nervous system responses is crucial, but so is knowing your own capacity as a Dominant. Not every Dom is equipped to hold that level of emotional dysregulation long-term, and recognising that isn’t failure... it’s responsibility

Structure creates safety
Safety allows trust
Trust is what eventually makes love possible

Without predictability, affection just feels like another variable they don’t know how to trust

Yep. Which is why things fracture when predictability disappears 

[To****]

6 minutes ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

Yep. Which is why things fracture when predictability disappears 

Yes. When predictability fades, the body stops feeling safe …even if the mind wants to trust

For people who struggle with feeling loved, consistency isn’t a luxury, it’s the anchor. Without it, old protection patterns take over, and connection starts to feel risky instead of comforting

That’s not resistance. It’s self preservation.