Emotional availability

[Ru****]

When a man has emotionally availability and wants to pour into his woman so she is seen - safe, heard, validated and respected; is that a turn off to women that practice poly or ENM when they are a sub - or is every woman different? Question for science.

[KrisKate]

Question: What is ENM if you don’t mind me asking ?

[ne****]

I cant see it being a turn off at all. But I guess it is how you are communicating that makes all the difference.

[Deleted Member]

I feel these are two different things and not exclusive of each other. Being Polyam and/or ENM doesn't mean a person/Woman would or wouldn't want to be given respectful interaction, attention, service, safety..... Why anyone would think this is perhaps a better query 🤷🏻
Of ***y course EVERY WOMAN IS DIFFERENT. 🤯🤔🤔🤔🤷🏻

For ME, regardless what type of interaction I am seeking or engaging in, I want to feel Safe, listened to, Respected...
This doesn't change with the number of people involved, or what activities I get up to, or if I'm serving or being served and so forth.

This post's wording also gives a bit of the vibe of someone who may think that if they are emotional available and willing to "pour into" [his?? woman???] that said woman should acquiesce to him in all the ways he imagines. Entitlement comes to mind. Unrequited comes to mind, along with control, hurt, woe, entitlement again..

If a person isn't wanting an emotionally available person then that's that. Ask them and communicate about it. Perhaps your brand of "pouring into" isn't healthy; isn't what they want; isn't for them.

Many questions and a lot of nuance here and if asking for Science, you'd know that.

[Me****]

1 hour ago, KrisKate said:

Question: What is ENM if you don’t mind me asking ?

Ethical non monogamy

[Me****]

When I read this, I come up with a lot of questions and those questions are harsh to say the least. To say that another person pours into someone else is to say the other person is empty most of the time that’s not the case. It’s more about symbiosis it’s about communication And over communicating and respecting one another to wear. You know that both are in mutual agreement that they are each others and not just one way. The fact that emotional availability is pouring into rather than pouring out as well is a little bit suspect because the thing is is that in order to be Really good at polyamory and ethical non-monogamy is to communicate not only to the other person about your wants needs and desires and listen to them as well. It’s also about confronting yourself confronting jealousy, which can cause an individual not just a man to be emotionally unavailable because you’re stuck in your own shit. So assessing and asking why how and what is so vital important to anything that is tied to one’s own individual emotion and to check in on those as a partner or partners is important to pour in is not the same as an app and flow. To ebon flow is to make sure that the energy exchangeis moving through a cycle that continues in order to not empty.

[Me****]

1 minute ago, MelancholyGhost said:

When I read this, I come up with a lot of questions and those questions are harsh to say the least. To say that another person pours into someone else is to say the other person is empty most of the time that’s not the case. It’s more about symbiosis it’s about communication And over communicating and respecting one another to wear. You know that both are in mutual agreement that they are each others and not just one way. The fact that emotional availability is pouring into rather than pouring out as well is a little bit suspect because the thing is is that in order to be Really good at polyamory and ethical non-monogamy is to communicate not only to the other person about your wants needs and desires and listen to them as well. It’s also about confronting yourself confronting jealousy, which can cause an individual not just a man to be emotionally unavailable because you’re stuck in your own shit. So assessing and asking why how and what is so vital important to anything that is tied to one’s own individual emotion and to check in on those as a partner or partners is important to pour in is not the same as an app and flow. To ebon flow is to make sure that the energy exchangeis moving through a cycle that continues in order to not empty.

Voice to text sucks so bad lol

[Ru****]

Thanks for the comments - looks like we all have our definitions and perspectives - guess it just comes down to energies being aligned.

[Sl****]

@kriskate Some have been morphing ENM to CNM - consensual non monogamy as a way of not just telling your partner but that both are okay with it.
As to the OP, my GF has an air of independence vs my choice to enjoy her presence as a gift. I’m fine with her place now where she has her FWB but keeps it between him and myself. Read my profile and you’ll understand the dynamics.
I’m committed to making her erupt as often as I can and giving her the tenderness and intimacy that she craves after her history of being betrayed. Never have I shared all that I’d embrace regarding who she is physically and whatnot but I realized that no matter what she does when no one is around, I’m fine with every aspect of whatever she does.
However when that day comes to part ways I won’t need anyone telling me twice, nor should I have to tell them a second time either.

[li****]

Not a turn off. It would be the base of the dynamic you choose with someone. One question I would ask back is what is your baseline that you need from a partner? If one of your basic needs is a lot of time than that just may not work for that person and the dynamics that they have.

[fe****]

My Dom has a vanilla gf, I love hearing on the things he does for her. He treats her and myself well. He enjoys knowing that I treat my vanilla bf well too. We will never meet the other's vanilla partners and thats by everyone involved choices.

[No****]

Poly is 💯 a no go