Advice for New CareGivers (and established CGs and Littles).

[Deleted Member]

Some generic advice I think is helpful to all CareGivers (New and Old, as some forget these points over time) -

 

1. Always communicate! 

* - Tell your Little what’s going on. Encourage them to tell you what's going on and make sure they understand that if they come to you with a problem, you will be there for them, you aren't going to judge or make them feel like they have disappointed you.

 

2. Communication is a two way street!

* - Communication isn't just a one way street, you both need to talk back and forth. If you expect your Little to keep a journal, ask them if they want you to keep a journal for them. This advice is especially important if you are in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR).

* - I also recommend setting up a regular talk (every other week or so) at a "neutral location" (like a coffee shop) that you can talk about your relationship completely outside of the dynamic. No accusations, but discuss what's working, what you enjoy, what you would like to change.

 

3. Protect them. 

* - Always have their back (even if you think they aren’t right at the time). Littles should feel like they are safe with you, and no matter what you will be there for them.

 

4. Nurture them. 

* - Not all Littles need rules, and you shouldn’t create rules just to control their behavior (unless that is the dynamic of your relationship), create and discuss rules that make them healthier, and encourage them to grow as an individual.

 

5. Rules - Your Little needs to be included!

* - Make them part of the rules process. You can either have a list of rules you prefer to have, or have them come up with a list they think are best for them. Talk about all the rules together. Make sure they are right for both of you.

* - Don’t be afraid to admit you were wrong about a rule; the rules can always change and may not apply the same in every situation.

 

6. Disciplines, punishments, and funishments.

* - Never punish out of anger. Take a couple minutes to identify why the Little acted out. 

* - Disciplines are to help train someone to behave in accordance with the rules or a code of behavior. They are designed to make sure your Little is learning from mistakes they have made. These are meant to teach.

* - Punishments are meant to inflict suffering for past behavior. These are usually ***-based and are not supposed to be fun in any way.

* - Funishments on the other hand are punishments that are designed to be ***ful, but the Little may actually enjoy.

** There is a big difference between the three, and again, not all are necessary for every Little.

 

7. Rewards!

* - Punishments/Disciplines/Funishments are designed to discourage negative behavior. Rewards should be provided to encourage good behavior. It should be clear for your Little on how all four will be issued. You should have rules that are designed to be "reward" rules. A good idea is that the Little receives points for these reward rules, those points could be traded in for specific rewards or give the Little an opportunity to change a punishment into a funishment.

* - So for example take a rule they really don’t want to do, but is relatively minor and use that rule to earns point(s). (Like making the bed, or eating fruits and veggies with meals) To be more specific here is an example of one of my rules:

* - Rule: First thing when you wake up, before you shower, brush your hair, or brush your teeth (in other words, before you do anything)- send me a picture. The same happens at night, after you have cleaned your makeup off, showered, and brushed your teeth, basically just before you go to bed- send me a picture.

* - To me, this initially seemed like a bad rule. I didn't understand the intentions behind it. I did research on why others use it and then I thought about what it accomplishes in a long distance relationship. It allows you to see your Little during a *** time. It helps to build a bond of trust and shows them that you love them the way they are, without any of the extra stuff Littles think they need to do to be "pretty". The rule is designed to share a more intimate moment, no one else gets to see your Little like this. If you were living together you would get to see that all the time, but no-one else gets to see them like this. It strengthens the bond. Ask your Little if they would like you to do the same for them.

8. Aftercare, aftercare, aftercare
* - Provide aftercare to your Little whenever you play. If you are unfamiliar with what aftercare is, there is a great article series on it you can search for "fundamentals series aftercare" and you will find lots of material to research and digest. Aftercare is important even during online play as both CG and Little can experience drop (Dom/me drop is a thing, Sub drop is a thing). Again, if you aren't familiar with what this 'drop' is, please go search for some information on Aftercare.

Edited February 16, 2021 by Deleted Member
Aftercare

[Deleted Member]

If I would have known 4 week ago about this... Thank you thank you so much for sharing this. It really make me to get up again to see this is why I love this idea of lifestyle. Now I truly hope I will find my true one.

[js****]

You seem wise beyond your years. I have only ever been around one little and I knew knothing about them at the time. Looking back now this makes a lot of sense.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, jstallion1977 said:

You seem wise beyond your years. I have only ever been around one little and I knew knothing about them at the time. Looking back now this makes a lot of sense.

Thank you, just very experienced and dive into topics as much as I can with everyone I can, always asking for feedback!

 

[Na****]

Thank you so much, it’s really useful to find out what should be done and what can improve