Popular Post Qu**** Posted February 11 Popular Post Has anyone else noticed that a large majority of submissives on this app expect dommes to provide d*gr*d*t**n/h*m*l**t**n even when they are in your hard limits? As a switch praise domme service top d*gr*d*t**n/h*m*l**t**n are harrd limits for me, which I make clear from the beginning on my bio, yet I still stop get submissive dropping in my dms expecting it from me anyway, and I'm not sure where the disconnect lies. A lot of it I believe may come from a fundamental misunderstanding of what dominance in BDSM really IS, as many inexperienced submissives seem to believe that in order to be submissive you must be d*gr*d*d, treated like a sl*t, when the truth is that dominance can take many roles, the most obvious just happens to be through d*gr*d*t**n/h*m*l**t**n which has been the most popularized. Has anyone else come across this problem? I just wish there was more awareness that not all dommes are interested in d*gr*d*t**n/h*m*l**t**n, and that that's not all that BDSM is.
jz**** Posted February 11 I run into something similar. I have that I am a domme and I get assumed I am a femdomme and while I don’t mind doing that occasionally but that is not my role. I think people forget that there are many different types of dom/dommes
le**** Posted February 11 A lot of people ignore hard limits in your bio, no matter what they might be. In your case it just happens to be ***. Don't overthink it and move on. The app has done a good job in making *** into a separate metric from D/s in the self assessment. If people ignore it, just ignore them. Subs can be super needy, yes, it can be annoying when they probe your set boundaries. If you wanna help, comment and maybe they'll learn. Probably they will just spam their fantasies to the next person. As regards awareness, yes, that's a huge topic, and the skewed online bubble is not doing a good job of teaching, as the needy spam from both sides is repeated so often, algorithms and newcomers may be forgiven for falling for it.
wo**** Posted February 11 I feel like it's best not to talk about your problems with this app on the app.Unless you want to get ostracized. People here , especially the women are savages , mainly because they have to be because they guys are incredulous. Be that as it may. Just learn to what was the punches. Decide whether you like it or not.
Qu**** Posted February 11 Author 40 minutes ago, letsplay said: A lot of people ignore hard limits in your bio, no matter what they might be. In your case it just happens to be ***. Don't overthink it and move on. The app has done a good job in making *** into a separate metric from D/s in the self assessment. If people ignore it, just ignore them. Subs can be super needy, yes, it can be annoying when they probe your set boundaries. If you wanna help, comment and maybe they'll learn. Probably they will just spam their fantasies to the next person. As regards awareness, yes, that's a huge topic, and the skewed online bubble is not doing a good job of teaching, as the needy spam from both sides is repeated so often, algorithms and newcomers may be forgiven for falling for it. I have noticed that, and it's like what are we filling out the assessment for if people are just going to ignore it, come on ya'll? Thank you for taking the time to respond hun. There are so many different types of dommes, and it would be so nice for us to get more attention ❤️🫂.
Qu**** Posted February 11 Author 45 minutes ago, letsplay said: A lot of people ignore hard limits in your bio, no matter what they might be. In your case it just happens to be ***. Don't overthink it and move on. The app has done a good job in making *** into a separate metric from D/s in the self assessment. If people ignore it, just ignore them. Subs can be super needy, yes, it can be annoying when they probe your set boundaries. If you wanna help, comment and maybe they'll learn. Probably they will just spam their fantasies to the next person. As regards awareness, yes, that's a huge topic, and the skewed online bubble is not doing a good job of teaching, as the needy spam from both sides is repeated so often, algorithms and newcomers may be forgiven for falling for it. I do like how they separate d*gr*d*t**n/h*m*l**t**n into a separate category, that's really nice. It's an immediate turn off for me when submissives push against hard limits, it's like, they aren't SOFT limits, they're HARD limits and if I can't trust you to respect that then I can't trust you in a scene 😒. I can't trust you to be honest about your limits, and I can't trust you to respect MY limits. It just shows me that they aren't mature enough for a BDSM relationship. I also agree that the online view of BDSM definitely offers a skewed view for many people engaging in BDSM for the first time, and that's very frustrating. Hopefully as they engage with it more that will change. Thanks for taking the time to respond hun 🥰.
Qu**** Posted February 11 Author 48 minutes ago, wonderfulfucker said: I feel like it's best not to talk about your problems with this app on the app.Unless you want to get ostracized. People here , especially the women are savages , mainly because they have to be because they guys are incredulous. Be that as it may. Just learn to what was the punches. Decide whether you like it or not. I would have to disagree. I think it's imperative to talk about any issues you're having otherwise how would they get resolved? Why tf would I care about being ostracized for simply pointing out an issue in having? That makes no sense whatsoever 🤣. I'm not sure what you mean by women are savages, nor what you mean by 'learn to what was punches'. I already know what I like and dislike, that's part of the point of my post that I DON'T like d*gr*d*t**n/h*m*l**t**n, having posted them in my hard limits and submissives are still dropping in my dms asking me to perform it, hence the problem. I hope that clears up the confusion hun. Thanks for taking the time to respond hun 😘.
Ar**** Posted February 11 As a submissive myself I get the same back from Doms. I don't actually put that as hard limits for me, but am completely clear that I'm a pleasure sub seeking a pleasure dom.... ....it does weed out, but not enough, inexperienced doms who have no idea about the myriad of nuances in the d/s dynamic.
Qu**** Posted February 11 Author 12 minutes ago, ArseyRagga said: As a submissive myself I get the same back from Doms. I don't actually put that as hard limits for me, but am completely clear that I'm a pleasure sub seeking a pleasure dom.... ....it does weed out, but not enough, inexperienced doms who have no idea about the myriad of nuances in the d/s dynamic. As a switch I completely commiserate with you love. I literally have had similar experiences, and it's just so exhausting, I just wish that people would be more respectful and also pay more attention to people's limits before interacting. It just feels blatantly disrespectful when they don't. Thank you so much for the taking the time to respond hun ❤️🫂.
cl**** Posted February 11 I have male doms messaging me and crushing on me, even when I'm explicitly 100% domimant. The issue is men, who are mostly not submissive, but sensation seeking bottoms who want you to do stuff to them. This is NOT d/s power exchange where the dommes needs and preferences are at the center of the connection.
lo**** Posted February 11 i keep geeting this on the other end, even having put it under my limits I get “doms” in my messages calling me things like slut right out of the gate without talking first. I think it’s really stupid to assume someone is going to be into that without even taking 30 seconds to look at their profile
Ft**** Posted February 11 I've had doms assume that's all it is too. Come straight in my DMs with stuff like that and it makes me uncomfy. I got cptsd I really don't so well with that kinda thing unless there's an established relationship and I know they'd never mean it like that.
Mo**** Posted February 11 This is a massive problem for anyone but especially women who lean dom. I am a dom leaning switch and the amount of fantasy pushing is terrible from men on both sides of the d/s slash. (Mostly) men view us as sex objects not people is the main problem I feel. Even if you are dominant, you're the obscure version of a dominant female that doesn't actually exist anywhere outside of their brains and porn. Similar to dark romance book boyfriends I suppose. People not caring is the main problem I feel.
UK**** Posted February 11 2 hours ago, londongirl72 said: i keep geeting this on the other end, even having put it under my limits I get “doms” in my messages calling me things like slut right out of the gate without talking first. I think it’s really stupid to assume someone is going to be into that without even taking 30 seconds to look at their profile I think this raises a couple of issues (ignoring the normal complaint that people don't read profiles). Firstly, that deg/hum aren't very well defined. So then you get issues where one person doesn't see what they said/did to fall into the category. I put together a quiz once for a sub who wanted to better understand the difference. I found a couple of dozen examples of what I thought people may see as H/D asking her to say if they were H, D, both or neither. I've used this quiz a few times since. It shocked me how different the responses were to the same question. In addition, there were many other examples they then gave that they thought were h/d but most others wouldn't have considered. Secondly, too many people 'spew' their fantasies in messages and don't actually take any amount of time to understand the other person's needs, limits and desires. They then complain on sites like this that they don't get replies to their messages or don't end up meeting people! P.S. happy to share the quiz in PM if others want to see the sort of questions asked.
cl**** Posted February 11 36 minutes ago, MotivateMeOG said: This is a massive problem for anyone but especially women who lean dom. I am a dom leaning switch and the amount of fantasy pushing is terrible from men on both sides of the d/s slash. (Mostly) men view us as sex objects not people is the main problem I feel. Even if you are dominant, you're the obscure version of a dominant female that doesn't actually exist anywhere outside of their brains and porn. Similar to dark romance book boyfriends I suppose. People not caring is the main problem I feel. This.Porn and online dynamics are a massive issue when it comes to dommes. Firstly women are not seen as people. Worse, now they are a cartoons idea of a dominant. D/s is power exchange. Submissive give up power towards the dominant which means the matters preferences and needs come first. The first message should ideally be 1. I've read your profile and these are the ways I could serve you and make your life better/easier. If they are all sexual its delete since I've not asked for sexual services.
Ve**** Posted February 11 I come across this a lot as a sub with H/D listed as hard limits. I have had doms pop in my messages and begin with a slew of insults. Or me having to explain to a lot of Doms the difference between soft and hard doming.
Su**** Posted February 11 I hear you, no matter what you put on your profile almost no one will read it. Worse, they don't even take the 2 seconds to look at what kind of relationship you're looking for, which is highlighted in very standout boxes (long-term, kinky dates, etc). It's not hard to even just briefly read a profile to see what limits the person has, and if they're interested in NSA or long-term, instead of skipping right to messaging a person. Especially if you're looking for a specific dynamic. Might help to figure out if they're a Domme or sub first...
Be**** Posted February 11 I posted the same thing just yesterday from a sub perspective that HATES ***. I just don't get it
Pa**** Posted February 11 I also feel the same when it comes to women thinking just because they're a submissive they get to tell the dominant how to do everything and then completely mix up and change up their rules in order to fit an agenda that the submissive supposedly believes is already there many women come in with this preconceived notion that dominance must absolutely provide protect and do everything else without getting absolutely nothing in return so this goes on both ways where as men should not be going into your comments swing insults when it comes to *** *** but submissive shouldn't be demanding the top treatment from a dominant when you guys have just first met
Su**** Posted February 11 Not to sound like a complete newbie(buutttt I am) what is d*gr*d*t**n/h**m*l**t**n? I identify as a praise, impact sub and came across yall's conversation and was curious since I'm trying to learn as much as possible.
Da**** Posted February 11 Degr adation/hum ilitaion: insults, put downs, bullying examples: Calling someone a fat bitch who is unlovable and unworthy and lucky to have attention of "them" or denying bathroom rights and forcing them to drink lots of water until they *** them selves.. nmk honestly..
Ku**** Posted February 11 If the dom is not willing to respect your boundaries, then don't bother with them. Most kink relationship have stuff that is very unsafe. If you can't trust them to do what they are supposed to follow, thinks could go wrong and you could get actually hurt in a way that dose not feel good.
Ba**** Posted February 11 Oh that’s not only a problem for dommes but with them too I openly proclaim myself to be a dominant sadist and still got dommes randomly granting me the “privilege” of addressing them with their preferred title as their first message It doesn’t matter what you have written on your profile, the disconnect is some people see a attractive profile picture and don’t think past “yep, that one to go please”
Be**** Posted February 11 2 hours ago, Suncocoawave400 said: Not to sound like a complete newbie(buutttt I am) what is d*gr*d*t**n/h**m*l**t**n? I identify as a praise, impact sub and came across yall's conversation and was curious since I'm trying to learn as much as possible. It can be as extreme as what dash121 said, or even "dirty whore, filthy slut" etc. Anything that essentially is humiliat-ing or a put-down
Ba**** Posted February 12 4 hours ago, BeauJee66935 said: It can be as extreme as what dash121 said, or even "dirty whore, filthy slut" etc. Anything that essentially is humiliat-ing or a put-down “slut” could be used in a reclaimed sort of empowering way depending on individual dynamic and the personality of the relevant people Similar to slurs i have the wrong sexuality and colour to list publicly and terms like bastard(the one i myself carry with unnecessary pride)
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