su**** Posted February 12 Got the point, every one is different, I like worshipping and a bit sadist/masochist, however would not enjoy to be treated like sh*t or humiliated in front of another man. Nor treating my couple that way.
Bk**** Posted February 12 Horses for courses, however. d*gr*d*t**n /h*m*l**t**n is plain confusing and overwhelming for a majority of kinksters! Let’s try and use plain language to elude to inclusivity, after all, this is what builds our ranks ….
Sk**** Posted February 12 The disconnect is they dont read bio's, and/or cant retain what they read for any length of time longer than a tik tok video, and/or just flat out dont care. I see an alarming number of bios where people check every box for kinks. They dont know, understand, or care what most of it means...they are just throwing everything at the wall to see what kind of horny sticks. They'll take anything they can get for zero effort, walk away from anything that does take effort. Vet your people and understand 95-99% are simpletons, some even if they show you something different.
4U**** Posted February 12 I’m a sub into light ***/*** (nasty name-calling) during play - nothing extreme. I would never request it from someone who has it as a hard limit, and if I’m ever unsure, I ask questions to gain clarity. Some subs who request this from you seem to misunderstand that you’re not into giving or receiving it. Either it’s unclear to them, they ignore it, or they simply don’t read your bio.
wb**** Posted February 12 I get that everyone has their thing I just don’t get wanting to be called names. Maybe it’s because I was bullied growing up who knows. I definitely have a praise kink. Don’t put me down I will cry and you will never hear from me again.
Ca**** Posted February 12 I’m not into it either. But I did get a banned dom in my messages calling me a slave today and that made me feel weird asf
la**** Posted February 12 It’s very common. A lot of men who identify themselves as subs are not respectful of women and don’t truly want to give up control. They see dommes as kink dispensers, nothing more. And they will manipulate and provoke in order to get their desired kink. Block them without hesitation.
4U**** Posted February 12 8 hours ago, wbl51265 said: I get that everyone has their thing I just don’t get wanting to be called names. Maybe it’s because I was bullied growing up who knows. I definitely have a praise kink. Don’t put me down I will cry and you will never hear from me again. For me, it's sexual; I like to feel dirty when having playtime. Outside of that, I don't appreciate it, and I make this known from the start of any relationship. But, I get you - not everything is for everyone.
TH**** Posted February 12 I think its that a vast majority of people here in general are dipshits. (Especially any that claim Dom title) I think most people are lost and have the idea and fantasy of what they read about or saw on a movie and thing. Oooo an aggressive person that means they are this. It's not even in a person's mind that being a Dom has no specific boundaries limits or expectations ultimately. Its a power transfer from your partner of what they wanna hand over for your control with their benefits at heart. Society built all wrong cause close relationships with vital communication aren't romantic to write about or see.
ra**** Posted February 12 I get that stuff all the time. I have no desire to be degraded or degrade anyone else. My hard limits are based on my experiences and personal preferences. I don’t judge anyone for theirs, but approaching me in my inbox with something I have listed on my profile as a hard limit makes me feel like that person has a hard time respecting people’s boundaries.
Kf**** Posted February 12 Being deg*\hum* It’s my number one hard limit NO and it’s clear on my bio however I get dozens of messages a day with the opening line calling me a horribly degrading name. Very few read bios and even less care what bios say. Someone hopping in my inbox showing they’ve already disrespected my boundaries is gonna get them absolutely nowhere. Yet they still get angry for the lack of response.
la**** Posted February 12 9 minutes ago, Kfunnbunn said: Being deg*\hum* It’s my number one hard limit NO and it’s clear on my bio however I get dozens of messages a day with the opening line calling me a horribly degrading name. Very few read bios and even less care what bios say. Someone hopping in my inbox showing they’ve already disrespected my boundaries is gonna get them absolutely nowhere. Yet they still get angry for the lack of response. Immediate block! Then they know that no response is forthcoming. Maybe tighten up message filters too? Dozens of messages like that a day cannot be good for your mental health. I’m sorry you get that so often. I get a few here and there but I’m sure it’s nowhere near as much as submissive women.
Kf**** Posted February 12 8 minutes ago, ladivina said: Immediate block! Then they know that no response is forthcoming. Maybe tighten up message filters too? Dozens of messages like that a day cannot be good for your mental health. I’m sorry you get that so often. I get a few here and there but I’m sure it’s nowhere near as much as submissive women. @ladivina Aren’t you so sweet! 🥹
Mr**** Posted February 13 Well that’s rude and inconsiderate . I see dominance more so a dynamic between trust and power, not always objectification. I hope that you find more pleasant encounters in your journey through BDSM.
ra**** Posted February 13 Subs want what they want and expect all Dom/Dommes to just give. I know it is nit across the board… I know what I want I reflect that but am not trying to get people to do what they are not interested in… D/s is not one size fits all…
Qu**** Posted February 13 Author Yesterday at 01:33 AM, Bkinky4u said: Horses for courses, however. d*gr*d*t**n /h*m*l**t**n is plain confusing and overwhelming for a majority of kinksters! Let’s try and use plain language to elude to inclusivity, after all, this is what builds our ranks …. I would LOVE to just spell things out, unfortunately in my original post where I DID so they censored my post and wouldn't allow me to post at all, therefore forcing me to censor my own post to conform to their current censorship rules. I felt this was the most as I simply censored the vowels, and as we have d*gr*d*t**n/h*m*l**t**n in the BDSM test than people should know what it is, or at least I would hope so. Thank you for taking the time to comment hun! ❤️
Qu**** Posted February 13 Author Wednesday at 05:19 PM, Suncocoawave400 said: Not to sound like a complete newbie(buutttt I am) what is d*gr*d*t**n/h**m*l**t**n? I identify as a praise, impact sub and came across yall's conversation and was curious since I'm trying to learn as much as possible. It's all good hun. Unfortunately due to Fet's current censorship group rules I can't type it out, that's why I censored the vowels. It's also deg/hum, when you look at the options for your interests/limits on your profile look for the two options with these first 3 letters 🥰. I hope that helps hun!
Qu**** Posted February 13 Author Yesterday at 12:37 AM, Barthold said: “slut” could be used in a reclaimed sort of empowering way depending on individual dynamic and the personality of the relevant people Similar to slurs i have the wrong sexuality and colour to list publicly and terms like bastard(the one i myself carry with unnecessary pride) Oh absolutely, and I've used slut and bastard for myself unironically as I ma both a slut at times and a bastard all of the time, yet that is distinctly seperate from sexual interests and sexual fetish. My hard limits happen to lie in deg/hum as it simply makes me either go into fight/flight mode. If you're lucky flight.
Qu**** Posted February 13 Author Wednesday at 04:54 PM, PathofTheNine1989 said: I also feel the same when it comes to women thinking just because they're a submissive they get to tell the dominant how to do everything and then completely mix up and change up their rules in order to fit an agenda that the submissive supposedly believes is already there many women come in with this preconceived notion that dominance must absolutely provide protect and do everything else without getting absolutely nothing in return so this goes on both ways where as men should not be going into your comments swing insults when it comes to *** *** but submissive shouldn't be demanding the top treatment from a dominant when you guys have just first met This comment was a wild ride from the beginning. I'm so excited to unpack it. First, as all competent IN BDSM are aware, it is the submissive that truly has the power within the BDSM relationship, as the dominant exists to SERVE the needs of their submissive, to SATISFY their submissive. As all competent dommes are aware, when a scene is started, all limits are prediscussed, set, and made clear with safe words and limits crystal clear. Otherwise, the scene does not begin. If something changes during a scene it is the domme's duty to stop the scene to rediscuss limits, decide if both parties are still comfortable proceeding, check in with their subs condition, and if need be end the scene and perform aftercare. If you are engaging in BDSM where you are angry that things are changing in the midst of a scene, you are engaging in either incompetently set up scenes, incompetently negotiated scenes, or you are too impatient as a domme. It is not unreasonable for a submissive to have expectations going into a scene with a dominant. They are allowed to have limits. Next. What do you consider top treatment? Following their soft/hard limits while also taking the time to adjust to anything they need DURING a scene, which is the entire reason that the Red/Yellow/Green system exists? If you expect a sub not to have needs during a scene or ever change their minds, then it sounds like you expect a sex worker or a sex doll, not a submissive.
Qu**** Posted February 13 Author Wednesday at 11:33 AM, londongirl72 said: i keep geeting this on the other end, even having put it under my limits I get “doms” in my messages calling me things like slut right out of the gate without talking first. I think it’s really stupid to assume someone is going to be into that without even taking 30 seconds to look at their profile Same here. It feels so bold to me, too. This is a site specifically FOR BDSM and you're dropping into someone's comments without 1. OBVIOUSLY reading and retaing their limits 2. Asking their limits 3. Respecting any limits they have as you don't know their limits bc you haven't read or asked them 4. Given a single thought to the other person's desire, which is what BDSM is ABOUT so all you've accomplished is to display you're an unfit partner at warp s***d 10 congratulations turn into a new species and begone thoticus! 🖖
Qu**** Posted February 13 Author Wednesday at 01:09 PM, FtM_ShyPup said: I've had doms assume that's all it is too. Come straight in my DMs with stuff like that and it makes me uncomfy. I got cptsd I really don't so well with that kinda thing unless there's an established relationship and I know they'd never mean it like that. Same here with the CPTSD hun and I FEEEL you on the DISCOMFORT omg especially bc some ppl come in so graphic right away and it takes me off guard it's like if I was walking around my favorite bookstore and then all of a sudden BAM! DILDO TO THE FACE COVERED IN DEVILED EGGS AND COSELAW! 😱🤮! The combination, the textures, the smell, the suddenness and ruination of something calm a second ago and a safe space. 😫. Dildo to the face covered in deviled eggs and coleslaw. It's in your eyes now, you're blinded. You drop all your books, you may even step on one in panic, the gravest of all errors someone save the books! And you end up having to poor water from your water bottle in your eyeball and you're worried you'll get an eye infection cause when was the last time you actually washed that water bottle while angling yourself away from the books to not get them wet WHILE you're blinded by a dildo with deviled eggs and coleslaw, and THAT'S what it's like in my brain when I get unsolicited nasty messages. 😵💫😐
lo**** Posted February 13 5 hours ago, Queertheydomme said: Same here with the CPTSD hun and I FEEEL you on the DISCOMFORT omg especially bc some ppl come in so graphic right away and it takes me off guard it's like if I was walking around my favorite bookstore and then all of a sudden BAM! DILDO TO THE FACE COVERED IN DEVILED EGGS AND COSELAW! 😱🤮! The combination, the textures, the smell, the suddenness and ruination of something calm a second ago and a safe space. 😫. Dildo to the face covered in deviled eggs and coleslaw. It's in your eyes now, you're blinded. You drop all your books, you may even step on one in panic, the gravest of all errors someone save the books! And you end up having to poor water from your water bottle in your eyeball and you're worried you'll get an eye infection cause when was the last time you actually washed that water bottle while angling yourself away from the books to not get them wet WHILE you're blinded by a dildo with deviled eggs and coleslaw, and THAT'S what it's like in my brain when I get unsolicited nasty messages. 😵💫😐 😂😂😂 i actually laughed out loud
Ba**** Posted February 13 6 hours ago, Queertheydomme said: This comment was a wild ride from the beginning. I'm so excited to unpack it. First, as all competent IN BDSM are aware, it is the submissive that truly has the power within the BDSM relationship, as the dominant exists to SERVE the needs of their submissive, to SATISFY their submissive. As all competent dommes are aware, when a scene is started, all limits are prediscussed, set, and made clear with safe words and limits crystal clear. Otherwise, the scene does not begin. If something changes during a scene it is the domme's duty to stop the scene to rediscuss limits, decide if both parties are still comfortable proceeding, check in with their subs condition, and if need be end the scene and perform aftercare. If you are engaging in BDSM where you are angry that things are changing in the midst of a scene, you are engaging in either incompetently set up scenes, incompetently negotiated scenes, or you are too impatient as a domme. It is not unreasonable for a submissive to have expectations going into a scene with a dominant. They are allowed to have limits. Next. What do you consider top treatment? Following their soft/hard limits while also taking the time to adjust to anything they need DURING a scene, which is the entire reason that the Red/Yellow/Green system exists? If you expect a sub not to have needs during a scene or ever change their minds, then it sounds like you expect a sex worker or a sex doll, not a submissive. Not sure but i think the dude meant was more about some subs being too comfortable unilaterally changing preestablished rules during interactions and the “getting absolutely nothing in return” part is too relevant to go missing while unpacking, and on that note we disagree First on the difference in power, at the start of the dynamic equal people aspiring to fill sort of equivalent positions should have equal power and as the power exchange progresses it tends to the subs power beine exchanged for other things, in some cases ending up with all the power they still hold being the emergence stop command and the dom also has one of those but they also tent to have multiple ways to work around not using it The idea that the sub holds more power comes for their word being considered to have more weight because their “you are not doing X” needs to outweigh my “i’m not doing X” enough to be equivalent to my ability to just not do X So the sub having “more power” is a illusion made true by consensus for safety Second and less important as the dominant I don’t exist to serve anyone or anything(as a nihilistic atheist I don’t even worship nothing) best case is my self gratification provides satisfaction to my submissive so at most everyone in the dynamic benefits from me satisfying myself while satisfying everyone provides gratification for myself In short I don’t serve my sub to satisfy them, i satisfy them because it pleases me, small practical but large philosophical difference Ps to reply your response to my reaction to someones reply to somebody else’s question^^ I’m a legitimate bastard of the second generation and have decided to make it a family tradition so you better not be appropriating And i like it when they fight so “if you’re lucky flight” right back at ya
4U**** Posted February 13 11 hours ago, Queertheydomme said: Same here with the CPTSD hun and I FEEEL you on the DISCOMFORT omg especially bc some ppl come in so graphic right away and it takes me off guard it's like if I was walking around my favorite bookstore and then all of a sudden BAM! DILDO TO THE FACE COVERED IN DEVILED EGGS AND COSELAW! 😱🤮! The combination, the textures, the smell, the suddenness and ruination of something calm a second ago and a safe space. 😫. Dildo to the face covered in deviled eggs and coleslaw. It's in your eyes now, you're blinded. You drop all your books, you may even step on one in panic, the gravest of all errors someone save the books! And you end up having to poor water from your water bottle in your eyeball and you're worried you'll get an eye infection cause when was the last time you actually washed that water bottle while angling yourself away from the books to not get them wet WHILE you're blinded by a dildo with deviled eggs and coleslaw, and THAT'S what it's like in my brain when I get unsolicited nasty messages. 😵💫😐 This has me ROTF DWL! The imagery is so graphic, I love it!!!! And VERY true!
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