DV**** Posted February 13 So, as someone who enjoys some good *** at times, is there something off-putting about someone wanting to feel hum/deg/emasculated during play? I get not insisting on it right away from someone who is not into it, but how is this different from wanting to be spanked/***d/gagged/slapped/etc.? Masochism comes in different shapes. Some like physical masochism, some like psychological/ emotional masochism (***/ ***/emasculation/etc.), so why all the hate? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding what everyone's upset about, but I especially don't get why everyone is abbreviation or chopping up the words *** and *** like they're some sick, depraved, 4-letter words that could get you banned. Again, if it's a matter of a submissive trying up backseat drive the scenario or demand things up front, then (unless they're paying for a professional session) i get it. But if they're sharing with you before-hand what gets them off, then that's similar to sharing limits and rules beforehand, right? Some might want to just get it off their chest early, rather than letting you find out down the road and getting mad at them for "hiding it." Anyone care to explain?
Qu**** Posted February 13 Author 9 hours ago, Barthold said: Not sure but i think the dude meant was more about some subs being too comfortable unilaterally changing preestablished rules during interactions and the “getting absolutely nothing in return” part is too relevant to go missing while unpacking, and on that note we disagree First on the difference in power, at the start of the dynamic equal people aspiring to fill sort of equivalent positions should have equal power and as the power exchange progresses it tends to the subs power beine exchanged for other things, in some cases ending up with all the power they still hold being the emergence stop command and the dom also has one of those but they also tent to have multiple ways to work around not using it The idea that the sub holds more power comes for their word being considered to have more weight because their “you are not doing X” needs to outweigh my “i’m not doing X” enough to be equivalent to my ability to just not do X So the sub having “more power” is a illusion made true by consensus for safety Second and less important as the dominant I don’t exist to serve anyone or anything(as a nihilistic atheist I don’t even worship nothing) best case is my self gratification provides satisfaction to my submissive so at most everyone in the dynamic benefits from me satisfying myself while satisfying everyone provides gratification for myself In short I don’t serve my sub to satisfy them, i satisfy them because it pleases me, small practical but large philosophical difference Ps to reply your response to my reaction to someones reply to somebody else’s question^^ I’m a legitimate bastard of the second generation and have decided to make it a family tradition so you better not be appropriating And i like it when they fight so “if you’re lucky flight” right back at ya I can only respond to what the person posted and take him at what he wrote, which is how I responded. As I discussed, if a sub is challenging pre-established limits then that lies with the domme not properly setting up the scene correctly, the sub not understanding the scene properly due to a lack of preparedness by the domme, the sub having concerns that the domme failed to address in the beginning, the sub not being ready to engage in a BDSM relationship at all, or a combination of all of the above as it seems the OP Domme is also not ready to engage in domme work. The sub having more power is not an illusion is it is a fundamental part of BDSM, the scene is built around the submissive, serving and satisfying the subs needs and desires and having a domme that matches the submissive's needs. A submissive is the one who controls how fast the scene goes, when they stop. The domme goes at the subs pace. If a domme doesn't understand that then they don't understand domination. Conflating worship with religion is not helpful in this scenario. Worship in this case refers to adoration, to praise and devote yourself to attending to a body, a person. It is not referring to a religious entity and order. If you are a dominant than you literally do exist to serve someone: your submissive (s), whoever they may be. Your comment regarding 'appropriating' being a bastard is bizarre. To be a bastard one merely has to be born out of wedlock my dude. 🤣 It's not that serious. Your fight comment, creepy. If you come at me in an unnegotiated scene you'd get acquainted with the ground real quick.
DV**** Posted February 14 Sooo... if the domme is a professional who is being paid, then, yes, they should be dominating the way the submissive likes, I agree with that... it's a paid service. If the Domme is a lifestyle one who does it because she's into it, then i fully believe the Domme should dominate how she likes, but should also take into consideration what her sub likes and dislikes, because... if the sub doesn't get any excitement/ pleasure/ sub space from it, they will likely lose interest. Is definitely a give and take, but the sub should ultimately be SUBMISSIVE in the sense that they don't backseat drive the whole thing... the domme should be in control and shouldn't always have to do what the submissive likes.
Qu**** Posted February 14 Author 48 minutes ago, DV0828 said: So, as someone who enjoys some good *** at times, is there something off-putting about someone wanting to feel hum/deg/emasculated during play? I get not insisting on it right away from someone who is not into it, but how is this different from wanting to be spanked/***d/gagged/slapped/etc.? Masochism comes in different shapes. Some like physical masochism, some like psychological/ emotional masochism (***/ ***/emasculation/etc.), so why all the hate? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding what everyone's upset about, but I especially don't get why everyone is abbreviation or chopping up the words *** and *** like they're some sick, depraved, 4-letter words that could get you banned. Again, if it's a matter of a submissive trying up backseat drive the scenario or demand things up front, then (unless they're paying for a professional session) i get it. But if they're sharing with you before-hand what gets them off, then that's similar to sharing limits and rules beforehand, right? Some might want to just get it off their chest early, rather than letting you find out down the road and getting mad at them for "hiding it." Anyone care to explain? 1. The current censorship rules of Fet doesn't allow us to type out the words deg/hum, that's why it's censored and abbreviated, which if you read the comments you would see I mention several times. I would love to type it out in full as we're all adults here, but unfortunately, that's not currently an option. 2. No one is saying that there's anything WRONG with deg/hum. That was never the issue, so yes, you are fundamentally misunderstanding the post. The point of my post is about how people are not taking the time to read and retain information on a critical level, very similar to what you've done in your post regarding people's limits. My post is about why are people dropping into others dm's ASKING for deg/hum when their limits on their bios CLEARLY state that their HARD limits are deg/hum, showcasing that they will not be a good sub from the jump. 3. If you read my post and still don't understand why some people HAVE limits, I'm not sure how you're confused or if you're ready for BDSM. People are allowed to have limits, and people are allowed to have likes and dislikes. 4. You are correct that the entire point is that you must share your interests with one another before the scene begins. To reiterate the point of the post: Limits were already set by the dommes stating that deg/hum are a no go and submissives are IGNORING those hard limits anyway and dropping into comments saying degrading things, VIOLATING hard limits before the submissive and domme even get to know each yet AFTER limits are already set. THAT is the problem. Submissives are welcome to have their own interests contrary to the domme they are seeking. However, they must respect the limits said domme has set in place. Otherwise, there is no point in engaging in kink, which is why we take the time to LIST our limits and interests on our bios. I hope this clears up your confusion hun 😘.
DV**** Posted February 14 It's... tricky. But, if someone gets off or finds their sub space through *** or ***, then the domme should use that to an extent... learn about it and try it out, just like the sub should learn and try what the domme is into... I always TRY, even though I've failed recently when I was expected to get bi with a guy and just... couldn't. But, I'm up front about that with dommes now, and I show respect and understanding that they want that... I just apologize and kindly say I can't bring myself to do that, but will offer to serve in other ways. In the end, if the can't go without that, then we part ways, but I always respect their feelings - dommes should, too... it's just another way of showing that you respect the kink community and the array of differences we all have.
DV**** Posted February 14 Thank you for explaining that, Queertheydomme... I had a feeling i was missing something. I came into this a bit late, so I apologize for my ignorance. I FULLY agree with reading the profiles before messaging. If a Domme clearly states in her profile that she's not into those things, then respect that... move on and find one that does, or get to know her and maybe you'll find you like her style better, but I am a firm believer that submissive need to try and stay in their lane and respect their superior(s).
Qu**** Posted February 14 Author 14 minutes ago, DV0828 said: Sooo... if the domme is a professional who is being paid, then, yes, they should be dominating the way the submissive likes, I agree with that... it's a paid service. If the Domme is a lifestyle one who does it because she's into it, then i fully believe the Domme should dominate how she likes, but should also take into consideration what her sub likes and dislikes, because... if the sub doesn't get any excitement/ pleasure/ sub space from it, they will likely lose interest. Is definitely a give and take, but the sub should ultimately be SUBMISSIVE in the sense that they don't backseat drive the whole thing... the domme should be in control and shouldn't always have to do what the submissive likes. I'm not sure you understand what domming is hun 😐. Obviously when you're doing a scene with someone you've already negotiated your interests and hard limits with them so you're going to be domming 'how you like' bc why else would you be domming otherwise? The fact that you believe that in order to satisfy your submissive means that you won't be 'domming the way you like' is so bizarre to me. Obviously BDSM is a give and take, that is it's nature. Again, the submissive is the one who has the majority of power in a scene as the dominant is the one paying attention to THEIR needs and THEIR pleasure, ensuring that THEY are okay throughout the scene with the submissive being able to stop everything at anytime, same with the domme as each can adjust during the scene if something goes wrong. If you feel that you don't have to do what your submissive likes during a scene, you aren't looking for a submissive you're looking for a sex worker or a sex doll.
Qu**** Posted February 14 Author 14 minutes ago, DV0828 said: It's... tricky. But, if someone gets off or finds their sub space through *** or ***, then the domme should use that to an extent... learn about it and try it out, just like the sub should learn and try what the domme is into... I always TRY, even though I've failed recently when I was expected to get bi with a guy and just... couldn't. But, I'm up front about that with dommes now, and I show respect and understanding that they want that... I just apologize and kindly say I can't bring myself to do that, but will offer to serve in other ways. In the end, if the can't go without that, then we part ways, but I always respect their feelings - dommes should, too... it's just another way of showing that you respect the kink community and the array of differences we all have. If that's a domme's hard limits, then the response is to find someone else, not let me push myself out of where I know I'm comfortable. You should not advocate for people to violate their own sphere of safety. It is absolutely okay for people to say NO, I am not okay. That's the whole reason limits exist. Some people are not compatible, and that's okay. You can respect someone and not have the same interests and limits. It's important to know your limits and be strong enough to en*** them. Otherwise, you are going to end up getting hurt during a scene because you didn't properly manage yourself.
DV**** Posted February 14 I think this can all be summed up with two simple words 😂 - "mutual respect"
Qu**** Posted February 14 Author 20 minutes ago, DV0828 said: Thank you for explaining that, Queertheydomme... I had a feeling i was missing something. I came into this a bit late, so I apologize for my ignorance. I FULLY agree with reading the profiles before messaging. If a Domme clearly states in her profile that she's not into those things, then respect that... move on and find one that does, or get to know her and maybe you'll find you like her style better, but I am a firm believer that submissive need to try and stay in their lane and respect their superior(s). THEIR SUPERIOR? What are you on about? Dommes are not superior to ANYONE they're just merely filling a sexual role and need at a certain time. The only power they have is GIVEN by the submissive, which can be just as quickly TAKEN away by the submissive, rendering them powerless, hence why the submissive has more power within BDSM dynamics. Dommes are in zero way superior to anyone at any time, anywhere. A sub's 'lane' is asserting their interests, limits, boundaries, and putting toxic, abusive dominants in their place and out of their house when they act up.
Kf**** Posted February 14 35 minutes ago, DV0828 said: Sooo... if the domme is a professional who is being paid, then, yes, they should be dominating the way the submissive likes, I agree with that... it's a paid service. If the Domme is a lifestyle one who does it because she's into it, then i fully believe the Domme should dominate how she likes, but should also take into consideration what her sub likes and dislikes, because... if the sub doesn't get any excitement/ pleasure/ sub space from it, they will likely lose interest. Is definitely a give and take, but the sub should ultimately be SUBMISSIVE in the sense that they don't backseat drive the whole thing... the domme should be in control and shouldn't always have to do what the submissive likes. Wow oh wow you really do NOT understand what being dominant or being a Dom/Domme is and that’s very scary. The submissive person is driving the entire situation, I’ll say that again the entire situation. What you’re describing is someone who wants control not dominance and not knowing the difference puts someone in jeopardy. I’m so sick and tired of men just wanting to be mean and not giving a crap what a woman or a submissive person sets as a limit. In order to more understand what you’re talking about maybe you should attend a class or read some literature on the subject.
Kf**** Posted February 14 30 minutes ago, DV0828 said: Thank you for explaining that, Queertheydomme... I had a feeling i was missing something. I came into this a bit late, so I apologize for my ignorance. I FULLY agree with reading the profiles before messaging. If a Domme clearly states in her profile that she's not into those things, then respect that... move on and find one that does, or get to know her and maybe you'll find you like her style better, but I am a firm believer that submissive need to try and stay in their lane and respect their superior(s). Stay in their lane? My goodness you really are confused. I’m so glad you’re letting everyone know who you really are and your true feelings so they won’t meet with you in real life.
DV**** Posted February 14 I'm submissive... I don't condone being abusive or not caring what the sub wants, at all... I'm saying that part of the dynamic IS giving up control to an extent... it's about mutual respect, including respect for the sub, but giving up control is part of it (at least for many of us)... within boundaries and limits of course!
DV**** Posted February 14 @Kfunnbunn... I'm a submissive who is advocating being submissive and giving up some aspect of control/ power to the domme. How exactly am I dangerous?? You make zero sense. Lol .. if YOU don't want to give up any control to your Dom/Domme, then by all means - don't. I don't care.
Kf**** Posted February 14 2 hours ago, DV0828 said: @Kfunnbunn... I'm a submissive who is advocating being submissive and giving up some aspect of control/ power to the domme. How exactly am I dangerous?? You make zero sense. Lol .. if YOU don't want to give up any control to your Dom/Domme, then by all means - don't. I don't care. As a sub you’re not giving up your rights to everything. You’re giving up control within the boundaries that you as a sub have set. You make the rules so to speak, you have a safe word that can make everything stop with no exceptions. If you think you should stay in your lane that’s perfectly fine for you but please don’t speak for us all. What you do is perfect if it works for you but it’s not a “traditional” submissive role so placing us all into your idea of submission doesn’t work. My lane is what I set it to be and won’t be pushed otherwise. A dom who would do that is someone who doesn’t respect his/her role as dominant, or you as a sub, thus by default being a danger to a sub. You are worth so much more than just letting anyone do anything to you (if that’s what you’re saying you do) however I don’t judge if you’re getting what you want.
DV**** Posted February 14 Some people like to give up physical control for a period of time, some like to give up control of their dignity/pride/masculinity/femininity/ decision making rights/ etc. for a period of time. Others like to give it up full time as part of a 24/7 lifestyle... ultimately, it's up to what people agree upon. If a sub chooses to give up control over something, they "should" respect that. If they change their mind, they should ask their dom/domme to speak openly about it and what should change going forward. consent and mutual respect are fundamental and absolutely necessary - all I'm saying is that a sub should try to be a good sub (except in the cases of brat subs, I suppose, but they WANT to be funished for behavior... it's a different dynamic). Do not tell me I don't get it, and I'm scary - that's ignorant and offensive.
ra**** Posted February 14 Wednesday at 10:04 PM, SkipperVa said: The disconnect is they dont read bio's, and/or cant retain what they read for any length of time longer than a tik tok video, and/or just flat out dont care. I see an alarming number of bios where people check every box for kinks. They dont know, understand, or care what most of it means...they are just throwing everything at the wall to see what kind of horny sticks. They'll take anything they can get for zero effort, walk away from anything that does take effort. Vet your people and understand 95-99% are simpletons, some even if they show you something different. 👏👏👏👏👏
Ba**** Posted February 14 10 hours ago, Queertheydomme said: I can only respond to what the person posted and take him at what he wrote, which is how I responded. As I discussed, if a sub is challenging pre-established limits then that lies with the domme not properly setting up the scene correctly, the sub not understanding the scene properly due to a lack of preparedness by the domme, the sub having concerns that the domme failed to address in the beginning, the sub not being ready to engage in a BDSM relationship at all, or a combination of all of the above as it seems the OP Domme is also not ready to engage in domme work. The sub having more power is not an illusion is it is a fundamental part of BDSM, the scene is built around the submissive, serving and satisfying the subs needs and desires and having a domme that matches the submissive's needs. A submissive is the one who controls how fast the scene goes, when they stop. The domme goes at the subs pace. If a domme doesn't understand that then they don't understand domination. Conflating worship with religion is not helpful in this scenario. Worship in this case refers to adoration, to praise and devote yourself to attending to a body, a person. It is not referring to a religious entity and order. If you are a dominant than you literally do exist to serve someone: your submissive (s), whoever they may be. Your comment regarding 'appropriating' being a bastard is bizarre. To be a bastard one merely has to be born out of wedlock my dude. 🤣 It's not that serious. Your fight comment, creepy. If you come at me in an unnegotiated scene you'd get acquainted with the ground real quick. Well i’m kind of rudely *** a argument between two strangers here so i granted myself the freedom to interpret my reimagining of the “weaker” parties intend, not to offend or defend anyone but more as a kind of thought exercise, so i cherry picked the bits that let me do that while still taking myself seriously if i said it out loud We agree on the part about responsibility but it seems we disagree on where that responsibility is coming from I mean how do you hold yourself responsible without the power over someone with the power but without any responsibility?? I kind of assume that we are having a “de jure vs de facto”(pardon my fucking french) argument here where your position seems to be purely “de jure” based while i maintain that both parties start out with equal “de jure” power which would be static under “normal” circumstances but in a BDSM context the submissives “de jure” power gets artificially inflated by community consensus(“illusion” was the least important word of that statement) to be above equal/equivalent to the dominants “de facto” AND “de jure” power, and the dominants “de facto” power increases proportionally to the decrease in “de facto” power of the submissive as the power exchange progresses, i see the amount of personal responsibility as being tied to that increase/decrease This is of course meant as more of a philosophical discussion on the nature of power and responsibility, i doubt there would too much of a difference in how we recognize and handle said responsibility But so far i can only guess most of you position on the topic, so please share where, why and how you disagree Another related thing i disagree with is that the submissive controls the pace, they can pause, stop, negotiate and add their opinion but i decide the s***d, pace and intensity usually based on the their stated desires and opinions but more often than not their subconscious reaction, i may even selectively disregard their opinion if i’m going for specific reactions(usually after having talked about it) BDSM is highly individual and very variable especially on the dominant side so while there are a lot of wrong ways there are also a lot of right ways to understand domination(apparently enough to sort them by archetype) But i do hope you actually are the more service oriented domme you appear to be, that way this will mostly just be individual differences in our respective interpretation and expression of “dominance”, rather than your prior comments being more directly based on fundamental principles, in which care we are less likely to talk with each other and forming a dynamic with the wrong person may leave you at higher risk of burnout(seriously taking care of others is nice but someone needs to take care of you at least occasionally just for mental health reasons and being the only one to take care of multiple people is just unreasonable expectations, even if it’s your expectations for yourself) The part about “worship” was meant as a more general extension of your full capital “serve” and “satisfy”, i mentioned my primary philosophical and theological position in brackets to also include them as more of a side note and to more directly state that i neither worship what people tend to associate with that term nor what people tend to assume me to bases on my philosophical or theological position, in general i intended the word “worship” more like it’s used in contexts like foot- and ass-worship neither of which are officially recognized religions(and yes i’ve seen enough people to not assume or guess but know that “officially recognized” where relevant and important words in this context) And yeah, while i did say in my original comment that i take unnecessary pride in being a bastard, the appropriation joke wasn’t all that deep, more a light jab at people gate keeping reclaimed slurs(like for example the G and L people saying that the B people can’t use the F- and D-slur despite being very much “included” by the ones intending it offensively) Also the fight comment was intended in a cheeky way but mostly meant to be creepy(read it in you best “uncle ruckus” voice for maximum effect^^) and sure mentioning your fight/flight response while talking about your hard limits is beyond just understandable but having “if you’re lucky flight” as your finishing statement after that seemed kind of direct/targeted and can, and in my case will, be taken as a challenge So basically you started this one and i just threw your glove back at you Don’t worry there will be no non-negotiated scenes, not least because driving this joke to a serious conclusion would be well within cnc territory, but just to ride this out a little longer for fun i may want to let you know that sometimes picking “fight” means you already lost I’m a sadist with a taste for strong and confident women, my preferred fighting style is ground work like grappling and pinning, my *** tolerance is high enough to work around broken bones, i have pegging listed as negotiable hard limit so while less than enthusiastic i’m prepared to lose and my favorite fairytale princess has always been queen brunhild of norway from the nibelungen(i was draw more by her impressive body count than her virginal purity) So fighting isn’t really the best option here but i have strong principles and hate running/chasing so tell me to fuck off or pick flight and you’ll be fine Think of this part as having pocked the bear and now the bear is pocking back while giggling
Ba**** Posted February 14 Wait It doesn’t matter how much you pay burger king will not serve you fresh egg-mcmuffins in the evening Would you demand anilingus from a professional just because you payed for a bj?? Why do you think this would be different If it’s not on the menu it’s not for sale, get a specialist that actually supplies what you are looking for Just the idea of this sentiment is most of the reason quite a few professionals don’t do renegotiations afterwards on principle If for nothing else try the selfish reason of them being more likely to be good the things they offer I for example am trash at intentional and/or verbal debasement and you would be paying for the time, regardless of the quality of the experience The rest of your comment basically boils down to: Interpersonal compatibility Both should
Ba**** Posted February 14 11 hours ago, DV0828 said: Sooo... if the domme is a professional who is being paid, then, yes, they should be dominating the way the submissive likes, I agree with that... it's a paid service. If the Domme is a lifestyle one who does it because she's into it, then i fully believe the Domme should dominate how she likes, but should also take into consideration what her sub likes and dislikes, because... if the sub doesn't get any excitement/ pleasure/ sub space from it, they will likely lose interest. Is definitely a give and take, but the sub should ultimately be SUBMISSIVE in the sense that they don't backseat drive the whole thing... the domme should be in control and shouldn't always have to do what the submissive likes. The comment above was meant as response to the one “quoted” here
Qu**** Posted February 14 Author 1 hour ago, Barthold said: Well i’m kind of rudely *** a argument between two strangers here so i granted myself the freedom to interpret my reimagining of the “weaker” parties intend, not to offend or defend anyone but more as a kind of thought exercise, so i cherry picked the bits that let me do that while still taking myself seriously if i said it out loud We agree on the part about responsibility but it seems we disagree on where that responsibility is coming from I mean how do you hold yourself responsible without the power over someone with the power but without any responsibility?? I kind of assume that we are having a “de jure vs de facto”(pardon my fucking french) argument here where your position seems to be purely “de jure” based while i maintain that both parties start out with equal “de jure” power which would be static under “normal” circumstances but in a BDSM context the submissives “de jure” power gets artificially inflated by community consensus(“illusion” was the least important word of that statement) to be above equal/equivalent to the dominants “de facto” AND “de jure” power, and the dominants “de facto” power increases proportionally to the decrease in “de facto” power of the submissive as the power exchange progresses, i see the amount of personal responsibility as being tied to that increase/decrease This is of course meant as more of a philosophical discussion on the nature of power and responsibility, i doubt there would too much of a difference in how we recognize and handle said responsibility But so far i can only guess most of you position on the topic, so please share where, why and how you disagree Another related thing i disagree with is that the submissive controls the pace, they can pause, stop, negotiate and add their opinion but i decide the s***d, pace and intensity usually based on the their stated desires and opinions but more often than not their subconscious reaction, i may even selectively disregard their opinion if i’m going for specific reactions(usually after having talked about it) BDSM is highly individual and very variable especially on the dominant side so while there are a lot of wrong ways there are also a lot of right ways to understand domination(apparently enough to sort them by archetype) But i do hope you actually are the more service oriented domme you appear to be, that way this will mostly just be individual differences in our respective interpretation and expression of “dominance”, rather than your prior comments being more directly based on fundamental principles, in which care we are less likely to talk with each other and forming a dynamic with the wrong person may leave you at higher risk of burnout(seriously taking care of others is nice but someone needs to take care of you at least occasionally just for mental health reasons and being the only one to take care of multiple people is just unreasonable expectations, even if it’s your expectations for yourself) The part about “worship” was meant as a more general extension of your full capital “serve” and “satisfy”, i mentioned my primary philosophical and theological position in brackets to also include them as more of a side note and to more directly state that i neither worship what people tend to associate with that term nor what people tend to assume me to bases on my philosophical or theological position, in general i intended the word “worship” more like it’s used in contexts like foot- and ass-worship neither of which are officially recognized religions(and yes i’ve seen enough people to not assume or guess but know that “officially recognized” where relevant and important words in this context) And yeah, while i did say in my original comment that i take unnecessary pride in being a bastard, the appropriation joke wasn’t all that deep, more a light jab at people gate keeping reclaimed slurs(like for example the G and L people saying that the B people can’t use the F- and D-slur despite being very much “included” by the ones intending it offensively) Also the fight comment was intended in a cheeky way but mostly meant to be creepy(read it in you best “uncle ruckus” voice for maximum effect^^) and sure mentioning your fight/flight response while talking about your hard limits is beyond just understandable but having “if you’re lucky flight” as your finishing statement after that seemed kind of direct/targeted and can, and in my case will, be taken as a challenge So basically you started this one and i just threw your glove back at you Don’t worry there will be no non-negotiated scenes, not least because driving this joke to a serious conclusion would be well within cnc territory, but just to ride this out a little longer for fun i may want to let you know that sometimes picking “fight” means you already lost I’m a sadist with a taste for strong and confident women, my preferred fighting style is ground work like grappling and pinning, my *** tolerance is high enough to work around broken bones, i have pegging listed as negotiable hard limit so while less than enthusiastic i’m prepared to lose and my favorite fairytale princess has always been queen brunhild of norway from the nibelungen(i was draw more by her impressive body count than her virginal purity) So fighting isn’t really the best option here but i have strong principles and hate running/chasing so tell me to fuck off or pick flight and you’ll be fine Think of this part as having pocked the bear and now the bear is pocking back while giggling Acknowledging that you have to cherry pick certain aspects of a discussion to try to make your point already signifies that the point you're attempting to make is going to not only be a weak one, it is most likely going to be the losing side, which you further make evident by outright admitting you chose the 'weaker' party. There is no point in cherry-picking points in a debate. You have to look at the whole picture while covering all points in order to offer a concise response. Within the power dynamics of BDSM the only reason a dominant HAS power is bc the submissive grants them that power within a scene. As soon the submissive rescinds their consent that power is void, therefore the majority of the power lies in the hands of the submissive. Of course, power dynamics must be equal when beginning and negotiating a scene. That should be a given. Otherwise, two people should not be entering a scene with one another. However, it is still imperative to note that the dominant OWES their power to the submissive who is willingly PLACING control into the hands of the dominant for the period of time discussed for the limits previously discussed, allowing the dominant to fully respect the power the submissive has in the scene. Your unwillingness to recognize this basic reality of power dynamics within how BDSM works is fascinating and showcases a fundamental misunderstanding of dominance and submissiveness, as well as the power dynamics at play within BDSM. The submissive ABSOLUTELY controls the pace, I'm very disturbed by your statement that you DISAGREE that a sub can: pause, stop, negotiate, and add their opinion. The s***d and pace are negotiated on BEFORE the scene is started, and the Red, Yellow, Green, and Safe Words LITERALLY exist to check in with the submissive during scenes and for submissives to signal to a domme when they need to slow down or something isn't right. Saying that you 'may even selectively disregard their opinion' sounds more like sexual *** and *** than a BDSM scene, as you are ignoring when they are signaling to you that they need you to STOP, or readjust. That is NOT the work of a dominant. That is the work of someone taking advantage of another person and taking whatever they want, regardless of what the other person wants. As a switch, which is clearly posted on my page, I have no problem finding HEALTHY dommes to take care of me. I don't find the fight comment amusing, just creepy and inappropriate. My comment was targeted as a back off bc you were already crossing a line, so get out of my face, so instead, you decided to double triple down instead. There would never be a scene with you regardless, bc I can tell your 'domme' style is one ill-suited for me and anyone I know. Your last sentence has both such poor spelling and grammar that I can't make out what you were trying to say.
Ba**** Posted February 14 9 hours ago, Queertheydomme said: Acknowledging that you have to cherry pick certain aspects of a discussion to try to make your point already signifies that the point you're attempting to make is going to not only be a weak one, it is most likely going to be the losing side, which you further make evident by outright admitting you chose the 'weaker' party. There is no point in cherry-picking points in a debate. You have to look at the whole picture while covering all points in order to offer a concise response. Within the power dynamics of BDSM the only reason a dominant HAS power is bc the submissive grants them that power within a scene. As soon the submissive rescinds their consent that power is void, therefore the majority of the power lies in the hands of the submissive. Of course, power dynamics must be equal when beginning and negotiating a scene. That should be a given. Otherwise, two people should not be entering a scene with one another. However, it is still imperative to note that the dominant OWES their power to the submissive who is willingly PLACING control into the hands of the dominant for the period of time discussed for the limits previously discussed, allowing the dominant to fully respect the power the submissive has in the scene. Your unwillingness to recognize this basic reality of power dynamics within how BDSM works is fascinating and showcases a fundamental misunderstanding of dominance and submissiveness, as well as the power dynamics at play within BDSM. The submissive ABSOLUTELY controls the pace, I'm very disturbed by your statement that you DISAGREE that a sub can: pause, stop, negotiate, and add their opinion. The s***d and pace are negotiated on BEFORE the scene is started, and the Red, Yellow, Green, and Safe Words LITERALLY exist to check in with the submissive during scenes and for submissives to signal to a domme when they need to slow down or something isn't right. Saying that you 'may even selectively disregard their opinion' sounds more like sexual *** and *** than a BDSM scene, as you are ignoring when they are signaling to you that they need you to STOP, or readjust. That is NOT the work of a dominant. That is the work of someone taking advantage of another person and taking whatever they want, regardless of what the other person wants. As a switch, which is clearly posted on my page, I have no problem finding HEALTHY dommes to take care of me. I don't find the fight comment amusing, just creepy and inappropriate. My comment was targeted as a back off bc you were already crossing a line, so get out of my face, so instead, you decided to double triple down instead. There would never be a scene with you regardless, bc I can tell your 'domme' style is one ill-suited for me and anyone I know. Your last sentence has both such poor spelling and grammar that I can't make out what you were trying to say. Yeah this didn’t really turn out to a civilized discussion, so i’m just going to correct some selective misconceptions here I’m tired to keep a potentially interesting conversation going by cherry picking some overlooked parts of the last guys comment because being the “yas queen guy” doesn’t add anything On this one you actually got really close; Two people with equal power meet, the submissive places their power of control into the hand of the dominant Who actively holds that power in addition to their own until the submissive withdraws consent?? That is my point about the general misconception about poverty exchange dynamics Disregarding the ad hominem I disagreed with the statement that the submissive actively controls the pace You are full capital disturbed by my examples of what they can do instead And the selective(<-attention very important word) disregard for their opinion is obviously more about things like their suggestions on how to progress a scene or examples on what we could do next, to be less predictable and keep things interesting, and the fuck not about whether or not i recognize their right to withdraw consent I also don’t work in this field anymore, i tried it a bit over a decade ago and found it wasn’t really my thing Too restrictive Honestly good that you have some heathy out let I haven’t been on your profile as far as i’m aware and don’t intend to change that, i only “know” you from what you posted on this thread, so i was operating under the assumption that you just do domme things and as per my standalone comment somewhere way up there are some among them causing the same problems you originally complained about, them the people i usually reserve my whole “aha a new challenger appeared” stick And yeah same, but i found that reacting to random threats with humor tends to lead to less drastic consequences Ps yes this is a secondary language for me, you’re great at spotting obvious things if you try, i’m juggling three sets of grammar and sentence structure over here but i’ve seen way worse on this app calm down, read slow, you can do it And have a nice life anyway
de**** Posted February 18 Its more of a respect thing to me, it goes for both sides if a person can not respect other, they should not seek for a relationship.
Recommended Posts