What Made You Feel Safe Enough to Submit?

[Tr****]

I’ve been thinking a lot about trust lately.
Submission, to me, isn’t something that’s taken, it’s something that’s offered. And I don’t believe it’s offered lightly.

For those who have chosen to submit before, what made you feel safe enough to make that decision?
Was it consistency over time? Emotional intelligence? Clear communication? The way they handled boundaries?

I’m especially curious about the moment it shifted from “this is interesting” to “I trust this person.”
I think domination is less about control and more about creating an environment where someone feels secure enough to let go. But that’s just my perspective.

I’d really value hearing how that trust formed for you in your own experiences.

[fa****]

I comment just to follow along .. i am also pretty interessted in the answers

[Ki****]

Following

[Ne****]

The lack of sexual, lustful components caused me to feel safe, recognise and exault my non-sexual desires and needs (not the fluffy stuff like nurturing, cuddling, praise, Daddy/little etc., deeper psychological and other physical requirements.) Despite roles, feeling like We were the same and in it together as opposed to a Dominant doing things to a submissive.
Careful Curation over a long amount of time [many months.]

Transparency. Communication about everything, before, during, after - but nothing contrived, or scripted, or, out of nowhere.

I don't trust. I can't say there were a point where, 'oo, ok, I trust Them' took place. They surrounded me with normalcy. Respected my privacy, agency, other desires, whilst also providing the basic necessities of living, and whatever meager creature comforts agreed upon at a given time. Structure but not restriction/rules; reliability without expectation on either side; pushing boundaries without dictatorship: mutuality.

[Go****]

I’m not sure there is a specific point where I think “I trust you now”.
For me, it comes with time. At first, with them talking to me about all kinds of things, not just sex, not just what they want and are interested in, but in being genuinely interested in me, too.
Seeing them consistently acknowledge, respect and adhere to my boundaries. It comes with overall consistency; with listening and communication - the feeling that I can share things with them. 
it’s a feeling, rather than a particular moment. 

[No****]

My Dom has never given me any reason to not trust him with my life. I submit fully

[ho****]

When he saw me as a person and a friend first. He treated me as a woman he respects. Men often see me as an object before a person. This is something really important and why I reject so many already.

When he did this, it caused me to eventually soften up on our first meet up. He said I did *something* (when I was in a *** mindset due to his treatment towards me) and he loved it. That’s when it became a date, as he likes to say. He progressively flirted physically throughout the night and they were all welcomed. We built trust upon each other from that point. The more trust we developed, the more intense we were in bed with each other.

In our first date, he likes to point out that we had our raw personalities out. Like we could tell how our personalities were, not hiding or fabricating anything.

For the build, consistency is a must, emotional intelligence definitely helps. I like transparent communication. And also, sweetness. I love sweetness.

[li****]

3 hours ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

I’m not sure there is a specific point where I think “I trust you now”.
For me, it comes with time. At first, with them talking to me about all kinds of things, not just sex, not just what they want and are interested in, but in being genuinely interested in me, too.
Seeing them consistently acknowledge, respect and adhere to my boundaries. It comes with overall consistency; with listening and communication - the feeling that I can share things with them. 
it’s a feeling, rather than a particular moment. 

That is well said!

[vi****]

I fully submitted to Daddy when I fully fell in love with him. I trust him with my life, my heart, my entire being. It took a while, but consistency, emotional intelligence, clear communication, boundaries, and consent lead me into being his pretty little breeding Vixen 🖤 Situations vary from Sub to Sub and Dom to Dom. I think mostly it just boils down to trust and personal experiences/expectations

[ra****]

I spend a lot of time not only while I’m engaged in any type of dynamic, but even more after it ends trying to reflect on what worked, what didn’t, and most importantly, the moment when I started to question if it still felt “safe”.

I’ve had to reexamine and redefine what “submission” actually looks like and be extremely realistic about how my individual circumstances and limited the amount of time I have when I’m not feeling the pressure of being a single mom makes it harder for me to shift gears. I’ve had enough experiences to know what I like, what I don’t, my hard limits and the things I’m still open to trying for the first time or again with someone else. I think it’s important for both people to be on the same page when it comes to exactly what kind of expectations they have in mind when it comes to their definition of what submissive means and looks like.

Like most things, I think it’s kind of on a spectrum and when you’re not staring off with the mindset that you start where you’re both comfortable and commit to having ongoing conversations about how to make someone feel safe being pushed outside of their comfort zone.

I also think, for me personally, in order to feel safe enough to embrace my softer, submissive side, it requires being with someone who not only has a relatively high degree of self awareness in terms of their own individual priorities, their patterns and the types of external factors impact their mood on a daily basis, but an awareness of how that might impact their ability to show up consistently enough for someone else in a dynamic. I think a lot of women are used to overfunctioning, overthinking and overcommunicating within different types of interpersonal relationships, and it’s rare to find a man who is able or willing to proactively communicate about how those external factors might be affecting them personally, even in small ways.

We all have a tendency to internalize other people’s moods or sudden changes in their schedule or routines, and that makes it difficult not to assume that they might have more to do with us than they probably do. Seems rare to find men who understand how much of an unnecessary burden a woman will put on herself if she’s given too much time and space to wonder if something is off, and how much less work it takes to keep her in a more submissive mindset by simply communicating more proactively to avoid giving her too much time to get in her head.

I have been in this hyper independent mode for a very long time, so I just don’t think it’s even realistic for myself, much less someone else to expecting me to fit into any kind of stereotypical definition of a submissive woman. I wholeheartedly believe it’s a man’s job to lead, and the more he embraces that with realistic expectations of his own for himself and within the dynamic, the more I feel safe to let my guard down and trust him to be in charge.

[ca****]

for me, i feel i’m able to submit once i get a full sense that i’m respected as a person. that’s on top of noticing a pattern of clear communication, emotional intelligence, etc. A Dominant should have respect and understanding for a submissive’s boundaries, motives, mental health, and autonomy, before any kind of scene happens between them. imo a bad Dom is one that views submissives as less-than even outside of play time.