Monogamy… Polyamory

[ra****]

If you are Monogamous do you want to hear from a Polyamorous person vice versa Polyamorous people do you want monogamous people in your dms?

I get a lot of Monogamous people in my DMs… i mean at that point I know they definitely read nothing or are just looking for a ONS… or a placeholder.


What are your feelings?

[iz****]

Im a polyamorous person myself and I get alot of monogamous people who dont read bios/ profiles lol. I also just get a crazy amount of women wanting apple/ Google gift cards too lol

[th****]

I wouldn't mind if a poly person wanted to talk to me as long as BOTH of our needs and boundaries are met.

[AnnMarieSz]

I personally, feel it’s a lack of respecting a boundary to contact someone that puts out there they are looking for either of those.

I personally, am monogamous, and I get a list of none monogamous or poly couples thinking I’d be a good fit.

It makes me wonder why only those that do not either read my profile or just don’t care what I say to ignore it, will reach out.

It’s not a challenge from me… I don’t want to share. That might be selfish but wtf is wrong with me that no one wants just me?

That’s what I get from such DM’s, and I’d not wish that on anyone, regardless of preference.

[we****]

Im in a open relationship... so ngl dont care if you're poly or mono bc im personally only looking for someone to have fun with no feelings attached bc ive already got my bf and hes who Im devoted too and we always come first but we're open to doing things with other people if we want, emotionally were exclusive. So when I get a dm I just make sure someone knows im not single and it they have to be ok with me not being emotionally attached ig?? I wont catch feelings and they shouldn't either however I love being able to be friends and have fun with them aswell but emotionally I'll only love my bf.

[Wr****]

I am ambiamorous so don't mind either way. At the moment because I am in a relationship I don't have monogamy to offer someone. I have had some people who don't read act angry that I am in a relationship and that always puzzles me because I don't hide anything. Anyone contacting should have at the bare minimum looked to see if their relationship needs would be met before reaching out.

[ra****]

20 minutes ago, AnnMarieSz said:

I personally, feel it’s a lack of respecting a boundary to contact someone that puts out there they are looking for either of those.

I personally, am monogamous, and I get a list of none monogamous or poly couples thinking I’d be a good fit.

It makes me wonder why only those that do not either read my profile or just don’t care what I say to ignore it, will reach out.

It’s not a challenge from me… I don’t want to share. That might be selfish but wtf is wrong with me that no one wants just me?

That’s what I get from such DM’s, and I’d not wish that on anyone, regardless of preference.

The apps actually do this to veer you to pay for it. I understand not wanting to be bothered and hoping someone will read your profile and not cross your boundaries… top one for you being monogamous. It matters.

[Deleted Member]

I'm monogamous and I respect those who have other preferences..but i don't see the point in contacting me if you're non-monogamous...

[No****]

Dont like poly ppl at all. Ill say because im scared of stds.

[ra****]

5 minutes ago, Nonnahs said:

Dont like poly ppl at all. Ill say because im scared of stds.

Lmao so hard… we are probably more vigilant than monogamous people.

[ra****]

28 minutes ago, dsm20206 said:

I'm monogamous and I respect those who have other preferences..but i don't see the point in contacting me if you're non-monogamous...

Exactly. This is my thought as well.

[Fi****]

11 minutes ago, Nonnahs said:

Dont like poly ppl at all. Ill say because im scared of stds.

Woooooow the ignorance in this statement is astounding. I am fastidious about staying STD FREE. Being poly doesn't mean jumping into bed with anyone with a pulse. 🙄

[ra****]

21 minutes ago, Firestars1981 said:

Woooooow the ignorance in this statement is astounding. I am fastidious about staying STD FREE. Being poly doesn't mean jumping into bed with anyone with a pulse. 🙄

Huh?? You mean we don’t f**k everything that moves and breathes? 👀👀👀 I didn’t know. Same about staying STD FREE… could happen to anyone… but the amount of precautions we generally take because of multiple partners… is pretty high. The vetting alone for most part.

[Ni****]

Im poly, last relationship was monogamous because my ex said he had bad experiences with that..had a slight feeling it's more about having some sort of control over someone else or just wanted to feel secure. Felt like he talked in a "thats my partner" type of way about an ex.
However, that relationship really showed me that i will not go into a mono relationship and due to an autoimmune disease im more reliant to be able to trust my partners. In other words, if we just text or become friends a monogamous person can text me, if its the case that a monogamous person just wants a relationship then they could just not waste my time.

Maybe not the answer you wanted, you asked for opinions of monogamous people, but that might still give you some sort of perspective.

[Deleted Member]

I don't mind CONVERSATION with most, respectful, people. I am super frustrated by and with people who do not read profiles [in particular, what someone is wanting and not wanting], and by those who simply disregard those.
Countless messages from folks with differing fundamentals, desires, basics AND deeper preferences.

There are times when I see something or someone and I am compelled to comment something because it's going to disrupt my life to not do so => says who??? anyone?
Maybe.
If you want to talk to someone and you know that you have differing fundamental aspects, and you want to talk to them about something else or even to discuss Clarity or literally anything along those lines, Then you explain that in an initial message, RESPECTFULLY (ffs), and ASK if they even want to engage in that at all.

Accept no. Accept no response. Accept that they don't have to....

I myself believe in polyamoury and the concept that a person can LOVE more than one person at the same time. And I may be open to a Polyam entanglement. However, I do not enjoy being the side piece, the unicorn, the play partner while wife/husbando are away and or aren't into doing whatever they want to do with *me*, just being pursued for sextivities...

Therefore I am a very specific 'type' of Solo-Polyamorous, mostly Relationship Anarchist, sometime Monogamous-seeking Beast wanting nothing to do with Dudes (or anyone) seeking sex, ONS, kink dispensers, whom have zero interest in the person or developing anything outside of genuine, non-performative, non-physically indulgent efforts.

Tired of folks thinking Polyamorous means nymphomaniac/satyromaniac slave, servant, will sleep/play with anyone or confusing it with being transgenderred 🤷🏻‍♂️ [Yes, that actually happened, yes it was on this particular app.]

I might engage Anyone in a chat. If we don't align from the beginning based on publicly seen information (i.e., your or my bio, profile) and you message with intentions other than some interesting convo, I will ignore, block, delete, educate, inform, and or blast as I see fit.

[mr****]

Monogamy is more of a long-term thing short term maybe you only f**k around with one person at a time but in the end when you find the one you stay there

[ne****]

Monogamous here who would like to try polyamory. Why? Because I have a big heart along with a big sex drive. I echo that ignorant comment about stds a bit. My *** is real BUT I see far more poly/enm folks talking about good practices and regular testing vs monogamous guys. I wouldn’t mind a poly guy reaching out. My last situationship was a poly guy. The biggest reason I haven’t dipped a toe into the poly pool is that it’s s small. I’m looking for a pretty specific dude (to partner with and occasionally play with others with) and the monogamous pool is bigger unfortunately.

[Lo****]

Monogamous, and no, not really. I hate sharing and being shared.

[La****]

Monogamous but have been involved with some poly women but I find myself a bit too territorial to be happy in that situation.

[al****]

Being monogamous I rather not have a poly person message me because we don’t have the same beliefs and it seems like most times they are trying to convert you to their way of thinking. To each their own. But why waste each other’s time and energy?

[ra****]

Poly and it you don't put anything about monogamy on your profile I'mma slide into your DMs.

[Da****]

I'm personally kind of stuck on monogamy for the most part. it's no one's fault, but as soon as the idea of another male enters the picture sexually, my interest and ability to engage in a fulfilling, meaningful, or even pleasurable way reduces to zero.

😐

[Da****]

Honestly, it should depend on what you're looking for if you mono, than seek another mono, but if your mono just not settling down, then I personally don't mind a poly

[ey****]

So, I'm not monogamous and as such....

1) If someone who is monogamous was to reach out, that's fine. But they would have to accept I'm not monogamous and in other relationships

2) I won't reach out to anyone who is strictly monogamous or clearly wants more time than I would/could give

I appreciate this is somewhat different as I am a male already in relationships.

I think there is somewhat an issue when it comes to men who are not in relationships who cannot decided if they are monogamous or not : because if you are not monagmous and settle with someone who isn't, you're going to be unfulfilled - and likewise, if you are monogamous and feel non-monogamy is easy, you will get frustrated when you become someone's 3rd and you're limited on time together... and then they add a new partner, so on, so forth.

[UK****]

4 hours ago, rainbowcataclysm said:

 

The apps actually do this to veer you to pay for it. I understand not wanting to be bothered and hoping someone will read your profile and not cross your boundaries… top one for you being monogamous. It matters.

How is this a behaviour encouraged by the apps?  As messages are limited, surely saving messages for the people who fit what you are looking for seems a sensible move.